In Scientia, page 21
I looked for repetitions of symbols that might indicate a double letter, usually the easiest way to decode something because there aren’t many words containing them. But nothing. There wasn’t a single pair anywhere on the entire page. Apparently the author was smarter than the kids in Spring City who used to write secret letters about me.
I wanted to explode. How was I expected to read it?
I felt stupid, and angry.
‘Fight like hell. We believe in you.’ Alida and Terence’s voices circled my head. I wanted to scream.
“I give up! I’m done with this!” I yelled at my own echo, slamming the front of the book shut. I wanted to kick it but I wasn’t sure I could get my leg that high.
“In Scientia can suck it,” I muttered, as I walked back to the elevator. “And so can all of you!”
I’d gotten three steps away when it hit me: In Scientia. It was Latin.
Remembering a trend in the late 18th or early 19th century, for secret societies and fraternal orders to hide a cipher’s key in its title, I realized the Latin word for knowledge could itself be the clue.
Swiftly, I transcribed the Latin letters I recognized
T-O-B-E-G-I-N-D-I-S-T-I-L-B-Y-V-A-P-O-R…
I felt a rush of exhilaration—the first time in days I’d experienced anything close to happiness. I didn’t know if it were still part of the test, but it was clear that it was supposed to be uncovered.
Looking at the glass distillation kit in front of me, I wished I could turn back time to pay better attention in chemistry class. Thankfully all I had to do was distill wine, which just meant heating it up and collecting the condensation. The composition of which I was fairly certain was straight alcohol.
Next it called for me to add one part crushed Arabia Felix frankincense.
I found some rock-shaped crystals of the hardened tree sap on a shelf near some dried herbs, next to a liquid that looked like honey. Then it asked for one part lava salt from the tunnels of Mount Vesuvius and two parts powdered holy wood from the Middle Americas. I found jars of it with the label Australis, which I deduced meant Australia.
The preparation finished with equal parts: soil from the ring of fire and emerald dust, both of which sounded made up, considering one referenced hell and the other was a rare gem. Then I remembered that the Sinclairs traded in precious stones and minerals, so if anyone would have an abundant supply, it would be them. Nevertheless, I felt enormously guilty throwing a handful of the expensive stones in the mortar and pestle so I could grind them up.
Finally, I had to combine all the ingredients with the vapor, which I did in the gold pan and, with the spark of jaspre, ignite it to see.
There were two large pieces of red and brown crystal already on the desk that I gathered were jasper, but what I hadn’t realized was that they had the ability to spark like flint rocks.
Clumsily, I banged the two crystals together. The friction of which caused a tiny bolt of electricity to erupt.
I did it again. This time, with more power.
And again.
The sparks were getting bigger, the closer I got to the mostly dry powder mixture.
With a whoosh, the compound combusted, sending my hair flying behind me. The force of the chemical reaction almost knocking me off my feet.
Dark green smoke began to float and twirl upward, ascending high into the chamber. I didn’t know if it were dizziness from being so close to the powder, or inhalation from the smoke, but my heart began racing out of control—my vision distorting.
As I struggled to focus, I suddenly realized an invisible force field had formed around me, encapsulating me in a bubble-like barrier. I could only make out fragments of the room through the thick atmosphere that blurred my view, but nothing looked how it should. Waves of energy appeared to rise out of every object in the chamber. Some were translucent and fast-moving, warping and gliding freely, while others lagged groggily behind, like waves unfolding in the ocean, or sticky drips seeping and curling lazily.
I focused more intensely, trying to discern the cause, when I felt my whole body spasm as if the hallucination were short-circuiting my brain. I reached out in front of me to grab onto the table, but the barrier that was surrounding me held me back. Worse, the pocket of air seemed to be shrinking with every inhale I took.
I held my breath for as long as I could, before my hands began to cramp; my knees buckling, taking me to the floor. Based on past panic attacks I could tell I was mere seconds from blacking out.
I begged the ground for help, tears streaming down my face, as I slammed my fists into the tiles.
I wanted to cry out, but I couldn’t risk losing the air.
My vision faded as all the energy in my body crumbled like dry sand.
With the last of my strength, I threw my head back, gasping for oxygen. My chest collapsed in slow motion as gravity tried to swallow me whole.
That’s when I felt him.
Max.
His warm touch, the smell of rose and sandalwood on his skin.
I could feel him wrapped around me, pushing me forward. Urging me on. Guiding me.
I tried to open my eyes to see where he was but was engulfed by a feeling of weightlessness, the same way I had when we’d kissed. Warmth spread from behind my navel throughout my chest, like a twinkle of happiness being set alight.
I might have felt at peace if it weren't for the tremors surging through my body. I couldn’t tell if they were coming from me, or vibrating through the crystals on my dress—I forced my eyes open just in time to see vapor release from them, as if the molecules were reverberating so fast they had to escape.
It was in that moment that I understood what to do, like the knowledge had been there all along. I somehow had to create a chemical reaction of my own, in order to tear myself out of the invisible barrier that threatened to suffocate me.
