Ashes to Ashes, page 27
My silence seemed to register with him, a deep sadness filling his eyes. He blamed himself too, though Mrs. Connor was right. It wasn’t his fault. It was all on Beth, karma burying her six feet under.
I broke the silence, “Naf’s very sick, is skin and bones. Ant kept him in his house, using the kid against me. I have a recording that proves he forced me to strip in exchange for Naf’s life. I’m gonna take it to the cops now.”
A vicious sneer cut across Dante’s face. “That bastard’s finally gonna get what’s comin’ to him.”
I nodded, jumping as my phone went off. I answered it, instantly moving it away from my ear. Tiana was screeching down the line like a banshee on helium.
“Even L?! You’re even cheating on her?”
I swore.
“Don’t you dare swear at me, Ash!”
“What do you expect when you only get half the story? You always assume the worst of me, Tiana.”
Her voice went even higher, impossibly so. “How can I not when you cheat on everyone?!”
“Don’t ever ask me to come back after this. I’m done with you. For good.” I hung up on her, getting great satisfaction in doing it.
“’Bout time you told her where to get off,” Dante said.
I gave him a smile, though it didn’t last long, a dawning realisation suddenly hitting me.
Josie had passed a newspaper to L.
27
L
I didn’t know how long I’d sat slumped on the floor, or how long I sobbed into my hands, but when I finally got up, I went straight for the exit. I needed to get away—from the concerned looks, the worried words, the offers of help. Josie wasn’t the only person trying to comfort me, but she was the only one who’d tried to talk me into going to the lunchroom, where I could wait for my family to come get me. I didn’t bother to tell her that they were in Wales, that my sister was currently visiting our mother, and even if they were in New Zealand, there was no way I would set foot in that room. Not after what Ash had done to me up against the wall. Tiana was right...
I was just a hot affair to him.
People turned to look at me as I stumbled towards the taxi rank, recognition in their eyes, my name on their lips. I ignored them, desperate to get home, to disappear underneath my covers after I downed a bottle of pills, a prescription of suicide. I hadn’t felt this bad since the time Ant Torres had forced his way into my childhood home, hacking my hair off before raping me in my own bed. I’d thought that no one could hurt me more than he had.
I was wrong.
As I went for the nearest taxi, the doomsday man rushed at me with a bucket, throwing its contents at me. I screamed as black paint hit me in the chest, splattering everywhere. I tripped over my booted heels, landing hard on my butt, clipping my tailbone, causing me to cry out in pain.
The man hollered, “Spawn of Sodom and Gomorrah, die!”
He raised his foot, ready to strike me with his boot. I instantly covered my head, but no blow came my way, only furious yells assaulting my ears. I peeked out from behind trembling hands, watching as two men dragged my attacker away. Unable to get free, the doomsday man continued to scream his hate-filled rhetoric, calling me “Satan’s whore” amongst other things.
“Are you hurt, L?” a woman asked, capturing my attention. Dressed in a power suit, she appeared to be in her mid-forties, her glasses framing kind eyes. I didn’t know her, my fame a calling card.
I ignored her outstretched hand and covered my face, bursting into a fresh bout of tears. What I’d read about Ash, what the crazy man had done... it was all too much.
The woman bobbed down in front of me, placing a gentle hand on my arm. “Come on, L, you can’t stay here. Let’s get you somewhere safe.”
At the word safe, I wiped my eyes and looked up, only just noticing the crowd forming around us. Phones were held high, all aimed at me. The people holding them didn’t care that I was upset, only that they could capture it, ready to upload onto social media or even sell to tabloids and magazines. I was a commodity, entertainment, not a real person to them.
Needing to get away, I pushed to my feet with the woman’s help, shaking, crying, black paint dripping off me. Then I heard the one voice that could stop me in my tracks.
“L!” Ash shouted.
The crowd parted for him. Only the woman who was helping me stayed by my side, not letting go of my arm as he approached me. Dante stopped behind him along with Jade, all of them staring at me in shock.
