Ashes to Ashes, page 24
“Why did you lie to me?” she asked.
“About what?”
“About not wanting to break my family up, which you did do, L.”
I frowned, annoyed with her accusation since she’d done more damage to her relationship than I ever could. “I didn’t.”
“You did!” she shouted, causing me to jolt. She cleared her throat, looking like she was trying to get herself under control. “You did,” she said in a much calmer tone, her hand shaking badly as she brushed her hair aside. “You stripped for Ash, tempting him, then outright stole him, and after you insisted you wouldn’t take him from me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and meaning it. I never wanted to hurt her, and she was hurting, her twisted features, the sheen of tears, making me feel guilty.
She swiped at her eyes, wiping away the tears before they could fall. “You ruined me, ruined my family. I love Ash, will always love him, and now cos of you, my son won’t have a family unit. I will still let him see Ash, will relent to this shared custody. I know I did wrong when I stopped Ash from seeing Angelo, I won’t make the same mistake. But know this, L. Since you think you can barge into my life, turning it upside down, don’t think I won’t do the same in return. I’m not gonna give up on getting Ash back. We’ve split in the past, yet we’ve always gotten back together. So, when he tires of you, I will be there waiting.”
I didn’t reply, knowing she meant it.
She spun on her heel and headed for the door, stopping to look back. “You may be more beautiful than me, L, but I’m still the mother of Ash’s son. You will never be able to fill that role, let alone give him more children. Once he realises all you are is a hot affair that can’t lead to anything long-term, he’ll come home and I’ll welcome him with open arms.”
She disappeared out the door, leaving me staring at it, terrified she was right.
22
L
I jolted out of a nightmare, one where I was watching Ash fucking Tiana against the lunchroom wall instead of me. She’d been wearing the same dress I’d worn, panting like I had panted, then she’d turned her head and looked me in the eye, saying, ‘You’ve lost him, L.’
It was at that point I’d woken, shooting straight up into a sitting position, trying to acclimatise myself to the fact it was a dream, nothing more, because Ash was...
I looked to my side, realising that he wasn’t lying next to me, his side of the bed undisturbed. I shifted my attention to the en suite, not hearing the shower going, not hearing anything. I pushed out of bed and opened the en suite door, hoping to see Ash in front of the toilet or brushing his teeth, but he wasn’t there. I walked out of our room and into the lounge, also looking in the kitchen.
No Ash.
I glanced at the clock on the microwave, which declared it was 6:13 AM. Wondering whether he’d crashed at the studio, I walked back into our bedroom and picked up my phone, checking to see if there were any messages. Three texts and one voice message. I opened the voice message first, which was from an irate Jade.
“Can you please talk to Ash, he can’t keep firing the guitarists. Also, since you’ve finished recording with Dante, I’d really appreciate it if you could fill in for the time being. I can’t imagine Ash firing you. Honestly, I thought Dante was the hardest person I’d ever worked with, but right now, Ash is a hundred times worse. For someone who supposedly doesn’t care about making music, I don’t understand why he’s being so... so... horrid! He’s impossible! Please, L, talk to him, he’s driving me insane. I’m at the end of my tether. The end of it!” He hung up, dramatic as ever.
Knowing he would be up by now, the man an early riser, I called through. He answered, “L, why didn’t you call me back yesterday?”
“I didn’t hear my phone go off. I was tired, so I went to bed early. I’m sorry about Ash, he was in a grump yesterday. Of course I’ll help out, though I thought he was going to be doing guitar as well as vocals. He’s a good guitarist, better than our normal stock.”
“I’m not denying that. The problem is he’s not that great at reading music, so he often plays by ear, changing things to whatever he pleases. Not that his changes are bad, they’re actually good, but so are the originals. It also causes time issues since every change he makes affects the other instruments, which unfortunately he has opinions about too. He has the audacity to tell his band members how to play their own instruments! He seems to think he’s the boss of everyone, including myself, when all he is, is a massive timewaster, not to mention a bully. He should be concentrating on vocals, not advising on things he knows very little about. I also don’t want him hiding behind a guitar. You know those Ratas, they move like sex. I don’t want anything but a microphone in front of him.”
