Zenith's Legend (The Zenith Series Book 6), page 28
HIS REACTION WAS WORTH the drive! She smiled with just a tiny lift at the corners of her mouth. “Hello, Xavier. Yes, it’s really me.”
He began to shake before flinging the door fully open. He went from being stoic and almost frozen to launching himself at her, grabbing her in an embrace, and hugging her. It happened so fast that it startled her to be cradled against his chest. She didn’t react for a moment. Arms at her sides, her face smashed against his chest, she sputtered, and just as swiftly, he let her go.
“Sorry, I’m so sorry… I was just so flabbergasted to see you. Come in. Come in, I…” He ran his hands nervously through his soft, wispy hair and a furious blush overtook him. “I’m not sure what to…”
She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. “Say?” she supplied when he verbally stumbled at maintaining basic sentence structure.
He took in a deep breath, nodded and smiled with chagrin. “Yes. That. Let me start over. Hello, Karlee. It’s very nice to see you again.”
She smiled and something that was strong and very warm filled her chest. It blossomed into her torso, her arms, her legs and her cheek bones, pulling her mouth into a huge smile. It was so familiar like coming home and seeing his happy face, reflected in the movement of his mouth and his hands. There was nothing to say except how well she knew his mannerisms, recognizing the quick change in his facial expressions, and reading him. He was still Xavier and she did know him. So much like home. It wasn’t strange or difficult and he wasn’t a different person than before.
She smiled with the same warm smile. This time, their eyes were riveted in a long stare. “It is very nice to see you again too.”
He quit fumbling and closed his eyes for a moment as if he were taking it all in.
“Would you… please sit down? Can I offer you a drink? Sparkling water? Pop? Milk? Coffee?”
She slipped into a chair across from his couch. The room was plain but it had new furnishings. A giant TV took up one wall, and he had a couch, a chair, and two side tables. A fresh coat of light beige paint without any pictures or wall hangings suggested it was recently repainted. Blinds without any frills covered the windows. The space was small, but clean and plain.
“I don’t need anything, thank you.” She crossed her legs, and placed her hands on the armrests.
Looking perplexed for a second, as if he had to scurry around and do something, Xavier seemed uncomfortable. He’d always struggled with his nerves more than she did.
He sat and appraised her with his eyes, finally nodding with a small jerk of his head. “You… you look exactly the same.”
“Do I? That’s good,” she replied with a hint of sarcasm and an eye roll.
He smiled. “You seem older though, and more refined, although, I’d recognize you anywhere.”
“Gee, I’d recognize you as well.” Tilting her head, she gave him a scowl. “Your face was shown everywhere for years.”
He cringed. “Yes. It was.”
“It’s not now, though. Why is that?”
He blinked. “What?”
“I want to know why you disappeared without a word.”
“How did you find me? Let’s start there.”
She rolled her eyes again. “Oh, that was easy. I heard your Music with Monty thing on satellite radio, and pulled over. I searched up the radio station location that aired it on an internet search. Figured it had to be near here and I looked up your dad’s name and learned he was dead. The house wasn’t sold so I figured you had to be here.”
He tilted his head. “How the fuck did you manage to recognize me off that one little known segment?”
She snorted. “Please, I’d recognize your voice and your spin on music anywhere.”
“No one else has. At least, not so far. Not even the station knows my true identity.”
“You mysteriously send it to them? Your recordings?”
“Yes. Part of the deal was strict anonymity. They were so amused by what I gave them, they agreed to my terms.”
“They should. You’re way too good for a small radio station. This outlet isn’t nearly big enough. It’s funny and clever, and I appreciate the irony you weave into it… I always liked your dry wit and sense of timing but I never guessed you could so intelligently weave it into music. Some of them are quite layered.”
He studied her. “You listen to them?”
“All of them. Of course.”
His smile was small and crooked. “Of course.” She wondered what privately amused him. “Thank you. No one really gets how layered they are. It’s a lot more than slapstick.”
