Quiet Types, page 24
I broke the kiss, asking a question with my eyes, and she nodded, “Please, Shay, I need you inside me.”
I didn’t need any further encouragement. In record time, I pulled a condom from my wallet, throwing it down on the bed before I began tearing off my clothes. Maggie helped. It wasn’t long before both of us were naked, and I adored the way her eyes devoured me. She watched as I rolled on the condom, then climbed back over her.
For a second, her attention went to the scar on my throat, and she traced the lines of it softly.
“What did you sign at me downstairs?” she whispered, her gaze finding mine, and my heart gave a hard thud. “You never explained.”
My chest rose on an inhale, my eyes flickering between hers. It had been impulsive, signing that to her, but I’d wanted her to know. The feeling was so strong it was hard to keep it to myself any longer.
I held her gaze as I mouthed the words, “I love you.”
Her blue eyes widened as she read my lips, then she gasped when I pushed inside her. I dropped my head to the crook of her neck and stilled. Being inside her had emotions tumbling around in my chest. Pleasured contentment and possessive satisfaction. My pulse raced. I moved out then back in, swallowing her sharp exhalation when I smashed my mouth to hers. Something wet touched my face as I slowly started to move in her and I pulled back.
A tear had fallen down her cheek.
I tilted my head, wiping it away with my thumb. Maggie’s expression was half shock, half desire.
“Did you just tell me you love me?” she asked, her voice small.
I nodded, and another tear fell. Fearing I was doing something wrong, I pulled out, staring at her questioningly. Putting her arm around my neck, she drew me back to her.
“Don’t stop. These are happy tears, I promise.”
I studied her for a prolonged moment. Her eyes were bright, shiny with tears, but the way she looked at me, full of passion and longing, it sealed something inside me. She was telling the truth. Her tears really were happy ones. Pleasure filled me, and I pushed inside her once more. Maggie moaned, and it drove me to quicken my thrusts. I palmed her breast, never taking my eyes off hers as I lost myself in ecstasy. If heaven existed, that was it.
Too soon, I was going to come. I moved in and out of her hard and fast. Sensing it, she wrapped her arms tighter around my neck and pressed her lips to mine. Her kiss was soft, just the barest flutter of tongue. Then I was coming, and Maggie’s mouth left mine.
It went to my ear as she whispered, “I hope you know I love you, too.”
19.
Maggie
My pulse raced as I stared into Shay’s eyes. They were hot with desire, smouldering at my declaration. I’d just confessed my love, and I felt cut open, my heart and insides all on display. But he’d said it first. I didn’t need to be terrified. Had he expected me to say it back? The irrational side of my brain worried he’d suddenly get up and leave, especially now that we’d had sex. From such a young age, I believed myself unlovable, took as fact people just left.
But there was someone so beautiful, inside and out, who seemed to have no trouble loving me … staying with me. And that was terrifying. Shay wouldn’t leave me, and I couldn’t let my fears take over.
He remained hovering above me, his breaths coming fast. One of his large hands captured my cheek as his eyes locked on mine, and my entire body trembled. I knew he felt it when his gaze softened, and a smile shaped his lips. We’d confessed our love, and it seemed neither one of us was prepared to look away.
At last, he kissed me tenderly then fell to his side, pulling me with him. Shay nestled his face in the crook of my neck, his body cradling mine. I felt lovingly surrounded, and though I knew we couldn’t stay there indefinitely, I allowed myself a few minutes to enjoy the warm glow.
That was how his love made me feel, like my skin was glowing from within.
Tendrils of contentment began to spread throughout my body. Shay made me feel chosen, safe. He made me feel like he’d be happy for me to crawl inside his heart and make a home for myself. It was something I’d never experienced before. To be wanted so completely was a new and unusual sensation. It healed some of the wounds that had festered for most of my life. Sealed over the cracks and closed them up.
I kissed his jaw, then rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. There was a circular light, a modern design that looked like a halo. It glowed from above like I was glowing from within.
