Remotely Love, page 21
SPierce
Kinda starting to worry, message me when you get this 8:20am
Hazel thought about what to say as she moved. She was restricted even from discussing the matter openly with Sam, at least for now. Still, she felt she had to reply with something.
Hazel
Hey I’m fine. I am disclosed so I cannot discuss. 8:56am
That would have to work for now. As she entered the lobby, she was alerted that her Uber driver was waiting for her. Hazel made it through the front door when she heard Sam call her name. He was standing off the side of the door in front of a potted evergreen. Samantha was directly in front of him. “Hazel! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”
Samantha turned and sneered at Hazel. She mouthed something indistinguishable.
Hazel watched Sam but kept moving toward her car. She handed her suitcase to the driver. Her chest ached. She said, “Sam. I can’t talk right now.” She held his gaze for as long as she could and hoped she communicated everything to him with her eyes.
Doubt was closing in on Hazel as she closed the door to the car. Samantha had renewed talking with Sam, but Sam was watching the car as it drove away.
SPierce
She did something didn’t she? She was acting so weird just now. Don’t worry Hazelberry, we already had a plan, we’ll be fine. I’ll take care of whatever. 9:11am
It was the most challenging act not to tell Sam everything that had already happened. She felt guilty keeping things from him that involved their livelihood and job security. Hazel also worried he would misinterpret her silence or do something crazy himself. The past few days' events were internally unpacking themselves as the turn signal clicked from the driver’s seat.
SPierce
Please talk to me. 9:16am
Tears snaked down Hazel’s cheeks. She wrote back four words, “Please understand. I’m disclosed.” and turned off her phone.
Hazel experienced roiling emotions on her way back home. She was furious at Samantha and worried about everything- her job, Sam’s job, if Dana would be able to help or not, when she would find out, what would happen if she couldn’t, if she and Sam would endure or if they had both been in a fantasy state. During her layover in the Atlanta airport, she dared to turn on her phone, but Sam had stopped messaging. All the emotion was yanked out of her and replaced by a sense of hollowness.
She felt the sensation of nothingness for hours as she waited to board the flight, flew to Crestwood, and ordered another car home. This was her life, she thought, as she looked around her home, but the color was gone. Hazel unpacked dispassionately. She went to the kitchen to scrounge for food, knowing she should eat despite her lack of hunger.
Her Mom’s journal sat next to the empty fruit bowl on the counter, and she felt something. A slight easing in her chest as she picked up the book and flipped its pages, familiar handwriting flashing before her eyes.
May 29th, 2017
Lar and I were in the car earlier today, and I saw a bumper sticker I hope I always remember. A bumper sticker, of all things! But it gave me such perspective!
I often hear people recite the phrase, “Everything that can go wrong will.” Murphy’s Law. They say it and throw up their hands in acceptance of defeat.
This bumper sticker said, “Everything that can go right will.” I’m embarrassed to say it made me tear up. How would things be different if people thought that way? If we looked for things to go right instead of wrong, I am certain we would see them go right.
It’s beautiful and so simple. I will try to leave space for things to go right in my life. I may even find that bumper sticker and put it on my car. If anything is worth proselytizing and marring my car, it’s this.
Her Mom had loathed bumper stickers. She laughed at the memory and found the sound surprising. What would it look like if everything went right in her current situation? Did she dare to envision her hopes and risk seeing them not happen? Didn’t she already know the answer in the depths of her? It was inspecting the dream that would be difficult. She felt it was already there.
Hazel grabbed her phone. It was very early, after midnight for Sam, but she messaged him anyway.
Hazel
I’m an idiot for not realizing this (very in my head)… but obviously we can still talk about everything else. Right? How was clean up? 4:22am
She didn’t exactly feel better. Hazel was still consumed with worry. Their careers were a huge deal, and having their relationship reported when they knew it was an HR violation was a terminable offense for both of them. She did feel again, however, and that was an improvement.
Hazel imagined explaining everything to Rosie. She tried to feel her friend’s comforting hand on her shoulder and hear her no-nonsense reply. Rosie would empathize with her and understand the strain Hazel was under. She would tell her that she had already done everything possible for now and to try not to dwell on all the outcomes because there was no controlling them. She would wait with Hazel until whatever was going to happen did come to pass. She drifted to sleep with Rosie’s voice in her ear.
The sensation of falling made Hazel jolt awake. She caught her breath and realized she was safe in bed but had no sense of what time it might be. Her arm shot out for her phone. 10am. Sam would be up by now, but there were no messages from him. She cursed traveling across timezones and, feeling miserable, rolled out of bed.
There wasn’t enough energy in the world. Hazel brushed her teeth but didn’t bother with her hair or clothes before starting the kettle in the kitchen.
Technically, she was already late to work, but Hazel was afraid to log in. Anything could be waiting for her there. Tamra may be waiting in the wings for her to log in and fire her. She saw images of emails from Dana flash before her eyes that read, “nothing I can do,” and, “so sorry, but we’re letting you both go.” And she did try; she really tried to imagine good things as well, but the weight of fear and guilt were not helped by Sam’s continued silence.