I snorted out a laugh. “He won’t be thrusting out his groin like Dante does, if that’s what you’re after.”
Jade huffed. “He still has a rather... lovely package, which his audience will want to see.”
“Jade!”
“I didn’t mean uncovered. Ash has an amazing body. Why hide it behind a guitar? His voice isn’t his only instrument. His looks will draw the crowds in like it has done for Dante. I’m banking on it more than his music.”
“Don’t let Ash know that, I’d rather not have him go to jail for killing you,” I half-joked.
“No more than myself. So, will you take over the guitar work?”
“I already said yes,” I laughed.
“Oh, I’m amusing, am I?”
“No, no, I’m sorry,” I said, not really meaning it, because the smile was still plastered across my face.
“You’re forgiven, and thank you for this, L, you’re a lifesaver. Ash was nothing but a monster yesterday. He had the new guitarist running out of the studio, looking scared for his life. The drummer walked out too, saying that he’ll be back once Ash learns to treat people better. Even Joel was complaining, telling Ash to cool off. Did you two have a fight?”
“No, yes, not really, we sorted it out. Ash was grumpy before I saw him.” My thoughts went to Tiana. “But Tiana showed up at my office yesterday, all but telling me that I destroyed her family, and that she would be waiting to take Ash back once he was done with his affair with me.”
“Affair?” Jade said, sounding incredulous.
“That’s what she called it, and...” I frowned. “I’m scared, Jade, scared she’s right. That he’s just having a fun fling with me, that he’ll go back to her once he’s bored.”
“L,” Jade said sternly. “He won’t do that, he loves you.”
I didn’t reply, questioning whether he really did. He’d upset me yesterday, biting my head off, then had had sex with me, taking off the next second after getting what he wanted, gone once he’d come.
“You don’t honestly believe he doesn’t love you, do you, L?” Jade asked.
“He says he does, but... Tiana’s right, he has a habit of going back to her. She’s also right that I can’t give him what she can. That I’m just a hot body without substance.”
Jade gasped, “She said that?!”
“Not word for word, but it’s what she meant.”
“Oh, I thought she was better than that. I’m so sorry, L. Don’t listen to her, you’re so much more. She’s just being spiteful because she lost Ash to you.”
I exhaled, knowing that, but also knowing I wasn’t the whole package. “Maybe I should get the op.”
“Only if you want it, and not because of the horrible things Tiana said.”
“I’ve been thinking about it for years. Maybe I should finally grow some balls.” I laughed, the irony of what I’d said hitting me. “Or more like remove some, if you can even call them balls.”
“Do you honestly want to?”
I mulled over his question. The sex I’d had with Ash was making me question whether I did. I hadn’t known sex could be that good, and if I changed what I had below... Would I lose so much more?
“L,” Jade said, “it sounds like you’re second-guessing yourself.”
“It’s just... if I change what I have below, would I lose feeling there? Sex with Ash is mind-blowing. If I go mucking around with what I have downstairs, I could ruin it rather than make it better. I still want to come, and if they cut things up, maybe I’ll lose that ability.”
“That’s what consultations are for. If you don’t like what you hear, you can walk away knowing that at least you’ve made an informed decision. But if you do like what you hear, you can take it further. Information is key.”
I nodded, Jade spot on. “Okay, I’ll make an appointment. I can finally decide whether it’s something I truly want.”
“Good girl... Oh, that’s a first,” he said. “I’ve never called you a girl before. Please accept my apologies.”
“Don’t worry, Jade, everyone calls me a girl, or in Ash and Dante’s case—a chick. You’re the only one who still talks to me like I’m a man, and honestly, maybe you shouldn’t anymore. I don’t feel like one, never have.”
“Okay, if you want me to use female pronouns, I will. Some male ones might slip through once in a while, old habits die hard, but just say the word and I’ll do my best.”
