Only You (A Second Chance Romance), page 5
“Some things haven’t changed.”
“I was hoping you’d say that. Go out dancing with me tonight.”
“What?” I giggled. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Fine; I’m not taking a chance that you’ll back out. Go dancing with me right now.”
“Jackson…”
“Alexandra.”
I loved it when he called me by my full name, and he knew it.
“You’re not going to drop this, are you?” I asked.
“All I want is some time with you.” He reached out for my hand. “I will never lose you again.”
It only took one look at him, and I was lost again. My mind spun with questions and possibilities, dreams and hopes. Then an ultimate path to sorrow stretched in front of me, because the more I looked at him, the more I knew that sometime in my future, somebody I loved greatly would get hurt.
Chapter 6
As we stood up and away from the table, he took my hand. I didn’t even think to remove it from his hold. I’d only just gotten him back. He didn’t let go until we arrived at the resort’s main lobby bar. A musician was seated at a grand piano, playing classical tunes. I squeezed his hand.
“This doesn’t sound like something you dance to.”
“Give me one sec.”
Jackson left me at the bar and went over to talk to the pianist. They laughed about something, then laughed some more and shook hands before he returned.
“What did you ask him to play?”
“You’ll see.”
But when the music began, the man at the piano resumed his classical play.
“You look confused,” said Jackson.
“I thought we were going to dance?”
“We will. But we’ll have a drink first.”
“Aha, I knew you were going to get me drunk.”
“Are you afraid to be with me under the influence?”
Of course I was. That is, I was and I wasn’t at the same time. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I also knew that Jackson was a respectful man. He got that from his father. I was more afraid of what I’d do if too much alcohol was cruising through my veins.
“Don’t worry. I won’t let you kiss me,” he added, and at the thought of an actual kiss, I felt warm on the inside. Or maybe it was that new glass of wine already making its way through my system.
“This wine is delicious.” I raised my glass.
“Delicious wine for a delicious lady.”
My eyes bulged out.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Still thinking that you’re single.”
I wasn’t. I was married, and it was a good thing that he reminded me.
“So, you’re back in Seattle,” I asked. “What do you do?”
Where do you live? Can I stop by unannounced?
I raised my glass and tipped it back again. The more I drank the more I knew that I’d need a few more of Jackson’s reminders.
“I’m in graphic design.”
“Oh, well. That’s interesting. What happened to the financial advisor dream?”
“That one ended when I got kidnapped. Besides, I always felt that I was more creative.”
That was true. Jackson loved painting and photography. He loved sharing his mind on canvas and through the lens. I guessed graphic design was an extension of his gift, and it made much more sense than a financial advisor.
“What do you design, then?”
“At this moment, nothing. I was actually given an opportunity to transfer to Seattle because of work. So, I’ve been away from the computer for the most part. But on a normal day, cars.”
“You design cars?”
“I do. Why are you so surprised?”
“I’m not. Adam works for Mercedes. He’s in human resources.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm.”
“Why hmm?”
“I don’t know,” he answered, and I couldn’t help but notice that something was on his mind. Sixteen years had certainly collected a lot of I don’t knows, hadn’t it? Like, me not knowing how I’d go back to a normal life with and without him.
He pointed to my glass asking, “Another one?”
Good idea.
“Why not? I’m in safe hands, right?”
“Yes, you’re definitely in safe hands.” He gave me that warm smile, which made me more confident that coming out to dance with him tonight wasn’t a good idea. Dancing involved touching and swaying and grinding.
“But this isn’t a date,” I added, and then shrugged. “Just to clarify.”
Jackson laughed. “Of course not. If this were a date, I’d be between your legs already.”
I spat out the last sip of wine I took onto the bar. My hand flew up to cover my mouth.
“I’m so sorry.” He passed me a tissue. “That was my fault. Inappropriate, I know. It won’t happen again.”
Somehow I doubted that. “Just caught me off guard.”
“My apologies.”
“It’s okay.”
I caught his gaze again and didn’t let go. Our connection sizzled, pulling me to him. It kept me close to him and I realized just how difficult it would be to go on without him. I glanced at my empty wine glass and decided that my limit was up.
“Tell me something about yourself I wouldn’t have known,” he asked.
“Well, I don’t know how to sneeze quietly.”
The sound of his vibrant laugh traveled through my body, and I started laughing as well. Any remaining tension I felt eased, and the sense of calm I remembered from the past filled me.
This was Jackson. My Jackson.
“I don’t remember you sneezing like that when we were together.”
“Oh, it started after you died. I’m sorry…” I pulled my hand up to my mouth.
“It’s all right.”
“It’s just difficult to get used to the fact that you never died.”
“Nope, all here. Alive and in the flesh.”
He didn’t appear offended by my comment, which was so like him. And yeah, he was definitely in the flesh. His arms in that golf shirt stretched at the seams. His shoulders were wide and… well, there just seemed to be so much more of him. And the wine was getting to me as well.
