For What It's Worth, page 6
It was after 4 a.m. when the cab dropped them off. Jesse paid the cab driver and opened the door for Becca. He'd been doing a slow burn ever since she started relaying the story to him and was most anxious to hear what she could remember next.
"So, what happened after you got away from…the rest of the party?" he asked, opening the door to the stairwell.
He heard her intake slowly, then she turned to him. More and more of the night was coming back to her, but it was all still pretty hazy.
"I'm not sure," she said, clearly angry with herself. "I guess I…I passed out."
Jesse closed his eyes and swallowed hard, a dozen unpleasant scenarios flashing through his mind. He closed the stairwell door again.
Becca leaned up against the mailboxes lining the wall in the darkened entryway and took a deep breath.
"I…we…Keith and I…we," she started, looking at the floor. "There was…ya know, um…sex. Uh, and a…we smoked some…"
"Weed," he asked non-pulsed. "Solo?"
"I…I think so," she said quickly, turning her head, her face turning red. "If he dropped LSD in it, I wouldn't know."
Jesse scoffed at that.
"You'd know."
She eyed him wearily.
"Then I don't wanna know," she said, putting a hand to her aching forehead, then she sighed. "It'll never happen again! It's all…just…disgusting..."
Jesse just nodded.
"Anyway, I…my…I wasn't thinking clearly by then and then…then I passed out." She looked away, shuddering.
Jesse was clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides, trying to keep his temper under control. Damn, this was all his fault. Well, it was Keith's fault, he knew that, but the whole night could have been avoided if he'd only made more of an effort to get to her and tell her about Keith's issues. She would have been informed, anyway, before leaving with him.
"Was Keith…with you the whole time?" he asked, tentatively.
"Yes. He...he said he was. He was there when I woke up, I…" she said, then furrowed her brow. Then she sighed deeply. "I think so. He was awake by then, and I guess, had gone through my purse…dammit! He's such an ass! A thief and an ass and a liar and I'm…I'm so, so stupid, God!"
He shook his head in silent protest to her last statement as she put her hands over her face and rubbed her temples. Then she dropped her arms to her sides and cocked her head, looking at him.
"I'm sorry," she said, smiling a little. "I never thanked you."
He certainly didn't feel like he deserved her thanks.
"Hey, don't sweat it, you don't have to thank me…" he started.
"Yes, yes I do," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "I'll make this up to you, I promise. I woke you in the middle of the night…"
"No, you didn't," he said with a sigh. "I was awake."
She looked at him curiously.
"Look, I…I should have…I wanted to tell you," he sighed again, shuffling his feet, and looking past her at the mailboxes. "Keith…Keith's been drinking…bingeing for a…for as long as I've known him."
Becca cocked her head to the side again, studying him.
"I figured you maybe knew that he did that," he said, gesturing with his hands, trying to explain himself. "But the weed, the…whatever other shit he's into…that's new. He hadn't…I don't think he'd been into any of that before he…I think it started at the rallies he's been going to."
"With Penny?" she said.
"Yes, but Penny isn't…that's not her scene."
"I see," she said, crossing her arms in front of her. He looked at her then and couldn't read the expression on her face.
He pointed both hands to his chest.
"This is my fault, Becca," he said, resignation in his voice. "If I'd warned you…maybe you wouldn't have gone with him and…and gone through what you did tonight."
She stared at him, searching his eyes. The expression on his face was stoic, and her heart started racing about what that could possibly mean. He thought this was his fault. He stayed up all night…for her?
"So…you were awake…worrying about me?" she finally asked quietly, her blue eyes softening as they looked into his.
That was not the question he was expecting. He was prepared for her to yell at him for not warning her about Keith, so her gentle voice threw him off. It felt intimate, too intimate, and it made him uncomfortable, so he stepped back from her. He swallowed hard.
"I don't…I mean…it would be my fault if…" he stammered.
A sad smile came over her face.
"You felt guilty then," she interrupted quickly, suddenly feeling very weary. She shook her head a little and cleared her throat. "I get it. OK. Look, Jesse, I'm a big girl. If anyone's to blame for this, it's me -- and Asshole. Not you. You dig?"
"I…yeah," he said, furrowing his brow. "Still…"
She pushed back from the mailboxes and opened the door to the stairwell, not waiting for him to finish.