He had asked her to please talk to him. Was her traveling enough time for him to change his mind about everything? Was the reality setting in for him regarding the costs of their being together? She attempted to soothe these unwelcome questions as well. Reminding herself that they had become so close, she knew all the names of his friends and family. Even though being together was new, their friendship was not, and Sam had never let her down before.
Hazel sat at her desk, computer closed, coffee mug wrapped in both hands. It was threatening snow outside, and the view out the window was gray. She opened the laptop lid and logged in, and nothing happened.
Tamra didn’t reach out. She had only the regular emails in her inbox; meeting recaps and IT newsletters. Chatter wasn’t pressing her with notifications, but there were none from Sam either. Everything was normal. Her shoulders dropped slightly, and she went about her tasks.
Hours passed, and she found working to be an outlet for her nerves, apart from a wave of nausea at every email and Chatter sound. She decided to practice after remembering Jasmond’s request to send him the How-To Work Remotely outlines and Sam’s suggestion to record herself delivering the training. Hazel inspected her background, rearranging a few things that would be in view. She adjusted her lighting and opened a SyncUp. The webcam kicked on and reminded her how the day had begun. Her hair was tangled and sticking out at odd angles on the left side, and she had dark circles beneath her eyes, betraying her lack of sleep. She was still in a white shirt with a stretched-out neck and stains, which had caused its demotion to sleepwear. Hazel leaned in to look at herself in the camera. “Oof.”
She walked back to her bedroom and started pawing through her wardrobe. The doorbell rang. Hazel ignored it; it was probably a solicitor or some package delivery. She continued rummaging through her clothes. How could she have so many shirts and not want to wear any of them? The doorbell rang again, and she stopped pushing clothes aside. It rang a third time. She sighed, annoyed. “Okay, okay.”
Chapter 21
Self-Care
“Remote work isn’t for everyone. I hope this How-To has been beneficial, but I know even with all my best practices, some people will need a different environment. The advice I would give anyone is to do what works for you. Self-Care is more important than any job.”
Hazel stomped to the front door, disheveled and ready to dismiss whoever was on her stoop. She cracked it open without really looking. “Thanks, but I’m not interested in… in….”
Sam stood before her. He wore the same clothes she had last seen him in at the Hilton entrance, though they were now distinctly wrinkled. He seemed equally tired as she was. He cleared his throat, but his voice still came out gravelly, as if he hadn’t spoken for a long time, “I was hoping you’d be interested in having Thanksgiving with me?” She realized he was holding several grocery bags, his suitcase behind him.
Hazel swallowed. “Who will make the sides for Don and Summer?”
“They’ll figure it out.” He shifted the groceries.
Hazel opened the door for Sam to enter. She grabbed his suitcase and brought it in behind him. “The kitchen is to the right. Did you shop?”
Sam walked into the kitchen and laid down the heavy bags. He started unpacking them. Butternut, wild rice, kale, cranberries, corn, sweet potatoes, cheeses, and spices lined the counter. It felt unreal seeing him here, in her kitchen, unpacking groceries. “You bought all the things for a pescatarian Thanksgiving.”
He met her eye. “I know it’s a week away, but I thought these things would hold pretty well.”
Then a dam broke in Hazel, and a waterfall of questions and regrets rushed from her. “How’d you get here? What did you do? Why didn’t you message me? What about the 5k? I’m so sorry for not replying quicker. I should have missed my flight. I should have found you.”
Sam patiently waited for her to finish. He leaned on the counter over the squash. “I left almost immediately after you left. As soon as I could. I was supposed to stay to help clean up, but I was upset. I had suspicions about what was happening after I couldn’t find you, and Samantha cornered me. I couldn’t be around Samantha anymore, so I made an excuse and caught a flight home early. As soon as I landed, I realized I had caught a flight to the wrong home, so I booked a flight here. I didn’t reply to you because I was in the air, then when I landed here, I saw your message, but I felt crazy for being here. It seemed easier to figure out where you live and explain in person.”
Hazel felt warm, like his words were massaging the tension from her. She ran a hand through her hair, fingers catching in the still-uncombed knotty section. “How did you find my house?”
“Rosie. I made an Instagram account and found her profile. I messaged her to please call me, and thank goodness she did. I explained that I needed to see you, that I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but that I had come here to find out and fix it. She gave me your address.”
Hazel laughed. “I am… so glad you’re here, but I am also going to have to talk with her about information security.”
Sam pointed at her with both hands and chuckled. “It was very forward of me. I’m sorry if this was a huge overstep.” Hazel shook her head, and he continued. “Other than that, I haven’t done anything. I still am not completely sure what’s going on… and Crestwood has a 5k on Thanksgiving. If I’m here, we could both do it together. Actually, I have a gift for you.” He came around the counter to his suitcase. “I was going to give it to you before you left.” He pulled out a shoe box and placed it next to Hazel.
