Every Time My Heart Breaks, page 13
“Ignore it?” Luke lifted his brows in clear disagreement. “It was gouging you in the thigh.”
“It was gouging my knee,” I corrected. “And you should’ve pretended you didn’t notice it either. That way, we could’ve avoided this entire conversation.”
He shrugged cluelessly. “What’s wrong with this conversation?”
I blinked at him once, then lifted my hand to block him from view, even though I could still clearly make him out on the bed where I’d spent most of my teen years dreaming about him.
Still in a shirt, jeans, and socks, he looked deliciously rumpled, especially with my blankets covering one of his legs, his lap area, and a bit of his torso. The rest was left on glorious display as he half sat up, propped against a mountain of pillows with one arm resting behind his head as he watched me from his relaxed sprawl.
The stupid teenager that was still trapped deep inside me perked to life, tingling in excitement at the sight, while the rest of me gave a tired, irritated sigh.
“Never mind,” I told him because if he didn’t understand how messed up our current topic of discussion was, then I had a feeling I couldn’t explain it to him in terms that he actually comprehended. “Just…be gone by the time I get back, huh?” Grabbing a handful of clothes from my overnight bag, I started for the door, calling over my shoulder, “And don’t masturbate on my bed.”
“No promises,” he sang after me, causing me to pull up short and lean back to glare into my room at him.
He laughed and lifted his hands. “Kidding!”
I narrowed my eyes. “You better be.”
Still chuckling over his off-brand humor, he waved me away. “Go. Change. I’ll behave. I promise.”
Huffing out a breath, I shook my head and hurried to the closest bathroom, where I exhaled deeply as soon as I shut the door behind me, finally alone and away from his magnetic pull.
But then the mirror over the vanity caught my attention, and my lips parted in shock. Bruises and cuts dotted my face, and my eye was so bloodshot it was hard to even look at.
“Oh God,” I breathed, pressing a hand to my abdomen as the horrors from the night before came rushing back to me.
I’d forgotten for a minute there while I was in my room with Luke.
I mean, I knew why he was there, and I definitely felt the soreness. But I’d actually forgotten about all the traumatic parts when we’d been bickering as if nothing bad had happened at all. And suddenly, I wanted to blow back into that room with him and berate him some more for daring to get a hard-on in my bed. That had been real and normal and…and safe. This…
Air puffed at my lungs as I stared at my own reflection. A dull, surreal numbness spread through my limbs.
This didn’t even seem real.
But every inch of my body told a different story. I swear, I was just one big, sore bruise. Wincing as I lifted my arms to take off my nightshirt, I kept watching my reflection as I revealed more cuts, scrapes, and abrasions.
Survivor princess, Ten’s new name for me echoed through my head. He’d said it like it was a badge of honor. But I didn’t feel very honored at the moment. I felt pummeled and stiff, beaten down and barely able to move.
I debated on whether to take another shower, even though a shower was the last thing I’d done last night before climbing into bed. I bet steaming warm water could help loosen my knotted muscles more than anything. But knowing people were out there, waiting on me—people who loved and cared about me—I shook my head and just slipped into some fresh clothes instead.
By the time I was done and stepping into the hall again, Luke seemed to have recovered enough to leave my room. He was in the hall and had already passed the bathroom door when I opened it. I stared after him, focusing briefly on the wide cut of his shoulders as he walked before a little toddler appeared in the opening of the hallway at the other end, catching his attention.
“Hey there,” he greeted, his voice full of smiles. “I know you.”
Bending down, he snagged the girl and lifted her until their faces were even. When the child seemed to realize who’d just picked her up, she grinned and reached for his face, blowing raspberries at him.
Luke chuckled. “Yeah. You remember Uncle Fart Sounds, don’t you?” And he started blowing raspberries back at her before he lifted her higher so he could blow some on her belly and make her scream with laughter.
Drawn toward the sound, I moved that way, needing to be in on this kind of joy.
“There’s one of my god-babies,” I crooned, reaching out and attempting to steal Harper right out of Luke’s arms. “Come to Chloe, my little precious.”
Luke lowered his niece to his shoulder and turned to face me, already beginning to hold her out for me to take the toddler. But Harper took one look at my fucked-up eye, and her face contorted with terror before she shrieked out her fear and turned back to Luke for protection.
“Oh my God, I’m sorry,” I gushed, slapping my hand over my eye. “I didn’t even think.”
“It’s fine,” he assured, even as he kissed his niece’s hair before lifting her up and blowing raspberries at her some more. “The kid’s tough. She’ll be okay.”
And just like that, Harper stopped crying so she could grab his lips and start imitating him again.
“What’s wrong…?” her mother said as she blew around the corner, looking worried, only to stall to a stop and set her hands on her hips, glowering at Luke.
“Luke,” she scolded. “What did I tell you about teaching my daughter to make fart sounds?”
“Hey, it’s my lot in life to teach her all the naughty shit her parents won’t,” he argued. Then, he tickled Harper’s belly. “Isn’t that right, stinker? Pretty soon, we’ll be putting Kool-Aid in the toilet together and figuring out how to fake a fever so you can stay home from school, won’t we?”