"I'm tired," she said simply. He gave up talking then and followed her up the stairs.
When they arrived in their hallway, she turned to him, pointing to his apartment door.
"I guess," she said, clearing her throat. "I assume Keith's not there."
"Ah…he wasn't when I left," he replied as he opened the door. It was pitch black inside.
"Humph," Becca said, lowering her head and wrapping her arms around herself again. Then she cast one more glance into the dark apartment.
"Just as well," she said in a scratchy, tired voice. "I'll deal with him…sometime…maybe…"
Tears came to her eyes again as she looked away. She looked so sad. She may not have wanted him to feel guilty, but Jesse was mad at himself anyway -- and beyond furious with his roommate.
After a moment, she rallied, not letting any tears fall, and smiled a little.
"Thank you for bringing me home, Jesse. I'll see you later."
"Later," he nodded as he watched her walk a few paces and unlock her apartment door -- at least Keith hadn't taken her keys -- then walk in, shoulders slumped, closing the door behind her.
A deep sigh escaped his lips as he entered his place, flipped on the light, then ran his palms over his face. Then he stared at Keith's bedroom and started clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides once again.
He stumbled into the glass door once before opening it to the entryway. It was almost 6 a.m., and just a hint of the sunrise was starting to make its way over the horizon. Keith turned and closed the door -- his glassy eyes and scrambled brain not registering that it had already closed behind him.
"Where's Rebecca?"
Keith jumped and spun around, stumbling once again, trying to focus his eyes on the dark figure leaning up against the wall of mailboxes.
"Who's 'at?" Keith slurred, feebly putting his hands up in loose fists in front of his face. He watched as Jesse emerged from the shadows, arms crossed and a scowl on his face.
"Jess…?" he stumbled again, then smirked. "Dude…"
"Where is she?" Jesse hissed at him.
In a drug-addled haze, Keith looked at him in confusion, unsure what Jesse wanted to know.
"Who? What…Becca? She…ah…Becca's at…work?"
Jesse reached out and grabbed two fistfuls of Keith's shirt, dragging him until he had thrown him hard against the row of mailboxes behind them. Keith scrunched up his shoulders and yelped in pain as Jesse dug his knuckles into his chest.
"You son-of-a-bitch," Jesse growled at him, his face red, veins sticking out along his neck. "You took her there, then you left her there, left her at that…place, you motherfucker! You took her money -- you wasted piece of shit!"
Keith started to panic, small parts of the night flashing back to him.
"Jesse…I…shit…no…I…"
"Shut the fuck up," Jesse said, eyes blazing as he slammed Keith against the boxes again, so hard Keith's head slapped back against the smooth metal behind him, reverberating like a sledgehammer in the entryway. Keith put a shaky hand to the back of his head, looked at Jesse in terror, and suddenly started to sob like a baby.
Jesse relaxed his hold on Keith, then let go completely as the man's legs gave way, and he collapsed on his knees to the ground at Jesse's feet.
Jesse stepped back, breathing hard as he watched Keith fall apart on the floor. He took a deep breath, licking his lips.
"You don't pay rent? Fine! You like your liquor? Fine! But you leave a woman -- your girlfriend -- you…you take her to a place like that then leave…leave her there…alone...to get your next hit?! Bullshit. That's bullshit! If you…let anyone…hurt her or you, you…"
"No! I didn't…Jesse…Jesse, please," Keith begged in a small voice, looking up at him with a tear--stained face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"
"Don't!" Jesse spat down at him. "Don't tell me, you sorry son-of-a-bitch!"
For a moment, Jesse just stared down at him as Keith dropped his head, palms, and knees flat on the floor.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, man?" he asked hotly.
"I'm scared, Jesse," Keith choked out between sobs, still on all fours. Then he rocked back on his heels and looked imploringly at his roommate with wild eyes.
"Scared? Of what?!" Jesse demanded.
"The draft," he said, another sob tearing out of him. "Of dying, Jesse! Aren't you scared? They're just gonna take us, and we're all gonna die over there. Aren't you scared?!"
Jesse blinked and took another step back. Scared of dying? No, he wasn't scared of dying. Was he itching to be drafted? No, but he wasn't afraid of dying. Hell, he'd spent large portions of his life -- the parts he tried hard not to think about anymore -- wishing death would come. Honestly, he was surprised he'd lived this long.