Her gaze landed on his. “You worked out a lot of what happened with…”
“Us?” he supplied softly. “Yes, you heard all about you in some of them.”
“And her,” Karlee added just as quickly. Her, being Effie, his wife. The mother of his baby. She almost bit her tongue for bringing the woman into it. For going straight to that ugly story. Karlee wasn’t used to acting generically kind.
“She definitely was nothing like you. She never knew me, Karlee. Not even my favorite color. We did drugs and sex together. That was about it.”
“Uh, there was one other thing though… you married her.”
“I never wanted to. I only did it for my son.”
“Ely,” she breathed out his name.
“Yes. Ely.”
“Where is he now?”
Xavier’s mouth quirked up into a toothy grin, and his eyes shone with light and maturity and purpose. She also saw love, something she never witnessed way back when. “I just fed and changed him. He’s napping at the moment. You were blessed to miss the last half hour of crying.”
“He’s okay then? When you disappeared so epically…” She gnawed on her lower lip. Shit. That was it. The worry that propelled her forward. Xavier would not give up his fame and platform for anyone or anything. What if something happened to his son? Maybe finding out Ely had a problem or a serious illness would be enough to take Xavier off the map.
“Oh. Yes. He’s healthy and his development is right on target. His six-month checkup was last week and the doctor said he’s a little small in height but his weight indicates he’s a bruiser.”
She smiled at the pride she saw gleaming from Xavier’s eyes. “So, you disappeared…”
“For him,” Xavier replied simply. “I got divorced and endured all the gossip that entailed. When it was over, I was broke. And I can’t do this, and still do that.”
“Do what? Perform? Tour? Sing? You’ve given all of it up?”
Regret and a tenderness glistened in his eyes. “For him. Yes. Karlee, I did it for Ely. I remembered all those years ago what you said and you were right. But I wasn’t ready to hear it then.”
She shrugged. “I came to terms with that long ago. You couldn’t undo your lifelong dream at that point. It would have eventually destroyed us. Either way, we could not have made it. It wasn’t our destiny. Or our time.”
His mouth became a pensive line. “I think you’re right.”
She tilted her head up. “You didn’t listen to me, however.”
Regret shone in his gaze. “No. I did it all. Dabbling in drugs, alcohol, indiscriminate…” He hesitated and gave her a glance. “Stuff. I also hired the wrong people, and lost my fucking mind, heart and soul for a period of time.”
“A long period of time,” she added with a smile. “That wasn’t what I meant. I never suggested you might have a baby.”
He stared for a startled second and let out a laugh. “No. You never warned me about that.”
“Are you glad about it? I mean, it arrested your fame and you can’t turn that around and earn it all back by doing anonymous parodies on an unknown radio station, right? That’s…”
“A long way to fall?”
“Yes.” She exhaled and only then realized she was holding her breath.
“I don’t regret it. Ely is the only positive thing I have to show for that lost period. He’s my life’s accomplishment really. I vowed the first time I held him to do everything in my power to protect him. Ely comes first; he’s top priority. I fully intend to be the complete antithesis of my father. My first job is as Ely’s father. Meaning, Ely is the factor that now controls what I do with my life from here on out. My life as a singer, performer, musician and being famous is over. I am exclusively Ely’s dad now and every decision I make is determined by what is best for him. Dad died a few years ago and left this house rotting away. I sank what little money I had left into it to make it somewhat habitable and wipe his stench away.”
“I’m shocked you came back. That too propelled me to… check up on you. Even after all these years.”
His lopsided grin widened. “That’s actually one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard. Thank you.” His tone was solemn as he continued. “I had to get away but I had no idea where to go. The decision was overwhelming so I stuck Ely in a rented car and started driving with no destination in mind. It might sound liberating to pick somewhere new to go, but I could not think of one place I wanted to be in. New York City was over for me and all I could think of was coming here. Despite it all. So I came home. Although I never thought of it as home. But I guess it was imprinted on my brain, so I came back.”
