Secrets Revealed, page 14
Later, Sergeant Davis returned, greeting her with a smug smile on his handsome visage. She couldn’t really blame him, since he’d had the correct gut instinct to mistrust her and Gerlinde, but nevertheless she wanted to wipe the arrogance from his face. What did he know about her reality?
“Can I have something to drink, please?” she asked.
“No, you cannot. Not until you confess.”
“There are regulations…”
He waved her complaint away. “This is a holiday camp compared to how you Nazis kept your prisoners.”
“I’m not a Nazi,” Lotte protested weakly.
“Sure. You’re not a Nazi. Same as I’m not a British soldier.” He didn’t listen to her mumbled protest, talking himself into a fit of rage. “Suddenly, no German has been a Nazi ever! Nobody knew anything about war crimes, atrocities in the camps and whatever else your lot has been hiding from the world. But I was there, liberated the POW camp in Fallingbostel. You should have seen my captured comrades...” His handsome visage distorted into a grotesque grimace. “Living skeletons they were, not more than skin and bones. So starved, some couldn’t even stand on their own feet.”
His fist came down onto the table in a violent slam and she shrieked.
“You know what else I saw?” His clear blue eyes clouded over with so much pain that Lotte instinctively put a hand across her heart.
“Nobody prepared us for this infernal sight.” His voice became soft and thick with emotion. “It was surreal. Inhumane. We marched up to a camp at least four times the size of Fallingbostel. Later we found out there had been fifty-three thousand prisoners when we opened the gate – men, women, children. Most of them Jews. They didn’t resemble humans at all.” Sergeant Davis openly sobbed for several moments, before he found his voice again. “I’ll have nightmares my entire life from seeing the atrocious crimes your people committed. Even after we liberated the Bergen-Belsen camp, the former prisoners kept dying from the effects of their ordeals. I swore that very moment that I’d avenge every last soul murdered, tortured or otherwise abused by the Nazis.”
The conditions in a concentration camp weren’t new to her, but she gasped at the mention of Bergen-Belsen. Her sister Anna had been able to find out that Lotte’s friend, Rachel, and her baby sister, Mindel, had been deported to Bergen-Belsen in 1943.
“You have the gall to gasp!” Davis yelled at her, the introspection disappearing from his eyes, replaced with utter hate and the ardent yearning to hurt her as much as the Nazis had hurt their prisoners. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”
“I knew alright, I was…” Of course she knew, she’d been imprisoned several months in one of the camps, but he wouldn’t understand, probably wouldn’t even believe her if she told him. He’d made up his mind, judged her as a despicable Nazi, a guilty perpetrator to be punished. Nothing she said would sway his mind.
What had happened was far too cruel to cope with. In order to live, one had to dissociate oneself from those who’d been capable of such monstrous crimes. Sergeant Davis had chosen to label all Germans as Nazi monsters.
She couldn’t even blame him for it.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
He looked confused, his blue eyes loosing the steely hardness. “Why are you sorry if you claim you did nothing wrong?”
Yes, why?
“I’m not apologizing for what I personally did, but I’m truly sorry that all of this happened. That millions and millions of people had to suffer and die in this godawful war. And I’m sorry that I was much too young to do anything about the first signs… not that it would have made much of a difference.”
For the first time since she’d met Sergeant Davis, there was appreciation in his eyes. He blinked and then asked, all business, “Why are you here?”
She sighed. She’d told the other soldier her story at least ten times. That she was a Wehrmachtshelferin, worked as a radio operator in Stavanger, Norway. That all females had been evacuated via Denmark when it became clear Germany would lose the war. That she became a prisoner of the British after the surrender.
“Why did you escape?”
Lotte shrugged. “I told you before, we got separated from out transport and decided to make our own way home…”
The door opened and another soldier came in, giving Sergeant Davis a bunch of papers and murmuring some explanation to them.
