Zenith's Legend (The Zenith Series Book 6), page 24
She nodded her head against his chest. “I already decided that. I just don’t know what I’ll be into.”
Rob gave her a long, stern look. “Funny you should mention that. When you’re feeling better, and there’s no hurry, I might have some ideas on that.”
“About me?”
“About you.”
“What?”
“No. Nothing will sound good right now, not with your heartbreak so fresh and sore. Wait until you feel stronger, clearer and ready to face something new. No rush. None at all. All my ideas will be right here.” Rob pointed to his head.
“My curiosity might kill me.”
“Think of it as something to look forward to.” Rob nudged her with his arm.
Her small smile brightened her face. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll restrain myself. But it might be months, or years…”
“It won’t be years. He’s not worth it.”
“I know. He’s not worth it.” She sighed. “He almost was.”
“Agreed,” Rebecca interjected from behind them. They turned to include her and she gave them each a tender look. “We all fell for him, honey. His vulnerability, cluelessness, and talent. He seemed sheepish and kind and funny. We found a son we never thought we’d want and we could see how deeply involved you two were.”
Karlee sucked in more oxygen to ease the pressure in her sinuses. “We were.”
Rob sank dejectedly onto the couch. Karlee flopped down on a recliner as her mom snuggled next to Rob and hugged his arm.
“You weren’t naïve. He was that good. I bought it all. From the first time he came here, and when you brought him to the recording studio, he never asked, not once, to do anything. He never pushed us. We pushed him. He was subtle, patient, almost… insanely patient. I can’t even begin to understand his motivation,” Rob said.
“He was driven by it. Maybe more ambitious than anyone who tried to use you before.”
“I was used. I totally fell for it. I loved playing with him. He got to me. I dreamed of his success. Hell, I let him date you, and stay here and we never minded.” Rob shuddered. “I’m just saying, a lot of people have tried to use me. Suck-ups, gold-diggers and fame-seekers. All of them. Lawyers, producers, and managers have all had a stab at sucking money off my platform. But none got through like that fucking kid.”
“He got through everybody. I can’t stop wondering how strange his thought process had to be to attempt such a bold move. It was so weird considering what his end goal was,” Karlee lamented.
“Yeah.”
They stared in quiet sadness.
The door suddenly burst open and Kathy and Kayla entered, followed by the slower and calmer Jim as well as Eric, who shut the door.
Her sisters grabbed Karlee and hugged her.
“How come you’re here?” she gasped between their tight hugs.
“Mom texted us to come over,” Kathy replied.
Kayla added, “Mom told us to stay away because you didn’t want our sympathy yet and you were struggling to make sense of what happened. But fuck that. Fuck Xavier. I’ll kill the little leech/tick. Squash him like the bug he is. Rob will too. You’ll see.” Kayla was speaking as Karlee was pressed tightly against her chest. She was unable to move. “Won’t you, Rob? You’ll ruin the little, backstabbing fucker.”
Karlee had to laugh. They literally sandwiched her between their chests. She couldn’t move from their tight hugs. Kayla’s words were passionate and angry and all the things she said were heartfelt.
“I certainly won’t be endorsing his album or helping him. But the release isn’t under my control. I could try blackballing him and smearing him—” Rob suggested.
“Yes, do that.” Kayla’s fierce retort made Karlee smile and she hugged her sister again.
When Kayla finally released her to breathe, she stared at Karlee’s face. “Are you okay?”
“No. But I’ll live.”
She turned when Kathy set a gentle, kind hand on her arm. “Karlee… we’re both here for you. We love you so much. He doesn’t deserve you.” Embraced with a vulnerable sadness of her loss, Karlee wiped away the new tears. “You two mean a lot,” she said, pushing herself away. “We are not going to ruin him. We will not allow Rob to besmirch his reputation by ruining Xavier’s. He’s out of our lives. That’s what I expect from Rob. And you two can keep me busy.”