Both of us lay in silence, our breaths slowly evening out. I could fall asleep, but I knew it was a bad idea. We couldn’t stay in that room all night. I was pretty sure we weren’t even supposed to be in there.
Shay turned onto his side, and I felt his eyes trace my profile. He leaned in and kissed my temple, then the side of my neck. I shivered as his lips continued their journey along my collarbone. Finally, he reached for my hand, pressing his mouth to my pulse point, his eyes on mine before he rose from the bed. He strode across the room to the bathroom, and I couldn’t look away, my breathing quick, gaze raking down his naked back, the toned muscles moving beneath his olive skin. He closed the door, and I heard the tap turn on. He emerged a minute later, and I sat up, my skin heating at the way his gaze devoured me.
“Do you know where the hotel stores clean sheets? I feel like we should change these,” I said, guilt nagging at me. We hadn’t gotten under the covers, but I felt bad about allowing the next guests to sleep on sheets we’d just had sex on top of.
Shay’s expression softened, and he nodded, coming to kiss me once again before he began to dress. He’d just finished buttoning up his shirt when his eyes returned to me. They heated in a way that made me suspect he was thinking of tearing off the clothes he’d just put on and taking me a second time. A pleasant shiver tiptoed down my spine. But then he motioned for me to stay put and left the room, presumably going in search of the sheets I asked for.
Climbing from the bed, I gathered my clothes and went to the bathroom to wash up and dress. I emerged just as Shay returned carrying a new set of sheets for the bed. Quietly, we worked together to strip off the old sheets and replace them with the new ones. I was adept at changing bedsheets, and Shay was a good helper, so we made quick work of it.
When we were done, he left with the sheets we’d stripped off, presumably bringing them to a laundry shoot. He also emptied out the bin from the bathroom, making sure to leave the room exactly as we’d found it.
While he was gone, I gave my appearance one last check in the mirror. I didn’t want Rhys and the others to suspect what we’d done, though we’d been gone for over an hour, so they were probably going to suspect it anyway.
Shay returned just as I was slipping my heels back on. His eyes lowered to my feet, a tendril of desire in their warm depths before they slowly travelled up my legs. Now that I knew what it felt like to have him inside me, his looks were far more affecting. All he had to do was glance my way, and I was a pool of melted ice.
I noticed his tie was still discarded on the floor, so I bent to pick it up.
Walking towards him, I said, “You forgot this.”
Then I reached up, gently sliding it around his neck. Shay stood still, his eyes on me as I fixed the tie into place. It brought me close to him, so close his scent invaded me, and a flash of what we’d just done, our limbs entangled, entered my mind. The tiny hairs on my arms stood on end as pleasant shivers seized me. Shay lifted his hand, his thumb brushing over my lower lip, and I inhaled sharply.
That level of sexual attraction between two people was surely dangerous. I felt like we could forget our lives, our responsibilities, and just lose ourselves in one another.
Finished with his tie, I stepped away. “There,” I breathed. “We should probably get back now. We’ve been gone a while.” I bent to pick up my handbag, moving past Shay towards the door when he snatched my wrist and pulled me back to him. A second later, his mouth crashed down on mine, his kiss full of passion, as I endeavoured not to get lost in him again. His tongue practically assaulted mine, and a rush of wetness sprang forth between my thighs.
All it took was one kiss from Shay, and I was ready.
My hands went to his chest, my lips leaving his, but Shay didn’t let me back away very far. He brought his forehead to mine as he closed his eyes and appeared to gather himself. Finally, he stepped away, his hand sliding into his pocket for his phone.
“I can’t get enough of you,” he typed. “It’s going to be a problem.”
I laughed softly. “If you behave yourself, maybe I’ll let you stay over tonight.”
He arched an eyebrow, clearly intrigued by the idea, his hand settling on my lower back as he led me from the room.
He seemed to have a particular fondness for placing his hand there.
