Scram!, page 6
Mum says,
‘Well, for once, Mrs Stampney,
I am very certain that this has nothing to do with us so please shout your complaints at
someone who actually has a dog!’
Mrs Stampney shouts,
‘I am shouting my complaints at you because it’s your dog!’
Mum shouts,
‘Mrs Stampney, either you have lost your mind or I have lost my mind because I’d like to know how I managed to acquire a dog when I have been at a very boring wedding all weekend.’
Mrs Stampney says,
‘I saw him with my own two eyes STANDING on my patio!’
By now Dad has got out of the bath and dripped downstairs. He has missed what the shouting is all about and says,
‘What’s the problem with someone standing on a patio?
Isn’t that what patios are for?’
Mrs Stampney goes even more purpler.
She shouts,
‘The cement wasn’t set!
Now I am going to
have to live for the
rest of my days with
dog prints in my patio
and I hate
dogs!’
Mum shouts,
‘Well, I’m sorry to hear that, Mrs Stampney, but I suggest you go and find the owner of this dog and
shout
at them!’
And that’s when Grandad walks up the path.
He is soaked to the trousers, and next to him, attached to the rainbow lead,
is Clement.
He says,
‘Good morning, Mrs Stampney.
I have just found our dog.
I do hope he didn’t give you
any trouble?
I think he got into your garden through
a hole in your fence –
you might want to
get it fixed.’
And Mum looks at Clement,
and Grandad looks at Mum,
and we all hold our breath.
And Mum says,
‘Oh, of course, that is
our dog.’
And for once Mrs Stampney is speechless
and has utterly nothing
to say back.
I am very excited
when I find . . .
the envelope on the doormat
addressed to me.
I know it’s from the horrible-spaghetti people because it’s in a green envelope and has a picture of the spaghetti tin on the sticky label.
When I shake it, the metal tag falls out and I see our surname is on the back with our telephone number. It looks good.
I turn it over and I read the name.
It’s scratched neatly on there.
It says Clement except
there is no L.
And Marcie looks at it and says,
‘Maybe you missed it out.
Do you think you did?’
And I think I was concentrating too hard on fitting the letters inside the boxes to remember the L, and I say,
‘I probably did.’
Marcie says, ‘I like it.’
Dad says, ‘It’s the perfect name for a dog who has just left his paw prints cemented in Mrs Stampney’s patio.’
But I’m not sure Clement will like it.
It’s not his name.
Marcie says we should ask Grandad because he knows about animals.
Grandad is talking to Chirp,
and Chirp is singing
a tune.
She is perched on Clement-with-no-L’s head and Fuzzy is playing with his tail. He doesn’t even mind.
Marcie says, ‘Grandad, how did you know that this dog would be a bird-friendly, cat-friendly dog?’
And he says, ‘I think when I saw him running away from Robert’s rabbit.’
I say, ‘You mean the borrowed rabbit.’
And Grandad says, ‘Yes, that borrowed rabbit really gave him the frights and, as we all know, Mrs Stampney’s garden is not a sensible place to hide if you’re scared of scary things.’
I say, ‘Yes, it’s lucky you were there.’
And Marcie says, ‘But how were you there when you were supposed to be over at nice Sandra’s house?’
And Grandad says, ‘Because I heard a commotion.’
And I say, ‘But I thought your ears were on the blink?’
And Grandad says, ‘It was a very loud commotion, so I took a peep over the fence and thought your dog might need some help.’
And Marcie says, ‘How did you know we even had a dog?’
And he says, ‘Because I was beginning to wonder how a ghost had managed to chew a hole in Minal’s anteater T-shirt – ghosts don’t have teeth, you know.’
I say, ‘He has ruined lots of Mum’s things too – she might not want him when she finds out.’
And Grandad says, ‘This dog seems to be the one thing everybody in this family does agree on – even your mother wants Clement to stay.’
And then I tell Grandad about the gone-wrong tag with the missing L.
I say, ‘Do you think Clement will like his name now it has a lost letter?’
And Grandad says,
‘Why don’t you try calling him?’
So we do
and straight away he looks up and licks Marcie on the knee and I can tell he is definitely smiling.
And that’s how we know Cement must be his
actual name because he knows
it belongs to him
and that he belongs
to us.
More exceptionordinarily good books
by Lauren Child
THE CLARICE BEAN BOOKS:
Utterly Me
Spells Trouble
,
Don’t Look Now
THE CLARICE BEAN PICTURE BOOKS:
That’s Me
My Uncle is a Hunkle
What Planet Are You From?
THE RUBY REDFORT SERIES:
RUBY REDFORT LOOK INTO MY EYES
RUBY REDFORT TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH
RUBY REDFORT CATCH YOUR DEATH
RUBY REDFORT FEEL THE FEAR
RUBY REDFORT PICK YOUR POISON
RUBY REDFORT BLINK AND YOU DIE
THE ONE AND ONLY:
written by P.L. Travers
AND THE UNFORGETTABLE:
Don’t miss
Click on the cover to read more.
I would like to thank the following for all
their talent, support and inspiration:
Goldy Broad, Sam Stewart, Nick Lake, AJM
and, of course, my two sisters.
About the Publisher
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Lauren Child, Scram!
