Desiring an Angel, page 21
part #1 of Missing Link 3 Series
There was nothing strong or stoic about the storm inside me.
I refused to reach a breaking point as my father had done while losing his shit beside Mom’s hospital bed.
No one would ever see how emotionally fragile I was in the deepest reaches of my soul. How weak I’d become.
Skylar got her period the morning of Ash’s birthday party.
I shouldn’t have been relieved—but I was—and I hated myself for it.
She cried, curled on her bed, and Ash wrapped himself around her, tears in his eyes as well.
So much for his having a happy birthday.
Unable to stand the sense of asshole I felt inside, I left them alone and went outside to sit by the pool with a cold beer since we had at least an hour before the party planner and caterers arrived.
Canceling the event would have been best for them, but I couldn’t fathom the long hours ahead with no hope of distraction.
I should have been pleased Ash had something other than his own sadness at facing yet another birthday without Archer, but I couldn’t get beyond the hurt that he clung to her rather than me in his grief.
The still pool directly in front of me invoked memories of Ash and Skylar kissing while half-submerged, so I moved my attention to the ocean beyond. Swells, waves, and breaks played over the water in soothing, rhythmic motions, never ceasing.
Restless depths lay below full of violence as creatures fought for survival.
But it was beautiful topside, hypnotic…luring.
I’d never been a fan of swimming in the ocean. Too many unknowns, the inability to see what lurked beneath, made me feel small…pathetically uncertain.
My heart began to race, and restlessness tugged at my senses urging my thoughts to flee from danger.
I turned my focus to the patio around the pool Lionel’s Landscaping had replaced earlier in the spring. Every paver had been laid with precision, perfectly aligned. Set into place and unmoved by whatever storm might pass through.
I imagined myself as the same until my muscles once more relaxed, and I turned my mind to the party taking place that evening.
Ash would probably ask to cancel our plans, but I wouldn’t allow it. He needed something to occupy his mind, to bring a smile to his face. A reminder that life continued on outside impregnating Skylar, that there would be another night, another moment, to fulfill his dreams.
We had nothing but time.
But how could I make him slow down the train barreling us forward down a path I couldn’t see clearly?
Smooth jazz filtered throughout the house’s sound system, a quiet backdrop for hushed conversations and the mingling of our party guests.
As always, I’d dressed in a button-down and tie, and while comfortable on the outside, my insides weren’t so put together as my outward armor.
Ash stood beside me, gorgeous as ever although a little pale.
Skylar had yet to make an appearance.
Ash pressed his fist into his sternum like he always did after a meal, and I frowned. We hadn’t yet eaten anything.
He’d been popping antacids the past couple of days, and I wondered if the stress of his obsessively trying to get Skylar pregnant had given him an ulcer.
The more I thought about it, the more I expected my assumption was spot on.
An ulcer had wrecked him years earlier when we’d been nearing the finish line of the Missing Link app when we’d both been stressed out.
Same as then—fuck, as anytime I saw Ash in pain—longing to ease him drew me in like a magnet.
I slid my arm around his waist and tugged him against my side, wishing I could make him smile like Skylar did.
“Okay?” I whispered against his ear.
A shiver slid over him from my tender touch, and he sagged against me.
Relief rushed through my body, lust jolting straight to my dick.
I hadn’t felt that in…
Fuck.
Since that rough taking over my desk, I hadn’t reached out to my love to offer comfort or affection. Not one single fucking time.
Asshole.
“I’m fine.” Ash’s quiet answer did nothing to reassure me in the least or ease the unrest returning to tighten my guts.
“You look sexy as fuck in that color,” I reminded him like I always did of the olive button-down that pulled out the green in his hazel eyes.
He smiled up at me, but the usual happiness a social party, regardless of its reserved guests, brought to his face didn’t make an appearance.
“Sorry if I’ve been distant,” I murmured, tracing a finger over his jawline, wishing I could lock us away from the world and love on him until he passed out in my arms.
