Silas: A Station 47 Novel, page 8
I pull up to his house, and he’s quick to open the door and meet me out front, offering to carry my guitar case for me.
“I’m used to lugging this thing around,” I tease after he gives me a kiss hello.
“I know, but it doesn’t mean you have to.”
We walk inside, and I see he’s already got dinner ready to go. He hands me a plate, then dishes up the lasagna he made.
“Now, this I could get used to,” I say with a laugh.
“With you getting off so late, I figured you’d be hungry. I hope lasagna is okay.”
“It’s amazing. Thank you!”
“There’s sourdough bread and butter already on the table.”
I lean up and kiss his cheek. “You’re too sweet.” I walk to the table and take my seat, where a glass of wine is waiting for me. “You know, if you start off this way, I’m going to get used to being spoiled like this.”
He lets out a loud laugh as he carries his plate to the table. “Well, I can tell you this is what I would have done tonight if you were here or not, so stick around, and you will get spoiled like this on days I’m not at work.”
“So, this isn’t just an act to lure me in, and then you never cook for me again?”
He picks up his wineglass, holding it up to me to cheers. “The wine is the only thing I might not do in the future, and we might eat in front of the television, but dinner will always be supplied. I like to cook.”
I pick up my glass to clink it with his, then take a drink. “Then, I might have to stick around.”
“I’m hoping you do.”
We eat dinner, talking about our day and the calls he had last night. I don’t understand how he does it. They got two calls in the middle of the night, so he got three hours of sleep total. I’d be an absolute zombie, yet he has to perform at a high level of brain function. It’s impressive for sure.
After cleaning up our dinner, he grabs my guitar and heads to his backyard. “Want to sit out here and play for me?”
Tingles of both excitement and nerves race through me. I’ve never played for just one person before.
“Sure …”
I grab my wineglass and follow him out.
He points to the couch and then the chair across from the couch. “What’s more comfortable for you to sit in while you play?”
“I’ll take the chair.” I put my glass down, and after he sets the case down next to the chair, I open it.
I take a deep breath as I sit down and place the guitar on my lap, looking down at it, thinking of what to play.
My eyes meet with his, and instantly, my chest tightens, so I bite the inside of my lip, trying to calm whatever is going on inside of me.
Silas tilts his head to the side with a concerned expression. “What’s wrong?”
I chuckle, hiding my nerves. “I’ve never played for someone like this.”
“You perform in front of a crowd. I’ve already seen you twice. How is this different?” he asks in a soft voice.
I inhale and let it out slowly, while I figure out how to explain how it is different.
He stands and removes his shirt. “Aren’t you supposed to envision the crowd naked? I can be naked so you don’t have to envision it.”
I laugh out loud. “No, that’s not how it works.”
He pulls his shirt back on.
“If you get naked, we won’t make it through one song,” I say under my breath before I realize he can hear me.
“Oh, don’t you worry. We’ll get there too. I just want to hear you sing first.”
He sits back down as heat fills my entire body at the thought of being close to him.
I strum a few chords, checking to make sure the guitar is in tune, and think of what song to play. “Okay, I got it. Let’s see if you recognize this one.”
I play a few chords, then start singing, “It’s all right to tell me what you think about me.”
It’s a punk rock song by Blink-182, but I’ve slowed it down and created my own version. I’ve been working on playing with songs like that to show people how much just the pace of the song can change the entire vibe.
I get lost in the words and the chords I’m playing, keeping my eyes shut and feeling every line deep in my soul.
When I get to the end of the song, I really slow down when I sing, “Well, I guess this is growing up.”
Once I’m done, I take a deep breath and look up at him for the first time since I started.
“Wow …” He claps slowly. “Just wow. What song was that?”
A grin grows on my face. “You didn’t recognize it?”
“It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I’ve definitely never heard a version like that.”
“I’ve been playing with popular songs that have really powerful words, but since they are played at such a fast beat, people lose the meaning of what they’re singing.”
“I’ve never thought about that.”
“Yeah. Who would have thought a Blink-182 song could be that meaningful?”
“That was Blink-182?”
“Yep, that was their song ‘Dammit.’ ”
“You’re shitting me.” He reaches for his phone—I’m assuming to play it through one of his music apps.
The familiar punk rock guitar starts off the song as he watches the video on YouTube intently. I put the guitar down and go to sit next to him.
When they begin to sing the words, he pops his head up, recognizing what I just sang, then turns his attention back to the small screen, where three guys are jumping around, acting like fools at a movie theater.
The way they play it makes it sound so fun and active, yet the true meaning of the song is anything but.
When it’s over, he turns to face me. “I never would have thought a punk rock song had such deep meaning.”
A big smile spreads across my face. “Every song has meaning, good or bad. You just have to pay attention to the words. The faster the beat, the less you feel. All you have to do is slow it down, and the entire feelings change.”
“That it does.” He sits back and thinks. “I’m not sure if I’ll ever look at any song the same.”