Davis turned to her and said, “Your friend told us a different story. So, who’s telling the truth?”
“How should I know, since I have no idea what she said?”
The lazy smile curling Davis’s lips made her aware she’d given herself away.
“I mean. I’m telling the truth, but maybe Fräulein Weiler elaborated on other details of our ordeal.” It was as weak an excuse as they came.
“She says you both escaped from a British camp at Gram. And here,” he tapped on one of the sheets of paper, “you’re listed as absconders.”
“So yes, it’s true. I escaped. You would have done the same.” Lotte stared at him, feeling the rage snaking up her spine. How could he change from compassionate man to arrogant asshole in a matter of seconds? “Hasn’t your own army given the directive that it is every captured soldier’s duty to escape?”
“That was true when we were still at war. Now it’s different. Your country surrendered unconditionally so you have no duty to escape. We’re the ones in charge now. And we can do with you as we please. We can even shoot you for running away.”
Lotte’s blood boiled, but she hid the trembling from her voice and said as calmly as she could muster, “We had our reasons for escaping, reasons that have nothing to do with my country and everything to do with my dignity.”
“Your dignity?” He gave an ugly chuckle. “If it were up to me, I’d rip that dignity from your body, trample on it and then feed it to the hungry wolves. That’s what you deserve. All of you. Monsters.”
Seeing the futility of this argument, the fight left her body and she gave a deep sigh. “You’re right. And that’s exactly what your comrades did. They stole our dignity when they forced themselves on our group of women.”
She saw a shadow in his eyes, but it disappeared within an instant and he pushed his chin up when he said, “At least you weren’t gassed in the shower. Should have just relaxed and enjoyed it..”
Lotte’s fingers twitched as she thought about how delightful it would feel to scratch out his eyes, no doubt bringing retribution of the worst kind. Thankfully, the door opening distracted from her plan and two men led inside a visibly shaken Gerlinde.
Davis strode from the room with his mates, leaving the two women alone inside the sticky room. Gerlinde fell into Lotte’s embrace, both of them drawing strength from the nearness of the other. When she heard loud voices outside, Lotte let go of her friend and inched closer to the door.
“What we gonna do with them?” one of the soldiers asked.
“Boss said we have more urgent problems than two Fräuleins.”
“We could let them go.”
“They deserve to suffer, after everything their people did.”
Lotte pressed her ear against the door, listening intently to the discussion behind it, hoping they would come to the conclusion that two girls weren’t worth wasting more of their time.
“That dark-haired one, he said they’d return us to Gram,” Gerlinde whispered.
“Shush. I’m trying to listen to what they say,” Lotte responded, straining her ears again.
“We could give them a fright, threatening a court martial before we let them go.”
“We might find a better use for them, though. It’s been a while, could do with a shag.”
Lotte blanched when the conversation took a randy turn and each of the soldiers tried to outdo the next one with his ideas of a great fuck.
“What are they saying?” Gerlinde asked.
“I can’t really understand,” Lotte lied, unwilling to share her burgeoning fear with her friend.
They waited miserably for quite a while before the door opened and four soldiers appeared inside. Sergeant Davis wasn’t among them and his absence probably meant the men didn’t come in an official role. But Lotte wasn’t sure whether this was a good or a bad sign.
“Guess what I have here?” One of them waved some papers at the women. “Your discharge papers and proper travel passes.”
Lotte stretched out her hand, but he held the papers high above her head, his face a teasing grin. “You can have them alright, if you show us your gratitude and a good time first.”
It took her a minute to process his request and she scrunched up her face in confusion, certain she misunderstood his words.
“I’m not that kind of girl.” Gerlinde blushed with embarrassment.
“Aw, what’s the big deal?” he asked. “We don’t ask for anything you haven’t done before.”
“It won’t be to your harm,” said another. “We’ll show you some good fun.”