Ash leaned into my touch, his eyelashes fluttering closed. A heavy sigh lifted then relaxed his shoulders. “Everything is going to be fine,” he whispered, but it sounded like he assured himself rather than accepting my apology.
Introspection always hit Ash hardest during the anniversary of his brother’s death or on their birthday, so rather than poke and stir up emotions, I squeezed him a little tighter and kissed his temple.
Tonight, I told myself. Once everyone left us in peace, I would get him alone and remind us both of the closeness we’d lost due to my being a selfish prick.
Skylar appeared at the bottom of the steps in a little black dress that accentuated her curves and set her hair on fire. The disappointment over getting her period that morning seemed to have faded completely. No makeup painted her face, but she seized my lungs for a second with how she smiled, her eyes flitting around our household full of designer clothes and jewels.
Ash didn’t rush to her side as I’d expected. He lingered in my hold, even though I knew he’d caught sight of her with how his body tensed like mine did.
Without doubt, those muscle responses in each of us resulted from totally different feelings.
Him with longing, me with suspicion and that familiar sense of unease rocking my foundation.
Her gaze landed on us, and her smile lit the goddamn room, shining light through the storm clouds inside me.
My face dented with a scowl.
Our gazes clashed, and her happiness dimmed.
Ash pulled away from me, and I let him go, clutching my wine glass a little tighter as he moved through the crowd intent on her.
I prepared myself for noise and judging looks his introducing her to people would bring. Backlash and ridicule.
But I told myself I didn’t care what others thought.
“Rhett!”
A familiar voice pulled my focus off Skylar, and I turned, my scowl dissolving at the threesome headed my way.
Wyatt stuck out his hand, and I clasped it firmly.
“Thanks for coming,” I said, my voice warmer than it would have been with anyone else in the room except for Ash.
“Wouldn’t have missed it.” His free hand clutched at Haley’s, and Garrett stood close behind her, his palm on her lower back.
Haley glanced around the room wide-eyed, just as out of place and starstruck among California’s rich and famous as Skylar had appeared. At least Wyatt’s woman knew how to keep her unfiltered mouth shut and not make a spectacle of herself when necessary.
“Garrett,” I shook his hand, then smiled at Haley when she finally looked up at me. “Are these two treating you well?”
“Could be better,” she sassed and squeaked a breath later, sidling away from Garrett as if he’d pinched her ass. “Jerk,” she hissed at him.
“Later,” he stated with a wink and grin.
Haley rolled her eyes.
“Is that your houseguest? The woman hanging on Ashton?” Wyatt asked, and I glanced toward where he’d tipped his chin.
Skylar clung to Ash’s hand and upper arm, leaning into him. They were a gorgeous couple, dick-thickeningly so, their faces close together as they spoke.
I fought off another frown while sipping my wine. “She’s the potential mother of Ash’s children,” I went with, my tone bland, considering the storm from that morning still roiling my insides.
“A match through the app?” Garrett asked.
I nodded, unable to tear my focus off my lovers as Ash drew her forward toward some of our guests.
We hadn’t discussed how to introduce Skylar but should have.
Most of those in attendance knew why Ash and I had created Missing Link, so the fact a woman would one day share our lives in some capacity wouldn’t come as a surprise to them.
“She’s the perfect match,” I answered Wyatt without adding for Ash like I did in my mind.
“Congratulations,” he said, and I made myself nod in acceptance.
“She’s stunning,” Haley said.
“She’s got nothing on you, cuddle bug,” Garrett told Haley, pressing in close against her in my periphery.
Haley laughed lightly and leaned upward to whisper something in his ear.
He groaned. “Let’s go get a drink.” Clasping her hand, he pulled her away from Wyatt, tearing my focus off Ash and Skylar.
Wyatt stared after his lovers, so much goddamn contentment in his eyes a muscle ticked in my jaw.
