Rumor Mill, page 15
“No,” I lied quickly before walking back that statement. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
He paused, studying me with pain in his eyes. “I love you, Teddy.”
“I love you too,” I responded.
“I want things to work between us,” he continued. “But if we can’t solve this problem, what happens when things get worse?”
“Things won’t get worse,” I asserted, knowing that I was right. This was a low point in my entire life, and I couldn’t imagine sinking any lower.
“We have a long future ahead of us,” he cautioned. “This lawsuit has become something like a test.”
I knew what he was aiming at, and I didn’t want to go there. He was telling me he had considered marriage. Wasn’t he? What else could he mean by a long future? I did love him, but that was one threshold I hadn’t crossed even in my own mind.
Brad was clearly evaluating our reaction to this divisive experience in terms of how well we would hold up in the future. If we were husband and wife and another tragedy struck, would I pull away from him or ask him to help? It didn’t seem fair. This was a one-shot deal. Or it would be if he let it go.
“I don’t think that’s fair,” I whispered.
“We’re very different,” he said finally, turning back to the fireplace and releasing me from his gaze.
I wasn’t sure what to do. It seemed like he was giving up. I needed things to be okay between us, but I couldn’t see my way clear toward embracing the fight. If that’s what it took to stand by Brad Miller’s side, maybe I didn’t have it in me. And if he was using this so-called test to see into the future, then I was hopelessly lost.
“I feel like I’m losing you already,” Brad said, mirroring my thoughts.
I didn’t know how to respond, so I just sat there, wishing there was another way.
Chapter 23
Brad
I SNUCK A GLANCE AT Teddy after dropping that final pronouncement. She sat like a statue, not moving, not even blinking. I wondered if she was as hurt as I was, and if there was any way back from the cliff that we had brought each other to.
Her determination to let Nikki win was frustrating. But more than that, I had been honest when I wondered how this pattern would affect our future. If she fought me tooth and nail with every decision, how was that going to work? If she ran from conflict whenever it seemed tough, I couldn’t imagine she would be happy with my lifestyle.
“Have you decided to walk away?” I asked, focusing on the situation in front of us.
“What?” she whispered, tearing her eyes away from the mantle.
“Nikki’s lawsuit,” I reminded her. “Have you decided to walk away?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m back and forth. Andrew...Mr. Burke told me that I should reconsider. I don’t want to do anything that would negatively affect your case.”
I nodded. All of a sudden, it felt like some of the ice between us thawed. Maybe if I could keep her talking, we would eventually work our way back from the brink. “I appreciate that,” I said. “Your lawyer is right. If you capitulate, it will make you look guilty. Then I’ll be faced with that conclusion when I try to argue that Nikki’s firing was fair.”
Teddy scrunched up her face. It was obviously not the response she was looking for. I knew she wanted me to agree with her, to drop the fight just as she was planning to. I held out hope that maybe she would continue moving forward.
“When is your court date?” I asked, diverting the conversation somewhat.
“It’s this coming Monday,” she said stiffly.
“I’ll be there,” I promised.
“You don’t have to be,” she assured me.
“I want to,” I said.
“But won’t that look bad?” she asked. “I mean, if we’re trying to pretend that we don’t have a closer relationship, won’t you showing up at the trial disprove that theory?”
“Don’t overthink it,” I said rationally. “I’m an interested party. It would be natural for me to attend, even without our romantic involvement.”
Teddy scoffed. “Is that what this is? A romantic involvement?”
I looked down at the couch. It was too painful to look in her eyes. If she had progressed to disparaging our connection, then things had gone too far. I wanted her to understand that I was there for her, but I couldn’t do that if she kept pushing me away.
“What if I just paid Nikki off for you?” I surprised myself with the question. It was a simple, yet elegant solution. I could continue to fight for my name and reputation, while handing Teddy enough money under the table to end her lawsuit. A million dollars hurt, but it wouldn’t change anything tangible for me. “Consider it a gift.”
“I can’t take your money!” Teddy shouted, rising to her feet as if I was a snake who had threatened to bite her. “How would that look? We’re sleeping together and you pay me a million dollars?”
“It’s been done before,” I muttered, not wanting to engage with the drama. It was the wrong thing to say, and I knew it.
“I am not a prostitute,” she seethed. “Or a kept woman. I am your friend and colleague, and I thought we were in love.”
“We are,” I argued, though my heart wasn’t in it. “I’m not throwing money at you like some woman of the night. I’m offering to help you with a personal problem.”
“Oh.” She calmed down a bit, resuming her seat beside me on the couch. “Thank you, but I can’t accept.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“This is my problem, and I have to deal with it,” she asserted.
“It’s our problem,” I argued. “I understand your reluctance to accept my help, but this offer isn’t entirely selfless.”
She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
“If you had the money to settle out of court, then the evidence of your guilt or complacency wouldn’t figure into my prosecution,” I explained. “It’s a win-win.”