“Think about it, you’ll be on your way home before tonight. We even put in cigarettes and food for your trip.” The dark-haired soldier laughed as if no self-respecting woman would ever refuse his truly generous offer.
“You lassies will enjoy it. What do you say?” The man with the papers in his hand looked at the women with a sly grin as Lotte felt her stomach flip over.
While Gerlinde seemed to shrink with every raunchy comment, Lotte gathered the remnants of her courage and wrapped them around her like a cloak of protection. A fuse blew in her head, jumbling her thoughts into a mass of outrage. She had endured too much during this war to continue being a victim. “And you claim higher moral grounds for your lot? Where’s that British respectability now?”
“Come on, no need to insult. We just want a quick shag, so it will do all of us some good. Call it understanding among nations…” The soldiers snickered at his joke.
But Lotte didn’t care about keeping calm anymore. If she had to lie down, she’d do it kicking and screaming. She deliberately let her anger erupt like a volcano. Her words spewed out like molten lava and she couldn’t care less about the consequences of her outburst. Nothing could be worse than what they were expecting of her.
“You are disgusting pricks!” Lotte shouted at them. “You are the people who are supposed to restore right and order. Is this your understanding of morality? A bunch of rotten cowards is what you are, taking advantage of defenseless women. Can’t you take it up with someone your size? Bloody assholes!”
When she saw their reaction, a little of her bravado faded away. Her slur to their manhood didn’t go down too well with the soldiers. The dark-haired one who seemed to be the tough guy in the crowd glared daggers at her and turned in a swift move to squeeze her breast.
Gerlinde’s begging glance urged Lotte to stop antagonizing the men, but Lotte snarled like a wild animal caught in a trap. She wouldn’t go down without a fight, even if defending her honor was the last thing she did in this life.
Remembering the brawls with her brother in her youth, she responded to the unwelcome touch with a swift knee to his groin. The man doubled up, moaning in pain.
“Shoot the bitch!” he gasped. “Don’t let her get away with attacking a British soldier.”
His call to his brothers in arms was immediately answered and the next thing Lotte knew, she was caught in a vicelike grip, the muzzle of a pistol jammed into her neck.
“This is the way you want to go, is it, lass?” the man holding her hissed.
She sensed his hot breath on her neck, and heard Gerlinde begging for mercy. Lotte, though, had never begged for mercy in her life. Not even when she’d faced a firing squad. She wouldn’t start now.
“I’d rather die than pleasure a dick like you,” she bellowed. It was a bluff. Staring death in the face, she’d do just about anything to survive. But she counted on his not shooting her in the interrogation room with so many people milling about in the hallway outside the door.
Chapter 23
“Not worth the trouble shooting these bitches, lads.”
Tears of relief filled Lotte’s eyes as the man holding her stepped back and lowered his pistol. She unsteadily straightened her back, her gaze falling on Gerlinde, who stood against the wall, her eyes round and nervous red dots heating her cheeks.
She wanted to walk over and comfort her friend, but thought it prudent not to move, lest the tension in the room stirred again and one of the agitated soldiers did something everyone would later regret.
“Yeah, Eddie, not worth the bother, mate.” His pals slapped him on the back and walked him out, breathing an audible sigh of relief. The situation had escalated way over their heads and neither the soldiers nor the two women had known how to get out of this self-created mess.
Just seconds after the door closed, it opened again and the soldier who’d kept silent all throughout the upheaval returned, giving them a stare that was difficult to interpret. “You’d better come with me, before something else happens.”
Lotte nodded, and she and Gerlinde followed him like the sweetest puppies to a cell. As soon as he had locked the door and they were alone in the cell, Gerlinde turned around, glaring daggers at Lotte. The normally gentle woman trembled with unabated fury and pointed her index finger at her friend.
“You! How stupid are you, Alex?” Gerlinde’s voice turned into a high-pitched shriek. “I told you to keep your big trap shut, but no, you had to mouth off. You nearly got yourself killed. And me too!”