“What the fuck happened?” Ash asked. When I didn’t answer him, he reached out for me.
“Don’t touch me!” I yelled, backing into the woman, something I often did, women usually making me feel safe.
Ash lowered his hands, his eyes imploring me. “I didn’t do it, L. I would never cheat on you.”
“I don’t believe you,” I choked out. “I know you lied about staying overnight at work, and now I know the reason why. You were having... having...” I covered my mouth, unable to say the word cybersex.
“It’s a setup!” he said, his distress as palpable as mine. “Ant blackmailed me into doin’ it. That’s how I got Naf back. Ant threatened to kill him if I didn’t do what he wanted.”
I blinked at him, his words reaching my ears, but not registering, because all I was hearing was Ant’s name. My trembling picked up, everything once more becoming too much, a sensory overload. What I was hearing, seeing, even tasting—a touch of paint getting on my tongue, and most of all, what I was feeling... Everyone around me was witnessing my mental breakdown. I couldn’t stop it even if I was strong enough, something I definitely wasn’t.
People continued to stare, my name once more on their lips, Ash’s name too, even Dante’s, but it was Ant’s that kept playing the loudest in my head.
Ash reached for me again, but I took another step back, yelling out, not wanting him to touch me.
“L,” he said softly, still reaching for me, treating me like I was a scared animal caught in a trap. “C’mere, sweetheart.”
I shook my head, for the first time not liking hearing that word leave his mouth.
Screaming started up, the suddenness of it causing me to jolt in fright, but this time the onslaught wasn’t directed at me. A group of high school girls barged past, surrounding Dante like moths to a flame. Panic crossed his face, because they weren’t after his signature, their hands grabbier than Lily’s when she saw hair. But people weren’t just closing in on him, the crowd was also closing in on me and Ash, minus the touching. Regardless, it didn’t make me feel any better, my own panic resurfacing. I turned to the woman, hiding my face in her shoulder, taking comfort from a stranger rather than from the man I loved.
Then Ash grabbed my arm, a stern, “Let go” directed at the woman.
She did, Ash’s strong hands tugging me to his chest, not giving me a say in the matter. “I didn’t do what the paper claimed,” he said, wrapping me up in a bear hug. “I wouldn’t do that to you, L. I love you so fuckin’ much it hurts.”
I started crying again, my willpower quickly buckling. My love for him didn’t just hurt, it could kill me.
He ran a hand down my paint-splattered hair. “I would never cheat on you. I’ve got evidence, I’ll be taking it to the police.”
“The police?” I said, lifting my face from his chest.
He nodded. “Yes, I’m gonna send Ant to jail.”
28
ASH
I leaned L against the bathroom wall and started undoing her blouse buttons. Some of the paint had dried, while other parts were still wet. She also had paint on her pants and splatters on her face and in her hair. I slipped the blouse off, so upset for her. Furious that someone thought they could attack such a sweet person, especially one who’d suffered so much.
I undid her bra, dropping it to the floor. She let me do it, not complaining, not reacting, looking like she was still in shock, or in deep thought, lost in whatever she was thinking. I still didn’t know whether she understood what had happened with Ant, that I was innocent of what the papers had said. The only hope I had was that she’d allowed me to take her home, also allowing me to clean her up.
I unzipped her pants and shimmied them, along with her knickers, down her slim legs. She stepped out of them and wrapped her arms around me. I melted at what she was doing, pulling her tight against my chest, relieved at the trust she was giving me. She didn’t have to believe a word I’d said, yet she had and I loved her even more for it. Tiana hadn’t even allowed me to talk before accusing me of cheating, hadn’t given me the opportunity to explain myself, jumping to conclusions rather than trusting in my character. But L... The way she was allowing me to take control—that was unconditional trust, not to mention, unconditional love.
Despite the paint in her hair, I kissed the top of her head, giving her a gentle squeeze. “Why would I want anyone else, L? No one can compare to you. You’re perfect.”
