Silas: A Station 47 Novel, page 10
I drive straight to the bar as nerves race through my stomach. I know being a firefighter/paramedic has some hard aspects to the job, but I guess I’ve never fully understood what these people go through and how difficult it can be on their lives.
When I get there, the mood is nothing like I’ve seen in the past. The once-lively bar is quiet and almost depressing. Even though music is playing, there’s no one dancing, and barely anyone is even talking.
All the guys are at the bar, so I head toward them, seeing if I can pick out where Silas is hiding.
Hollywood spots me first and nods his head to me in greeting, then motions to where Silas is sitting.
I mouth, Thank you, to which he holds up his beer in acknowledgment.
The girl he has his arms wrapped around turns to see who I am, then gives me a somber expression. She tries to give me a smile that I can tell she wants to be genuine, but there’s too much sadness surrounding her.
I suddenly find myself in a situation where I have no idea what to do.
Whatever happened must have been really bad, and I’m not sure how I should act in this instance.
Silas and I have gotten close over the past few weeks, but that’s the issue. It’s only been a short amount of time. How much do I really know this man? I don’t know how to support him through something like this. Especially when I don’t even know what really happened.
I peek around some of the guys, who part when they see me coming, giving me access to where Silas is sitting at the bar by himself with his head slightly bowed down, staring at the beer bottle he’s holding.
Resorting to the only thing I do know how to do, which is cheer up kids when they are down, I decide to play with him by bringing him back to the night we met with Lee Brice’s song “One of Them Girls.” When I remember how the music video is actually about a woman firefighter, I pause and smile up at heaven, knowing everything that has happened between me and this man has been for a reason, which led us exactly to where we are right now and me being the one to come help him through whatever is going on in his head.
I sing to him as I come up behind him, wrapping my arms around his body while I slow the song down. “Are you one of those guys who peels off the Bud Light label?”
He doesn’t turn around, instead he grabs my arms around him and holds me there tightly.
“You are my angel,” he whispers with a crack to his voice that makes me fight back tears.
He loosens his grip on me, so I slide around to sit next to him. We stare at each other for a few seconds with him not saying a word while wearing the saddest expression I’ve ever seen.
I place my hand over his. “You okay?”
He inhales a deep breath, then shakes his head and goes back to staring at his bottle.
I scoot closer to him, placing my head on his shoulder. Instantly, his head falls to mine, and we sit there, just holding each other.
I feel a hand rub my back, so I sit up to see Myles standing there.
“Glad you’re here.”
“Of course,” I respond, looking at Silas, then at Myles. I mouth, What happened?
He looks at the back of Silas, then at me and shrugs as he mouths, It’s the job.
I exhale a deep breath, not sure what to do. I’ve had to console friends who broke up with boyfriends or other minor things, but I’ve never been in a situation where I helped someone who lived through something devastating, and all I can think about is how bad this must be.
What I’m not understanding is, why is Silas taking it so much harder than everyone else?
Myles walks away, and I turn my attention back to Silas.
Leaning in, I place my head on his shoulder. “Want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head, bringing the bottle up to his lips and grimacing at the taste. I reach for it and feel it’s nowhere near cold anymore.
“How long have you been here?”
He shrugs. “No clue.”
“Can I take you home?”
He looks at me, his eyes so sad that they bring a whole new level to the phrase puppy-dog eyes, only instead of making you smile, they hurt you deep into your soul.
When he doesn’t say anything, I place my hand on his cheek. “Let’s get you home, okay?”
He nods, and I lean in to kiss him, just holding my lips there, hoping I can give him the strength he needs to stand up.
I place my forehead on his. “Is your truck here?”
He shakes his head. “Myles came to pick me up at home.”
“Okay, good. Let’s go there then.”
He nods and stands up.
A good-looking guy walks up to me, who is obviously older than us, but not by a ton, and he holds his hand out to me. “I’m Asher. You must be Kara.”
I grin as I shake his hand. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”
“Thanks for being here for him.” He motions toward Silas, who is taking out his wallet to pay, but Asher stops him. “Don’t worry about it tonight. It’s on me. You just get home and let this pretty woman love on you.”
Silas looks at him, then at me as a slight smile graces his face. He reaches for my hand, bringing it to his lips, then says to Asher, “Yes, sir.”
Asher punches him in his arm playfully, giving me the feeling this is an ongoing joke about their age difference.
Seeing that he can still joke around gives me hope that he’s going to survive whatever happened.
“It was nice to meet you, Kara,” Asher says.
“You too.” I smile.
Asher walks back to the group of guys and a girl, who wraps her arms around his waist, as I lead Silas out of the bar.
We walk to my car in silence, then hop in. Once I start the engine, the radio plays a commercial, so I reach for my phone and play the song—our song—hoping it will make him smile.
When he hears the song start, he leans his head back on the headrest, turning to look at me. He reaches for my hand, holding me tight as we listen to Lee Brice talk about being one of them girls.