I imagined the pores of my skin opening to absorb the vapor, transferring the energy from the crystals through my arteries, veins and capillaries into my hands, where I tore at the thick sack that bound me.
As I did, the room came back into view in vibrant high definition. I could feel myself collapsing, but there wasn’t an ounce of fear in my body. Seeing the energy move so freely around me allowed me to comprehend the connectedness of every single element on Earth. Making me see that nothing was final. That energy is never destroyed, only repurposed.
As though this new knowledge couldn’t live in the same space as the fear of dying, the driving force behind my panic attacks, I took the largest inhale of air I could take. A millisecond too late.
As I was passing out, I saw Terence and Alida rush toward me from the cover of darkness, followed one by one, by the other ten members of my new extended family.
Twenty-One
Where the Light Gets in
He has a freckle just under his left eye. I hadn’t noticed it until we were at the diner. He was talking about wanting a certain kind of love and I was avoiding looking into his eyes for fear I might drown in them. But the longer I looked at it, the more I wanted to reach out and touch it—to kiss it.
As I sit in front of him now, I can’t understand what I’ve done. He’s looking at me angrily, his piercing eyes trained in my direction, but he won’t say a word. The furrow between his two brows looking even more distinct. I wish it would disappear, as it does before he smiles, or on the rare occasions when he laughs. I want to make him laugh now, but it feels like he’s looking through me. Impossible to catch his attention, no matter how hard I try.
I reach out to grab his hand, our fingers interlocking, like a puzzle finding its missing piece. But he doesn’t move, or register my touch. I try to say his name, but I can’t speak. My words, soundless, like they never happen at all. Without warning, he pulls away. As though he’s falling… backward. As though I’m falling backward… I try to reach out. To hold onto him, but I can’t grasp his hand.
I’m falling too far.
Too hard.
Too fast.
I woke with a jolt, as if I’d been dropped ten stories. Catching my breath, I tried to register where I was—the brightness of the morning sun temporarily blinding me, as an unfamiliar ceiling came into view. My mind felt crunchy, like broken gears.
“Ssh… Eva, darling,” said a voice with the distinct accent of Alida Sinclair. “Just rest now,” she said, stroking my head. “Rest.”
I tried to push her off, but my arm went limp. My body still asleep.
“Get off me,” I managed to mumble, dragging my hand to my chest, feeling the soft cotton pajamas I was wearing. “Ew, you changed my clothes?”
“Ssh,” she said. “You’re okay—”
“I know I’m okay,” I declared, fully opening my eyes.
Alida’s version of a concerned face stared back at me.
I was beyond weak. My muscles atrophied from exhaustion, intensifying my confusion with reality. “What time is it? My flight—”
“Isn’t until later this afternoon,” Alida reassured me.
Terence appeared, out of the shadows no doubt.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, attempting to appear worried.
“Since you tried to shoot me?” I asked. That much I hadn’t forgotten. My energy was starting to return, and the anger was helping. “Wonderful.”
“I’d never intentionally hurt you,” said Terence.
“Go slowly,” warned Alida, as I tried to sit up on the bed. Blood rushed to every nerve ending, memories from the previous night flashing too quickly in my mind to comprehend. I didn’t feel scared, but something was telling me I should be.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I replied, coughing up a lung. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on what I needed. “One of you better start explaining,” I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose where the headache was the worst. I was starting to remember waking up in coffin, thinking I’d been buried alive.
“Eva,” said Alida, in a tone that screamed she was trying to reason with me. “There’s—”
“You have about five minutes before I have the strength to put my clothes on and walk out of here,” I said. “When I do that, I won’t ever be coming back.”
Eva, please,” she repeated.
“There are certain things you don’t know about the world,” interrupted Terence.
“I doubt patronizing me is gonna help.”
“I’m trying to explain,” he said sternly. “There are certain things that most people don’t know about the world.”
He looked at me like he was unsure of how to proceed.
“Such as?” I asked.
Alida reached her hand over to hold his, the same way my grandparents do in times of distress. Strength in numbers, I guessed.
“I apologize,” he said. “This is… difficult. Your mother should have been the one to have this conversation with you.”
I averted my eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was affected by his words.
“Well, you have about four minutes and thirty seconds to figure it out,” I said, as cold as I could. I wanted him to know I wasn’t interested in nostalgia of any kind.
“As I told you before, I come from a family with a very long history,” began Alida. “My ancestors can be traced back to a time before even the Roman Empire. With that history has come vast wealth, and vast knowledge.”
“That knowledge is the most important thing we have,” added Terence. “Any of us.”
“In Scientia,” I mumbled, repeating the book’s title, wanting to prove I wasn’t completely ignorant.
“Yes,” she said, with a smile. “Although largely ceremonial, the book you worked out of last night contains our family’s greatest secrets. History and formulas, passed down from generation to generation.”
“The pages were all blank,” I rebutted.
“The book will look very different the next time you see it.”
