Rogue Wolf (Protector Wolf Shifter Series Book 3), page 2
“Then clean this shit with me.” Ash threw a red-stained cloth into her bucket, then rinsed it before returning to cleaning.
The shadows under Ash’s eyes lay dark and heavy. Strands of hair escaped her ponytail. She didn’t look like the pack member Tamaska had first met. The pack’s infighting and the loss of the alpha had burdened Ash. It burdened everyone. And she didn’t know how to help them apart from cleaning up.
“I need more water.” She picked up the bucket and stretching her tired muscles once more. “Ash, should I go?”
“You go and he’ll tear the world apart, don’t try and pretend otherwise.”
“But if I’m a danger—”
For fuck’s sake, Tamaska. You can’t be this needy. We’re wolves. Strong, interdependent, yes, but beyond strong. Find that strength. And you know you can’t leave. It is what it is.”
The sharp breath hurt her lungs as she dragged one in. “I guess I’ll go get fresh water.”
Ash didn’t even glance her way.
“Do you want me to change your water?” Tamaska asked.
“I’m all right, thanks,” she said sharply.
“Okay, then.” Tamaska picked up the bloody bucket of water, her opposite hand outstretched to counter the bucket’s weight as she carefully walked outside.
Out of all the pack members, Ash had always supported Tamaska most. To have her lash out hurt. Badly. Everything was so complicated. Because she couldn’t blame Ash. They were intrinsically different beings. Human and shifter and she despaired right then of ever truly understanding.
In that short exchange she got something.
Even if she changed successfully into a shifter, she wouldn’t truly ever be one of them until she understood them, down to the fibers of her soul.
Until she could do that, she was destined to be an outsider.
Tamaska understood the pressures the pack members faced. It was more than just the vampires’ attack. They’d lost members, and the most prominent loss was Olcan. Then, Kodiak fought Shota for leadership and announced Tamaska as his mate.
People were angry. Hurting. Lashing out. And they were stoically doing what they needed to.
The minutia of the levels of complication were so intricate how could she find a way in.
Love wasn’t enough.
Tamaska sighed heavily. The shifters had their ways and their secrets. And she was an outsider, but she had something they wanted; a connection, somehow, to the Blood Opal.
It might just be the sacrifice the vampires need to unlock whatever power it holds. She didn’t know.
But the opal was the biggest and most dangerous secret of all.
She might be human, not one of them, and destined to never be one of them, even if she changed, but she vowed to do what she could to find the opal.
Find the stone, unlock its secrets and stop the vampires.
And maybe then she could find acceptance.
Maybe then she’d be worthy of Kodiak, the man she loved.
CHAPTER 2
Tamaska
Outside, she tipped the foul liquid near the fence marking the boundary between the pack’s property and the National Park. She’d lost count of how many times she’d trekked out there to change her water.
After hooking the bucket on the top of the garden tap, she filled it halfway, then poured in a healthy slug of the hydrogen peroxide. This routine gave her a bit of a workout, though the gym would have been better.
It did soothe something in her, the mundane routine. But she wished it wasn’t to do with the aftermath of violence.
She rubbed her chest between her breasts with the heel of her hand, trying to relieve the tightness and the cold heaviness there. But how could she when to her right, between the bushes, lay the graves they’d dug for the fallen?
They mocked her with their sacrifice each and every time.
Even Shota’s death was her fault by proxy.
After all, if she hadn’t been there, hadn’t been chosen by Kodiak they wouldn’t have fought for the right of alpha. They wouldn’t have fought over whether to keep things the same and turf her out, or change things and make room for an interloper…worse, an interloping human.
She didn’t want any more pack members to be killed, but their fates were out of her control.
Tamaska tugged up the too-big jeans she wore. She’d love to control which clothes she wore. Kodiak’s were obviously too big, but he forbade her from returning to her apartment alone. Until that moment, she hadn’t wanted to. But after nearly two days of cleaning up, she needed to get away from the clubhouse.
It was day, so no risk of vampire attacks. She got his protectiveness, when it made sense, but during the day she wasn’t about to be taken by any blood sucking monsters. Going home, getting some clothes, her computer…it would go a long way to feeling stronger, and another laptop in the mix would help.
And…shit. She needed fresh air, a change of scenery. At least for a few hours.
She slipped the bucket’s metal hook from the tap, grunting under its weight as targeted arm muscles ached from overuse. She didn’t mind the hard work to gain the pack’s respect, but there had to be an easier way to clean the carpets.
With each step the fumes of the hydrogen peroxide assaulted her senses as the bucket assaulted her shins.
Suddenly, Kodiak marched out of the building, the back door slamming shut behind him. She almost dropped the bucket.
The man stole her breath and made every muscle ache in an entirely different way.
Tall, muscled, arrogant and strong. Sexy as hell. And all hers.
That last thought tore through her like a bushfire. She wanted to rush up to him, throw her arms around him and kiss him.
He was an oasis of pleasure in this endless desert of pain and destruction. But Tamaska remained where she was.
Kodiak had duties now, ones that must be crushing down on him. To become the leader was burden enough, but under these circumstances… It twisted and turned with all he needed to do.
