Seeking Two Lovers, page 9
But my mind wasn’t so easily put to rest. I hated withholding truth from my best friend, but what choice did I have? Until I accomplished what I’d set out to do with the investigator’s help, I needed to keep the shit I’d stirred up to myself to save him anxiety, nightmares, and emptying his guts all over the floor.
Forcing the scowl off my face, I went back to the party, putting on my mask of an ease and lightheartedness I definitely didn’t feel. Thank fuck for all those lessons when I’d been a kid.
A sudden longing for Blaine swelled over me like a crashing wave, but another hit me just as hard for my bikini girl.
I liked Lily. A lot. Loved her bubbly, flirty nature, the way she didn’t filter her thoughts before spewing them out as most of those mingling in my living room did. Kind smiles and soft touches, no qualms, no pretenses. Just…simply her.
Same as Blaine, even though his personality was the complete opposite. Quiet. Introverted. But with honesty and true friendship I could trust.
He was my other longed-for half, and Lily…she soothed a part of me I’d recognized sat empty since Mom had passed. She’d barreled into my life with one app’s pinged notification, and I craved more.
Fuck, did I want.
I didn’t just lust to get her into my bed with Blaine on the other side of her. My heart yearned for that image in my head to become reality. The three of us fully sated as I expected a romp in the sheets would leave us, me and my best friend spooning the hell out of her tight little body. She would fit perfectly, and not one thing I’d seen in her would turn Blaine away.
She would be perfect for him—for us.
Me.
Unease stirred inside me, that goddamn poking intuition I hadn’t pinpointed until that moment. I named it inside my head for what it was—fear of abandonment. Having your mother ripped from your life at the age you needed her love and edification the most had bonded me and Dad together and had us both sitting with therapists, but the wounds remained.
I loathed the feelings of insecurity that lingered, keeping me from pursuing any type of relationship with a woman.
But I’d always had Blaine, and he’d been enough.
He might not be ready to meet Lily, like his quietness the previous couple of days suggested, but something inside me grew restless as the night wore on. Perhaps it was the news I’d gotten from Higgins or the need for quiet, the rest and sense of belonging I felt with Blaine.
I texted him after everyone nibbled their chocolate cake and finished off a couple more bottles of champagne. We have cake. Sure you don’t want to come down and have some?
It took him a good fifteen minutes to reply, just long enough that I considered heading up the stairs to check on him.
B: I’m good.
My fingers tapped out a text before I could second-guess myself, the image of the three of us together too vivid in my head to let go. I hated being needy, but I couldn’t stop the urge to be proactive. So, I met this girl…
B: Yeah?
Me: I think you’d like her.
B: Not really interested right now.
Exactly as I’d figured, but for the first time, my selfishness wanted to push him past his limits. An idea lit in my head, and my stubbornness proved too strong.
Me: You and I are going out for drinks tomorrow night. No excuses. I miss my best friend.
B: What if I have plans?
I snorted a laugh. Nice try.
Next, I texted Lily with a location and time for the following evening.
Bikini girl got right back to me with a Bossy.
Grinning, I repeated the texted order.
She sent me an eye roll emoji.
Me: I have someone I want you to meet.
It took her an hour to get back to me, but her simple OK set my mind more at ease than it had been all day.
I just hoped the feeling carried over to the following night.
13
Lily
Blaine was shy as hell and just as adorable.
I wondered if he was a virgin, but with how he watched my lips move, I expected he thought about having a taste. All he had to do was initiate and I’d gladly be on board.
Usually, I enjoyed going after what I wanted, but I refused to scare the guy off by coming on too strong. Bad enough my compliments shifted his gaze away from me, sending his palms down along his jeans as though sweaty.
He was the opposite of Scott in every way, but no less alluring. I’d had Scott, but I yearned for Blaine too. Imagining having the both of them?
Holyfuckingshityesplease.
My brain got the better of me, weaving all sorts of naughty fantasies. Being spread out like a feast for both men, loved on in the way I’d always craved. Enjoyed. Cherished.
Okay, so that last one had long-term connotations in my opinion.
Sure, I’d headed to the West Coast to find myself and a couple of lovers, but even when joking with Levi about doing that very thing, I hadn’t considered a serious relationship. It was why I kept to the hookup part of my favorite app.
No drama, no ties.
Just dick and fun times like a hopefully double-stuffed Lily.
A prickle of shame rose inside me, shit from the past attempting to make me feel like I committed a sin by exploring my sexuality. Ignoring those thoughts didn’t come as easily as usual, and I pushed aside my second piece of pizza, no longer hungry.
Blaine continued to scarf his down, and I found myself smiling at how he went all-in with his food, no finesse like Scott, even making a few smacking noises with his lips.
He paused in his chewing when he realized I stared at him. “What?” he asked me around the food in his mouth.
“You’re…refreshing.” I chose the word carefully, even though Scott’s superb manners hadn’t been a turn off either.
Blaine finished chewing and swallowed while I planted my elbow on the table and rested my chin in my upturned palm.
“Are you going to stare at me while I finish?”
