Every Time My Heart Breaks, page 37
Since both Skylar and Nia’s two daughters went to the same daycare, and they had picked up each other’s children numerous times before, we already knew Skylar would be allowed to take Drea from there now.
Nia smiled at her gratefully. “Thank you.”
Skylar nodded and took her hand, choking out the words, “I love you.”
“Love you too, sis.”
Once she was gone, Nia looked up at Julian again. He was plastered to her side and holding her hand. He looked haggard and drawn, barely able to hold himself together.
“My mom?” she asked next.
“I…I called,” he answered with a rasp. “And she’s starting back from her vacation now, but…” He shook his head.
Nia’s expression fell. “She’s not going to make it, is she?”
He sniffed and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
Nia shook her head as well, but then lifted her lips to smile at him in adoration. “It’s okay,” she assured. “I still have your family here. Your huge, wonderful, crazy family.” Turning to us, she kept smiling as tears sparkled in her eyes. “I love you all so much, and I’m so grateful that you welcomed me into this group and shared Julian with me. He’s been my rock for the past—God, how long have we been together, babe?—eighteen years?”
Julian nodded with a small smile of his own. “Since we were sixteen, yeah,” he murmured fondly. “Married for the past twelve years.”
Nia grinned big and then glanced around at the rest of us again. “I just need you guys to do me a favor, okay? I need you to help him through this. He’s going to be a single dad now. He’s going to need you more than ever.”
“We’ll help him,” my mom promised. “Always.”
Nia nodded gratefully, then looked up at Julian again. “And you…” she told him. “My beautiful, amazing husband. My mother’s going to want to take custody of Drea, but you don’t have to let her. You can handle it. You can raise her. I know you can. You’re going to have this huge network of people helping you, and you can do it. Don’t let her convince you that you can’t. Because you’ll regret it if you do. And you need Drea. Okay? Plus, I don’t want her to lose both her parents.”
“Okay,” he promised, his voice almost completely hoarse now as he nodded passionately. “I’ll keep Drea with me. I swear.”
“Good.” She smiled dreamily and nodded before adding, “And I want you to move on and remarry. Be happy. I don’t want you to carry on with some miserable, lonesome life. I need to know you’ll be okay.”
“Ni…” His voice cracked, and he shook his head insistently. “No. I… I can’t even…” Tears filled his eyes. “Jesus, God. I can’t think about that right now. You’re the love of my life. I don’t want anyone else.”
“But time will pass,” she assured him steadily. “And you’ll get lonely. I don’t want you to be lonely. Julian, promise me. You’ll move on and find someone. You’ll be happy.”
“No.” Weeping openly, he fell to his knees and pressed his face against her hand that he was gripping. “I can’t. I…I can’t do this. Nia, please. I’d do anything for you, but not this. Don’t leave me. I don’t want to go on without you. Don’t leave me.”
Next to me, Luke made a sound in his throat and turned toward me, seeking comfort. I could see the anguish in his eyes as he remembered me saying those very words in Dax Freston’s basement to him.
Don’t leave me.
I hugged him close, and we started to cry together.
I honestly don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. Except maybe Nia’s. She remained passive as she stroked Julian’s bowed head and stuck firmly to her request.
“I want you to try anyway,” she insisted, her words starting to slur. “Find some happiness. For me. Okay?”
He lifted his face and wiped it with one hand. “I’ll try.”
His wife nodded. “Thank you.” She glanced at the rest of us again and her smile started to look weaker. “I feel like a queen right now, holding court.” Stretching out a hand toward Trick who was standing not far behind Julian, she said, “Like everyone is here to pay their homage.”
Trick sent her a watery grin and took her fingers, bowing over them before kissing the back of her hand. “Oh, we are, Your Majesty. You’ll always be our royal Nia.”
“You need to settle down and find a good woman too,” Nia told him. “Maybe you and Julian can look together.”