“The honeymoon phase is still going strong, I see,” I said, truly happy for them.
Same as during the ceremony binding them together, I forced a smile, determined to keep my own emotions from showing on my face.
“Better than ever.” Wyatt turned toward me, grinning. “I hope you, Ash, and whoever she is find the same.”
“Skylar,” I offered her name, “and Ash is already there.”
Anyone with eyes would note his possessive hand on her back while introducing her to others. The way he watched her face while she spoke with our guests outed him almost as much as if he’d dropped to one knee and proposed right there.
“What’s holding you back?”
Lifting an eyebrow, I once more glanced at Wyatt.
“Don’t give me that look,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ve spilled my shit to you plenty of times.”
He had me there, and maybe some perspective from someone else in a triad wouldn’t hurt. “She has no aspirations beyond having babies and being a mom.” I gave him one bit of truth.
“That sounds more like what Ash wanted than what I remember your profile stating.”
“I changed our preferences a few weeks back.”
“Enter the angel of your dreams.”
Flighty laughter rose over the other voices around us, drawing the focus of half the room and keeping me from correcting Wyatt’s assumption.
The volume of Skylar’s giggles rose, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, but she’d already drawn the attention of the rest of the guests who hadn’t noticed her arrive on the scene.
I studied the crowd, seeing gazes take her in from head to shifting feet, people speaking to those beside them while eyeing the beauty still clinging to Ash’s hand.
Another bark of laughter tipped Skylar’s head back, and I sipped my wine again, ready for the circus to begin.
“I’ve never seen you uptight like this.”
I yanked my attention back toward Wyatt who studied me with a knowing look. “Is it jealousy or anxiety that has you tensed like you’re on the verge of explosion?”
Rarely did a person call me out, labeling the feelings that seemed like a growing cancer inside my gut.
Jealousy sounded right for every harsh, negativity Skylar stirred up inside me whenever Ash put her first.
“You know some might judge,” Wyatt said, “but don’t let other’s opinions keep you from happiness.”
I didn’t respond, and Wyatt eventually nodded as though accepting my disinterest in discussing the situation I’d created for myself.
“I’m always available if you need an ear, Rhett.” He clasped my shoulder briefly and moved off, heading in the direction where Garrett and Haley had disappeared.
He’d found his place with his partners, and I’d named the emotion inside me for what it was at seeing the three of them together without any distance.
Envy.
34
Ashton
Skylar’s sunshine didn’t light up too many faces like I had expected.
Our usual guests, even those I considered actual friends in attendance at my birthday party, seemed closed off to her bright personality.
And Rhett? He’d shut down the second she’d made an appearance.
I’d thought he and I had a sweet moment together, his affirmation and affection soothing parts of me I’d been ignoring in my attention to Skylar—but then she’d descended the stairs, ending what had filled me with warmth and a sense of hope I hadn’t felt for weeks.
His silent intolerance for her nature continued throughout the next half hour and revealed itself countless times with disapproving glances and thinned lips.
We hadn’t discussed how to introduce Skylar, so I took it upon myself to label her as our girlfriend. No one knew she lived with us outside her sister and parents—and the cleaning ladies who came in weekly, but the term for our angel fit.
Regardless of what words I used to explain her connection with us, Rhett wouldn’t have been pleased, just as he hadn’t been about anything the previous few weeks.
He hadn’t said another word about our ditching condoms and poked nonstop about how I was feeling whenever a grimace lined my face, which was more often than not.
He worried—rightfully so, but I pushed aside his concern and focused on getting him to open up to the happiness Sky offered us.
Fucking her again, having her between us hadn’t accomplished all I’d prayed for. And the exhaustion of fighting against my illness ate at my tunnel vision determination to find a way to make him love her for when I couldn’t.
I smiled. Chatted as though nothing had changed. Clung to Sky’s hand with a grip that bordered on manic desperation.
