Only You (A Second Chance Romance), page 8
“I’m kidding.” He laughed, although I was pretty sure that he wasn’t. Was he?
Where was Lou to ease the tension when I needed her?
“You’re thinking that I wasn’t kidding.”
“Were you?”
“How well do you know me?”
“I don’t know. It’s been sixteen years.”
He leaned forward, resting his hands on my knees, lightly parting them so that his knee could gently slide between mine, and I heated.
“How well do you know me, Alex?”
I did know him. And he wasn’t kidding.
“You’re going to try to get me back, aren’t you?”
“Do I even have to try?”
I gasped.
He didn’t, but I couldn’t tell him that. And where did that cockiness come from? While I didn’t remember Jackson being this aggressive, I liked it. It was like he was fighting for me, and he was letting it be known. I found that sexy. Knowing you were desired by someone else sent a surge of confidence and need straight into my chest and I felt my breasts swell. Would Jackson have been as negligent of me as Adam was, had I worn my negligee for him? Would he have cared? He definitely wouldn’t have done nothing. Why couldn’t I stop comparing him to my husband?
“Jackson—”
“Alexandra.”
He caught my gaze, and I couldn’t stop staring. God, how much I wanted him to kiss me, the way he first had when I was fifteen. I wanted him to make that same move with his hand, which he started at my shoulder, drew up along the side of my neck before sliding it to the back, confidently guiding my head toward him. I was pretty sure that one had happened on my twentieth birthday. But thank goodness he didn’t, because I was afraid I wouldn’t have stopped him.
“You know that I’m married.”
“And I keep my promises. I’m sorry. I won’t do anything to step between you and Adam.”
“But don’t you see? You being here with me, like this… it’s hard.”
He’d stepped into my marriage at the same moment I found out that he was alive. Confusing was an understatement.
I followed the path of his gaze as he looked down to the bulge tenting over his crotch. “I know what you mean by hard.”
“Jackson,” I loud-whispered. “Stop that.”
“Sorry, but that’s” – he actually pointed down, drawing my gaze that way once again – “not under my control. Only yours.”
“I think I may need some air.” I waved my hand in front of my face.
“Alex, I don’t mean to make a joke out of your emotions. I know it’s… difficult. Definitely more difficult than it is for me, because I don’t have a partner. It makes it easier to grasp at those strings in my heart that keep me tied to you. I know I should stand up and leave. I know I should let you be here on your own, waiting for your husband, but I really don’t want to.”
“Your business meeting?”
“No, I canceled that the moment I saw you sitting here.” He paused, regarding me. Something passed through his mind. “You’re right, though. This is hard. I should leave so that I don’t break my promise.”
I gasped again and my phone vibrated on the counter, as if on cue. I read the message from Adam.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“He’s not going to make it.”
“What?” Jackson checked his watch. “It’s already nine o’clock.”
“That’s okay. He has to work. I understand.”
Displeased, Jackson waved down the bartender. “I’ll have a scotch. And another martini.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m not leaving you to go home sad or upset.”
“Well, I sure as heck can’t go home drunk.”
“You won’t be. I’m just going to make sure that you’re happy.”
“And how do you plan to accomplish that?”
“Are you sad?”
“No,” I laughed.
“See how good I am at this?”
“But I thought you were driving.”
“I’ll take a cab. We can share one.”
I wanted to ask him if we’d make one stop only and take it to his house, but bit my lip.
“You’re thinking about something you shouldn’t be.”
“And you know me too well.”
“I don’t know everything about you. Tell me about your salon. We never discussed your business when we were in Florida.”
That was because we couldn’t stop staring at each other or throwing compliments, memories, smiles, and subtle winks like two newlyweds, either.
“It’s closed now.”
He leaned his head to the side, lightly mocking me. Of course it was closed. We closed at six on Saturdays, and when we did, Anna, the manager we’d hired, did the closing for us.
“We mostly do manicures, pedicures, and waxing. We have fifteen full-time and five part-time employees. And you already know that Lou is my partner.”
“That sounds like a healthy business.”
“It is. We love it.”
“I hope you didn’t give Lou too much trouble for fixing us up at the hotel.”
“I did, but then I forgave her right away.”
“You two still that close?”
“Like sisters.”
He smiled. “It’s good that some things don’t change.”
“And it’s good that some do,” I whispered, feeling my stare bore into him. “Ahm, so anyway, the salon wasn’t successful at first. We started small, just Lou and me, and grew from there. Our customer base grew over the years, mostly by word of mouth, and earlier this year we expanded for the second time when an adjoining unit became available. It’s been busy, and I can’t imagine doing it all without her. She takes care of the paperwork and accounting. I deal with the employees and manage our team, process purchase orders, and things like that. I miss the simple days of sitting around and doing a simple manicure or pedicure.”
“Then do it.”
“What?”
“Do it from time to time. Go back to the basics. It’s your business. Getting in touch with the root of your business again is never a bad idea.”
“Thanks. I think I may have to do that.” I paused. “How is your son?”
