AUGUST, page 17
First thing the next morning, I shored up my courage and went to see Mary. Today wasn’t my normal day to see her. However, we’d sailed that ship long ago. I popped up at will. Asia was at Lily’s recording a new video which gave me just enough time to slide off to come see Mary without Asia here. Not that I was trying to keep anything from Asia. I wanted to talk to Mary first, so that she and I could dive as deep as she wanted to. I was ready and prepared to get everything off my chest.
I walked inside Ensley Shores, instantly bothered by a woman standing at the desk talking to Katrina. Hearing Mary’s name come out of the woman’s mouth perked my ears up. The way Katrina looked surprised to see me had the lady glancing over her shoulder to see who Katrina was looking at.
“Hey, August,” Katrina spoke.
The lady, who was a beautiful, brown-skinned sister, looked me up and down. She was the woman in the picture with Elijah back at Mary’s apartment. This was his wife.
“You’re the reason my husband is in jail,” she said.
“Nah, he’s the reason he’s in jail.”
She narrowed her brown eyes at me. “I don’t know who you think you are, but that little bitch, Asia, has you just as delusional as she is.”
I had to grit my teeth to keep from cussing this lady out. Then again, I wasn’t the type to give a fuck.
“Since we’re here, I should tell you that I don’t give a fuck about you, yo’ bitch ass husband, or those fuckin’ bitch ass kids the two of you made. I already beat yo’ nigga’s ass one time. If another threat comes my lady’s way, I’m gon’ hand him another ass whoopin’ when he walks up outta that jail.”
“My son, Eli, is gon’ fuck you up. As soon as he touches down, he’s gon’ deal with you,” she threatened.
I cocked my head to the side. “Eli?” Jogging my memory and recalling the little boy that was in the picture with her and Elijah, I pictured him older, my age. Smirking, I knew exactly who the fuck her son was.
“Does ya son know that you’re makin’ threats on his behalf to me?”
Her expression reflected that she was unsure.
“Eli Smith. Not to be confused with the Smiths who run this fuckin’ city. The same Smiths who ya son is on the run from as we speak.” While I was no longer in the streets, I kept my ear to it. I was privy of shit because I had to be.
My old life made me some enemies, so I would never completely be deaf to the shit going on in my city. The Smiths, no relation to Mary, were a crew who fucked with me heavy. I officially met them through Kingston’s homeboys, Dallas and Houston. We kept in contact over the years, and they made it clear to me that if I needed anything all I had to do was reach out.
“Don’t fuckin’ play wit’ me. Yo’ son gon’ wake up on a shirt all ‘cause his mama is fuckin’ with the wrong nigga.”
Both she and Katrina gasped. Speaking of Katrina, I turned my attention on her.
“You rub me the wrong fuckin’ way, and I mean that shit from the bottom of my heavy nut sac. If I for one second think you fuckin’ with Mary, I’m gon’ make ya life a livin’ hell. Being fired is gon’ be the least of ya fuckin’ worries.”
I left both of them right there to sputter over their words. Shaking off the negative spirits both those muthafuckas possessed, I got on the elevator and went up to Mary’s apartment. I knocked then tried the knob. It gave.
“Mary?” I called.
“August! What a nice surprise,” she answered. She picked up the remote to turn the television down as I entered the living room. I didn’t take a seat until I’d kissed her cheek. “By yourself?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied. For a second neither of us said anything. I was here now, so clamming up now was just foolish.
“Talk to me, August,” she softly implored.
Here goes… I massaged my own hands to soothe myself as I opened a door that held my deepest secrets behind it.
“I lost my mama when I was eight. She was killed in a drive-by. A few weeks later, my pops was arrested for drug trafficking. My granny had always been in my life, so when my brother and I went to live with her, it wasn’t a big deal for me. Honestly, I didn’t understand the fact that I would never see my mama again or that my pops would never come home.”
I sighed and for the first time I welcomed thoughts of my childhood. “Like my mama, my granny was sweet and beautiful. She didn’t play with us, though. Any time I thought I was getting away with something, she’d remind me that she was once a kid. Losing my mama hurt her so deeply. However, she still managed to show up every day and raise me and my brother.”
“Ever since I could remember, she loved to garden. She could grow anything.” I had to stop and breathe for a second. “We had this deck that looked over her garden. My brother, King, used to fuss at her if she went out there without either me or him present. The stairs were sturdy, but her gate wasn’t as sturdy. She was so stubborn, though and sometimes hated the way King doted on her. I remember how bothered I used to get when I would have to go out there and sit with her while she spent time doing whatever she wanted to do in her garden. I had next to no patience. I was a kid who had other shit to do. Getting drunk and high was my thing. Selling drugs was my thing.”
Thinking back, I just shook my head at how stupid I was.
“Mary, I didn’t have to do any of those things. King and Granny took excellent care of me. The kid I was didn’t understand the woman I had in Granny. I took everything for granted.”
I wasn’t even ashamed when I felt tears riding my cheeks. This shit hurt like a muthafucka. However, I was determined to free myself.
