Rogue Wolf (Protector Wolf Shifter Series Book 3), page 7
Tamaska buried her head in his chest, his musky testosterone scent soothing.
It was so hard to trust him—not because he was a wolf shifter, but because she was so used to being independent. She had put up more walls around herself than she realized. If she didn’t take control of a situation, she felt weak.
He stroked her head. “You haven't answered me.”
Tamaska nuzzled closer against his chest, trying to avoid the question.
“Tamaska, if you can’t trust me, and if you can’t let me guide you through how to behave in a pack, then they will reject you.”
“I’m trying, but it’s hard. I keep making mistakes with the pack, with you. It was day so I thought it would be fine. A few minutes and…and I fucked up. Maybe if we change me things’ll improve.”
“That won't help, not unless you start understanding things now. Changing you won’t guarantee that you'll be accepted into the pack.”
“What about all the hard work I’ve done cleaning up the clubhouse?” She closed her eyes as memories of the bloody mess filled her mind.
“You should’ve stayed in my room like I told you to. You should have stayed out of it. That was too horrific for you to experience, to process, especially since you’re new to this life.” He kissed the top of her head. “They’ll accept you if you’re obedient to me. I can’t protect you if you don’t listen to me. And if the others see you defy me, that puts my position in jeopardy, which in turn puts you at risk.”
“I messed up..” She just wasn’t the submissive type. Maybe in bed, being tied up in the name of pleasure, sure—but in day-to-day life, she wasn’t one to acquiesce. And he didn’t bend.
“Do you have a death wish or something?”
“No,” she said, her voice muffled against his bare chest. She hadn’t even gone through with the change, and her life was already so much more difficult than anticipated.
“Tamaska.” He eased her back a little to look at her. “The ceremony is tonight, and I need you by my side.”
Anticipation fluttered in Tamaska's stomach as his words sank in. She wanted to be by his side, showing her support.
“I really was trying to help,” she added again.
Kodiak squeezed her. “All you need to do is to listen to me.”
“I am.”
“No, you’re not. You’re being stubborn, and I love it under normal circumstance, but right now it could get you killed.”
“I’m not submissive.”
“Jesus you don’t need to be” Then he chuckled softly. “Well, only when I fuck you.”
Her pussy contracted and her clit throbbed as need thundered through her. Fuck, if only he would take her now. But that was the last thing they needed to do now.
“Come on, we need to get back before Amdis decides to return with friends. There’s a lot to do at the clubhouse before we head to the hut in the Blue Mountains for the ceremony.”
Tamaska inhaled slowly, allowing his scent to fill her lungs. She held her breath for a moment to savor the delightful sensation, then exhaled. That was as much pleasure as she was going to get for now, and she would enjoy it.
“First, do you have some clothes I can wear?” he asked.
Tamaska nodded. “I think you left some things.”
As she picked her way back to her room, the enormity, the reality of what she planned to give up set in. Before, she’d been gung ho, ready to change for Kodiak. Now…she still wanted to be changed, but it was all more complicated than she'd realized it would be.
Tamaska pushed through the pounding in her head as she searched for his clothes.
“Yes,” she whispered, pulling out a pair of jeans and light blue T-shirt.
“Here.” She left the bedroom, enjoying the sight of Kodiak's naked body.
He brushed her fingers as he took the clothes from her, sending a shiver of pleasure through her body and the sweet sensation pooled low in her abdomen.
Kodiak dressed quickly, but she couldn’t take her eyes off his perfect form. She could look at his naked body forever. He zipped his jeans, and they both looked at his feet.
“I don’t have any shoes that will fit you.”
“That’s fine, I’m used to walking around without shoes. It happens way too often.”
Tamaska couldn’t imagine experiencing that, not even after she changed.
“Let’s go. You're not coming back here,” said Kodiak, moving toward the door.