“How have you managed to keep it a secret?”
“I’m waiting for the discovery to be announced. Do you have any idea how much stuff you can have delivered to your house with just the click of a button? Everything. I tell them to leave it on the porch and I usually keep the shades down and so far, no one’s recognized me. It’s not a national secret. I’m just lying low until I get my bearings.”
“That’s understandable.”
His head tilted and his eyes gleamed as he replied, “I guess I must be slipping up because you found me.”
“Don’t worry about that. Your stupid voice is just too damn… unique.” She sighed. “Always were the most talented person in any room, even on the fucking radio.”
He closed his eyes. “You always believed in me.”
“Always.” She said it so easily and without compunction. “Ever since the first time you sang those two lines of that stupid marketing jingle.”
Their gazes met and held. The first time they kissed was on both of their minds.
God… that kiss. His gaze. His presence. Why did Xavier always affect her like that? Determined to stay cool, detached, casual and friendly, she sniffed and added, “Though you turned it into a bit of a disaster.”
He let out a laugh and the shared knowledge brought back all the feelings, emotions and the strong connection they once shared.
“I sure did. I should have gone home.”
“It wouldn’t have worked out. I doubt it would have ended any differently for us.”
“You’re most likely right. But just so you know, when I think of all I’ve done to mess up, hurting you was and always will be my greatest regret.”
She shrugged. “Yeah, I know. I made my peace with it when I forgave you a long time ago.”
He studied her. “You did?”
“Yes,” Karlee honestly answered.
“I should have expected that of you. My admiration and respect for you has never diminished…”
She tilted her head and rolled her eyes. “Yes, I am well aware of my sparkling identity.”
“That’s what I didn’t realize. I never knew who I was. Not while I was with you. And not after I was famous. I’m still trying to figure that out. I don’t deserve to be with anyone right now.”
“What will you do?”
“Hunker down here for a while and just be Ely’s dad. I don’t know. Find a job that pays a living wage. Maybe through singing, maybe not. I’m still figuring things out. But the only reasoning behind whatever I do is…”
“Ely.”
“Yes. My former life, being surrounded by groupies and touring and all of that, no longer seems attractive to me. There is nothing nurturing in that lifestyle for a baby. If there’s nothing beneficial for my son, then I don’t care to indulge in it.”
Her breath hitched and she asked, “Have you also decided not to sing?”
“I’ll sing and play someday. But it’ll be different. Fuck. Maybe I’ll just record what I like and show it on my YouTube channel and call it a day. Doing bi-annual albums and being sponsored by executives and touring for concerts and all that? Not for me anymore. I have to do something entirely different.”
“But you have the desire to sing and write in your blood. You have to express it somehow. You are way too talented to totally give it up.”
“My chance tanked. I’m not deciding anything at all yet. I’m still pretty young and I have time to figure out what to do. Wish I realized that when I was younger and maybe some of this wouldn’t have gone wrong.”
“Wow. You’ve changed a lot.”
“Actually, I learned. You were a good teacher. I just wasn’t ready to accept those lessons.” He cleared his throat. “What about you? Tell me everything? How’re your sisters? And Rob? Your mom? I know they must hate me; they were always so decent to me. I am still grateful for spending time with a real family. I’m using your family as a guide for how I hope to raise Ely.”
“They didn’t like you for a long time. But everyone is well. Kathy is close to getting her Master’s in theology. Jim and Kayla are expecting a baby in a few months. She’s running a nonprofit for the church that funds local foodbanks and women’s shelters. Not exactly unexpected to me. They are both very happy. Mom and Rob are loving the idea of a grandkid and he and Spencer still write songs and sign autographs although they have stepped back a bit. They are all good.”
“And what about you?”
“Good. Xavier, I really am. I live in Seattle with Jody now.”
“How is the crazy, little nymph?”