As Harper grinned and patted his face with both hands, Teagan groaned and mumbled, “Do any of that, and I’m siccing your brother on you.”
“Harsh.” Luke settled Harper firmly on his hip and glanced at his sister-in-law, asking, “Is he here, by the way?”
“JB? No.” Teagan shook her head as she came forward to set a hand on her daughter’s back. “He’s already gone in to work for today. I came over with my parents.”
Then, she finally turned to look at me. “Hey, you,” she murmured, her voice softening and eyes filling with sympathy as she focused on my bad eye. “You gave us quite a scare last night. You doing okay?”
When she stepped forward, her arms open to pull me into a hug, I sucked in a startled breath and lurched back without meaning to.
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” Teagan gasped, immediately pulling away as well. “I… I didn’t think.”
“No, it’s fine,” I assured her, hugging myself and feeling like slime for making one of my best friends feel shitty about merely trying to hug me. I mean, Jesus. This was Teagan. I’d known her since forever. How could I shy away from Teagan? “I’m sorry. I…”
“Have all the reason in the world to be jumpy today,” Teagan assured me, reaching for my arm only to stop herself. “I should’ve considered that.”
No, she shouldn’t have. I had no reason to be jumpy around my family and friends. Hugging myself, I tried to get my emotions back under control, but I could already feel it slipping. My chin was already quivering. Any second I was going to burst into tears, and everyone was going to see me lose my shit, which only made me panic more.
But then my father’s voice murmured, “Chloe Girl?”
And I sucked in a startled breath before spinning to find him in the opening of the hall.
He nodded at me, his gaze grave but still alight with the promise that things would get better. “The Tennings brought some breakfast over if you’re hungry.”
Nodding, I set my hand over my stomach as it stirred. “I could definitely eat. I skipped supper last night.”
Supper.
Ah shit. I had no-showed at the restaurant where I was supposed to meet Logan. Now I was going to have to call him sometime and apologize. But God, the idea of calling anyone right now turned my stomach.
As Luke and Teagan filed out of the hallway to head toward the kitchen, Dad remained behind to send me a questioning glance. “You up for this? One word, and I can make them all go away.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s okay. I want to be surrounded by people I love.”
He watched me another second longer, then nodded. “Okay.” He reached out to take my arm, but when I flinched at the move, he inconspicuously dropped his fingers and settled for stepping back to let me go first.
“Fair warning: all your siblings and their families are still here along with the Tennings.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I could do this. I could face the people I loved.
The closer we got to the kitchen, however, the louder the sound of talking and conversation grew. It didn’t really intimidate me until I stopped in the room, however, and everyone immediately stopped talking. I shrank back a step, only to run into Dad which made me gasp in surprise from the unexpected contact.
Damn, I was really messed up.
“There you are,” my sister-in-law, Nia, crooned as she came forward, her arms thrown open to hug me.
My eyes widened in dread, but then Teagan hollered, “No! Hugs are freaking her out today.”
Leave it to Teagan to blurt everything right out into the open.
Nia immediately froze and dropped her arms. “Oh God. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I’m sure I’ll be good to go again and ready to hug everyone in a few days.”
“Of course you will,” Mom supplied, smiling sunnily my way as she waved me toward the table and an open box full of donuts. “Now come, sit. There’s a caramel-coated Long John over here calling your name.”
My eyebrows lifted. “Ooh.” Long Johns were my favorite. And if there was any day I could allow myself to splurge on donuts, it would be today. “Don’t mind if I do.”
Almost everyone was already eating. All the chairs except one—that seemed to be the seat of honor—had been taken, while half a dozen more people were standing and leaning against cabinets and counters. My sister, Skylar, was sitting on the floor and feeding bite-sized pieces to Harper, her daughter—Kailee—and Julian’s little girl—Drea—as they milled around her, toddling and eating.
All three little girls were my goddaughters, I realized vaguely. I’d been hoping to collect more—since it had become a running family joke to strive to be the next godparent of every new baby that was born—but so far, it was just these three for me, and it made me smile to see them all in the same place at once.
After thanking Caroline and Ten for providing the food, I snagged the Long John and a napkin, then bypassed the chair that seemed to be reserved for me, and I backpedaled until I was leaning against the island counter next to where Luke was also leaning and eating an apple fritter with Trick on his other side, downing a glazed donut.
My arm brushed Luke’s, and he sent me a curious sidelong glance but then went back to eating.
“Does anyone know how Lucy and Ava Grace are today?” I asked before biting into my pastry.
“Yeah, we stopped by there on our way here,” Caroline spoke up. “And they’re doing well. They’re just fine.”
I nodded, grateful to hear that.
“You should’ve seen the way Vaughn was doting over both of them.” Teagan lifted her brows, eager to impart some juicy gossip. “I think those two are going to hook up before too long.”
I smiled sadly and looked down at my donut. “She told me she was in love with him,” I said. “Last night. Right before Dax showed up.” My chin trembled, and tears filled my eyes as I added, “And I dropped her baby.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Mom scolded softly, coming forward to take my arm. “That is not on you. It—”
When I gasped and wrenched away from her touch, I bumped into Luke again, and he set a hand on the center of my back to steady me. He said nothing, but his hand leveled out my emotions until I felt balanced enough not to have a panic attack in the middle of my parents’ kitchen.