“Out of all the things Granny grew, she loved her tomatoes. The neighbors had a dog named Rattler, who would get out of their yard and come into my granny’s garden. He would go straight for the tomatoes every time.”
Shit! I couldn’t do this. My head felt dizzy, and my heart was pounding.
“Calm down, August.”
My eyes flew up to Mary’s.
“You sound like you’re hyperventilating.”
Shit! I was. The sound of blood rushing through my ears confirmed it. I broke down.
“It was my fault. We had a light in our backyard because at night it would be pitch black back there. I would hide my drugs in her garden because I knew I could never bring them inside the house. My stupid ass thought that was disrespectful. One night after I was done hiding my stash, I came back into the house and forgot to turn the light back on. That same night she went out there because she heard a noise. She thought Rattler was in the yard.” I shook my head against the roaring in my ears. “She fell. She…hit her head.”
I grabbed my head, the pounding in it too great. Blinded by the sound and the pressure, I squeezed my eyes shut.
“August!”
The sound of Asia’s voice cut through the roaring. Turning, I found her standing just a few feet away from me. I hadn’t heard her come in.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
AUGUST WELLS
A different type of fear seized me. It was the type of fear that looked you dead in your eyes, just so that you could watch it die. It was the fear that wanted you to suffer once it was all said and done.
As Asia stared at me, all that ran through my mind was not letting her back out that door. We were too new, just getting started. Yet, she made me feel things about her that I’d never felt about anyone. Meeting her, getting to know her, loving her made me want this life with her more than I’d ever wanted a life with anyone.
“You snuck off and left me,” she said just above a whisper.
“Come here, Asia,” Mary called. Eyes fixed to me, Asia crept to her grandmother, then sat at her feet. Tears clouded her eyes, digging the dagger so deep that I was already preparing for my heart to be broken.
“I’m gonna tell the two of you a story.” She swallowed hard, then sighed. Just as heavy as my past was, Mary’s was just as great.
“My children have always been like their father. Sure I’ve always been stubborn, but in the free-spirit way. My husband was a mean man, who thought silent treatment and late nights out would correct my behavior. He was mean for no reason and made sure to always remind me that, without him, I would be on the streets. Back then, making money was hard for women. He made it to where I couldn’t afford daycare. No one wanted to deal with Leroy’s children anyway. The same way he treated me, he allowed our children to treat me. I didn’t have a dog in the fight. My daddy wasn’t in my life, and I didn’t want the same for my children. Me wanting what was best for them turned around and killed a part of me.”
Asia’s face frowned the more Mary talked. I could tell this was a part of Mary’s life that Asia had no knowledge of. Like me, she’d most likely buried her childhood memories.
“You can imagine how being with a man like that can make a woman want her freedom once she has it. When Leroy died, I got that. By then, my children were grown and out of the house. There was no one there to tell me what to do.”
She chuckled a little, but it was mirthless.
“I started losing my eyesight in my twenties. At first it wasn’t so bad. However, by the time I turned fifty, I knew things weren’t normal. I would have episodes where I wouldn’t be able to see anything, especially if I was out in the sun.”
Elijah noticed that I was having trouble seeing and, like his father, thought it was his duty to start dictating my every move. For a while, I was able to live without the assistance of a cane or anything. Glasses worked, and I knew not to test the limits. By sixty, I was back into the lifestyle of being controlled again. Elijah was so much like his father that it terrified me.”
Mary’s voice trembled. I divided my gaze between her and Asia, who was listening with rapt attention.
“I went from freely doing everything I wanted, to now begging Elijah and Regina for the simplest things. I wouldn’t have groceries, medication, and even the bills paid unless one of them handled it for me. Then, they would throw it in my face anytime they had to handle something for me. I felt trapped… again. To me, my vision wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t still take care of myself. I drove to church and the corner store, just far enough so that I didn’t put myself into heavy traffic. Elijah forbade me from doing it, though. He threatened to have my license taken if I didn’t follow his directions.”
She paused for a minute, took a deep breath, then fidgeted with her fingers.
“A part of me knew Elijah loved when I begged for anything. Just like his father. Well, this particular day, I had an appointment with my heart doctor. He claimed he couldn’t leave work to come take me to my appointment and that I needed to let time do what it was going to do with me.”
Tears formed in Mary’s eyes then. Carrying a child just for them to turn around and hope death upon you had to be one of the hardest pills to swallow. I wanted to strangle the fuck out of Elijah.
“Needless to say, I grabbed my car keys and decided to take myself. I was going to show him that I didn’t need him. Fueled by stubbornness and pride, I got in that car and changed the course of a young man’s life. His name is Daniel Williams, and he was a twenty-three-year-old law student home for summer break. I failed to see him crossing the street…”
Asia stood from the floor, then climbed into her grandmother’s arms. She lay her head on her shoulder and wiped her grandmother’s tears.
“I learned a lesson I wish God would’ve kept. I nearly killed that young man. Getting arrested and going to jail was nothing compared to hearing the cries of his mother. Even as I sat in jail waiting for someone anyone to come and bail me out, I knew no one was coming. I sat there for days, crying my eyes out and hating myself for what I did.”
She took another minute to gather herself. Neither Asia nor I said a word.
