Ashes to Ashes, page 15
I didn’t reply, unable to, but as soon as I came down from the high, shame slammed into me like a freight train. Ash had barely done anything and I’d come in my pants like a teenager.
My hands shot to my face, so embarrassed I could die. “I can’t believe I did that!”
He laughed.
I uncovered my face, giving him an upset glare. “Don’t laugh at me!” I cried, wanting to shrivel up into nothing. “I didn’t mean to come.”
“Well, I wanted you to. So chill. No needa stress ’bout feeling good.”
“But I came too quick.”
“You aren’t the quickest chick I’ve gotten off.”
“Seriously?” I asked, certain he must be humouring me, because I hadn’t lasted a minute.
“Yup.” His expression changed from amused to confused in a second. “What the fuck is that?” He pulled back to look down at my... “Holy fuck!” he said, staring at my crotch. And I knew why. Cum was soaking through my pants.
He climbed off me and looked down at his own crotch as though the cum had come from him. Obviously knowing it hadn’t, his stunned gaze returned to the mess on my pants. It was quite clear that he was still thinking of me as a woman. He was also probably remembering what my dick had looked like in his room, shrunken, barely noticeable.
Realising I needed to show him just what he was getting himself into, I unzipped my fly and pushed my pants down, shimmying out of them along with my knickers. My penis was still hard and soaked in cum, though it looked more like an enlarged clitoris than a dick, or a cross between the two, something in between.
“I come like a man,” I said, scared it would gross him out even though he needed to know, needed to understand it was normal for me.
His stunned gaze went between my crotch and breasts, giving me the impression he was trying to make sense of what he was seeing. An uncomfortable silence followed. I didn’t know whether I should say more or dash into the bathroom, locking myself away so I could cry my heart out. It was why I almost jumped out of my skin when he finally spoke.
“I’ve never seen it hard before,” he said, full out staring at my dick as if it was a parasitic alien that wasn’t meant to be there. At times I’d felt like it was, while other times it was as much a part of me as my hands and feet were.
He continued, “Before it looked more like a clit, but now... it looks more like a mini dick.”
I bit my lip, wanting to cry, terrified he would hate it, and in turn, change his mind about being with me.
He picked up on my fear. “What’s wrong?”
My bottom lip trembled, my emotions getting the better of me. “I’m scared it’ll make you want to leave me.”
His face softened. “Oh, sweetheart,” he said, climbing back onto the bed, giving me a peck on the head. “I would never leave you over that. I just didn’t expect it. You’re still a chick to me.”
“But I’m not a chick,” I choked out, unable to hold back my tears a second longer. “I’m both male and female. I can’t give you what you need.”
He took hold of my chin. “Don’t think like that. I chose to be with you regardless of what you have below. I’ve seen it before.” His eyes flicked to my dick. “Maybe not hard, but...” his eyes ran over my breasts before returning to my face, “you’re still hot as fuck, so much so you’re hurting my balls again.”
My attention dropped to his pants as he flicked them open. He lay down on his back and pulled out his hard dick, causing my own one to throb all over again. I’d always loved big dicks. Maybe it was because I had such a tiny one, latent jealousy, but I still loved looking at them. And Ash’s one was magnificent.
He shimmied his pants down to below his butt, releasing everything, making my mouth run dry. He pulled the front of his shirt up over his head, still keeping it on but exposing his gorgeous abs, then took hold of his dick, running his hand up and down it.
“Wanna take over?” he asked, flicking me a hopeful glance.
Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I nodded and reached for his dick. My hand was so much smaller than his, my fingers having trouble getting a good grip on his shaft, but he didn’t seem to mind, groaning shamelessly. I scooted closer so I could use both hands. He continued to thrust upwards, a pearl of pre-cum beading on top. I watched in awe and fascination at the pleasure colouring his face, so shocked that I was the reason behind him looking that way—and he looked so good. No, he looked beyond good, so achingly beautiful that he was making me want to come all over again.