“I should grab a few…” Tamaska let the unspoken words evaporate from her mouth. The look Kodiak gave her chilled her to the bone.
“We go now. It’s getting dark. You're coming with me now. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
So much for my plan to help.
Tamaska grabbed the bag she’d packed and followed him to the door. “What about the car?”
“I’ll send someone back for it. We need it to get us all to the hut.”
Then the others would know she’d rebelled against him.
“I’ll drive back.” Driving would be dangerous after her head injury. But it wasn’t far to the clubhouse, and she didn’t want the others to find out what she’d done. Once more, she’d put them all at risk.
What if Kodiak had been hurt in the fight with Amdis? More than ever, she needed him to protect her. He obviously couldn’t do that if he was injured, or worse.
“Like hell, you will,” growled Kodiak as they left the apartment, he sent a text, then locked the door behind them. “You’re hurt and in no condition to drive.”
“I’ll be fine.” She bumped into him accidentally, and her vision blurred from the sudden movement.
“In a few days, maybe.” He took the bag and wrapped his arm around her, guiding her to the elevator. “Someone’s already on their way, they’ll be here before the sun sets.”
She’d really fucked up this time. Would the pack hold it against her? Would this be the reason they'd been looking for, the thing that would stop her from becoming one of them?
CHAPTER 8
Kodiak
The pack was even more vulnerable after Tamaska’s act of defiance. Kodiak’s muscles were permanently tense, and his head throbbed.
Tamaska had been sent to his room to rest in disgrace. He hated doing that, treating her like a child, but it showed the others that even if she became his mate, he wasn’t playing favorites.
Roan who had some medical experience, was assigned to check on her. Kodiak also sent Ash to keep watch. He couldn't trust Tamaska not to do something impetuous and hot-headed.
She was human. Even if there was more to her, she was essentially human, it’s how she thought, how she’d been brought up, so he couldn’t expect her to magically obey unspoken shifter laws and rules.
But sending Ash served another purpose; it would give her extra time to continue researching the Blood Opal and Tamaska's transformation.
The pack needed to get on the road, and they would, as soon as Fern returned with Onai’s car.
They’d have to clean the carpets tomorrow. Anger still beat in his veins, whispering it was a waste of time to bother with the carpet cleaners.
Tamaska’s recklessness put her at risk, as well as her being accepted by the pack.
Now would be the perfect time for the vampires to attack, even with clubhouse security up and running, thanks to Channing’s hard work, and the fencing electrified, if enough came, if they managed to overrun their system, it could well mean the end of the pack. The pack remained vulnerable as long as their enemies had the Blood Opal.
Kodiak couldn’t wait to get away from the clubhouse, the constant reminder of how the vampires had defeated them.
But it wouldn’t be any easier at the hut, not when they were going there to bury the dead.
Kodiak glanced out of the living room window.
“Again, why can’t we go?” asked Moki, still painting. The pack members had done what Kodiak had asked, and they were nearly finished with the final coat.
Kodiak let the curtain fall back over the window. “We need the car. Or do you want to stay here on vampire watch?”
“I’d like to pay my respects to the dead and you as the new alpha.”
“Good.” He didn’t entirely believe Moki. But, so far, Moki was toeing the line, which was good enough for now.
The young shifter held Kodiak’s gaze before turning back to his painting. He might be a pain but he wasn’t the only one who’d voiced discontent over the fact that Tamaska needed to be rescued from yet another vampire.
The pack didn’t want her around, especially if she wouldn’t obey the pack rules and follow him—the alpha. He heard their whispers. She was putting his leadership at risk.
Even as she didn’t mean to.
Kodiak would have to think of something smart to convince the others of her value to the pack. Fuck, he was going to have to convince himself.
It wasn’t just the anger or the fact she’d got herself into trouble. And for him it wasn’t value. She had great value in many areas, but packlife might not be for her. It even happened for shifters who took off to integrate into the human world or just roam. Some weren’t born for the pack.