“Yes, call me a she,” I replied, at least ready to make that change, a simple one, yet still major for me.
“Well, looks like Ash has had a big effect on you.”
“It’s not Ash, I’ve been feeling this way for a while, just found it hard to let go of my childhood.”
“Understandable. Anyway, I need to say au revoir. I want to get through work fast so I can take Tane to the hospital,” he said, mentioning his boyfriend, Ash and Dante’s father.
“For more chemo?”
“No, he doesn’t need chemo, it’s a post op check-up.”
“But Dante said he was having chemo.”
“Because Dante doesn’t listen. I told him more than once that all Tane needed was an operation, but every time I take Tane in for a check-up Dante thinks it’s for chemo. Even when Tane was having his operation, Dante was calling it chemo as if that’s the only thing that can get rid of cancer. I’ve given up on trying to get him to understand that chemotherapy involves drugs not surgery. It’s like talking to a brick wall.”
“Yes, he can be infuriating at times. Anyway, pass on my well wishes to Tane.”
“Thanks, will do. And best of luck with Tane’s other wayward son.”
I sighed as he hung up, Ash definitely wayward at times. I opened my texts to check if he’d contacted me. One was from Clara, the other from Ash. I clicked his one open first, my thoughts confirmed.
Crashing at the studio, too tired to come home. See you tomorrow.
No Love, Ash, but at least he was all right. I just hoped he was in a better mood today.
I opened up Clara’s message next, my eyebrows shooting up at what I read. Tiana came over last night for a shoulder to cry on. She said she confronted you. Are you all right? She was in a bad state, even yelled at Dante. She never yells at Dante. She said some rather nasty things to him, which even shocked Dante and he’s hard to shock. What happened?
I wrinkled my nose, texting back, She told me she was going to get Ash back eventually. Told me that I couldn’t keep him for long.
Not expecting a reply straight away due to the early hour, I grabbed a shower, drying my hair before coming out to slip on some underwear. I stopped at the sound of the door opening. I turned as Ash walked into our room, looking dishevelled, as though he hadn’t slept all night. His eyes went to my body, lust crossing his face, then he shook his head, mumbling, “Too tired, even for that.”
He flopped onto the bed face first, not taking his boots off, which were sticking out over the edge.
“Are you all right?” I asked, when he didn’t move.
“Sleeping,” he muttered.
“Doesn’t sound like it. Let me help.”
I yanked his boots off, placing them to the side, then instructed him to roll onto his back. He did, looking down at me as I unbuttoned his leather pants.
“Too tired for sex,” he mumbled.
“I know, I’m just taking your pants off so you can go to sleep. When did you stop working last night?”
“Late,” he yawned. “Too late.”
“Then, take the morning off. Come in after lunch; I’ll sort things out,” I said, yanking his pants off, those lovely, powerful thighs making my mouth water, the bulge in his boxers so tempting. But instead of doing anything about it, I flicked a hand at him. “Move up the bed.”
He did, turning onto his side, instantly closing his eyes. I watched him for more than a few ticks, my lovely, messy man. Sleep took him quick, poor Ash exhausted. He always worked harder than he should, pushing himself to the limit.
As quietly as I could, I got dressed and slipped out of our room, but not before giving him a soft peck on the cheek.
23
ASH
Ringing woke me up. I grunted and opened my eyes, looking around for my phone. I found it on the bedside cabinet, L obviously having put it there. It stopped ringing before I could get a hand to it. Recognising Lily’s grandparents’ number, I went to call back, but it started up again. I pressed answer, barely getting “G’morning” out before I got my ears blasted.
“Ash!” Mrs. Connor cried. “The police found him!”
I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about, already knowing it was Naf.
“It’s Samuel,” she said. “Someone dropped him at the hospital. Oh, God, Ash, he’s alive, my baby’s alive. I can’t believe it!” She started crying, bringing tears to my own eyes. I loved the woman like my own mother, Mrs. C always there for me. I’d gotten close to her since Lily was born, the woman so lovely, so sweet. I was happy that I could get her son back for her, no matter what I had to do to make it happen.