Without letting go of his hand, I use my left hand to put the car in drive and pull away from the curb.
The song ends, and as another one begins, I turn toward his house.
“Just drive,” he barely says, not even moving his head from the headrest.
I squeeze his hand tighter as my acknowledgment to his request and turn away from his house and toward some back roads that I like to drive on to just get away from it all.
We spend the next half hour just driving around, not saying a word and listening to whatever song happens to come on.
Though he still hasn’t said much, I can tell he’s calmed down a little by the way his jaw isn’t clenched so tight, so I figure it’s time to head back to his place and see if we can get him some food.
He doesn’t protest as I take the road leading to his home, and when we pull in the drive, he turns to me.
“Thank you,” he whispers before leaning up to kiss me.
“Anytime.”
I cut the engine, and we exit the car, then enter his house in silence. When he reaches for my hand and leads me toward his bedroom, I get the sense it isn’t because he wants to get sexy, but I follow him, knowing I’ll be there in any capacity that he needs me to be.
He takes his shoes off, so I remove mine. When he climbs on the bed, not removing any of his clothes, I do the same. As I lie down next to him, he guides me to lie on my back, then wraps his large frame around mine and places his head on my chest.
We lie like this for a while, him holding me tight while I rub his back and arm.
My heart instantly rips open wide when I feel my shirt getting wet from the tears he’s crying.
“I couldn’t save him,” he finally says as the dam breaks, and he can’t hold his emotions back anymore.
I just hold him, letting him know he’s safe with me and allowing him the space to cry all he needs. I’m trying to be strong for him while he shakes from the sobs he’s releasing and holds me so tight that I can barely breathe.
I still don’t know what happened tonight, but if this is his reality, I’m glad I can be here to help him through it.
20
Silas
I wake up in Kara’s arms, more thankful than ever to have her in my life. Yesterday was hard, and having her by my side helped more than she’ll ever know. I’m still absolutely fucked up from the first tragic call I was on from months ago, but at least I know with her by my side, I’ll get over this much faster than I did last time.
She feels me stir and kisses the top of my head.
That’s when I realize we’re still in our clothes from last night and lying on top of my bed.
“Good morning,” she says.
I inhale, then move to my side of the bed and pillow so I can see her better. “Thank you for being here for me last night.”
She turns to face me. “I’m glad they called me. Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah.”
I take a deep inhale and let it out slowly—something a counselor taught me after I kept getting panic attacks after that first call.
I know she doesn’t know what to say or how to respond, so I reach for her, bringing her to me this time and holding her the way she held me last night. I’m in awe at how just lying here with her makes me feel. It’s like all the weight of my entire life is completely lifted, and I can breathe when we are like this.
“You perform tonight, right?” I ask.
“Sure do.”
A huge grin covers my face at the thought of getting to see her perform again.
“You’re coming, aren’t you?”
I hold her tighter. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Kara
The nerves aren’t as bad as the last time I performed, but I also don’t know what to expect this time in terms of the crowd. I gained a ton of social media followers after the last show, and Silas’ sister helped me with another flier so we could promote it again, but there’s no guarantee that many people will show up for a second show.
I’m putting on the final touches to my makeup when Silas comes up behind me in the bathroom, leaning against the doorway and staring at me with a small grin.
“What?” I question the look he’s giving me.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says, his smile growing bigger.
I try to hide my blush as I turn to him and give him a kiss as my thank-you. I mean for it to be a quick kiss, but he grabs me and holds me there, kissing me deeper and making chills run throughout my entire body.
“Every guy there will be thinking about how they want to take you home tonight,” he whispers.
I laugh out loud. “Well, they can think all they want. I’m taken.”
“Hell yeah, you are.” He grabs my ass, pulling me closer to him, and kisses me again.
I can’t stop giggling as I try to push him away, knowing how easy it is to get lost in the moment and end up in bed with him, but I’ll be late if we do.
“I have to go.”
He pulls back and grabs my hand, leading me out of the bathroom. “Let’s get this over with so I can bring you back to my place and have my own private performance.”
His words make me laugh again as I follow him to the front door, grab my stuff I have sitting there waiting and we leave together in his truck.
We arrive at Ruby’s, and when I see a line at the door, my eyes open wide.
Silas reaches for my hand. “They’re here for you, Angel.”
He gives me a soft kiss before we exit his truck, then he reaches my guitar from the back seat while I grab my bag. Hand in hand, we walk to the back door, where Joey told me to enter for this show.
Silas sends him a quick text that we’re here, and he’s there in seconds to let us in.
“Hey,” he says in a hurry, rushing back to where he came from. “This place is nuts. You know where to go, right?” he asks over his shoulder.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I respond.
He gives me a thumbs-up as he turns the corner to go back to bartending, I assume.
Silas wraps me in a hug. “I’m so proud of you.”