“We can do that,” Kayla said, nodding as Kathy squeezed her.
Eric cleared his throat. His hulking, huge presence, always drew everyone’s attention yet he was so quiet and unobtrusive. “I’m sorry I missed so much about his background. I dug pretty deep into it after you started dating but never found anything remotely related to this. I’m so sorry.” Big, old, muscle-bound Eric hung his head with regret and shame.
“Oh, Eric. It isn’t your fault. You could never have found anything about him. There was nothing to find. His entire life was a script of pitiful anecdotes. The only thing you missed was when he paid a computer dweeb to hack the professor’s master list and make us partners in a project so it appeared random. The rest was all legit. You would never have found it. He was lethally perfect at his setup.”
Stunned in silence for a moment, Eric asked, “That’s how he did it?” before shaking his head. “I wondered. I suspected the professor. Thought there had to be something there. I had to make sure it really was random. But I couldn’t find the smallest alarm bell. A goofy kid who messes with the professor’s computer without leaving a clue… Damn!”
“Yes. He was good. Give him kudos for his effort. A big, fat A.” Bitterness filled her tone.
Jim gave her a sympathetic look. “Yeah. I never suspected anything either. I usually have special radar for liars, considering who my father was. And all I saw in Xavier was a talented, lonely kid who needed some help and some love.”
“Which we all gave him in spades,” Kayla said with extra sarcasm. “I cared for the stupid, little shit too. Now…”
“Now we all look the fools,” Eric summarized.
Karlee glanced around and her relief flooded her. Her family’s support and knowing how invested they were, like her, made her not feel so stupid or naïve.
“Why don’t we order some pizzas?” Rebecca asked after melancholy descended over the room.
Karlee nodded. It was the best therapy she could imagine at that moment. Her family’s joking, bickering and sporadic cursing of Xavier Montgomery with pizza, cake and pop would suffice for now. Being there together was a miraculous balm.
Fuck Xavier. He chose wrong. Karlee turned to cuddle her sisters as they prepared to watch a movie. She was ready to let her brain forget the loss of her first love.
Solitude can be far more than just loneliness. The echo of Karlee slamming the door shuddered down his spine, and Xavier felt eerily isolated in the hotel room. Like an entire choir suddenly stopped singing and left the chamber. Any hope of her presence was gone. She was gone.
Literally and forever.
He made her leave. He broke her heart… and his own.
Xavier stayed sitting on the floor for hours and didn’t move. Or cry. Or speak. He just remained rooted there, comatose. Unmoving. Unbelieving.
When daylight dawned, he got up, rubbed his gritty eyes and flipped his stringy hair back. He gave her up for music. That’s all he had now. What the hell would he do with it? How would he do it?
Staring at his phone, his hands shook. He never really scheduled his gigs. Karlee handled all of that. The people. The appointments. The performances. He had no idea where to start. Whom to call first? Where to begin? He was all alone.
Fuck.
His heart ached. He lost Karlee. Sniffing hard, he tried to be indifferent like the prick he was. How could he cry? He caused this. He chose this. Maybe there was never any other choice. His sense of relief, despite the dread that filled him, came from having the secret finally out. The burden of guilt was different. He no longer had to appease someone who considered him a wonderful gift, instead of a stalker.
He wanted her. But he could not go back to Montesano. To a fucking shed. He had nothing else but the slim chance this album would give him. He had to capitalize on the buzz and talk. He had to build that up. Fly with it. Take it to the max.
He clicked on the phone number for the lawyer Karlee retained for Xavier Moon. The name rarely seemed associated to him. “Hey. Um, Karlee quit working with me. Can you help me find a manager? A publicist? Whatever I need? Whoever I need to make this work?”
Sure.
A flurry of activity was set into motion. Someone came to see him and it all started. Questions. Grilling. Was Rob Williams the enemy now? Would Rob’s family come after him? The executives needed to know. Xavier told them the truth. No, they would not do that. They weren’t the type who sought revenge. They would surround Karlee with love and forget him.