“But this sneezing thing does concern me. What if I don’t have a handkerchief handy when you let one of those out?”
He carried a handkerchief? The lobby started spinning more and more quickly. I reached for my purse and handed him my room key.
“I’m not inviting you in, because that wouldn’t be appropriate, but I know that I’ll need you to walk me to my room.”
He slid it into his back pocket and smiled.
“Of course. And for what it’s worth, when I sneeze, I can’t do it once. It’s like ten of them burst out of me at the same time, and I can’t stop the sneezing.”
“Sounds like I should be the one carrying a handkerchief,” I teased.
“How are those embarrassing moments coming along for you?” he asked.
Oh. Did he remember my tendency to easily humiliate myself in public?
“Did you just see me spit out my wine?”
“So I see they’re still up to par.”
I laughed. It felt so good to do so. It felt so good to be with him this way.
“Most recently, I spilled a full cup of coffee on myself at Starbucks because the lid came off.”
“Ouch. I hope you didn’t burn yourself?”
“Thankfully I was wearing a sweatshirt.”
“Good. What else would surprise me about you?”
“Well, you know that I’m married, but I also have two teenager-wanna-be’s. Sophie and Max. They’re twins, but you wouldn’t be able to tell from their personalities. They’re very different.”
“I like how your face brightens when you talk about them. How old are they?”
“Nine. I miss them, but being away this week has been good for me.”
“Why?”
Because you came back into my life.
But instead of telling him that, I answered, “I don’t really get that much time to myself. If it’s not work, then it’s soccer or swimming or homework. Sometimes I feel like a cab driver, but they’re my number ones in my life. They always will be.”
“Spoken like a true mother.”
I shrugged.
“Don’t do that, Alex.”
“Do what?”
“Undervalue your worth. You’re a beautiful, hard-working woman, and I’m sure a loving mother. Is it true that you’re running a beauty salon with Lou?”
“Yes, but I’m surprised she was truthful about anything in my life.”
“She also said that you weren’t happy in your marriage.”
I’m going to kill her.
“Are you happy, Alex?”
“In what sense?” I tried to stall. Jackson would see through any lies, and truthfully, I didn’t want to lie to him. We never lied to each other.
“Your marriage.”
“Ahm, yes. I guess. We’re good. I mean, it’s been like ten years already, so the flame obviously isn’t burning as brightly as it did years ago.”
His mouth did that straight line again. “That’s not right. If you were mine, I’d make sure that flame would never fade.”
My heart was beating hard again. I still couldn’t believe that we were here, stealing this moment in time, a moment I’d dreamt about for years, a moment that I was afraid would pass too quickly.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
“That’s why you didn’t come back, isn’t it? Because you thought I was happy. You sacrificed your happiness for mine.”
“Yes.”
Of course he would have. I shouldn’t have been upset with him; I just wished things had turned out differently.
“I appreciate your honesty. Adam is… well, he’s Adam. We all have our faults, but loving someone means accepting both their strengths and flaws. How about you? Are you happy?”
He’d said he was single. Would he tell me about the time he was kidnapped? Would he give me any information about his decision to have Aidan, and what had happened to his mother? Was she still in the picture? He’d mentioned she was with someone else; if so, was it serious? Could I trust that his son’s mother didn’t want him? What was wrong with her if she didn’t? And what was wrong with me, hoping that he’d remain single?
“I thought I was. Aidan is my life, so I can’t be unhappy as long as I have him. But then I saw you this morning.”
“And?”
“And it confirmed that my life wasn’t complete. I guess that sometimes you don’t realize what’s missing in your life until you’re sitting next to her. You realize that she’s the one who makes you whole. Now that I know the truth, that you’re married, I can’t lie that the thought of you never being mine again hurts.”
“Never say never,” I teased, then quickly brought my hand to my mouth to cover it.
Did I actually say that?
I brought my hand to my mouth to cover it
“Alex, I’ve survived because of you. I made it through the next twenty-four hours in that room because of you. I took another breath because of you. And now I’m here because of you. I can’t think of another moment in my lifetime when I’ll be without you, in whatever capacity I can be. You made me want to live and you still make me want to live.” He looked at me in puzzlement. “You’re giving me hope with that look, Alex.”
What look?
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be.” I really shouldn’t be.
But how could I not feel his words? How could I not see that the man sitting in front of me was the same man I’d loved so hard? I did see, and that scared me.
“Stop apologizing. I won’t deny that seeing you has stirred something in my heart, but I also promise you that I won’t do anything to hurt you, and that includes intruding on your marriage.”
“Thank you. I mean that. You will stay in Seattle, though, won’t you?”
“I will. And I promise I’m not going anywhere this time. Come on.” He stood up and reached out for my hand. “Let’s dance.”