Not even the fact her man was going to be the new alpha, and if she got turned, successfully, her at his side, could lighten that burden.
A smile broke over his strained expression as he turned and looked at her. Everything lit up inside and Tamaska hurried over to him, unable to resist.
He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her against him, his mouth whispering kisses and bites against the sensitive flesh of her throat.
Her body flooded with heat and a low, sweet ache only he could ease.
He closed his fingers on her hip, slipping one beneath the loose waistband of her jeans. “You smell good enough to eat. Feel even better.” He bit her earlobe making her heart flutter wildly.
“There’s no one around out here,” Tamaska said, the words slipping free.
He groaned.
“Any other time, and I’d be ripping you out of my clothes,” said Kodiak as he embraced her. “Unwrapping you like a gift.”
He sucked on her artery and she sighed, arching for him.
“Any other time, and I’d stick a bow on and say have at it.” She looked up at him and curled her hand against his cheek. “But there’s so much work to do and I can’t have them thinking you’re playing favorites.”
“But I am…”
“Kodiak,” she whispered.
He pressed his nose to hers and sighed.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve got so much fucking shit to do. This…this is all bad, Tamaska.” He sighed heavily, his stress visible in the thick lines on his forehead.
She smoothed the lines away with her fingers. “I know. But you can do it. I have faith.”
“It’s gonna take more than faith,” he said, kissing her cheek.
She reluctantly stepped out of his embrace. “Can I help, though?”
“No.” He ran his thumb over her lips as he looked her up and down. “You don’t have to do this.”
Tamaska smiled. “You’re the second person to tell me that. Yes, I do. Otherwise, I’ll never be accepted.”
A darkness entered his eyes. “Tamaska…”
“What is it?” A sharp pain lanced her. “Did you learn something about my transformation?”
“No, we have to finish cleaning up this place before we do anything else. It’s too risky to leave it looking like this.” He swallowed hard, as if pushing away emotion. “If the cops come…”
But she didn’t need to say even if they got it spotless, nothing they did could hold up to modern forensics or even a bit of a dig around in the garden.
She placed her hand on his throat, like she could comfort him from that. The heaviness of his pulse slowed under her palm as she tried to think of something.
Actually…
“I’ve got an idea to help with that,” she said. “I—”
“No.” Kodiak took her hands in his, lifting them from his chest and squeezing them tight. “Leave it all to me.”
“I can’t. You know the saying… A burden shared is a burden eased. And I can help.”
But he shook his head. “It’s pack business.”
“Then make me a part of the pack, Kodiak.”
“Tamaska…”
But she shook her head. “Don’t you want me to be changed now? Don’t you want me to be part of the pack?”
Tamaska tried to pull her hands away from his, but he tightened his grip. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said.
“What did you fucking mean, then? Because I’ve had enough of you all keeping outside the loop when you’re risking everything for me.”
“We’re not.”
“You are,” she said lifting her chin. “You’re all keeping secrets from me.”
“We’re doing it to protect you.”
“That line’s wearing thin.”
“It’s not a line. Turning you now is dangerous, and there’s so much for you to lear. Too much to learn all at once. Until we get things sorted here, you have to wait.”
“Fuck that.” She managed to get her hands away from his.
“Tamaska.” He eased her close and nudged her cheek with his nose. “Please. We need to deal with the vampires and the opal and maybe the police. You here, wanting this change to be with me…it’s more than enough and it means everything to me.”
Crap, her heart started to melt right away.
Fuck it. Tamaska fought and held on to her rising anger. She wasn’t about to let him get away with this. Yes, she believed him but he was also putting her in her place. Treating her as the little human. And she might be weak, but she wasn’t weak of mind or will.
And perhaps they were noble and true as per their nature, but the tricky, fickle parts of humanity they didn’t like, along with the greed and meanness, well…those faults could all be manipulated.
By her. The weak little human burden.
“Keys to your car.” Tamaska, put out her hand.
His eyes narrowed into glittering slits. “No one drives my car. You know that.” Kodiak’s voice took on an edge.
“Then, drive me. We need to get industrial carpet cleaners, like the stuff the crime scene cleaners use and I know where to get them.”
His brows rose. “Is there something you need to tell me about, Tamaska?”
“No. But the places that people hold openings and galas to show off things like that bloody opal sometimes need a forensic clean down. One we did was at a grisly murder scene. Very Goth, but it needed to also be free of anything disgusting. People like the idea of crime scenes but not anything remotely linked to the reality. Of course, other places have just been plain derelict and filthy.” She sighed. “I can help us not only speed up the cleaning, but make it look like nothing happened and we decided to burn old furniture for a bonfire.”
Kodiak looked at her like she’d just sprouted another head. “You didn’t think of it earlier?”
“No.” Tamaska snapped the word. “I was too busy dealing with what happened. But now I’ve had a chance to think… I just want to fit in, do my part. Prove myself, Kodiak.”
He rubbed a hand over his chin. “And where do you get this stuff.”