“I…I’m sorry,” I choked out, my eyes still welling. “Maybe I wasn’t ready for this after all.”
And I took off, racing from the kitchen.
Once I returned to my room, I spent the rest of the day in bed, and the only two people who bothered me were my parents when they brought food.
13 LUKE
After getting booted out of the Ryan house within thirty seconds of Chloe fleeing the kitchen in tears, I went home and tried to take a nap before I had to go back in to work later that night. But sleep was elusive.
Every time I would begin to drift off, I only jerked awake again, breathing hard and sitting up, looking around for Chloe to make sure she was okay. I tried to watch some television, but every show made me feel sick to my stomach. I tried to play a game on my phone, but then my heart would start to race for no good reason, and I’d have to get up and walk around.
There was plenty of chatter in the family group chat, and I read some of what they were saying, mostly about Dax Freston. Apparently, he was still in jail and waiting for a hearing first thing on Monday morning to go in front of a judge to either get his bail set or denied. A handful of the family planned on being present for that.
I tossed the phone down and paced some more, wishing Pick hadn’t made everyone leave. I’d even sworn to him that I wouldn’t bug her or talk to her; I’d just needed to stay close and look in at her every so often to convince myself she was fine. It was a compulsory need I couldn’t seem to control. And it frazzled my nerves down to nubs that he wouldn’t let me even do that.
What’s worse, she never responded when I privately texted her, asking, you doing okay?
Pick did call early in the afternoon, but only to ask me to go in to work early and make sure the bar was ready for opening since he didn’t plan on going in at all. I readily agreed and then tried to ask how Chloe was, but all he answered was, “She’s working it out. Just give her some time.”
That evasive response irritated me and told me nothing. So I stopped by Lucy’s house on the way to work, to make sure at least she and her kid were okay.
There were a ton of people there.
Her brother, Beau, opened the door for me as I was walking up. We nodded silently to each other, and he stepped back to let me in. I scanned the new door and patches on the drywall as I did, remembering how it’d been hanging from one hinge the night before.
And just like that, I remembered the basement and the frightened look in Chloe’s eyes again.
Shaking my head, I looked up and pulled back in surprise to find Lucy immediately coming in to hug me in greeting before I could even pull my hands from my pockets. “Thank you for finding her,” she said into my ear before pulling away.
I nodded solemnly and glanced around at everyone talking in hushed voices so as not to aggravate the baby’s head wound.
The conversation here wasn’t much different from that in the group chat. They were all talking about ways to make sure Chloe’s psycho ex paid for his crimes—some were legal ways, and some were not-so-legal.
I kind of preferred the not-so-legal suggestions myself, but those were just wishful thinking, so I turned toward Lucy’s mom who was rocking with the bruised baby on her lap.
“Have you heard any word from Eva today about Chloe?”
Aspen glanced up and sent me a sad smile. “She said Chloe hadn’t left her room since this morning. She’ll eat when they force her to, but I can tell Eva’s worried. It definitely hit her hard today.”
I nodded, the itch in me to go see her only growing stronger. “Yeah, she was pretty skittish this morning.”
“You’re lucky you got in to see her before Pick put up the ban,” Lucy’s dad told me. “He’s not letting anyone visit now, not even her siblings.”
Fuck. This was not what I wanted to hear. If her dad was keeping people away, I would’ve liked to at least hear that she was getting up and moving around and eating.
When I finally left Lucy’s and went to work, the bar was quiet and dark. With a big exhale, I started in, turning on all the lights, opening locked doors that led into the kitchen and store room and bathrooms, and did all the usual things Pick did before any of his employees arrived.
But my head wasn’t in it, and I was distracted all evening, messing up orders, giving back wrong change, and basically pissing off all the customers along with my coworkers.
Then I was a stickler about people not walking to their cars alone at the end of their shift.
None of them had heard about what had happened with their boss’s daughter yet, and it wasn’t my place to tell them.
Unable to keep going like this, I sat in my truck outside the bar and ran my hands over my head a moment before giving in and texting Pick.
I typed: U up?
Not long later, he answered: If this is a booty call, you have the wrong number, idiot.
I snickered out a smile and shook my head before typing back: Funny, boss. Just closed up the bar. I was hoping I could swing by there and check in on her.
There was a pause, and I was sure he was going to deny me, but as soon as I gave up hope and geared my truck into drive to head home, my phone buzzed with an incoming message.
Come to the back door when you get here.
“Yes!” I hissed, fisting my hand and tapping it against the steering wheel in celebration.
My nerves which had been strung tight all day had already started to loosen by the time I pulled up to the Ryan house, just knowing I was going to get to see her again.
Pick was waiting for me when I approached the back door.
“After this morning, I wasn’t going to let anyone bother her for the rest of the day,” Pick told me as he let me in. “But she’s not sleeping again tonight, and I was hoping you could do whatever you did last night to help her with that.”