Allowing my lust to take a hold of me, I let go of his cock and kicked my pants off, then climbed on top of him, feeling brave for the first time in my life. He stiffened, clearly surprised by what I was doing, but didn’t stop me as I started to rub my crotch on his dick. I wasn’t ready to put it inside of me but still wanted to feel his half-naked body against mine.
His lips parted, his face flushed, his eyelids lowered to half-mast... the image the most erotic thing I’d ever seen. I wanted to etch it into my brain, but he yanked my head down, smashing our lips together. Then he was rolling me over, climbing on top of me, but instead of pushing my legs apart like he’d done in his room, he picked up where I’d left off, rubbing himself against my body.
“Fuck, L,” he groaned, leaving trails of pre-cum across my torso. “I wanna do you so bad, but I’ll settle for fucking your tits.”
He moved up higher, rubbing his dick between them, wincing as the head of his cock scraped across my bra. It was where he’d left it, pushed up, sitting below my collarbone. He stopped to remove it completely, then resumed fucking my breasts. I watched as his dick slid back and forth, hitting my chin every so often. Feeling adventurous, I opened my mouth, receiving a gasp in response as his cockhead pushed between my lips. Then he was up on his knees, straddling my chest, full-out fucking my mouth. He was getting rough, pushing his dick in too far, making me gag. I pinched his arse like he’d told me to do earlier, causing him to pull back, a breathless, “Sorry,” leaving his lips.
He flopped down next to me and ran his hand over his dick, looking at me sideways. “I can finish myself off, if you’ve had enough.”
“No, I want to do it.” Lowering myself down his body, I laid my head on his stomach and took hold of his dick. I opened my mouth, revelling in the sexy sounds he made as I blew him, not to mention the intimacy of it all. Hearing, touching, tasting, even smelling him, and he smelled so good. Masculine, but clean, with a lingering hint of leather.
“Pull on my balls,” he rasped, showing me what he wanted.
I took over, though more timidly, afraid of hurting him.
“Harder,” he ordered.
I gave him what he asked for, jolting as he cried out, “I’m gonna come!”
Wanting to taste him, I sealed my lips around his dick, not having to wait long before he shot into my mouth. I just didn’t anticipate the amount of cum, almost choking on it. I instantly pulled away, spitting it out onto his stomach. It was more out of a need to breathe than not liking the taste, because he didn’t taste bad, in fact, he tasted nice, but...
He’d come in my mouth!
I may have allowed it—wanted it—but reason didn’t factor into having his cum dripping from my lips and chin. I could just imagine how debauched I looked!
I jumped off the bed and ran into my en suite, looking exactly as I’d pictured myself. My ginger-blonde hair resembled a bird’s nest, my cheeks were rosier than a smacked arse, and my lips... they were swollen and glistening with cum. And it didn’t stop there. My nipples could stab someone in the eye, the left one just as swollen as my lips. Ash had sucked it to within an inch of its life, while my dick wished it had been sucked, the little horror poking out of my thatch of orange pubes. I looked more like a wanton porn star than a shy guitarist. But that was the problem...
My exterior didn’t match my interior.
Or maybe it did when Ash was around, the man scrambling my insides, turning me inside out.
“Are you all right in there?” Ash called out.
His voice jolted me out of my thoughts. “Yes!” I called back. “Just cleaning up,” which I did, taking my time, not sure what to say to him upon my return. The sudden transition between friends and lovers was throwing me for a loop, making me overthink things.
Once I’d cleaned up, I headed back into the bedroom with a hand towel. I’d intended on using it to wipe the cum off Ash’s stomach, but instantly dropped it to my groin. My dick had gone flaccid while in the en suite, but it didn’t stay like that for long. Ash was lying sprawled out over my bed, looking pleased with himself, the combination of his naked body and the sinful look on his face sending my libido through the roof.
“Fuck, that wuz so good,” he said, running a finger over his stomach, drawing a path through his cum.
I bit back a groan at the debauched sight, Ash doing things to my body without even touching it.