“I’m sorry.” Lotte hunched her shoulders, intensely studying her toe-caps.
“Look at me, when I’m berating you! What were you thinking by provoking them? I’m sure we could have sweet-talked them out of their proposal, but no, you chose to insult their manhood. Don’t you have the slightest idea how to deal with a man?”
“I guess I don’t.”
“Never in my life should I have embarked on this crazy adventure with you. I’m done with you and your antics.” Gerlinde’s shoulders sagged and she turned her face away, making the guilt flow over Lotte with a surge of power.
“Please don’t think that way.” Hot tears pricked the back of her eyes and she couldn’t hold them back. Her friend meant the world to her. And now her weakness of character – the one she had believed she’d conquered – had caused a rift in their friendship.
For years Lotte had worked so hard to keep her bullheadedness under control. She’d vowed to think first and do later, to always ponder the consequences of her actions and never act rashly again. And once again, she’d lost her wits and had steamrolled over the soldiers, making things worse – for everyone.
“Forgive me. It will never happen again, I promise.” Lotte took a step toward Gerlinde, but her friend backed away.
The tragic expression on her friend’s face sent a pang of regret through Lotte. “Oh, Alex, will you never learn?”
“I have learnt my lesson.” Lotte protested. “I will never put you at risk again or get us into trouble. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll get us out of this. I promise.”
“Sometimes I don’t know who you are.” Gerlinde sighed deeply. “I see this stranger and she scares me.”
Lotte shivered from the impact of Gerlinde’s words. You truly don’t know who I am. Because I’m not Alexandra Wagner. There’s so much I want to tell you but can’t. For a moment she hesitated, ready to spill the beans and tell her friend everything. The whole sorry truth of the mess her life had become. Starting with the stint that had sent her straight into a concentration camp, the fact that she’d been a spy for the British – the same army she had been running away from since Gram.
It was useless to try and make her understand. Gerlinde didn’t possess the gene of rebellion. In contrast to Lotte, she never felt the urgency to strive for justice, the overwhelming need to fight for those who couldn’t fight for themselves, the enthusiasm to do what was right. Lotte shrugged, abandoning the desire to bare her soul.
“What now? Thinking about your next misdeeds?” Gerlinde asked with such a tired tone it only fortified Lotte’s decision not to tell the sordid truth. Not now anyway. She’d wait for a more suitable opportunity. When they weren’t holed up in a cell and when Gerlinde wasn’t spitting mad at her for almost causing their demise.
In the evening, the guard brought them food and they attacked the plates like hungry lynxes, ravenously devouring the contents. Their appetites sated, the women lay down on the two cots in their small cell.
“Promise you won’t make it a habit to end up in a prison cell?” Gerlinde asked in a conciliatory tone.
“I promise.” Memories of the time in Warsaw when the Gestapo had arrested her came flooding back to Lotte and she fondly thought of Johann, her knight in shining armor. She had loved him before, but after what he’d done for her then, she’d never stop loving him until the day she took her last breath.
“You don’t happen to know someone who could rescue us, by any chance?” Gerlinde seemed to have read her mind.
“Let me check my address book and get back to you,” Lotte said with a laugh, happy because Gerlinde wasn’t angry with her anymore.
“Come on, ladies. You made quite the impression yesterday. Colonel Barber wants to have a word.” The warden rattled the bars of their cell door. “Hurry up. You don’t keep the boss waiting.”
Lotte jumped from the cot, straightening her dress and finger-combing her hair even as she slipped into her boots and walked to the door. She couldn’t have a bath and put on some clean clothes, but she wanted to look as presentable as possible. This Colonel Barber was probably poised to decide their fates.
Thus prepared, the two women followed the warden down the hallway with pounding hearts and sweaty palms. He led them into a large, furnished room that seemed to be the colonel’s office. Moments later two soldiers from yesterday’s fiasco entered the room.