“I’ll be the best damn wingman he could ever have. You can count on me.”
“Good.” Nia preened and turned toward Beau and Bentley, who were standing next to him. “And you two, on your way to having another baby… I wish I could get to meet him.”
From there, she made her rounds, circling the room with everyone stepping forward, one after another when it was their turn for their one-on-one goodbye. When it came time for me and Luke to step up, I sucked in a worried breath, certain she was going to accuse me of killing her.
A million apologies filled my tongue, but the moment Nia saw me, she burst out smiling. “Little Chloe,” she greeted. “You were so young when we met. I feel honored to have watched you grow up and fall in love and find…”
When her eyes strayed toward Luke, they widened.
“Oh…” she murmured in surprise as if just remembering something. “I’m going to miss it.” Then her expression crinkled with concern. “I can’t believe I’m going to miss it. Do you…do you still have it on you?”
I glanced toward Luke in question, not sure what the heck Nia was talking about, but he nodded sadly. “I do.”
I frowned, wanting to ask just what he had on him.
But the hospital chaplain showed up to see Nia then, and his appearance effectively distracted everyone from the current topic.
We backed up to clear a path for him, and he went to her bedside, talking quietly with her and Julian, getting to know them, and asking if she needed anything.
“I…I think I’m doing okay,” Nia answered, nodding gratefully. “I mean, I…I feel strangely okay with it. Maybe that’s just the drugs talking, but honestly, I’ve lived a good life and shared it with a great man…” She smiled at Julian. “We have the perfect daughter. I really couldn’t have asked for anything more. Just more time, you know, and maybe…”
She looked toward me with aching regret. “My sister-in-law’s about to get engaged, and I’m going to miss it. I helped pick out her ring today.”
She’d done what, now?
I whipped a startled glance toward Luke, who met my gaze and offered me a sheepish smile.
I was still blinking in shock as Nia kept talking to the chaplain. “I’m going to miss so much, and I…well, if I could just see this one last thing, I think I could go in peace, you know. So… Do you think you could maybe marry them? Right now? So I could see the wedding.”
“I…” The chaplain looked toward us in surprise, and Luke and I exchanged puzzled unsuspecting glances. “Well…” The chaplain turned back to Nia. “We don’t have any legal paperwork or—”
“That’s okay,” Nia assured him. “It doesn’t have to be official. I just… I don’t want this to be one more thing I’ll miss.” Glancing toward me and Luke, her eyes pleaded. “Please. I want to see you as a bride. I want to go with a smile.”
“Y…” Luke glanced at me, already nodding before he turned back to Nia. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Whatever you want.”
Then he glanced at me again for confirmation.
My mouth opened, but no words came. “I…” Dear God. But how could she want me to get married right here and now, even if it was a fake wedding? She was dying. I couldn’t…
It was hard to process anything past that.
But then Julian spoke up for me. “Of course, they will,” he assured, his gaze seeking mine. “Of course, you will.”
And that’s why I found myself nodding and agreeing too. “O-okay.”
Then I glanced toward Luke. He sent me a hopeful but concerned smile and took my fingers, squeezing them hard.
“So we’re going to have a wedding,” Pick said, clapping his hands.
“This is highly irregular,” was all the chaplain could answer before he shrugged. “But if this is what you want…”
“It is,” Nia assured. “The deathbed request girl always gets her way.”
She laughed at her own joke, but no one else joined in.
A bustle of activity followed, however, covering what probably would’ve been an awkward, stilted moment of silence.
My dad nudged Luke toward the chaplain, before dragging me backward toward the doorway of the room, and the others conformed themselves to stand in two groups like they were guests at a wedding with Nia’s bed as the focal point, and an empty lane in the middle to act as the aisle.
“Are my parents still here?” I heard Luke ask, and people nudged both Dr. Hamilton and Zoey up toward the front of the crowd so they were next to my mom.