We went back down to the party, where the hotel employees appeared to be significantly drunker than they had been an hour ago. Shay’s arm slid around my waist, holding me close as we headed toward the table where Rhys and the others were still enjoying themselves. Several more people had now joined them, and I turned in Shay’s hold, gazing up at him.
“Do you know any of those people?” I asked.
He glanced their way, then shrugged, which I took to mean, Not particularly.
“Want to get out of here instead?” I went on, and if the look in his eyes was anything to go by, he was on board with the idea.
Taking my hand, he continued toward the table. He tapped Rhys on the shoulder and returned the key card for the penthouse. They exchanged a few words in sign language, and I tried hard to translate, but it was difficult. I got the barest gist of Shay telling Rhys we were leaving. His cousin glanced my way, then back to Shay as he nodded. Then Shay was taking my hand once more and leading me outside.
Luckily, there were two taxis idling by the hotel entrance waiting for customers. Shay and I climbed into the first, and I told the driver my address. In the backseat, Shay’s arm slid snugly around my waist, our thighs touching as we sat close together. I felt his thumb brush back and forth over the curve of my hip as the driver glanced at us through his middle mirror.
“Good night?” he asked.
“It was pretty good,” I replied and felt rather than saw Shay’s grin as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. When we arrived at my flat, Shay insisted on paying for the fare, even when I tried to chip in. He wouldn’t hear it, though, and my chest fluttered at the gentlemanly gesture. It was late, almost midnight, and the idea of him staying over had my heart racing. We didn’t even need to do anything, just lying in bed in his arms would be enough.
When we got inside, I switched on the light and slipped off my shoes before going to turn on the heating. “Sorry it’s so chilly,” I said, turning back to Shay. “These old buildings can take a while to warm up, and the radiator by my bed isn’t working. Can I get you anything? Some tea?”
Shay shook his head and closed the distance between us. He pressed his cheek to mine, and my breathing turned ragged. His arms slid around my waist, and he just held me. Emotion clogged my throat, but I understood his need to be close because I felt it, too.
Tonight, we’d told each other I love you. Shay might’ve said it to past girlfriends, but I’d never uttered it to another soul. It was a big deal, so big in fact I’d almost forgotten we were now in an official relationship. Shay was my boyfriend. Mine. My heart fluttered just thinking about it.
He made me feel wanted.
“I’m going to make us a hot water bottle,” I said, pulling away slightly. “Why don’t you go get under the covers?” Shay’s expression smouldered, and I pressed my lips together to keep from grinning. “To stay warm, I mean. Also, your big body will heat up the bed in no time, which means I won’t have to suffer the cold sheets.”
Amused by my reasoning, he pressed a kiss to my cheek, then stepped back. I went to put the kettle on to fill up the hot water bottle. Standing by the counter, I turned back around and fought a blush because Shay was undressing. His jacket, shirt and tie were gone, leaving his very distracting chest bare while he worked on his belt. I swallowed thickly, having a hard time looking away. It was difficult to focus on filling the bottle, and when I was done, Shay was in my bed, under the covers.
Gulp.
His gaze was hooded as he patted the space beside him. I quickly slid the hot water bottle under the duvet before nervously slipping out of my dress. Shay’s eyes never left me, and I shivered under the intensity of his stare.
Too cold to get into bed in only my underwear, I pulled on an old T-shirt before climbing under. As hoped, Shay’s large body had warmed up the bed significantly. Well, there was also the fact he dragged me into his arms and surrounded me completely. His heat trickled soothingly into my bones as he spooned me from behind, and I was able to forget how freezing the flat felt only minutes ago.
I was far too buzzed to sleep, especially because Shay was running his nose along the curve of my neck, up to the line of my jaw. I trembled, sliding my hand along his strong forearm where it rested on my stomach.
Needing a distraction, I asked, “Can I have one of your bird pictures to hang on my wall?”
His nuzzling ceased, his fingers touching my chin and encouraging me to look at him. The tilt of his head and slant of his eyes held a silent question. Why?