“I can talk to the crew we hire, back when…” When she had a job. “I did that stuff. I’ve got a good relationship with them, I bet I can get them cheap.”
“No way. It’s too risky,” said Kodiak.
Tamaska nodded. “Okay, I understand the risks. But if we can’t get outside help, because any human would take one look at the place and call the police, then what if I bring the chemicals and machines here. They have enough, and I’ve helped them clean places before. If I can use them, so can everyone else. No one will know what happened here.”
No way Tamaska was letting go of her brilliant idea.
“Kodiak, we need your help. More carpets need to be removed,” Onai called from the back door.
“Fuck! I’m coming.” Kodiak over his shoulder at his packmate and then back at Tamaska.
Her heart jumped at the intensity in his eyes burned deep into her. He might be the alpha, but she’d prove worthy of being his mate. To him and everyone else.
And he’d have to learn to accept her help from time to time.
“Keys.” Tamaska wriggled her fingers.
Kodiak growled under his breath. “No.”
This was clearly a hill he was ready to die on. Men and their cars, she thought. Some things didn’t change no matter whether they were shifter or human. Their cars mattered.
“I mean it,” she said. “And you know making this place as clean as possible makes sense. Cleaner than we can make it as is.”
For a second she thought he would dismiss her but then he sighed.
“You can take Olcan’s car. And I don’t want you going alone.”
She shrugged off his words. “It’s daytime. I’ll be fine.”
“No.” He caught her arm and held her there.
Tamaska blew out a breath. “Everyone’s busy. If someone comes with me, it’ll only hold up the cleaning process, and you’ve already said it needs to be done quickly.”
Kodiak muttered something then pulled her in against him, holding her, biting at her throat and tiny thrills of delight raced through her flesh. “Anyone tell you you’re a stubborn woman?”
“You? And you need that. Because how else am I going to get you to respect me as much as you want to fuck me?”
“Goddamn it, woman.” He smiled against her, she could feel the shift of his lips. “Go, get what you need, and get the fuck back here, or I’ll make you pay for your disobedience.”
“Now that’s tempting.”
He tightened his embrace and she moaned softly, wanting to burrow deep into him and forget everything in the world but him. “You might not like what I have in mind.”
“I’ll find out, then.” She rose on her toes and kissed his lips. “Maybe take my time, earn my punishment.”
“No, you’ll go and come straight back. You will not go anywhere else. Promise me.”
It wasn’t a question.
“I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you,” he added.
Her heart softened. “I’ll come straight back.”
The back door to the club house slammed shut, the noise shattering the moment.
And he sighed, stepping away from her. “What the fuck is it?”
“Kodiak, Moki thinks he should be in charge of the computers and he’s fucking it up,” called Channing.
Other members of the pack had come into the clubhouse and she was still learning who was who outside the core few she’d met when that fateful night threw her and Kodiak together and on this path.
Kodiak growled. “I should rip their throats out.”
He didn’t mean it but she still shuddered because beneath his words lay the hard and dark center of what they were facing. And she’d seen how things could escalate.
“They sound like children,” Tamaska said, trying to lighten the mood.
He glanced at her, letting his guard down momentarily as he dropped his voice to a mere whisper. “This is a lot for the pack to recover from. There’s going to be rifts for a while, and it’s up to me to bring them all together.”
“You will.” And she believed that. No matter what the future held for her, she knew this man was a true leader, who, given the chance, could make great changes and strides for his pack and his kind.
“Kodiak, quickly, you have no idea what a fucking mess he’s making,” Channing yelled. “I’m going to fucking break his neck if you don’t come!”
“Ash’ll show you where the keys are. Straight to the equipment, and straight back.” He pressed his nose against hers once more.
“I will.”
He kissed her hard, a short, hot, wild ride of a kiss, then hurried over to Channing, who held the door open.
“I told him I was getting you, but he didn’t care,” said Channing.
According to Kodiak, Channing was one of the youngest pack members, and also one who had specifically been assigned to his team during previous investigations and attacks.
“I’ll sort him out,” Kodiak said as he strode quickly to the back door.
At the door, he paused, looking back at her and everything in her flared into needful heat. Then he slipped inside and she found herself mising Kodiak already.
She marveled at how he could do that to her when he’d only just stepped inside. Was this how it would be? Bonded so tight that even a second apart was too long?
Or maybe she just wanted to cling to the only familiar thing here. Because they weren’t bonded. She hadn’t changed so all she had was a burning need for him and a chance at a life.
With him.
The door banged closed and Tamaska brushed her hands, straightened her clothes, glad to be done hauling the damned bucket around. Permission to go and get industrial carpet cleaners was a small win, but a smart one and for her, that made it so much bigger.
The quicker the place was cleaned the faster they could track the opal and make the vampires pay for what they’d done to the pack.
And hopefully no one else would have to die in the process.
CHAPTER 3
Kodiak
Goddamn it all to fucking hell. The latest squabble was one Kodiak didn’t need. One he knew was happening because people were stretching and testing boundaries. Times were uncertain and apart from the bloody vampire attack, he’d thrown one hell of a wrench into the works regarding wanting to mate with and change a human.