This makes me smile even bigger. “That’s the point. Songs can be very meaningful. They can make you feel things you might not have thought of. They are therapy for sure.”
He nods his head very slowly. “For sure.” Then, he sits up just enough to crawl on his knees to me. “You know what else is therapy?”
I follow his lead and lie down on my back, allowing him to climb on top of me. “No.” I play dumb. “Will you show me?”
“Oh, I’ll show you all right.”
He kisses me, and all of my senses disappear. I focus only on him and the power he has over my body, healing every ounce of me with one kiss.
15
Kara
The past week and a half have been an absolute whirlwind. It’s a good thing he works twenty-four-hour shifts, and I watch the girls, or I don’t think we would have ever left his bed. I’ve been dying to know where he’s taking us on this trip he’s planned, but he has been so completely lip-locked that it’s not even funny. Now, I’m packed and ready to go, sitting at my place for him to pick me up. The only thing I knew to wear was comfortable shoes.
He pulls up, and I walk outside to greet him, not wanting to wait one more minute to find out where we’re going.
“Okay, will you tell me now?” I beg.
“Hello to you too,” he jokes.
“Hi.” I give him a quick kiss, then stare at him, urging him to talk.
He laughs out loud. “Is this that much torture?”
“Yes! It’s impossible to pack if I don’t know where we’re going.”
He points to my bag. “You have comfortable shoes, right?”
“Yes. And pants, shorts, workout clothes in case we’re going hiking because I have no other idea why I would need comfortable shoes,” I start to rant, and he pulls me close to him, getting me to stop talking.
“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you, as I can tell this is really bugging you.”
I slump in his arms, thankful I’ll finally find out, and wait patiently for him to tell me.
A small smile grows across his face as he opens his arms up wide and yells, “We’re going to Disneyland,” just like you see on the commercials.
I instantly start cracking up. “You’re serious?”
“I’m dead serious. I had to scalp these wristband things because I guess you can’t just get a normal ticket anymore, but I was able to make it happen.”
I sit there and think about all the possibilities that ran through my head. Not once did Disneyland come to mind, but the more I think about it, the more perfect it is.
We’ve talked about how being an adult comes with responsibilities I didn’t know existed when I was a kid and how I wish we could go back to those carefree days, and here he is, giving me exactly that.
I wrap my arms around him. “That’s pretty cool of you to plan this.”
He hugs me back. “The guys were making fun of me, saying I needed to bring you somewhere more romantic.”
I shake my head. “Nah. This is perfect.”
He kisses my lips. “Good. Let’s get on the road.”
We drive to the airport, make our way through security, then find a place to sit and wait for our flight to board. I’m trying to hide the fact that I’m nervous, but he catches on and reaches for my hand, which is clammy.
“What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
I inhale, then let it out slowly, deciding to tell him the truth. “I’ve never flown before.”
He jumps up to face me more. “Seriously?”
A nervous laugh escapes my lips. “I told you I’ve never been anywhere.”
“But what about when you moved to Tennessee?”
“We drove. I had to move all of my stuff with me.”
Now, it’s his turn to laugh. “Oh, yeah …” He grips both of my hands in his. “There’s nothing to worry about.”
I take another deep breath. “That’s what I keep telling myself.”
“Flight 2403 to California will begin boarding at gate A3,” a woman says over the loudspeaker, and my heart instantly drops.
He stands and lifts me up as well. “I got you. I promise. Don’t be scared. We’ll be just fine.”
I nod my head, trying to convince myself of the same thing.
He grabs my bag and carries it to the gate as I follow him, focusing on my breathing so I don’t give myself a panic attack.
We make our way to our seats, every step making it harder and harder for me to function. I don’t know why I’m so scared, but I can’t seem to talk my way out of it. I’ve never thought about flying since there never was an opportunity to do so, but I had no idea it would affect me this much.
I sit down in the middle seat, and he sits next to me in the aisle. I grip the armrests, breathing in and out, keeping my sight locked forward.
He releases my hold and places his hand in mine. “I had no idea you were this afraid of flying.”
“Me neither,” I am barely able to say.
“Just breathe,” he says in a calming voice.
I nod. “I’m trying.”
His slight laugh doesn’t help, so I eye him, making him laugh more.
“Look at me.”
I turn, still focusing on my breathing.
“Everything is going to be just fine. Look at the flight attendants. They do this every single day.”
I search for one, and she’s preparing stuff in front of us, acting like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
“Yeah, but you run into burning buildings too. What’s the difference?”
The harsh laugh that escapes his lips does calm me slightly.
“Okay, I’ll give you that. This is completely different though. I’m paid to rescue people. They are paid to serve us drinks and make sure the flight goes smoothly.”
I nod and look forward again.
“Just try not to think about it,” he says, continuing to hold my hand and sitting back in his own seat.