“Good. He’s still in Florida. I won’t be moving him officially until Christmas break.”
“Oh, that must be hard. Wait… difficult.”
He smirked. “It is, but I try to fly back for a couple of days during the week. He’s in school now, so I’m sure he’s pre-occupied. What do your kids like to do?”
“You mean when they’re not playing on their iPads? Puppies and movies. They love going to the movies. Especially animated ones. They’re beginning to understand adult humor, which is a little scary.”
“They’re smart. Like their mother.”
“Oh, Adam is the smart one.”
“Alex, you’re one of the smartest women I’ve ever known. And puppies?”
“I think I may have told them how much I love dogs one too many times. We always stop by the pet store at the mall. I can’t tell you how much strength it takes not to buy one. Every single time.”
“What happened to you wanting to be an ultrasound technician?”
I lowered my head. My heart ached. I didn’t want to infuse guilt into this conversation, but he’d asked the question…
“After you died, my life fell apart.”
He stood off his stool and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned against him, like the old times, using his body as not only comfort but now also as an escape.
“I’m sorry. I wish those five years never happened.”
“Me too,” I whispered into his chest, remembering the long hours I’d spent handing out flyers all over town, tying green ribbons around trees and light poles to raise awareness about Jackson’s kidnapping. Nothing helped. No one had even bothered to tell me when he was found alive – but he’d asked them not to.
“Did they hurt you?”
“In some ways more than in others. But I’m better now, and I really don’t want to think about the past.”
“What do you want to think about?”
“You. Only you.”
“Jackson…”
“I’m sorry. That was inappropriate.”
“It’s all right. It will take a while to get used to having you in my life again. It still seems unreal.”
“It does.”
He was holding my hand to his chest, and I was lost in our world again. The need to be his, and only his, expanded under my ribcage. I pulled my hand away, knocking my purse to the ground. Jackson crouched to the floor and picked up the few spilled contents, including my driver’s license.
“You kept your maiden name,” he said.
“Yeah. Adam brought me out of depression. But this way, I thought I’d hold onto a little bit of me.”
He frowned, then mysteriously his lip curved, and I wished I could read him better. I wished I knew what he was thinking.
“Adam sounds like a great man. Take your time, Alex. Don’t feel like you have to rush into anything. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m sorry I’ve made this reunion of ours more difficult than it should have been.”
“You didn’t.”
“Liar. What would your husband say if he knew you were here with another man?”
“But it’s you.”
He leaned closer to me until I could feel his breath on my ear, as he whispered, “Exactly.”
The word slithered through my body, forcing me to realize what he was saying. While Jackson wanted me, while he wanted us, he wouldn’t pursue me for fear of hurting me. I was a married woman.
Speaking of Adam…
“I should get going. It’s late.”
“The cab is waiting outside.”
I hadn’t even seen him call for one. As soon as I hopped off the bar stool, Jackson took me under my arm and we walked outside. The moment felt so natural that I didn’t even question it, not until I was lying in bed that night. That was when the night replayed for me in slow motion, first in my mind, then again in my dreams. I dreamt about how close he sat to me in the cab, how we’d never lost that skin-to-skin contact. Our pinkies were still hooked together as he walked me to my door that night. I wasn’t even nervous, simply because it felt so right. Because he was completely stealing my heart all over again.
I did feel like I’d returned from a real date, the way I had originally planned… except it was with the wrong man.
Chapter 10
“Hey, look what the cat dragged in,” Lou shouted as Adam opened the front door. Lightning flashed behind him, followed by roaring thunder. He looked up from underneath his soaked lashes and strands of hair as if he’d summoned this weather.
“Don’t you have your own house to ruin, Lou?”
My head flew from my husband to my best friend.
“And it speaks!” she yelled out in triumph.
“I bet your mother has a loud bark!” he snapped back.
Ouch.
I turned her way again, waiting for a comeback. Sometimes watching them bicker like that was pretty entertaining, and I wondered where it would end.
“Oh, don’t worry, Adam. The longer you stay out, the more time Alex has to hang out with some of her new friends.”
What? I didn’t want it to end on me!
I widened my eyes at her. Adam didn’t know about Jackson’s miraculous return just yet. Though it had been almost two weeks since I’d come back from Florida, there had never been a good time to talk. Adam was either exhausted after work or had to stay in his home office on the computer, frowning, huffing, and puffing. Whatever was going on at work was draining him, and I didn’t want to give him another reason to worry. Did he have to worry?
No, of course not.
Besides, I hadn’t seen or heard from Jackson in a week. When he’d dropped me off in that cab at home, he’d mentioned flying back to Orlando for a few days. I wasn’t even sure if he’d returned, though I couldn’t stop checking my phone for messages. Did he even have my number?
“Are you hungry?” I asked. Adam looked up as if he were ready to kill me, and handed me an envelope with his employer’s logo in the top left corner.
Oh, no!
“He’s got it in for me, I’m telling you. He wants to grab me by my throat and squeeze until I can’t breathe anymore.