I swallowed thickly. “Well, that wall over there is decidedly bare. I’ve always wanted to fill it with art, but I never got around to it.”
There was something magnetic in his eyes, and I could tell by his look he wasn’t satisfied with my answer, even if it was true. It was only part of the truth, though.
Clearing my throat, I went on, “Looking at your art makes me feel …” I trailed off, trying to pinpoint the exact feeling Shay’s art gave me. I saw how he stared at me, waiting for me to finish like it mattered to him. “It makes me feel hopeful,” I said at last. “Your art has this way of releasing the tension inside me,” I rubbed at a spot on my upper chest, just below my throat. His hand covered mine, some kind of emotion in his gaze I couldn’t interpret. It was a mixture of so many things, pain, longing, happiness, relief, and I didn’t understand how what I’d said could solicit such a concoction of emotions.
“You don’t have to give me a picture. It was just a random thought.” Shay was still staring at me, still with that intense look on his face. “What?” I whispered. “Did I say something wrong?”
He shook his head, then reached for his phone where he’d left it on my nightstand. I stared at the handsome lines of his profile while he typed.
“I don’t really share my art anymore,” the voice said.
I stroked a dark strand of hair away from his face. “But you’ve shared it with me. And your dad has one of your pictures hanging in the kitchen at your house.”
“Yes, but that’s different.”
“Different how?”
His eyes were full of tenderness as they swept over my features. “We’re close. I feel safe with my family.” A pause. “With you.” My heart pounded, emotion rising. “It’s a whole other thing sharing art with the general public. People will judge it without affection, without knowing the artist behind the work.”
“Are you afraid of criticism?” I could certainly understand if he was. Sharing your creations with strangers who might tear them apart was surely terrifying in its own way.
“No, not that. Not entirely,” he typed, then stopped as he considered his answer before continuing, “I’m afraid of letting myself want it like I used to. I’m afraid of putting my entire self into creating and then having the rug pulled out from under me again. Ever since I met you, I’ve felt the desire to share my creativity returning, but it also brings me back to a tough time. When I was in my final year at NCAD, Mam received her cancer diagnosis. My parents were both distraught, and someone had to step up and take care of things. At the same time, I hadn’t felt like making art at all. What had been a daily activity crumbled to dust. My well was empty, and it devastated me. This was on top of the fear and worry over Mam’s illness. It was so bad I couldn’t focus on anything, so I dropped out. I put all my energy into supporting my parents through a difficult time, all the while having a vague idea I would get back to my old self eventually, go back to college, finish my degree. Once Mam was better, things would go back to normal. But she didn’t get better, and I never went back to college. That ambition to be an artist died, and I made my peace with it. I guess things did get back to normal, but a different kind of normal.”
I studied him, seeing the pain in his entire form as he typed about losing his mother, the loss of creativity that followed. I was filled with regret I would never get to meet her. If she’d raised a son like Shay, then she’d surely been a marvellous woman. “But you went back to creating, even if only for yourself.”
“It’s therapy, in a way,” Shay typed.
“I can see that. Why always birds?”
Shay’s eyes turned contemplative, his attention levelled across the room, his thoughts elsewhere. Then he blinked, coming back to himself. “I’ve always been fascinated by their bone structure, the shape of them, all the different types of beaks and feathers, the different sizes and colours. I want to capture their likeness, but I also want to capture the way they make me feel. They’re these beings that are always on the periphery of our world, hovering in the sky, observing us. There isn’t another creature like them. And so much of what they are, how they make themselves known, is in their voice, their song. How could I not be fascinated by these small animals that so effortlessly possess the thing I’ll never have?”
His question caused pain to pinch at my chest, my eyes growing watery. I knew being mute made life hard for him, but he’d always seemed so accepting of it. He figured out ways to navigate the world without being able to speak, but it was clear now he did feel some sadness about it. A part of him surely mourned what and who he might’ve been.