Before we know it, we’re pulling away from the gate, and the flight attendant I was keeping my eye on speaks over the intercom, giving us directions as to what would happen if we had to evacuate the airplane.
A new panic arises, and I look at Silas with my eyes wide open in fear.
“They have to tell us just in case something happens.”
“Exactly,” I forcefully whisper, making him laugh.
“It’s okay. I would assume you have a better chance of winning the lottery multiple times over.”
“But there’s still that chance!”
He places his other hand over mine. “Just breathe.”
We drive for a few minutes, making turns and driving more, which is starting to feel like an eternity.
Without warning, the plane accelerates, and I close my eyes, squeezing his hand for dear life.
To my surprise, I feel him place his hand on my cheek as he brings his lips to mine. He doesn’t do anything else but press them to mine, breathing in my fear and holding me tight. I feel my body loosen a bit, so he opens his mouth and swipes his tongue against mine. I follow his lead and kiss him back, feeling each movement opening up my airway and calming the panic racing through me. Once he feels my grip on him loosen, he pulls back slightly, placing his forehead on mine.
“Are you better?”
“Much,” I breathe out.
He kisses my forehead just as a ding sounds over us. “That’s a good sign. That’s how the pilot signals to the flight attendants that takeoff was all good.”
I nod and sit back in my seat, closing my eyes again and taking more steady breaths now that we’re in the air and everything is okay. Silas is still rubbing small circles on my hand, making it easier for me to breathe.
I take one more deep breath and place my head on his shoulder as my silent thank-you for his help in getting me through my panic attack. His kiss to my forehead is the last thing I need to fully realize I’m going to be just fine.
16
Kara
With the time change and the five-hour flight, when we land in Southern California, we pretty much only have time to get our bags, grab some dinner, and head to the hotel. Since we only get one day in the park, Silas wants us to get up super early so we can spend every second there.
I know it’s going to be a completely exhausting day, but the excitement of it all will be so worth it.
As we lie in bed, facing each other, I ask, “Why Disneyland?”
His grin is adorable. “You said you’ve never been anywhere, so I knew you hadn’t been. I’m a true believer that everyone should experience the happiest place on earth at least once. Plus, you talk about Katy and Lana so much that I know you like kids, so I thought this would be right up your alley.”
“I really do. I can’t wait to have kids of my own someday,” I reply.
His face falters, but he doesn’t say anything as he leans over, kisses me on my forehead, and says, “Let’s get some sleep.”
We wake up and are out the door with ease. Once we get to the park, there are already people lined up, waiting to get in.
Silas pulls out a map. “I figured we’d start in the back, then work our way forward, hoping most people will rush to the first thing they see.”
“Do you have this whole day mapped out?”
“Of course I do. There’s a lot to see, so I want to make sure we get to it all!”
His response makes me giggle.
“You’re too cute.” Then, I look at him in question. “Have you ever been here?”
He shakes his head. “I’ve only ever been to the one in Florida.” He wraps his arms around me. “We’re seeing this for the first time together.” He kisses the top of my head. “Just don’t make me wear the ears, okay?”
“Ah, you won’t wear them with me?” I pout.
He sighs. “Okay, maybe, but only if you ask nicely.”
I laugh, and he holds me tighter.
The doors finally open, and as we make our way through them, the little kid in me is absolutely overjoyed. I dreamed of being able to come here when I was younger. They used to have all those commercials of people yelling, “We’re going to Disneyland!” and I so wished it could be me. I never would have thought my boyfriend would be the one to bring me here all these years later.
I’m overwhelmed by the noise, the visuals, and even the smells as we walk into the park. There’s so much to take in, and I don’t know where to look, as I’m afraid I’ll miss something if I look the wrong way.
After taking in the map, then my actual surroundings, I can see why people plan more than one day here.
I grab Silas’s arm. “Please tell me you’ve mapped out the things we have to see versus things to do only if we have time?”
“You know I did.” He pulls out the map again, but this time, he shows me his notes as we walk. “I made sure to balance it out with rides where we don’t sit for long with rides like Pirates of the Caribbean, where you sit the entire ride.”
I grab the small piece of paper, where he wrote what order we’d do things and when.
I smile up at him. “You put so much effort into this. It’s truly amazing.” I stand on my toes to give him a kiss.
“It’s your first real trip anywhere, so I had to go all out.” He takes his note back and folds it up to put it back into his pocket. “Now, let’s run, so we don’t have to wait in line as long.”
We race like excited children to the Star Wars ride, and I laugh the entire time.
His idea works perfectly, and we’re one of the first people to ride. When we exit, the line is already longer than I imagined it could be.
He leads the way to our next attraction, and I follow with ease, loving the fact that I don’t have to think or plan a thing since he has it all covered.
As we walk past a booth selling Mickey ears, I stop and grab one to put on his head. He gives me the silliest expression, then grabs a princess version with a veil attached in the back, putting it on my head. He reaches for his phone and holds it up to take a selfie of the two of us.