Xavier knew he burned his bridges. Karlee would never reconsider a life or a date with him. She would never come near him again. He knew how she worked. He failed her and that would last forever.
It still hurt so fucking much.
Luckily, he had music to play. And the chance to stop thinking and feeling by playing music would be his therapy. Keeping insanely busy would heal him. He said no to nothing. He’d do anything and everything he was asked to do.
The first time he performed without Karlee at his side, his heart hurt so much, it nearly beat out of his chest. The empty spot where she normally watched him like a neon sign was now a dark void.
But it was necessary.
He poured his suffering into the words he sang and the passion in his tone was real. And haunting. He pursued it. He let his pain fuel his creativity and speak for him. Xavier sacrificed his love and hope for this. Now he had to give it all he had.
He played gigs at dives and fancy restaurants. Going from smaller venues to bigger ones.
His booking schedule was constant. He took head shots and worked the social media to his advantage.
When his first single was released, he never looked back.
Chapter 15
XAVIER WAS AN UNMITIGATED success. He became one of the triumphant stories that would fuel the dreams and hopes of future newbies. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, the sky burst open with possibilities. His song captured the scene and became a fitting anthem for those his age. It also encapsulated the state of being for twenty-somethings and Xavier’s voice became theirs.
It literally happened overnight.
From barely getting by on a few grand a month, Xavier suddenly had anything he ever wanted. He was the priceless unicorn that record labels searched for, cultivated and never let go. He was worth every cent they spent and they reaped the royalties in spades.
Xavier was famous.
At the age of twenty-one. Actually, he was almost twenty-two.
All kinds of things ensued after the startling climb from being no one to celebrity star of the month. Pictures of Xavier and Karlee surfaced shortly thereafter, making the rounds. He referred to it as a passing flirtation that led to a deep friendship. Karlee confirmed it, as he knew she would. Their relationship eventually fell into the category of a flash in the pan.
Then Xavier met Effie Essex.
They were introduced after a concert in Boston. Who would think he’d end up playing in Boston? Effie Essex, whose actual name was Elenore Eckle, came from Tennessee. She changed her name after her arrival to New York. She intended to pursue a career in modeling. She was taller than Xavier. Her legs nearly reached his freaking belly button. Not really, although they were long, slim, and gorgeous. Her waist-length dark hair, tanned skin that appeared gold in the sun, and emerald green eyes made her pulsate with dark, sultry heat and promise.
She was a nineteen-year-old international model who started modeling when she was just seventeen. She loved his voice.
She sucked him off in the first hour they met and didn’t leave his side after that.
Karlee’s polar opposite in every way, not just because Effie was tall and skinny, but her face and other features, like her personality also contrasted. Effie didn’t tell Xavier what to do. She never asked about his business plans or private thoughts. She didn’t like to talk very much, which was fine. She liked to be sexed up and she loved to listen to him sing. She worked at her job, and came and went in and out of Xavier’s daily routine. He was allowed to enjoy his freedom and anonymity with her. And if he slept with other women? She never cared.
One night, she brought a friend home, and he jumped into bed with the two Amazonian beauties, frolicking with abandon for three days. They brought out some cocaine. Said it was for fun. He hesitated, ignored and refused it for the first two days. But on the third, he thought why not? And he tried it.
It resulted in a wild, insane flight on a plane that took him further than all his previous travel.
They wound up in Brazil and partied for weeks at a ritzy, all-inclusive resort. Both women and him.
They separated with her friend when he and Effie flew home.
Home had become a loose term. Xavier stayed in the penthouses of many different cities. There was no one place he was ready to call home. He couldn’t commit to one city. He rented a yacht in Miami, which became his pseudo-home base.