I couldn’t help my smile. “I like watching you eat. It’s kinda sexy.”
“My manners are shit,” he muttered and swiped pepperoni grease off his lips.
I’d rather have licked it away. “You certainly wouldn’t fit in at some swanky restaurant that has a dozen different forks laid out on either side of gold plates.”
“Do you eat at places like that?” he asked quietly, stilling as though I was about to break his tender heart.
“Fuck no.” I huffed my answer. “I might have decent table manners thanks to my strict mom, but I’m not good at keeping my thoughts to myself. Imagine a fancy dinner where everyone is quietly discussing the latest fashions or politics, and I tell the person beside me a little too loudly that the salmon smells like a dirty you-know-what.”
Blaine burst out into laughter, and my grin took over my face.
“See?” I said, knowing we’d drawn a few glances from others in the restaurant.
Shaking his head, he went back to his dinner.
He finished off the pizza while we chatted—me mostly—about the usual get-to-know-you stuff people did on dates. He wasn’t one to expand on my inquiries, so I demanded we play fifty questions.
An hour after he finished off our dinner, I knew his favorite everything. Color, food, drink, teams in every major sport, books, TV shows, movies…
He loved Andes candies and chardonnay.
Score major points for the shy guy smiling at me, sitting a bit more comfortably in his skin.
“Want to get out of here?” I suggested.
“Um…” He stilled again.
“There’s a bench out there.” I thumbed toward the empty one outside the pizzeria’s window spilling light over our table. “We can sit and wait for the sun to set.”
“There’s an ice cream shop next door,” he suggested.
“Then let’s go.”
It took us fifteen minutes to decide on the flavors we wanted, but I ended up bypassing all the unusual ones that sounded decent in favor of my favorite.
Mint chocolate chip.
He did the same.
We sat licking our cones while overlooking the Pacific, shoulders and knees touching. Golden rays glanced off the water, and I kept my sunglasses firmly in place. People strode along the walk behind us, and dozens littered the sand in front of us, lounging or playing.
A volleyball game ran at high intensity a bit off to our right, but not loud enough to be interrupting more than the rest of the din surrounding us.
“Do you like the beach?” I asked and flicked out my tongue to catch a drip of melting ice cream about to hit my thumb.
“I’m not a fan of salt water or thoughts about what lingers beneath the darkness out there, but I like the sounds of waves crashing on shore.” I’d finally gotten him comfortable enough that he spoke in full sentences, no stumbling or stuttering.
That fact gave me hope for getting him into bed at some point.
“Me and Haley are down here all the time—or we used to be before I started working at the cafe. I’ll nap in the sun on my days off. You should come with me sometime.”
Blaine didn’t respond, and I glanced up to find him watching me, his own melting dessert smearing over his fingers.
Snickering, I slapped the napkin in my free hand around the one he clutched his cone with.
“Shit.” He muttered a few more curses while cleaning his fingers.
“Were you staring at me?”
“I like watching you eat,” he repeated what I’d said to him about the pizza chowing-down.
Laughter rippled through me, and holding his gaze, I slowly licked around my ice cream cone.
Blaine gulped audibly, and I nodded toward his hands. “It’s gonna drip again.”
“Shit.” His turn to lick.
My turn to stare.
We were a couple of horny twenty-somethings, one too shy to do jack shit, the other afraid of sending a good thing running before she got a chance to sample the goods.
“I like you, Blaine.” I bumped his shoulder and kicked my sandaled feet back and forth since my legs were too short to rest my heels on the boardwalk.
“I like you too, coffee girl.” His voice teased just enough to send heat flushing through me.
We sat quietly while finishing our dessert, the sun slowly sinking on the horizon. I thought about watching sunsets back home, never once seeing the ball of gold disappear behind anything but houses.
My parents had been so involved in the church that we’d never gone anywhere on weekends, never took any type of vacation out in the country.
While the West Coast wasn’t the sticks with the solitude and serenity nature offered, it held a beauty of its own. Smiling people, laughter as they enjoyed the ocean. Others jogging along the water’s edge, driven to better themselves and their health.
So much…life when all I could remember from back home was coldness—more from the lack of emotional warmth I’d felt outside Levi’s friendship.
“How did you end up out here?” I asked without really thinking about the consequences of a heavy conversation.
Blaine stared out over the water, his hands resting on his thighs. I wondered if he would answer, expand on what we’d touched upon when we’d gone to lunch. “It’s a long story,” he finally said, his tone quiet but not guarded like I’d expected.
“It’s still early,” I suggested.
I wasn’t looking for something serious, but the stirrings of desire for more with him didn’t agree. I wanted to know if the connection I felt with Blaine was more than just the physical attraction that simmered between us.
“But if you’d rather not get into the shit of your past…” I let my voice trail off and forced myself to be something I usually wasn’t.
Patient.
14
Blaine
She stated the words as though the cult I’d mentioned briefly before our lunch together had stuck in her brain.
“You used the word escaped,” I reminded her of what she’d said rather than giving her a straight answer.