“Pastor James got wind that I was there and came to see me. He bailed me out and walked me through the investigation. It was a stressful time, but I was hell bent on seeing it through. I’d made a mistake, a costly one. However, I wasn’t going to run from the consequences. After a few weeks of waiting for my fate, I was offered a deal that would save me having to go to court and give the family a little peace.
Daniel was left wheelchair bound, paralyzed from the waist down. By a miracle, he suffered no brain damage. On my behalf, that young man begged the court to show me mercy. Because of him, they did. In turn, I paid off his student loan debt and covered the rest of his education. Aside from those things, I am on probation for the rest of my life. If I thought Elijah and Regina hated me before, they hated me after.”
“How did I not know any of this?”
“Daniel and his family weren’t very vocal about it. Pastor James did what he could to keep it as quiet as he could. Whenever you came to town, I made sure to keep a smile on my face. I never left my house.”
“Until you came here,” Asia stated.
Mary nodded. “I had a stroke not too long after all of that. Putting me in here was Elijah’s way of finally getting rid of me. Honestly, I didn’t even care.”
“Asia changed ya mind,” I surmised.
Mary’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “I was content on dying alone in here. Sure, for some, this is a beautiful, nice place to live. The staff is alright, yada, yada…”
“This isn’t home.” Asia wiped the remnants of tears off her grandmother’s cheek, then kissed her there.
“It isn’t,” she agreed. “In all of this, I want you to understand something, August. If your grandmother was as stubborn as me, there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent that night. Even if the light would’ve been on, who’s to say she wouldn’t have stumbled? Having a stubborn spirit can cause so much hardship in a person’s life. It takes falling to realize that. Can we agree?”
“Yes,” I simply answered.
“Now, after today, there’s no more wallowing. No more self-doubt or fear. It’s okay to miss your granny. What it’s not okay to do is stop living and giving June the best version of his father that a child needs. Do we agree?”
“Yes, Mary.”
“You promise me?”
“I promise.”
“Okay.” She grinned this time. “Asia, if you don’t get yo’ heavy tail off me!”
Asia and I busted out laughing as she climbed out of Mary’s lap.
“Y’all gon’ get out of here while I take a nap,” she directed.
Yeah, I could see how divulging that information could have her exhausted. I was exhausted too. However, my load was lighter and so was my conscience.
I held tightly to Asia’s hand, scared that if I let go she was going to take off on those damn skates. We were by the water again, and my stride was so long that her being on skates didn’t even matter. Only an hour had passed since we left Mary’s. While I discarded the guilt concerning Granny, the fear of losing Asia was still very real. Since saying she wanted to go skating, she’d been quiet since. Her silence was killing a nigga. The only comfort I had was her hand in mine. I made sure our fingers were locked tight, too.
“Does anyone else know what happened?” she finally asked.
“King does.”
“Why not tell me? I thought we were growing closer to each other.”
“We are close, my baby. I knew if I wanted there to be a future with us, I would have to eventually come clean. In the beginning, that’s why a nigga ran from you. The moment I laid eyes on you, you scared the fuck outta me. Besides myself and my family, you and Mary are the only people I wanted to heal for.”
“Do you ever think you’ll be that old person again?”
I stopped and brought her into my arms. Even with her skates on, she was shorter than me. Peering down at her beautiful face sent butterflies through my stomach. Behind those glasses, her big brown eyes held so many questions…and a little apprehension. I hated to see that shit.
“The parts of that old nigga that still exist are the parts you’ve seen. I won’t apologize for being that nigga who’ll split a nigga’s head ‘bout my people. My mouth is reckless at times, and I really don’t give a fuck about much unless it’s the people I love and the career I worked hard as fuck for. Anybody or anything outside of that is liable to see a nigga who ain’t so nice.”
“I guess my question is, should I be afraid of him?”
“As long as there is breath in my body, there is nothing for you to ever be afraid of. Not even me. It’s on my life that I will never hurt you, Asia.”
“No one will believe that we met a couple of months ago.”
I brushed my fingers over her lips, then kissed them. “Those who understand the power of love will wonder why we’re not married yet. However, I don’t give a fuck about what anyone says or thinks. My mind has agreed with my heart. Once it was settled in both those places, there was no going back.”
“No going back?”
“Just to help you understand how fuckin’ serious I am about us, I let you meet June. Nobody meets my son, love.”
That brought a smile to her face.
“He’s a great kid, baby. And he loves you.”
“He saved me.”
“I’m grateful that he did,” she replied. Us kissing like no one was around would never get old. I grabbed on her ass and held her to my dick, letting her feel what was going to be inside of her later. Once I had her lips nice and swollen from my beating, I took her hand back in mine, and we continued on our way along the water.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
FAITH
Bursting out of my uncle and auntie’s house in nothing but a ripped-up dress and socks, I ran for as far as the breath in my lungs would take me. Although it was morning, it was still dark as hell. Christmas lights and streetlights, although bright, did nothing to guide my way. I must’ve ran forever. Enough to make my thighs start burning. I dipped through backyards, dodging dogs and kids’ toys just to escape the monster who’d just attacked me.