She looked up at me. Her eyes were so big, so shiny from tears, so damned innocent it left me a puddle on the floor.
“I’m far from perfect,” she said.
“You’re perfect to me. Now, let’s get you into the bath.”
I directed her to step over the side. I’d already drawn the bath, the temperature just right. She sank down into the water, leaning the back of her head against the bath. I started stripping my own clothes off, capturing her attention. A touch of trepidation ghosted over her face, but I didn’t stop, also needing to clean myself. Plus, I wanted to wash her, to take care of her.
I dropped my shirt, my pants and boxers quickly following. Now naked, I indicated for L to shimmy forward. She did without complaint, allowing me to slip in behind her. I bent my knees, the bath a bit small for me, especially with L between my thighs.
“Relax, I’ll wash you,” I said.
She leaned back against my chest, making me exhale just that little bit more, still relieved she believed me despite that damning article.
I put some shampoo on my hand and started lathering her hair up. She sighed, making my dick twitch, the sound so lovely, but I ignored it, more interested in taking care of her than myself.
Once I’d finished lathering her hair, I grabbed the extendable nozzle and started rinsing out the shampoo. She closed her eyes, making me stop for a moment to stare down at her face, momentarily besotted by what I saw. Such a picture of perfection.
She opened her eyes and looked up at me, probably wondering why I’d stopped. I gave her a smile and resumed rinsing her hair. She closed her eyes once more, doing that same sigh that made my dick twitch. I bit my lip, doing my best to restrain myself, even though my dick was determined to ignore me, growing by the second.
Ignoring it, I grabbed the conditioner and smoothed it through her hair, giving her head a massage at the same time. More sighs followed, her body relaxing considerably, while mine tensed up further, the woman doing things to me without even trying.
I dispensed some shower gel into my hand and started washing her, running my hands over her breasts, pulling a moan out of her. I moved lower, washing her below, hardening her clit—or dick, whatever it was. But she didn’t move, only her breathing changing, L definitely aroused.
“I lost trust in you for those hopeless moments,” she said, her words coming out of the blue. “I was just so... so overwhelmed. The article, the man attacking me, the crowd of people... I didn’t know what to think. Then I let reason in. I know you, know you wouldn’t willingly display yourself like that on camera. Dante would. He’s an extrovert, but you... you’re introverted. You don’t like people looking at you.”
I frowned, L not knowing me as well as I’d thought, because I wasn’t an introvert. I was just an aggro bastard with a short temper, who did better without people tripping my fuse.
She ran a hand down my leg. “I think I lost all sense because you’re everything to me, so much so that I didn’t want to go on without you.”
I stiffened behind her. “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are ya?”
She dropped her hand. “Yes.”
I grabbed her chin and turned it towards me, making sure she was looking me in the eye. “You promised you wouldn’t try to kill yourself again,” I said, that promise made when we were sixteen.
Her bottom lip trembled. “You don’t have a right to guilt me, Ash, you’re just as bad. You walked out into the water with me, wanting to die just as much as I did. We may have changed our minds at the last second, but after I flew to Wales, I wished I had drowned. Wished I had gone at that time because it hurt so much being without you. You’re the real reason I came back to New Zealand, why I accepted Jade’s contract. I was so depressed, so close to giving up that I wanted to see if I could give it one more try. I didn’t expect to win you, I just wanted to be around you, and when I did win you, then lost you...”
“You didn’t lose me.”
“I thought I did, and because of that, I wanted to die.” She placed a hand on my chest. “You have my heart in here.” She tapped it. “If you take it away from me, I die.”
I shook my head, upset at what she was saying. How much she was putting on me, basically telling me that if I left she’d kill herself. I had no intention of leaving her, but I’d had no intention of leaving Tiana at one point either. I couldn’t predict what would happen in the future between us let alone whether I would live past my next birthday, and for her to tie her life to mine...