I have to fight back tears as I hug him, still in disbelief that all of this is even happening. I know this is my dream, and I moved here for this, but it still feels unreal to see all of these people are here to listen to me.
He lets go of me and guides me to the backstage area so I can get ready.
Joey already has a few bottles of water sitting there for me, but Silas still asks, “Can I get you anything to drink? Maybe a shot to calm your nerves?” He bounces around like he’s nervous.
I laugh out loud at his shot reference. If I had a shot right now, I’d feel way too buzzed to perform. “I’m good. Do you need a shot?”
He places his hand on his stomach. “I might. How come I’m nervous?”
I place a kiss on his cheek. “That’s cute. I like that you’re nervous for me. You can go get something if you want. I’m good back here by myself.”
He shakes his head. “Nope. I’m not leaving you until you’re on that stage.”
I kiss him again, then grab my guitar case and open it to make sure everything is in tune, even though I’ve already checked it a hundred times today.
About twenty minutes later, Joey comes back to join us. “How are we doing back here? You ready to go on?”
I smile at him. “I’m ready.”
“Great. I’ll go announce you, then same thing as last time. You do your thing and just let me know if you need anything.”
I stand from where I was sitting with my guitar on my lap. “Let’s do this.”
Joey heads toward the stage, and Silas grabs me one last time.
“Good luck out there.”
We kiss, and I walk out of the room, feeling nothing but confidence racing through me, especially after that kiss.
“Thank you, everyone, for coming out to Ruby’s tonight. I know you’re here for only one reason, so without further ado, everyone, give a warm Ruby’s welcome to Kara Parsons!”
The crowd erupts with people clapping and whistling as I enter the stage, waving at everyone.
“Thank you all for being here tonight! I’m Kara Parsons, and let’s get this show started!”
I strum on my guitar, and the crowd claps even louder.
As I sing the first song, my eye catches Silas at the bar, jumping up and down while screaming at the top of his lungs. Knowing I have his support fuels me even more as I try my hardest to put on one hell of a show.
Once the show is over, I’m both exhausted and so full of energy that I don’t know what to do with myself.
I exit the stage, waving my goodbyes, and when I walk in the back room, Silas is already there, waiting for me.
“You were amazing!” he says with so much excitement as he picks me up and swings me around, making me laugh.
“Thank you!” I say, hugging him tightly. “Thank you for giving me this. Thank you for being here for me.”
He sets me down and looks into my eyes. “This is all you. They are here to see the incredible show you put on.”
He holds my head with both of his hands and kisses me with so much passion that I wish I could rip our clothes off right here and let him have his way with me.
“Okay, you two, no fucking in my back room,” Joey says as he enters the area.
Silas pulls back, laughing. “Way to cockblock, dude.”
He flips him off and comes straight to me. “You did fantastic up there tonight. I think we might have to schedule you for some more shows. People are asking for you to be here more often.”
I smile big at Joey, then Silas. “I’d love that.”
“Our bar would love it too.” He points at Silas. “I have to get back out there, but I’m serious—no fucking back here.” He cracks a smile as Silas slaps his shoulder playfully.
Once he’s left, Silas picks me up again. “Now, where were we?”
He leans in to kiss me, making me giggle as I push him away.
“Let’s get out of here and go back to your place.”
He stops so quick that I almost lose my footing. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”
He takes my hand and leads me out of the bar and to his truck in a hurry. We drive back to his place probably faster than we should. We rush to exit his truck and run to the door. We’re like two kids racing to the ocean, knowing the waves we are about to create will be much more powerful than anything else on this earth.
We’re barely in the door, and already, he’s peeling off my clothes as I kick off my shoes. The current in the air is so strong, feeling like if we aren’t together as one as fast as possible, lightning will strike us.
He picks me up, carrying me to his room and tossing me onto the bed. I shimmy out of my jeans and yank off my shirt, greedy for him and only him.
Once he’s completely naked, he swoops in, removing my panties and kissing his way up my body. I pull him closer to me, needing him inside me as fast as possible.
When he enters, it’s like heaven and earth, all at once. I can breathe easier. I’m fully alive, and most of all, I feel like my world is complete again.
Our pace is frantic as we both chase a high we didn’t know was possible until we met each other.
I moan, and he moves faster. I scream, and he pushes harder. I hold on to him for dear life, and he hits my G-spot so intensely that I explode all around him, clenching on to him from the inside out.
He’s quick to find his release, and then we hold on to each other tightly, afraid if we move, this high we’re on will disappear.
I never want any of this to fade in any way. A connection this intense can only mean we were absolutely meant to be. I’ve found my one, and together, we’re unstoppable.
21
Silas
I’ve never been so happy to go to work for the day. My morning started out amazing with Kara in my arms … until realization snuck in.
Last night was the most intense sex I’d ever had. So intense that I seemed to lose my marbles as well, and the thought of wearing a condom never even crossed my mind until right at this moment, as I’m standing in the shower, wanting to throw up.