I didn’t even bother pointing out that the musician was still playing classical, non-danceable, music, and took his hand. I just wanted to be close to him. As soon as he took me around my waist, the music changed. I recognized the tune and my heart almost stopped, awaiting the lyrics.
Only you, when I really got nothing to do…
He held me close. The moment I breathed him in, I was taken back in time to when we were young, madly in love, and completely unaware of the rest of the world, the way I was now — sort of. Except there wouldn’t be any dipping today, because today I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted to remain close for as long as I could. I leaned further into him, putting my head against his chest. It was harder yet more comfortable than I remembered. He kissed the top of my head and wrapped me in his arms. With a heavy heart, I tightened my grip around him. I would have traded everything in this world to have him like this a little longer, maybe even forever, but I was lying to myself. This wasn’t my life. He wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his. This wasn’t the beautiful reality I wanted to live in.
I felt a few tears drip down my cheek.
“Don’t overthink it, Alex. Things happen for a reason.” He leaned back and lifted my chin with his fingertip.
“I know. It’s just hard. This is hard.”
“I know it is, baby. I know. Come on. Show me some of those moves I remember.” He took my hand and spun me around, lifting my spirits with one move.
After that song, there was another one, and yet another one. I didn’t want to let go, and neither did Jackson. I didn’t want this careless night with my best friend to be over. I didn’t want this trip to be over. It would be in a couple of days. Worst of all, I didn’t want to go back home.
After the fifth song, we went back to the bar where our refilled glasses were waiting. I took a few healthy sips.
“When are you flying back?” he asked.
“Two days.”
“Three for me.”
“You’re staying longer?”
“A few more things to take care of before I officially move.”
“Oh.”
The hint of disappointment trailing on my voice must have given him extra hope again. I didn’t want to do that. More hope meant more pain in the future, and I didn’t want to hurt him.
“Well, let’s make the best of the time we have here together. What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.
“Lou would say to do anything you want to do. But honestly, my schedule is completely open.” Yours. I wanted to say that my schedule was completely his, but held my tongue back.
“Then that’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”
I was tipsy, but in a good way, yet I reached for my glass of wine and finished it off.
“Thank you for tonight. I really enjoyed myself.”
“Me too, baby. Me too.”
He lifted my hand and kissed it. A pang of guilt sprang from my chest as I wondered whether even this conversation and his sweet gestures were appropriate for a married woman. Especially when speaking with someone who had never truly left my heart.
“I want to take you somewhere tomorrow.”
“It’s not a date, though, you know that.” I needed to clear the air. I had to ensure my intentions – to be a friend – weren’t misunderstood.
“It’s a date between two old friends who have a lot of catching up to do,” he clarified.
“But…”
“Not a romantic date, even though I wish it was. I promise to behave.”
I sighed, afraid that no matter how much Jackson promised, the draw I felt to him would always win. In my mind, any time spent with him was special.
“I wish I could stay longer, but I have a meeting in half an hour.” Jackson checked his watch with a cute little frown.
“This late?”
“Yes.”
“Can I walk you to your room?”
“Please do.”
When I got off my seat, Jackson caught me under my arm before I completely lost my balance.
“Thank you,” I said. “I told you I’m still a pro at embarrassing myself.”
“I would describe your moments as more cute than embarrassing.”
“You’re being kind. Once I embarrass you, I’m sure you’ll change your tune.”
“No way. I want to enjoy all my moments with you, even the embarrassing ones.”
“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
We stopped in front of my hotel room door, and I leaned my back against it. Jackson stood in front of me with barely any space between us. I could feel his heated stare on me. But it was more than that. I could feel us, our connection, stronger than ever. For the first time since they told me he’d been kidnapped, I felt complete.
“Alex, in Seattle, we’ll keep in touch, right?” he asked, his hands naturally holding onto my waist, his thumbs circling over my hip bones.
“Of course. In fact, you’re going to come over for dinner as soon as you have a free weekend. I want you to meet Sophie and Max.”
“And Adam?”
“Yes, him as well. Jackson, I won’t let you disappear from my life again, no matter what. I know we can’t have what we had, but I need you in my life. I’ve always needed you. It hasn’t been the same without you.”
He simply smoothed his hand over my cheek and sighed. I closed my eyes. The touch was so wonderful that I wished I could feel it at my leisure. Anytime, day or night.
Sixteen years sounds like a long time. Except it wasn’t when your first love stood in front of you, looking at you as if you were still that girl from his past, the one who got away. The one reflecting in his gorgeous blue eyes… whom she knew he wanted back.
I was wrong when I thought that tonight would be difficult. Tonight was amazing. The difficult part would come later.
Chapter 7
When I saw Jackson in the lobby the next morning, I felt like I was stepping into a dream again. Which honestly would have been nice, given that I’d barely slept all night, and when I did, I’d dreamt of us as two teenagers who were madly in love. I held onto that feeling until the early hours of the morning and still couldn’t shake it off.