More drugs entered the scene. His drug use was sporadic. He was careful not to let them become his masters. But using them occasionally helped to diminish his doubts, insecurities, regrets, and inhibitions. They allowed him to more easily connect to this new world he was traversing. They let him stop thinking about his guilt, heartache and regret over Karlee Randall.
Karlee.
Whenever her name, her face, her voice, or her essence drifted through his mind, he banished it. He ignored the alarming pain when his heart squeezed too tightly in his chest and he worried it was an early heart attack. He dismissed her from his heart and mind. Otherwise, he couldn’t survive. His guilt felt like a layer of steel wrapped around his body, imprisoning him. The only release he found for it was diving into one chemical substance or another. They were multiple and varying. Weed, booze, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy. He didn’t do drugs all the time. Mostly after his shows and at private, intimate gatherings. For a few hours, during his gigs, the words and passion came out through his fingers and his mouth. Music was the closest thing to a drug for ignoring his injuries and pain. Creative expression worked its magic, giving him a modicum of relief.
After the gigs ended, Effie was eagerly waiting to greet him. She kissed him and soothed his physical desires. But even her delicious body couldn’t alleviate his guilt, or the ache, or the regret. Mood-altering substances were the solution for that. Drugs were the only thing strong enough to sever his ties to Karlee Randall, and extract her from his brain, his soul, and his heart.
Xavier and Effie lived in hotels and the bridal suites and penthouses started to become his normal housing. Effie kept a condo in New York they went to between gigs. Lots of parties and events there. She knew plenty of people owing to her own career. Actors, directors, news anchors and other celebrities. The list of famous people she introduced Xavier to grew very long.
Being the hottest new ticket item for a few months, his handlers did all they could to poach him. His hasty hook-up with Effie Essex fielded gossip, pictures, stories and public interest. All that merely added to his clout and machismo.
Flooded with money, power, interest, and fame, Xavier was amazed. People wanted him. All kinds of people. His fans were young and old. Business people wanted to do deals with him. Entertainment managers and PR reps sought an introduction with him, eagerly begging to schmooze and persuade him to their way of thinking. He talked to so many people he could never remember them all. He had an orbit of different people circulating around him all the time. From his manager to an exclusive makeup artist. Who the fuck needed such luxuries?
On and on the list went.
He was an undeniable luminary. New and shiny and bright. The world belonged to him, and he felt like a toddler every day with a new toy to play with. When he was sober, usually during the quiet morning hours, and alone, he realized that.
But as soon as he got up, he experienced it all over again, still so new and fresh, it was entrancing. Xavier had talks with famous sports players, musicians, and even goddamned movie stars. The seduction happened slowly. First, he felt welcome and wanted, and the interest they showed in him was a drug far more potent than anything he could ingest into his body.
He hung out in LA, New York and Miami. The boy who traveled no more than a few miles from his hometown, now flew around the globe. He played his music and partied and fucking just lived.
His vow when he first came to Arlington and located Rob Williams’ house was to accomplish every goal he ever dreamed of by the age of twenty-three.
What he failed to consider was the hell he’d be paying for it at age twenty-four.
And what he destroyed in the wake of his ambition.
His heart. His soul. His love.
He lost Karlee.
She became a distant memory. Her words faded along with her presence and energy, and the freshness and genius she brought that always made him feel more alive whenever he got near her. His love for her was dying.
He was a different Xavier now. The old Xavier was someone lonely and hurt and searching. He was young then, and capable of feeling love.
It was startling to him still whenever he pondered how one decision could manage to destroy all the things he valued in a very short amount of time. Innocence, vulnerability, love.
He didn’t love Effie. There was no one in his new life and nothing that could come close to how he felt for Karlee.
Sure, he enjoyed the fawning women and the week-long orgies and drugs. Knowing Effie didn’t care whom he slept with, he lived for parties and his freedom to mingle with whomever he chose on any given day or evening. He liked all that. It stroked his ego that was too big and too much in need of acknowledgement. His ego led to his ruin.