I placed my forehead against hers. “Don’t put so much faith in me, L. I fuck things up worse than Dante, fuck things up all the time. I don’t want it to affect you. You deserve so much better than me.”
“No, I don’t. You’re better than me, always have been.”
“I don’t understand how you can say that. I’m an ex drug dealer, and don’t forget a murderer. I’m scum, L, while you’re perfect in every way. You’re so talented, so beautiful, and the sweetest person I’ve ever met. No one is better than you, L.”
She let out a sob. “That’s not true, no matter how much I want it to be. I’m not whole. I don’t have everything you want or need. I’m not perfect, I’m flawed.”
“No, you’re perfect in every way.”
She let out another sob and dropped her gaze, her eyelashes laced with tears.
I ran my hand down her wet hair. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.”
She wiped her face and looked back up at me. Her makeup was gone, her face adoringly speckled with freckles, across her nose, her cheeks, a light sprinkle, adding just the right amount of cuteness.
“Did you used to call Tiana sweetheart?” she asked, looking at me with big, sorrowful eyes.
“No, I called her babe, sometimes darling, but never sweetheart.”
“Why?”
“I dunno.”
“Then, why do you call me it?”
“Cos you’re the sweetest person I know. It’s sumpthin’ I look for in chicks. I love sweet women, have always had a soft spot for ’em. It’s why I went for Tiana and Beth. Tiana started off sweet, but became jaded, while Beth only pretended to be sweet. While you... You’ve been through so much, yet you haven’t lost an ounce of sweetness. If anything, you’re even sweeter now than when we were kids. I love that so fuckin’ much. You’re my ideal woman.”
Her bottom lip quivered, her eyes welling up again, but she didn’t say a word. She didn’t need to for me to know that what I’d said had meant the world to her.
I ran a finger over her bottom lip. “I wuz talking with Dante a few days ago, and he told me he wuz lookin’ forward to gettin’ married. That he wanted loads of kids and a big house where all the whanau could come over. Then he gave me this hard stare and said he’d be my best man when I married you. I laughed, told him to stop bein’ stupid, that I wuz never gonna get married and that I’d only just gotten together with you. He told me that I hadn’t just gotten with you, that we’d been together since we were kids. I think he’s right and it’s why I gave up on Tiana so easily. Tiana wuz also right. I am a cheat, have cheated on her in here,” I tapped my head, “for years. I wuz always thinking ’bout what would’ve happened if you didn’t leave New Zealand all those years ago. Would you have changed my mind ’bout marriage? Would we be husband and wife now? I thought long and hard ’bout it, and guess what? You pro’bly would’ve changed my mind.”
She gasped.
I smiled. “Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t wanna get married. My parents ruined that institution for me, but it wuz the first time I’ve had doubts ’bout my beliefs in marriage. I can’t see myself proposing to you, but I can’t see myself not proposing either. That’s a lot for me cos I’ve never thought ’bout any other woman in that way. I never even considered marrying Tiana, just wanted to live with her. But you’re different. Maybe it’s cos you’re my ideal, and only my ideal will do.”
She grabbed my face and kissed me, sloshing water over the side of the bath from the sudden movement. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her back, losing myself in the sweetest woman I’d ever met, someone I would do anything to protect.
29
ASH
“What do ya mean you can’t arrest him?!” I bellowed at the plain-clothed cops across the table from me. I’d transferred the audio-recording of my webcam ordeal onto a disk, taking it to the police station first thing in the morning. I’d also given them all the info they needed, then had headed off to work, only to be called back, getting told this bullshit!
Dante grabbed my arm, my bro having insisted on coming with me for support. “Don’t lose it in front of coppers, Ash.”
I shook his hand off and sat back down on the chair with a loud thud, not believing this was happening. “I have taped evidence proving this psycho blackmailed me into stripping for him, threatening to kill my daughter’s uncle if I didn’t do it. What part of that doesn’t compute with you?”