“Yeah.” Lily blew out a breath. Her head turned in my periphery, allowing me freedom to glance down at her profile again. “I feel like I’ve done most of the talking.”
“I enjoy listening to you.”
She smirked and shoulder bumped me. “You’re cute.”
“You’re beautiful.”
Our gazes caught, and that sense of her being a kindred spirit I’d felt the first time I’d spoken to her settled firmly in my head. Her dark eyes piercing through to the deepest parts of me as though seeing me like no one else ever had. Although noise surrounded us, silence seemed to swell in a bubble, encasing the two of us in our own little world.
Want became the tangible thing between us, and I itched to lean into her personal space and taste how much chocolate mint flavor lingered on her tongue.
“Are you going to kiss me or what, Blaine,” she whispered, “because I gotta be honest—I’m dying over here.”
My breath left in a rush.
“Too forward?” she asked with the first hint of insecurity I’d seen in her.
I didn’t kiss too many of my and Grey’s hookups, choosing to enjoy watching him make love to a woman’s mouth.
But I wanted that with Lily.
My hand shook, but I cradled her cheek in my calloused palm, my heart jackhammering in my chest.
I can do this…
She licked her lower lip she hadn’t reapplied gloss to after the ice cream, sending blood to thicken my dick.
“Yeah, I can,” I whispered more as encouragement to myself and pressed my mouth to hers.
Sighing, she parted her lips, and our tongues met in the middle. Beyond delicious, so much more addictive than I’d imagined, she wrapped my brain up in plastic wrap, closing me off to everything but her.
Soft strokes of her tongue that did taste like chocolate mint.
Delicate skin beneath my hand.
Quiet whimpers and moans—hers and mine.
I teetered on the edge of something vast, something frightening…something I never thought I would find or could have outside Grey. Longing to swan dive into oblivion rushed through me with every stroke of her tongue, every soft sigh she emitted over my lips.
“Come home with me,” Lily whispered against my mouth.
I pulled away as the world popped the bubble around us with vivid color and detail. Her black pupils swelled, thick lashes blinking. Flushed cheeks, the delicate skin around her lips reddened from my scruff. Rubbing my thumb across them, I nodded even though my heart attempted to explode from my chest and my dick throbbed in its prison.
I stood and helped her to her feet, our fingers lacing together without thought on my part. She led me down the boardwalk.
“Where are you parked?” she asked as we scurried across the road toward the metered car lot.
“That end.” I motioned over my shoulder.
She released her hold on my hand, pulled her cell from her small purse, and texted me, her fingers shaking like mine would have been were they not clenched at my sides. “That’s my address.”
Swallowing hard, I nodded at the vibration of my cell in my back pocket.
“No expectations, Blaine,” she stated quietly, grasping my forearm and peering up at me, her eyes luminous in the fading sunlight. “I just thought we could hang out. Get to know each other better. Maybe kiss some more if you want.”
“I want,” I blurted the words, heat rushing to my damn face for at least the tenth time since our date had started.
Her smile lit me up inside, casting bright sunlight over the garden she had planted in my soul. “See you soon.”
I nodded like I’d been clubbed upside the head, watching her walk away.
“Fuck.” I scrubbed a trembling hand down over my face and turned, grimacing at the discomfort in my groin.
I’d never gone home with a woman before. What the fuck would I do? She would keep the conversation going when I felt like a dumb idiot, and I liked her. I longed to try for more but had no fucking clue how to make the first move.
Grey always did that.
I just followed along where he led, doing what he suggested since he knew as a man what I would enjoy, what would get me off.
Big boy briefs, I reminded myself, turning my truck’s key with shaking fingers.
My stomach rolled again, but more from excitement than anxiety.
“You got this.”
I snorted a laugh at myself. What twenty-seven-year-old man needed to give himself a pep talk when a woman claimed no expectations?
The seven minutes it took to get to Lily’s apartment she shared with her cousin Haley felt like twenty hours. Even with the air conditioning on full blast, my back grew as sweaty as my palms. Until I climbed out of my truck, I had to swipe my forearm across my forehead.
Lily waited for me on the sidewalk in front of her apartment building, her sundress billowing around her knees with the evening’s hot breeze.
“Hey,” she said, grabbing my hand again as soon as I drew close enough. “I thought you weren’t going to follow through.”
Goddamn red face.
Again.
“You’re a tease,” I muttered, not at all upset she’d pretty much figured me out within a matter of hours. I was so damn obvious.
She snickered and tugged me toward the building’s front door. “I love that color on your face is all. And now that I’m getting to know you a little bit better, I expect you won’t go running off.”
“Only because you’re a hypnotizing serpent I can’t say no to.”
A very unladylike snort ripped from her. “In your own little Garden of Eden, are you?”
“Could be…” I bit back a smirk and decided to flirt a bit. “Are you the devil in disguise?”
“Maybe.” She winked up at me and unlocked the door to their fifth-floor apartment the elevator had spit us out right in front of. “Come on in…if you dare.”
My shoulders relaxed, and I moved past her into the small kitchen.