“We’ll need two witnesses,” the chaplain said.
“Ooh,” Nia spoke up and lifted her hand. “Can I be the maid of honor?”
“Of course,” I told her.
“And you?” Luke was asked.
When he glanced around, I knew he was looking for his brother, but JB was still in surgery, trying to save the man who’d killed my sister-in-law. His face fell for a fraction of a moment before he reached out and grabbed Trick’s arm, yanking him to his side.
Finally, everyone was in place, and Uncle Asher began to hum the wedding march, his wife and children joining in to help the music along.
Dad held out his arm to me, and I took his elbow, still trying to get used to the fact that this was actually happening.
As he walked me up the makeshift aisle toward Luke, I glanced at my groom, and suddenly this felt way too real.
He watched me as if he were watching a true bride walking toward him. Then he held out his own elbow as my father gave me away and placed my hand on Luke’s arm.
My ears began to buzz again.
The chaplain started spouting off true wedding talk, and when he had Luke say his vows, Luke turned toward me and repeated them perfectly, watching me the whole time as if he meant every word he said.
But the most shocking part of all was when I repeated my vows back to him.
We were doing this; we were really freaking doing this.
I was marrying Luke.
When he pulled a ring from his pocket, my mouth dropped open as I got my first glimpse of the diamond inside.
My gaze lifted in disbelief to his face. He sent me a half cringe as if apologizing for how this was happening and a half-hopeful plea as if begging me to like what I saw and not reject him.
My hand trembled as I held it out to him, and I could only gape as he put the ring on my finger.
Moments later, we were married, and the chaplain was pronouncing us husband and wife.
“Yay,” Nia cheered…hoarsely, in a weakening voice…as Luke dipped his head to press his mouth to mine. “Oh, that was perfect. Thank you. Thank you, guys.”
She tried to hold both hands out to us but grew too tired to keep them lifted over a second.
Julian appeared at her side and touched her shoulder. “Babe?”
“I have her!” a breathless Skylar announced, appearing in the doorway of the room with a sleeping toddler passed out on her shoulder. “She fell asleep on the way here. But she’s here.”
“My baby,” Nia slurred, trying to lift her arm again. “My Drea.”
Skylar hurried her forward, and Julian reached out to take his daughter from her arms.
“Don’t wake her,” Nia instructed, her speech slowing dramatically. “She’s so precious when she sleeps. I just want to see her face.”
Julian held the napping Drea down so that her face could press against Nia’s, and Nia sighed in delight. “Thank you.”
She stayed that way for a moment, her eyes closed and a smile on her face. Then she whispered, “I love you, baby girl. I love you more than life itself. Take care of Daddy for me now.”
She let out a breath and seemed to nap against her sleeping child, while Drea dreamed on, completely unaware that she was losing her mother.
Luke’s dad stepped forward and checked her pulse. He shook his head slowly and glanced at Julian. “She won’t wake up again from here.”
Julian slowly pulled Drea to his chest and held her close, kissing her hair as he closed his eyes and let the tears silently stream down his face.
The rest of us wept bitterly, and Luke hugged me as I rested my face on his chest.
We were still trying to adjust to the loss of one of our own when JB found us.
Freezing worriedly in the doorway, he quietly said, “Dax Freston is dead.”
No one responded. No joy was gleaned from that news.
Luke merely glanced at his brother and answered, “So is Nia.”
36 LUKE
Chloe had closed down and barely talked to me or even looked at me since I’d brought her home from the hospital the day we lost her sister-in-law.
Everything about our relationship felt tainted by this. Chloe would never be able to see her ring now without thinking about the day Nia died. A real wedding between us seemed out of the question because it’d be like going against Nia’s death wish. Hell, we’d only gotten together at all because Nia’s murderer had terrorized Chloe first.