What was happening? I quickly pulled out the letter and read the first three paragraphs, each one making me more and more confused as to why my husband was so angry.
“Adam, this is wonderful news.”
“Wonderful? Cutting our overtime and weekend hours right before Christmas?”
“Well, at least this way we’ll have more family time.”
And you won’t get a chance to stand me up again.
Not that I was planning on going out on another date.
“You mean you’ll be at work with doofus over there” – he nodded to the right, toward Lou – “while I’ll be at home, cooking and cleaning.”
Lou snorted before grinning, “Which is exactly what you were born to do, Cinderella.”
“I’m telling you, he’s got it in for me. He sent this to the entire frickin’ company.”
“That sounds quite nice,” I said in a lower voice, watching as Lou and Adam shot daggers through their eyes at each other. Why would he think this wasn’t good news? Now we’d have time to go pick up the Christmas tree as a whole family. Adam could help us cut it.
“Who’s that, Adam? Who’s got it in for you?” Lou asked almost comically as if she were in on some secret joke I wasn’t aware of.
He ripped the letter out of my hand before I had a chance to finish reading it. “This new CEO.”
“Adam, I think that’s great news. The kids will be thrilled to have you home in the evenings.”
“Yeah, Adam. You can help them bathe, prepare lunches, clean up their toys…”
I elbowed Lou in the ribcage. If she kept this up, that fire burning inside Adam would burst through his nostrils, and since I was standing so close to him, I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of those flames.
“Where are the kids?” he asked.
“Playing with Mom downstairs.” My mother, like Lou, wasn’t Adam’s biggest fan, but she tolerated him for her grandchildren. At least she chose to avoid him when she could; unlike Lou, who thrived on getting in on some action.
“Great! The entire clan is here.” He crumpled the piece of paper and aimed for the hallway garbage basket. He missed.
“Come on, take that wet jacket off. Go shower, and I’ll heat up the food.”
“They said it would be a sunny day,” he mumbled, as he made his way upstairs.
I pulled Lou into the kitchen and forced her to a seat. “Lou, you have got to tone it down.”
“But it’s so much fun.”
“Not to him.”
“Why are you defending him? He’s the one who stood you up, and now he’s not happy to be home on Saturdays? You don’t have to put up with this, Alex. You’ve got options.”
“What?”
“As in, your first option is to leave that man.” She pointed up with her finger, to where our bathroom shower had turned on. “Leave him not because of Jackson, but for Jackson. Those two can’t even compare.”
“Lou, we’ve had this discussion before.”
“And? I’m still waiting for the right answer.”
“You’re waiting for the answer you want to hear.”
“Don’t you want it? Don’t you want him?”
“Of course I do, but it doesn’t mean that I should. Don’t you see? Part of me won’t ever stop loving him, but another part of me made a promise to a different man.”
“A promise that was meant for someone else and stolen from the two of you when those assholes snatched Jackson.”
I lowered my head into my hands and closed my eyes. “Lou, please don’t make this any more difficult for me than it already is.”
For the first time since I returned from Florida, I realized how much stress I’d been under. As I slowly came to terms with the fact that Jackson was back in my life, I also became more and more confused about the kind of role I wanted him to play in my life. The timing was always off when I tried to talk to Adam. I even began doubting that I’d get an opportunity to mention Jackson’s resurrection to him at all.
“It doesn’t have to be difficult. Who do you love?”
“What?”
“It’s a simple question. You don’t have to answer me, but answer it for yourself.”
Why was it more difficult to answer than it should have been?
“I love my children. They’re the most important to me and I won’t do anything to rob them of the family they deserve. I grew up without a father, and I don’t want them to have the same experience.”
“Your father died, honey. Adam is fine. He’d be part of their lives.”
“I can’t believe you’re even saying this to me. You need to stop it, Lou. I mean it.”
“I just want you happy.”
“I’ll be happy if you leave me alone. Jackson’s a friend. That’s it. He will always be a friend.”
“Okay, okay.” She raised her hands up in the air. “I won’t say anything else. I promise. I’ll just let fate do her work.”
I rolled my eyes at her and placed the plate full of food into the microwave.
“I gotta go anyways. I’ll see you on Monday.” She hugged me, then quickly ran downstairs to say goodbye to the kids. One of my best friend’s most precious qualities was that we could hash stuff out one minute, then be back to our usual selves the next.
After Lou left, I used the few minutes I had alone to sit down and get lost in my thoughts. It didn’t take me long to travel back in time; in fact, I’d found myself doing that more often lately. It wasn’t until I felt my mother’s hand on my shoulder that I startled and came back to reality. My kids were sitting at the kitchen counter eating a grilled cheese sandwich while Adam finished his glass of beer with a late dinner.
“Honey? What’s the matter? You seem lost.”
I moved over to the window seat, and my mother sat beside me. Outside, the night had already fallen to darkness. I didn’t like the shorter winter days; they brought more depression. Sophie and Max ran over and hugged me, “I’ll come to kiss you goodnight in a few moments,” I said to them.