His dark eyes twinkled, the cheeky so-and-so damn well knowing the effect he was having on me. “C’mere,” he drawled, crooking his cum-coated finger at me.
Hoping he wasn’t going to tell me to suck it clean, I climbed onto the bed slowly, keeping my eyes on the offending finger. Which was why I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. He shot forward and grabbed my head, sticking his tongue in my mouth. Instinctively I went to pull away, afraid he’d taste his own cum on my tongue, but he tightened his grip on my head, not allowing me to move an inch. When he’d finished kissing the last breath out of me, he let go and flopped back down onto the mattress, looking more stoned than Joel.
“You tasted your own cum,” I said, now wishing I’d gargled.
“So?” he replied, not looking perturbed at all.
“But... I thought straight guys would hate it.”
“Nah, I’ve done snowballs before, plus I did tell ya I’m a dirty cunt. You’d pro’bly piss your knickers at some of the things I’ve done.”
“What do you mean by snowballs?” I asked, hoping he was just teasing me about the last part. I also couldn’t imagine Tiana doing anything wild. Maybe his other ex was more adventurous... No, she couldn’t have been since Ash had told Dante that he was glad he didn’t have to sleep with Beth anymore, because she was ‘boring as fuck in the sack’. Dante, who’d been seeing her at the time, had punched Ash for the comment, which had resulted in a vicious brawl between the brothers. Tiana and I had tried everything to stop the fight but to no avail, so she’d resorted to pepper-spraying them. The brothers forgave each other quick, Tiana not so quick.
“Snowballs are when a guy spoofs in a chick’s mouth,” Ash replied, “then she transfers the cum to the guy’s mouth.”
“You can’t be serious!” I gasped, not believing my ears, absolutely appalled.
He laughed, looking like he was enjoying my reaction. “Nope, it’s defo real. I fucked this dirty ho who didn’t know the meaning of boundaries. She did it to me, totally took me by surprise, no warning whatsoever. Once I got over bein’ pissed off with her, I had to admit it didn’t taste that bad. Regardless, I still spat it in her face for her trouble. No one does shit to me without my consent.”
“I don’t blame you, that’s a horrible thing to do to someone. She should’ve at least given you a choice, especially if you paid her,” I said, wondering why he would need to pay for sex since women were always falling over themselves to get at him.
He quirked a brow at me. “Why would’ja think I’d pay for a root?”
“You said she was a ho.”
“I meant a slutbag, not a hooker.”
My eyes went big. “Ash! You shouldn’t be calling people that!”
He laughed. “You’re so innocent.”
I didn’t agree, because innocent people didn’t have the lingering taste of cum in their mouths.
He extended an arm for me to lie down next to him.
I remained where I was, not wanting to cuddle up to him after what he’d said. “Was it Kara?” I asked, dropping the hand towel on his stomach.
His face twisted with disgust. “Hell, no! I’d never do her. My bro may not care where he dips his wick, but I do, plus she is a whore. Her legs open as soon as she sees a wallet.”
“Who was it, then?” I asked, knowing that wasn’t entirely true. It was quite clear that Kara had a thing for both Ash and Dante, so much so that she was willing to walk over anyone, if not everyone, to get a piece of them. I could imagine her offering them money.
He mumbled something indecipherable and started wiping the cum off his stomach, looking like he was doing it to avoid giving me a proper answer.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” I said.
He stopped wiping himself and dumped the towel over the side of the bed. “No worries, I shouldn’t have mentioned past flings.”
“Flings?” I asked, not having realised he had flings. Dante had told me that Ash hadn’t been with many women. “I thought you’d just slept with Beth and Tiana.”
Ash shook his head. “Nope, I fucked Jenna too, if you could even call it that, along with a few other chicks.”
“Oh,” I said, remembering Ash’s other girlfriend from high school. Jenna had been a real piece of work, a horrible person with no limits. I could imagine her doing something nasty like snowballs, though they’d only been fifteen when they’d split, so I doubted it was her.
“I hated Jenna,” I said. “She was a bully.”