“The same. Still awesome. She’s been a lifesaver. She pulled me out of my pity party and insisted I move to Seattle and become her roommate and business partner. I never thought we’d work so well together but it turns out we get along great and complement each other like yin and yang.”
“And what is your work exactly? Explain it to me. I’m not quite sure what you do.”
She launched into her detailed tell-all of her favorite subject, and greatest joy and pride.
His eyes gleamed. “It’s what I wished I had all along, and I never would have used you.”
She snorted. “Exactly. It was inspired by you.”
“Wow. I’m impressed. But mostly, I’m glad you found your passion.”
She straightened and replied, “I did. I really did find my passion.”
Silence descended for a moment. “What now?” she finally asked.
“I don’t know,” Xavier replied. “Do we just go on for another three years like strangers, ignoring each other?”
She cleared her throat. “I don’t even know why I came here. I was curious really. I couldn’t stop wondering where you were and what you were doing. I had to see for myself… I never thought why I did it.”
His eyes warmed as he replied, “I’m so glad you did though.”
“Maybe just to see if you were okay.”
A faint sound came from the other room. “We could wake Ely a little early from his nap, if you like, and you could meet him?”
“I’d hate to disturb his nap.”
“It’s just one nap and I’d love for you to meet him. There’s not a lot of people I can show him to. It’s usually just him and me.”
That was heartbreaking. For years, he was surrounded by fans and a constant entourage and crew, and now, he had no one but his infant son for company?
“Okay. Yes.”
No. Not at all! Karlee didn’t want to meet his baby. His son by another woman. Having a baby was so far from her plans and desires, she shuddered just picturing it. How yucky it sounded to be stuck in the mundane future of parenthood that now belonged to Xavier.
And it hurt Karlee to know he had a baby with another woman. Even though she never imagined them like that, she had occasional flashes that someday, when they were much older, they would marry and start a family. Back then, it was more like a mirage instead of a goal. But Xavier was doing it now and that realization both startled and repulsed her.
Moments later, Xavier walked back and the sight was so incongruent, she fisted her hands and blinked several times, trying to control the emotions that flushed through her spine. They were so intense and disparate. Surprise. Tenderness. Apathy. Anger.
He held a tiny baby that was mostly bald with fine, downy hairs sprouting from his head. His dark navy blue eyes blinked up at Xavier. His mouth began forming little shapes. Xavier held him with a competency and comfort she didn’t expect.
“Hey, little guy, here is someone I want you to meet. My friend, Karlee.” Xavier used a soft, lighter tone. It sounded far kinder and softer than she ever heard from him.
With so little interaction with babies and even less interest, Karlee desperately didn’t want to engage with Ely now. Her still bruised heart at seeing Xavier took her back three years ago in the blink of an eye. Xavier shocked her when he nudged her, indicating he wanted her to hold the baby. Oh! Oh? She wasn’t so sure about that. She only expected to look at him briefly. A fleeting glance accompanied by a banal comment. Why was she doing this?
With a quick glance at Xavier, her gaze landed on the small, squirming human. Xavier had a warm, proud smile as he handed her the baby and she put her arms out to take him. Her heart began hammering and hands felt clammy. She feared she would break the tiny infant. Duh. She just had to hold him.
Gulping down her trepidation, she accepted the baby. Instantaneous warmth. His body was so snug and felt very different from a bag of groceries, but certainly no heavier. She held him closer to her body, stiffly and unnaturally as she gazed down at the little face. Ely blinked and squirmed, puckering his mouth at her. He was a pretty baby. A pair of big, blue eyes and plump, round cheeks. “He’s very cute, Xavier.”
Xavier cradled his head with his hand in a gentle caress. Beaming, he nodded and replied, “So cute. Glad he didn’t take after me, at least,” he quipped.
He appeared so at ease with his baby. The real affection was so wholesome. Where did he learn this? Staring down at the darling, little face, she finally asked, “How did you know what to do?”