Hazel raised the box lid and folded back the tissue paper. “Are these…” She lifted a shoe. “Are these shoes with Thanksgiving turkeys on them?!”
Sam made a cheesy open-mouthed smile and nodded quickly. “I have a matching pair.”
Hazel spun toward Sam and embraced him in a mighty hug. He returned the squeeze, and they melded into each other. Hazel whispered, “It wasn’t too forward.”
Sam replied, “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Hazel led Sam to the couch. “I want to tell you everything. The truth is I don’t have the entire story either, and what I do know I can’t talk about.”
Sam contemplated. “Mmm… What if I guess?”
Hazel looked to the ceiling, thinking. “I still can’t break my promise about everything, but we can try.”
“Samantha turned us in to HR, and you found out about it somehow before me, probably after I went back to my room before the Closing Address. I was worried when I couldn’t find you. I wondered if you had regrets or second thoughts and checked out early, but that didn’t feel right. Eventually, I decided to wait for you outside, and that’s when Samantha cornered me. She asked me on a date. When I refused, she asked if I was looking for you and commented on how I shouldn’t worry about you anymore. Which is when I started putting the events together. If that’s right, how did she report us, though?”
Hazel slowly nodded, considering if she was okay to confirm anything. “I think I can say you’re correct. I don’t know how or when she reported us either. You left to change, and Tamra messaged me about HR requesting a meeting with her regarding me. I knew it had to be about us, and I was almost positive it was Samantha because remember her smile when she walked in on us between workshops? It was all I could think of.”
Sam listened attentively, nodding along. “I’m guessing we’re at the part where you can’t tell me anymore?”
Hazel’s email alert swooshed to indicate an incoming message. “I’ll be right back; any contacts I’m on high alert for.” She stepped into the office and wiggled her mouse to wake her computer. An email from Dana was in her inbox, subject line [HR Investigation 730928C] Supporting Evidence. Her heart quickened as she opened it.
The email was addressed to HR, not to Hazel. She looked at the recipients and realized she had been BCC’d.
Hi Sandra,
Regarding HR Investigation 730928C, I have attached the information for the relationship disclosure for Sam Pierce and Hazel Rogers.
I apologize for not being able to locate their official disclosure form. However, I recall the conversation and have supporting evidence that it occurred in my personal notes (attached and pasted into the body of this message below) on April 6th, 2019.
Our policy discouraging interdepartmental relationships was put in place in August 2019. As Hazel and Sam’s disclosure predates that policy, it is my recommendation to close this investigation with No Fault Found.
Excerpt from my notes (also attached):
April 6th, 2019
Began prep for Board Meeting on 4/22
All meetings as expected, watch Regional Quality regarding relationship between behavioral adoption and CSAT
Intervened Sam Pierce after personal event. Amicable fellow, lovesick over H. Rogers. Monitor for resumed behavior
Regards,
Dana Jessup
CEO FutureApp
Hazel read it twice. She wondered if this meant everything was over when the thread was updated. Sandra had replied.
Thanks Dana,
HR Investigation 730928C is closed with No Fault Found.
Kimberly, please discontinue this investigation.
Hazel felt her phone buzz in her hand. She didn’t realize she was grasping onto it so firmly. An unknown number messaged her. “All set.”
“Sam! Come here!” Sam poked his head around the office door and then strode in. “Look at this!” Hazel pushed her chair back to roll out of his way.
Sam read the email aloud, giggling as he approached the end of the second email. Hazel pointed at the text message from the unknown number. “You’ve got to be kidding! DANA!” He jumped in the air tucking his feet high. He pulled Hazel’s hand and twirled her office chair around. Hazel felt the same unbridled joy for life as she had in her favorite childhood memories. Energy thrummed from them as they danced around the house.
“So you can tell me now!” Sam said, “Where’d you go?”
Hazel’s fingers caught in her hair again. She sang, “I’ve got to take care of this. Come with me!” She brushed her hair and explained. “I was looking for you everywhere. After Tamra’s message, I wasn’t sure what would happen. If anything could happen at the summit, if it would be later, or if decisions had already been made. There were a lot of high-stakes scenarios. So I ran down to warn you. We were supposed to meet at breakfast, but you weren’t there. I looked in the conference room but didn’t see you there either. We were minutes away from the Closing Address, and I saw Dana peek out from backstage, and I don’t know… I felt a little unhinged about going to the CEO, but I didn’t see many other options. I ran to the backstage door, and she let me in. I had to wait backstage while she gave the address. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life. Then, when I explained, she pulled out her phone and called HR to confirm what was happening. She told me there was a complaint about our relationship, but obviously not who reported it. Then she said she believed she could help but wouldn’t tell me how. She swore me to secrecy because, in her words, ‘I’m going to get creative.’ She told me her idea might not work, and she wanted to be realistic. If it didn’t, there wasn’t anything else she could do outside normal channels.”