“It’s not a win-win,” she grumbled. “There’s no way I could pay you back for a sum that much.”
“And how are you planning to pay Nikki back?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she stammered. “Maybe the court will put me on a payment plan.”
“Have you decided then?” I demanded.
“No!” she shouted, standing up once more.
I could see that there would be no quiet night by the fireplace, no meeting of the minds before bed. We were at odds, and no matter how she decided to play it, I was going to be the loser.
How had offering her a million dollars made her angry? Most people would have been delighted to accept. I took no comfort in realizing that one of the things I loved about Teddy was that she wasn’t like most people. Originally, I fell in love with her because she wasn’t interested in my money. Now that I wanted her to be, she continued to play the part of an independent woman.
She refused to move in with me, determined to have her own space. She refused to continue working with me, claiming that she needed to stand on her own two feet. And she wouldn’t let me pay off her adversary, choosing to battle Nikki on her own rather than accept my help.
It wasn’t a win-win; it was a lose-lose. Teddy said she hadn’t decided whether to go through with contesting the lawsuit or not, but from where I sat, it seemed like her mind was made up.
I felt a cold fury scorching through my stomach, rising dangerously toward my chest. I’d had enough of this game. If I couldn’t convince Teddy to see what was right in front of her, then maybe the solution was to break it off. I’d meant what I said about a long future together. But I couldn’t build a life with someone who shut down at the first sign of trouble.
“If you won’t let me help, then at least listen to my side of the story,” I pleaded.
She settled back into her seat but remained upright, prepared to go at any moment. It looked like the best I was going to get, so I proceeded.
“All I wanted to do was get close to you,” I said, allowing all my emotions to pour out. “But you’ve kept me at arm’s length. You’re not interested in working with me. You don’t want to live with me. You won’t even let me help you avoid bankruptcy.”
“I—” she began.
“Let me finish,” I demanded.
She snapped her jaw shut, following my command but not liking it. I could see that this wasn’t going to end well, but I didn’t know any way around it. We were meant to be together, weren’t we? But if we were, then why were things so hard?
“You come over here whenever you want, but you don’t stay. We make love in the angriest way possible, and then you just leave. You’re fighting with me every step of the way, but there’s nothing to fight against. Dammit. I’m not the enemy.”
She relaxed a little bit, her shoulders slumping. I could see tears well up in her eyes, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. Somewhere deep inside me, hope sprang. Maybe my passionate confession was just what she needed to see clearly.
“Brad, I’m sorry,” she whispered.
If that was all she had to offer, it wasn’t going to be enough. I needed so much more. I needed her to promise that it wouldn’t happen again. I wanted her to stay the night, to talk through all our problems and maybe even end up in the bedroom together. I remembered all the tender moments that we’d shared and wished that we could re-live some of them. If I could just have a quarter of her energy without her pushing me away, then that might be enough. But she wasn’t offering any of herself. Instead, all she wanted to do was apologize.
I scoffed. It was an ugly sound, and we both knew it. There didn’t seem to be any resolution that was going to satisfy both of us. I could see that she was moved by my recitation of the facts, but unless she was willing to really work on the problem, I wasn’t appeased.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Teddy whispered.
I faced her stoically. Finally, we were on the same page. “I agree,” I said.
She straightened in her seat without rising to her feet again. I wondered if there was anything left to be said, or if this was the end of our brief relationship. It all seemed so meaningless. One night we were falling into each other’s arms, and the next, we were letting Nikki tear us apart. That was the ultimate revenge for firing her. It wasn’t money she was after; it was the complete and utter destruction of our love.
I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.
But now it was too late.
“It doesn’t matter what I decide,” Teddy said softly. “The fact that you don’t trust me to make my own decision is all that really counts.”
I opened my mouth to argue but shut it immediately. I hadn’t thought about it from that angle. It wasn’t exactly that I didn’t trust her, more that I knew she was making the wrong choice. I could see clearly that giving in to Nikki’s demands wasn’t the way to solve anything. And I had been hell bent on proving that to Teddy.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you...” I began.
“As long as I see things your way,” she accused, spearing me with a gaze that could have frozen hell.
I didn’t bother to answer. We both knew that she was right. I needed her to see that I was more experienced in these matters than she was. It irked me to no end that she continued to reject the advice of her own lawyer, not just me. Why surround yourself with people who knew what they were doing if you were just going to forge your own path in the end? She was absolutely right. I wanted her to agree with me, and I wasn’t open to any other solution.
“Goodbye, Brad,” she said, finally standing up.
“Goodbye,” I replied, too angry to attempt to make her stay.
I watched as she went to the foyer to collect her things. There was no energy left in the room, other than a smoldering disbelief. It felt like we were really over this time. There would be no more nights spent together, no more sweet words or loving glances. I wasn’t sure who’d screwed things up, but there didn’t seem to be any way to repair the damage.