The caterers brought out a chocolate-frosted cake, the same as Rhett ordered every year, but before he could make his yearly toast toward good health and happiness, Skylar started singing “Happy Birthday” at the top of her lungs with a gorgeous smile on her face.
Skylar swung our clasped hands and continued until others joined in, most hesitant except for Haley, Wyatt, and Garrett who stood off to our right.
Usually, there were just a few quiet toasts and well-wishes.
No one had sung that jingle to me since I’d moved out of my parent’s house, and the fact it was Skylar who had taken the lead warmed my chest.
I couldn’t tear my gaze off her glowing face as she attempted to carry a tune, her luminous eyes like emeralds shining at me. Others might have looked on with disdain, but thankfulness for her realness, her ability to bounce back from that morning’s heartache flooded through me, easing my own sadness over failing to plant a baby in her belly like we both hoped for.
Skylar was lovely inside and out, and if others couldn’t see that, then their loss. I just prayed Rhett got his act together before it was too late.
The song ended to absolute hushed silence over those around us, and I squeezed her hand. “Thank you,” I whispered, my throat tight even as I grinned like a kid.
“Blow them out!” She giggled and wiggled. “Make a wish—for you know what!”
Such hope, such joy…my eyesight hazed.
Internally begging fate to give us the desires of both our hearts, I attempted to do what she’d said to the thirty-six candles atop my cake.
Skylar laughed when I failed and leaned down to help me with the remaining flickering flames.
We prevailed as a team.
Straightening, she threw her arms around me. “Happy birthday, Ashton! I didn’t buy you an actual present, but I’ll make it up to you later! Well, um…maybe without that bow around my body like I’d planned, but my mouth will?” She laughed, her eyes sparkling as she pulled back—the happiness died on her face as she glanced behind me.
Rhett.
I looked over my shoulder to find him scowling, his shoulders rigid. Pink stained his cheeks like he was embarrassed by the silent people around us who’d heard Skylar’s outburst and the lack of filter on her mouth.
“Inappropriate,” he snipped, his eyes hard as granite.
I could feel Skylar shrivel up inside at his chiding, and my own heart squeezed in my chest at the memory of her sister using the exact same word with her that night we’d first met.
While emotional, I’d never experienced the type of anger that brought on red.
I did in that moment. Heat rushed through me, my hands and jaw clenched.
“Hi! I’m Haley.” A sweet voice interrupted the tension.
She held out her hand to Skylar, her smile warm and accepting as conversation began filling back in around us.
Skylar attempted to portray happiness, but her face fell flat. “H-Hi.” Her voice shook, and I cursed Rhett in my head.
Haley introduced Wyatt and Garrett, but I couldn’t focus on their exchange as my mind lingered on Rhett’s single-worded rebuke and the fallout of his disdain.
I could understand his jealousy, but he’d gone too fucking far. To see and actually feel the woman I loved wanting to wilt inside herself and hide away because she didn’t measure up to his standards…his perfection, damn near choked the air from my lungs.
My stomach churned, and even though I hadn’t yet eaten, I expected I wouldn’t have long before emptying whatever liquids sloshed inside.
Squeezing Sky’s hand, I turned toward Haley. “Watch over my angel?” I managed to rasp out. God knew Rhett would do no such thing.
“Of course!” Haley wound her arm through Sky’s as though they were best friends, hanging onto her in a possessive hold that promised protection I could trust.
“I’ll be back in a few.” I kissed Skylar’s temple.
Without a glance at Rhett, I headed for the stairs on shaking legs, needing the privacy of our bedroom.
Closing the door behind me released the control I’d held over myself.
“Fucking hell!” My entire body thrummed with the need to punch a wall, but I couldn’t break my hand.
My churning stomach was more than enough to deal with. At least its contents stayed where they belonged while I paced, my pulse speeding and jaw aching from grinding my teeth.