“Formulas for what?” I followed up before they had a chance to say anything else. “What did you have me do? Was it the smoke that made me hallucinate? Where do all those tunnels lead?” I had so many questions, I didn’t know which to ask first.
Terence reached for the glass of water next to my bed. “May I?” he said, picking it up as he asked. One of my least favorite things people do.
He rested the heavy-bottomed tumbler on his palm as though he was presenting it to me. “What do you see?” he asked.
I sighed, well and truly done with tests of any kind. “A puppy,” I quipped.
“And now?” he asked, ignoring my sarcasm.
As I looked down, the clear liquid started crystalizing in front of me, cracking and shrinking slightly away from the sides of the glass until it was a single, solid piece of ice.
I was stunned, the realism of the trick giving me goosebumps.
“What the hell was that?” I asked.
“What do you think it was?” he replied. The contents of the glass slowly turning back into liquid.
“Everything on this planet is made up of atoms. This you know, yes?” Alida asked.
I nodded, somewhat insulted, and equally confused as to where they were going.
“Well, water is made up of hydrogen and oxygen atoms, and by changing the order of how they’re arranged inside the glass, your grandfather is able to transform its state,” she said, throwing me with her knowledge of chemistry.
“Sure, but… a chemical reaction like that requires external energy,” I said. Speaking the words ‘chemical reaction’ reminded me of the previous night, but I couldn’t remember what.
“Precisely!” Terence exclaimed, opening his left fist to reveal a large ruby in his palm. “I used the energy from this to induce the reaction.”
I didn’t know how to rationalize what he was saying.
“What? How?” I questioned, before immediately adding, “No, you didn’t. That’s impossible.”
“Do you not remember what you saw last night?” Alida asked me, before immediately turning her attention to her husband. “Did it not work?”
“Did what not work?” I asked, feeling like I was turning invisible.
“It worked,” Terence reassured her with certainty. “She’s choosing not to see it.”
“How?” probed Alida.
“This is crossing into insanity,” I interrupted, peeling back the covers of the bed. My legs were starting to feel like they might be able to support my body weight.
Terence held the glass of water again on his palm.
“What do you see?” he asked again, this time instantly turning the water into ice.
“A magic trick.”
The frustration of not being able to get up and run out of the room was pushing me to tears.
“It’s no trick,” said Terence. “What you think you’re seeing, is actually happening.”
“Magic, seriously?” I laughed. “That’s your big secret?”
“That word assumes the incantation of supernatural forces, or the command of nature. We don’t call upon anything, nor do we command,” he said.
“However, there are people in the world who can do that,” added Alida.
“We merely transmute the energy, working with what is already there.”
“Alchemy has been disproven, decade after decade,” I scoffed.
“Yes. Among other things that are also true,” he said.
My mind was reeling. I felt like I’d fallen into an alternate dimension, an Alice-esque vortex where everything was upside down. As I attempted to process it, trying my best to analyze it rationally, Terence turned the ice back into water like he was the feature at a carnival show. But this time as he did it, I saw something I hadn’t before: As the ice started to melt, I saw the energy within it move. What was previously tightly packed with tension, loosened into a free-flowing state. The liquid itself didn’t change, just how it was packed and organized, like the energy was tightening and contracting.
I looked up to Terence’s face. He could tell I’d seen it.
“I don’t understand,” I said, as tears started to fall. But as I said it, I recalled the sensation of absorbing the energy from the crystals the night before. It wasn’t just a hallucination, as my logical brain wanted me to accept.
“I think you do,” said Terence.
Wherever I looked in the room, I could see hidden dimension and detail. Waves of energy revealing qualities and components invisible to the naked eye. I blinked hard, taking a deep breath, trying to rid my mind of it, but that only forced the feeling inside. It was as if I could visualize how the energy within me moved, metabolized, silently operated without my command.
“What have you done to me?” I asked him, seething with anger.
“Nothing,” said Terence, with a sigh. He sounded disappointed, like he’d expected me to react another way. “It’s what we undid.”
“What gives you the right to mess with my head like this?”
I moved to the other side of the bed and managed to get up. As I did, Terence and Alida followed.
“Eva, please rest a little longer. We’ll leave you alone, give you some time to recover,” she offered.
“I’m fine,” I insisted, unsteady on my feet as I walked over to the dressing area where my clothes were neatly folded. “I just wanna get out of here.”
I grabbed onto the wall for support, the rippling movement around me threatening to take me down.
“It was your choice,” said Terence. “Every step of the way.”
“Excuse me?! How could it have been my choice when I didn’t know what I was agreeing to?” The rage helped me stuff my feet into my shoes, and put my leather jacket on over the pajamas. As I stood back up, blood rushed to my head like I was about to pass out again.
Alida rushed over, placing my mother’s necklace in my hand.
“Here, take this,” she said.
I looked down at the jagged crystal and immediately felt better, like someone had turned off a strobing light.
“It cloaks your energy, effectively turning off your ability to see,” she explained. “Use it, until you get your strength back.”