“Can I visit him?” I asked.
“Yes, yes, I want you here. You also need to come get Lily. I want to stay with my Samuel, his dad does too. We won’t be able to look after Lily for a bit, Samuel needs me. He’s sick, the doctor said he’s got...” She started crying.
My heart fell, hoping he hadn’t gotten anything like AIDS. The way he’d looked in the photo wasn’t good, the kid definitely using, probably shooting up, sharing needles.
“He’s got what?” I asked.
“Cancer. The same one Corey had. He’s so thin, so emaciated. The doctor said he’s had it for a while. It looks like he’s been using drugs to cope with the pain. He doesn’t even recognise me, while I barely recognise him. He looks nothing like my happy, chubby boy. I’m so scared, Ash. So scared I’m going to lose him after just getting him back.”
“I’m comin’. Which hospital?”
“Middleton.”
***
After texting L and Jade that I couldn’t work today due to a family emergency, I took off. I jumped into my car, almost knocking over a paparazzi on the way out of the apartment garage. He’d stepped in front of my Chevy, taking a photo of me. Recognising him, I planted my hand on the horn, the guy already having gotten some shots yesterday. He moved out of my way, though he kept on snapping pictures. I flicked him the finger, then drove off, heading for South Auckland.
As I turned onto the motorway, my phone went off. I put it on speaker. “Yup,” I said, not looking at the number, only paying attention to the road.
“It’s L. What’s the family emergency? Is Angelo and Lily all right?”
“Yes, it’s not them. It’s Lily’s uncle, the one I told you had gone missing a while back. They found him, he’s at Middleton.”
“Why’s he at the hospital?”
“He’s emaciated, drug-addled, and has the same cancer that his brother had, but further along. His mother’s scared they might lose him.”
“Oh God!” L gasped. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I was going to record for you today, but since you won’t be at work, I can come out and be with you instead.”
“No, don’t worry, and why are you recording for me?”
“Jade said you sent the last guitarist packing. He thinks you won’t do the same to me.”
I smiled at that, my first smile of the day. “He’s right, though can you play reggae?”
“I can play anything, Ash. Any genre and in any instrument.”
My eyebrows quirked. “You’re kidding me?”
“No, I play the drums, piano, guitar, even the fiddle, and a number of other instruments. The guitar is just my passion, the others are for fun.”
“Ha!” I said, not having known that. “You’re a woman of multiple talents. Next thing you’ll be telling me is that you can sing too.”
“Yes, you should know that; I sing backup for Dante.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said, not thinking. “Of course you do,” my mind elsewhere.
“Are you all right, Ash? You sound a touch distracted.”
I yawned. “Just tired and stressed ’bout Naf. Will call ya later with news.”
“Okay, and, Ash, I love you.”
“Love ya too,” I said, hanging up.
***
Naf looked worse than terrible, like those people out of concentration camps. He was so thin, even thinner than what Corey had been at his sickest. His mother was by his side, holding his hand. Though, he wouldn’t have known, Naf hopped up on morphine. I wondered whether Ant had found him too late, whether this was a farewell rather than a welcome home.
I sat down on the other side of Naf’s bed with Lily, placing my baby boo on my lap. Mr. Connor had vacated his seat for me, muttering about needing a toilet break before disappearing out the door. Though, it looked more like he needed some time alone so he could cry in peace, the poor man clearly devastated—like his wife.
She looked across at me, her hazel eyes awash with tears. “The doctor said the odds aren’t good, but he also said there’s a new treatment that could possibly help, one that’s showing positive results for patients with the same cancer. It’s just not subsidised by the government. It’s also extremely expensive. We’d have to put our house on the market to pay for it, which we would do in a heartbeat, but that’ll take time, which Samuel doesn’t have.” Her bottom lip started quivering. “Even a day can make the difference between whether he lives or dies.”