I got to my feet, ever the gentleman. My mother had taught me to walk my guests to the door, to thank them for coming and make sure they got home safely. I was planning to do two out of the three. Where Teddy went after this wasn’t any of my business. She’d made that crystal clear.
Standing at the entrance to my home, I fought the urge to kiss her. We weren’t dating any more. That thought hit me like a dagger in the chest, but there was no escaping it. She looked up, her eyes swimming in tears.
“Thank you for coming,” I whispered.
She smiled, caught off guard by my determined politeness. “Thank you for having me.”
It was the perfect scripted moment. At least we both knew what to say. I held the door, and she passed through, out onto the porch and down to the driveway. I stood rooted to the spot as she climbed into her car and started the engine. She drove away into the night, neither fast nor slow, but with a finality that shocked me. After all we had been through, it didn’t seem fair.
Teddy was supposed to be the love of my life. I’d had fantasies about standing with her at the altar. They seemed so far away and meaningless. This was life at its most raw, a definitive settlement if ever there was one. Lingering long after her taillights disappeared, I realized I was exhausted. I barely made it upstairs to my bedroom before passing out. The world would have to wait; I was unavailable for the rest of the night.
Chapter 24
Theodora
I WAS TOO KEYED UP to sleep. With nowhere else to go, I drove home, but instead of going to bed, I took a shower. The hot water felt wonderful on my skin, burning away all the trauma of the past few hours. So what if Brad and I couldn’t come to an agreement? So what if that meant I would be alone for the rest of my life?
It was better to stand on my own two feet than to lean on anyone, no matter how warm and seductive he was. I could feel the fight leaking out of me the longer I stood in the hot water stream. It was over. It was finally over, and no matter what happened going forward, I was on my own.
I reached for the body scrub, rubbing down every inch of me. That one time Brad and I had shared a bath together, taking turns washing each other’s hair, came back to me in flashes. I had never experienced anything so divine. Yet there I was at three in the morning, alone in the shower, numb to all expressions of love.
I couldn’t believe that we had really written the final chapter. At some point, my brain switched off. My body might not be tired, but my mind certainly was. I had no energy left to consider our breakup. After everything we had been through, it seemed almost anti-climactic.
After showering, I wrapped myself up in my pajamas and a fuzzy robe and sat down to watch television. The fake people and predictable plots knocked me out, and I woke to my alarm what seemed like seconds later. Checking my phone, I saw that I had been asleep for hours. It was time to get up and get dressed. I had another full day ahead of me, and I’d promised Annie I would be prepared.
It was torture to run the brush through my hair, to apply makeup and deodorant as if life still held meaning. I didn’t give any thought to my wardrobe and ended up picking possibly the ugliest dress I owned. I didn’t care. There was no one left to impress.
Walking into work, I kept my head down. I didn’t have the energy to summon a smile, even a fake one. It was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other. Annie spotted the problem immediately and assumed I had been out partying all night.
“You look awful,” she said.
“I broke up with my boyfriend,” I responded.
“Oh,” she replied, staking a step back. “Do you want to take a day off?”
I wished I could. It would be so nice to crawl into bed and pretend the whole argument with Brad had never happened. But I needed the money, and I didn’t want to take a vacation day. Besides, dealing with customers would take my mind off my personal tragedy.
“I’ll stay,” I said bravely.
“Okay,” she agreed, handing me a tissue.
I didn’t know what to do with it, so I crumpled it up and threw it away. One of the customers was a delight that day. She was a chatty woman who had money to spare. She was decorating her house before the arrival of her grandbaby made such things impossible.
I fell into her narrative like a love-starved college student, hanging on her every word. It didn’t bother me at all that she chatted my ear off for a full half hour before finally making her purchase. I felt like her story was a balm that took me away from my own drama. It was wonderful to realize that life really was going on for other people, and that not everything revolved around Nikki and her damned lawsuit.
Closing up at five, I was just as happy to get on the road. I didn’t have the stomach to eat out, and besides, I was going to be alone anyway. Was there anything sadder than a table for one?
I considered going to see Corey again but decided just to go home. I was exhausted, and I hadn’t slept very much the night before. My poisonous thoughts were the bane of my existence. They kept my brain from shutting down. As much as I wanted to drift off into dreamland, the spinning wheels inside my head kept me awake.
I got up around eleven after unsuccessfully lying still for more than an hour. Maybe a walk was what I needed to clear my head. The apartment complex was safe, removed from the city, and in an upscale neighborhood that bordered Brad’s community with its multimillion dollar houses. I didn’t feel nervous at all about walking around alone after dark.
I put on my jacket and stepped outside. The air was chilly, but I was determined to brave the elements. I needed to get my blood flowing, to get outside of myself if I was going to survive the next few days.
I walked around the building, past the club house and the pool. There was a playground for the families that lived in the area. It was empty, so I took a seat on one of the swings. It had been years since I’d enjoyed that particular pastime, but it all came back to me as I pumped my legs. Holding on to the chains, I kicked my feet, determined to drive myself higher.