And Tamaska… His worry was borne of his being the next Alpha; of the unknown risks of the change; of whether, deep down, she truly wanted it.
Once she changed that was it. She couldn’t ask for a refund.
Worse she didn’t understand the obedience that was ingrained in them. She’s asked him to explain but he couldn’t, not when it either was or wasn’t.
He could tell her it didn’t mean lack of independence or weakness. He could tell her it wasn’t submission.
Everyone and everything had its place and she…she didn’t.
She’d either get it or not. It was how things worked in his world. The pack would force her into exile if she couldn’t obey when asked. He couldn’t allow that to happen. Even though their bond existed, always growing stronger, he would ignore it and push Tamaska away if she couldn’t she was capable of working as a team, of following their rules.
And pushing her away when this was done—not before—meant he needed to decide soon. Because once changed he might as well kill her if the pack rejected her.
Pushing her away was the only way to keep her safe and alive and with hope for a future without him.
If it came to that.
If, if, fucking if.
Kodiak turned back to the window. He shifted the heavy curtain to the side. His superhuman sight allowed him to see clearly despite the dark. He watched for Fern’s return, and for any sign of vampires.
If anything happened to Fern, Tamaska would have no chance in hell of ever being accepted into the pack. Then Kodiak would have to make that hard decision now. No change and as soon as it was safe, Tamaska would need to leave.
The thought almost killed him.
Fern, are you nearly back? Kodiak reached out through their pack connection, hoping she was close enough to sense him.
No answer.
He didn’t like that. He also didn't like how quiet it was in the clubhouse. Moki was finishing the last of the painting in the living room while the others prepared for the trip to the hut in the Blue Mountains.
Ordinarily, the clubhouse would be alive with banter, pool competitions, darts, drinking, training, and sparring. Not heavy with this silence that got under his skin, tightening his anxiety like a screw into his chest.
It was too soon to go out and check on Fern, but Kodiak considered it anyway. Right now, he couldn’t be too careful. Too much was riding on her return.
Headlights appeared, and Kodiak exhaled slowly.
“Get ready to leave,” he said to Moki, leaving the room without waiting for an answer.
Kodiak strode out to meet Fern. “No problems?”
Fern got out of the car with blood trickling down her face.
Fuck. Whatever had happened wouldn't help Tamaska become part of the pack.
“What happened?” asked Kodiak.
“The usual. Vampire attack.” Fern slammed the vehicle’s door. “Happens a lot, now that she’s around.”
“It’s our duty, remember?” Kodiak inspected Fern’s face. A gash near her hairline needed patching up.
“Like hell it is.” Fern pushed his hand away.
“It's more about the Blood Opal than anything. And if it weren't for Tamaska, then we wouldn’t know that the vampires want it. They're up to something.”
“Bullshit. Look at what’s in the car! Nothing there is going to help us. All she’s done is make more work for us.”
Kodiak growled under his breath. “Taking this out on her doesn’t help.”
Fern shot him a dark glare.
“Watch it,” warned Kodiak.
Anger burned in her eyes, and he sensed her wolf form pushing to get out. But, to her credit, Fern remained in control. She was still loyal to him. Just barely.
“Where were you attacked?” asked Kodiak.
“There were two,” said Fern. “At the car. They were lying in wait from the looks of it. Because they attacked—on the street—the moment I unlocked the car.”
“Fuck,” responded Kodiak. Fern had been lucky to get away alive.
“The thing is, while there was barely any sunlight, it should have been enough to stop them. Vampires don’t like even a touch of sun.” Fear flashed in Fern's eyes. “Kodiak, they shouldn’t have been able to walk around, like the sun didn’t bother them.
Kodiak put his hands on his hips and kicked at the stones on the ground. Fern was right, and he had no answers as to why they could endure sunlight like never before.