“Yeah, I made a huge mistake gettin’ with her, like the chick who taught me ’bout snowballs. I won’t make those mistakes again now I have you.” He winked at me, although there was something off with his expression, making me really want to know who this ‘chick’ was.
“Was it Josie?” I pressed on, too curious to stop myself.
He shook his head. “I already told’ja I didn’t fuck her. I only wanna do you.”
I smiled at that, so happy he wanted me over someone as pretty as Josie. Still, my thoughts kept returning to the girl he’d had kinky sex with.
“Then, who was the girl that did the snowball?” I persisted.
“She wuzn’t a girl, she’s a few years older than me. I wuz with her until I discovered she wuz still married. She lied ’bout bein’ separated from her husband, wuz doin’ me on the sly. She tried to talk me into stayin’ with her, even said she’d leave her husband for me, but I can’t stand cheats so I told her to fuck off.”
I listened quietly, knowing he would’ve used those exact words, Ash not known for his diplomacy.
He continued, “Regardless, I shouldn’t have got with her in the first place, it’s just... she looked a lot like you.” His eyes flicked to my hair, making me wonder whether the woman was a redhead. “It’s the only reason I went with her.”
“When was this?”
“During the first split with Beth.”
“I didn’t realise you split with Beth more than once,” I said, not understanding why he looked so guilty, especially since he hadn’t been in a relationship at the time. Was it because he was embarrassed over doing dirty, obscene things with the woman while thinking of me, worried that I’d disapprove?
He cleared his throat, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I broke up with Beth for ’bout a month that time. When we got back together, I went through the motions. I wuz basically an empty shell that gave her no love. It would’ve been why she cheated on me with my bro cos at least he loved her.”
“Yet, he also left her because she was a liar, so don’t blame yourself.” I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “She could’ve ended it instead of cheating on you. She also could’ve told Dante that Lily was yours, not his, instead of trying to manipulate him into staying with her. I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but she really wasn’t a nice person. She was very selfish.”
“I agree, though I wuz also selfish for gettin’ back with her. At the time I wuz goin’ between wanting Tiana and mooning over memories of you.” He let go of my hand and brushed some of my hair over my shoulder. “You looked so sweet, so pure when you left for Wales. I clung onto that image for so long, mourning you as if you were dead. I really didn’t think I’d ever see you again. Then you turned up outta the blue, smashing that picture in my head. You were so fuckin’ hot I wuz afraid Tiana would notice me staring at you. Thankfully, she didn’t.”
“She did. She spoke to me about it, marking her territory, warning me not to break up her family.” And that was exactly what I’d done, stealing Ash away from her. “I feel bad about it, but I also feel good, because I lied to her, lied to myself as well. I did want to steal you away, I was just worried about ruining things for you since I knew you loved Tiana at the time.”
He gave me a soft smile. “I love you more.”
A shiver ran down my spine, his words a dream, one that I never thought would come true. “While I love you even more,” I replied, feeling giddy. Such a stupid word. Giddy. Who said that anymore? But that was what I was like around Ash. Stupid. Crazy in love.
I went to bend down to give him a kiss, but jolted at the sound of my phone ringing. I grabbed it out of my bag, noticing Jade’s number. I sighed and answered it, steeling myself for a telling off. “Sorry, Jade,” I apologised before he could get a word in. “I know I shouldn’t have cancelled on you, but something came up.”
Jade’s Texan drawl came through the line. “And I know what that something or more like someone is. Ash. You’re with him.”
I frowned. “How do you know that?”
“Josie saw you leave together, plus my media manager just rang. His source told him that there’s a horde of reporters and paparazzi en route to your apartment.”
Hoping they weren’t already here, I jumped off the bed and peeked through my blinds, gasping at what I saw. A crowd was forming outside my apartment, a mass of colour surrounding the entrance.
“Crap, crap,” I said. “How are we going to get out now?”
Ash pushed off the bed, peering down at them too.
“Looks like we know what’s going to be all over social media,” Jade said. “I can just imagine the headlines. Those photos and the video of you with Ash will come up again.”