Seriously, if Freston hadn’t kidnapped her, to begin with, I wouldn’t have grown as close to her as I had, her dad wouldn’t have pushed me at her, and she wouldn’t be with me at all. So I felt as if I only had bad, traumatic memories written all over me, and I was just making everything worse by staying by her side through her grief, reminding her what horrors our relationship stemmed from.
I had no idea what to fucking do. I felt useless and inept, and watching her suffer killed me.
I loved this woman; I would do anything for her. And if removing myself from the equation could return peace to her, then…
Fuck, I’m not sure if I could do that. It was the one thing that gave me cold sweats. So I just prayed that my leaving wasn’t what she needed most.
After glancing at the time, I sought her out and found her standing at her dresser, staring sightlessly at her assortment of lotions and perfumes on top.
I approached without saying a word, and when I just stood there beside her for a moment, she finally said, “I don’t know which one to wear.”
I opened my mouth to tell her Japanese Cherry Blossom, of course, because she needed the soothing comfort of her favorite scent in her nose, but then I asked, “Which one was Nia’s favorite?”
She glanced at me in surprise as if she couldn’t believe I would dare say that name in her presence, but then she said, “Hibiscus Paradise,” and she reached for a bottle with that label on it.
“I can put it on,” I offered, scrapping for any reason to get to touch her.
But she shook her head. “I got it.” Then she slipped off her ring before filling her palm with lotion.
My heart stopped as I watched it settle on the dresser top. I found myself holding my breath every time she took it off…to shower, for bedtime, whenever. I kept thinking she’d never put it back on again. Except so far, she had, and it felt like a miracle each time.
She slathered her arms and hands and then set the bottle back.
“What time do we need to be there again?”
“In about fifteen minutes,” I answered quietly.
She nodded and started to turn away. “I just need to get some heels on, and I’ll be ready.”
“Chlo…?”
“Hmm?” She turned back, her eyebrows lifted in question.
I picked up the ring and held it out to her.
“Oh.” She looked slightly unsettled, then held out her fingers for me to slip it on. “Can’t forget that. Everyone would wonder where it was.”
I lifted my gaze to her as I slid it over her knuckle.
Was she only wearing it to make the rest of the family think everything was okay? Did she not want it otherwise? Did she not want me?
My stomach clenched in dread.
Why the hell had I agreed to get married at the side of her sister-in-law’s hospital bed? The rest of the family thought it had been sweet to give Nia one last parting gift. But to Chloe, was it only going to be a horrible reminder of one of the worst days of her life?
It all scared the shit out of me, to be honest. I felt like I was bombing this. I was ruining our marriage before it had even started.
Too scared to ask if she even wanted to be with me anymore, I waited restlessly by the dresser as she disappeared into the closet and re-emerged with shoes on.
“Ready?” I asked roughly.
She nodded, and I set a hand on the small of her back as I followed her to the door. She didn’t shy away from me, but she didn’t sink toward me as she had before the car accident either.
It broke my heart, but I said nothing, not wanting to make an issue out of it and hurt her any more than she was already suffering.
At the funeral home, almost everyone else had arrived before us. It was easy for Chloe to hang out at the back of the room, away from Julian and anyone else who was closest to Nia. There were so many people Chloe wasn’t really missed.
But not as many showed up at the graveside service that followed, and when others glanced toward us, I shook my head, telling them not to bother her.
“Are we going to go up there and see Julian?” I leaned in to ask Chloe.
She shook her head and even sank a step back. “No. I…I… He’s already going through enough. I don’t want to shove the woman who’s responsible for all this in his face.”
I opened my mouth to once again tell her this wasn’t her fault. She’d done all the right things. She had tried to sever contact with Dax Freston immediately when he showed red flags. She’d gotten a restraining order against him. She’d been brave enough to talk about what he’d done to her to the police. And even if she hadn’t done everything right, she hadn’t asked him to go after her car, thinking she was in it. She hadn’t forced him to kill anyone. She’d been brutalized by him too. This wasn’t on her.