Even Amdis, while he’s sizzled seemed to grow used to the brighter sun at the window. But, Tamaska had told him when it was much stronger, he couldn’t cross it.
Could it have something to do with the Blood Opal? Or could it be a natural evolution of their species?
It all seemed impossible—yet it was happening.
Whatever it was, it was fucking bad.
Even if they could only now stand weak sunlight, Amdis still couldn’t tolerate stronger levels, which gave Kodiak hope that the anomaly wasn’t a species-wide change. He could still smell the leader's burning skin, a stench that turned Kodiak's stomach.
“Were they in pain?” asked Kodiak.
“Too busy defending myself to find out.”
“Do you think they were new vampires?” Maybe Amdis had turned some humans and made them fight in the fading sunlight, apathetic about whether they died.
But it didn’t explain how Amdis seemed to tolerate the weak sunlight without worse damage.
“Possibly. Again, busy fighting for my life.”
“What happened to them?” It was arrogant for them to attack like that, in a busy city with humans watching. Maybe the vampires were moving toward total domination.
Fern shrugged. “I managed to get in the car and take off. I hit one, and the other ran away, I suppose.”
“Change the license plate before you go,” Kodiak said.
“I will. But is that enough?”
“Tomorrow, sell the vehicle—cash only—and then see what you can pick up for a replacement.” Kodiak didn’t need the police turning up at the clubhouse, asking questions about a vehicle involved in a hit-and-run.
“Sure thing,” answered Fern. “Onai will be furious.”
Kodiak put a hand on Fern’s shoulder. “I’ll get to the bottom of this. The vampires won't get away with the things they’ve done. And don't worry about Onai.”
Fern nodded with a sigh as tension and aching left over from the fight leaked out of her.
“Go to my room. Roan is there, he’ll attend to your wound. Then we'll get going to the hut.” Kodiak stopped short of announcing Tamaska's presence in his room, in case that prevented Fern from getting medical help.
“I’ll help you get the carpet cleaners out first,” said Fern.
“Like hell. you will. Go, I’ve got this. We need to get moving.” Best they got out of there and over to the hut. They needed to give themselves space to properly rally the troops before another encounter.
Kodiak pushed Fern towards the dormitories on the left side of the clubhouse.
“Go,” he instructed.
Kodiak carried the carpet cleaners inside, marveling at the fact that Tamaska had managed to get them in the car by herself. She was strong and independent, qualities worthy of a place in the pack. If only she could work on her obedience.
Was it that hard for her to submit to him?
He left the carpet cleaners in the foyer. There wasn’t anything else to do in the clubhouse. It was time to go.
Kodiak went through each room to ensure the windows were locked and secured. He noted the new security cameras in each room. Channing had done his job well.
“We’re going now,” he said to Jaha, one of the pack's younger males who was cleaning up in the kitchen.
The place looked almost back to normal, yet the scent of blood remained heavy on Kodiak's senses.
“You want me to drive?” asked Jaha, his expression full of hope.
“Go with Fern, she might let you drive,” Kodiak said biting down a smile.
Jaha sighed, hope fleeing from his eyes. “Sure thing, boss.”
“If not, you make sure she’s awake and alert. Otherwise, you can tell her I ordered you to drive.”
“Really?” Hope burst back into life.
“Yes, if you can stand up to her should the need arise.” It was a test for both Jaha and Fern.
Kodiak trusted Fern to drive, but why not give Jaha a chance to drive for a change, remind him that he has a purpose in the pack?
“Thanks! I’ll go find her now.” Jaha rushed past Kodiak.
Kodiak used the pack connection to find Fern.
“She's changing the plates,” Kodiak said as he pointed Jaha toward the back door. Hope pulsed through the young pup at the chance to drive to the hut, alleviating some of the stress Kodiak carried.
To be young again…with no responsibilities.
Kodiak felt as if he’d aged at least a decade in the last few days, now that the responsibility of being alpha rested firmly on his shoulders.