No, the thought of dying never once had bothered him. But at least now he understood. It still didn't make it right. It still didn't make putting Becca in harm's way right. But he understood why Keith had buried himself in every illegal substance he could find. He didn't agree at all with Keith's coping method, but he understood the need to escape and feel numb. He understood that all too well.
Keith crossed his legs and sat down on the ground, head in his hands. Once Jesse had his breathing under control, he walked over to the stairwell, and one by one, threw sacks full of clothes in front of him, plus one suitcase. Keith looked at the bags as the Saturday sun started to light the entryway and pedestrian traffic started to pick up on the street outside. He didn't understand and shot Jesse a panicked, questioning look.
"You're going home," he said, his voice now at an even tone.
"What?"
"Your mom's waiting for you in Hoboken," Jesse explained.
"My Mom?" Keith said miserably.
"Yeah, I called her a half-hour ago. Your parents still give a fuck about you," Jesse said. "Go home and…get your head on straight. I'll send the rest of your shit later."
Keith scrambled to his feet, swaying a little. Jesse shot him a disgusted look.
"You really need to be outta my face. You need to be outta Becca's face," Jesse said, pointing at him, then at the door.
Keith stared at him for a moment, then shakily whispered, "I'm sorry." Jesse just looked at him, exasperated. Then Keith nodded, and with shaking hands, he picked up one of the bags. Jesse picked up the suitcase and dragged Keith outside to the curb. He flagged down a cab and pushed Keith into the back seat clutching a bag to his chest.
Jesse and the cab driver piled the rest of Keith's clothes into the trunk, and Jesse slammed the lid shut. He gave the cab driver the address to Keith's parents' house in New Jersey.
Before the cab took off, Jesse opened the back door one more time.
"When you sober up, you call and apologize to her, but don't you ever show your face around here again," Jesse said, with a warning stare that made Keith shiver. "You dig?"
Keith nodded slowly, attempting to focus on Jesse's withering look before Jesse slammed the door and pounded on the top of the taxi. The driver pulled into the relatively light weekend morning traffic as Jesse let out a deep breath. He shoved his hands in his pockets, dropped his head, and slowly made his way back inside the building.
8
THE ODD COUPLE
Early May 1968
"What in the hell is this?" Jesse asked, holding up a painting and shooting a confused look at Joe.
"It's the Last Supper, dude," he said, shaking his head. "You oughta go to church, man."
"It's…dogs," Jesse responded, still perplexed, putting the painting on the floor against the wall next to Joe's bedroom.
Keith had been gone for almost three weeks. Joe had taken a couple days off work to move in with Jesse at the beginning of the month. Heeding Jesse's warning, Keith had stayed away from their building and Becca. Jesse told everyone Keith had come back to the apartment while he was asleep and packed a bag, leaving a note that he was going to his parents' house. He insisted that was all he knew and that Keith sent for the rest of his stuff a few days later.
He wasn't sure they all bought the story, but he was sticking to it. Keith and his addictions were out of their lives, and, to Jesse, that was really all that mattered. Joe immediately offered to move in, to help with rent and get out of the house full of women he lived in. Once he was certain Keith was gone, Jesse had planned to ask Joe to move in with him anyway, so it worked out perfectly.
"I'm gonna run this down to the truck, then grab a soda at the store. Want one?" Joe asked, holding a box of folded-down boxes they'd already unpacked.
"Sure," Jesse nodded, heading into his bedroom to change out of his work clothes so he could help his new roommate move the rest of his stuff.
Joe opened the door just as Eli was coming up the landing.
"Howdy, neighbor," Joe said with a grin as he turned and made his way down the stairs.
"Hey," Eli said behind him. Joe had left the door open to his apartment, so Eli let himself in.
"Jesse?"
After a couple of seconds, Jesse opened the door to his bedroom, buttoning the top of his jeans, wearing just his undershirt.
"Hey, Eli."
"Moving day, huh?"
"Yep," Jesse said, with a clap and a smile. Then he watched as Eli shut the apartment door and turned a serious face to him. He gave him a quizzical look.
"I, ah, I dropped by Vanhook's today," Eli said, keeping his voice low.
"You did?" Jesse said, straightening his spine. "Did, ah, did you go to see…him?"
"I did."
Jesse just waited. He knew Becca had told everyone very little about what had happened at the party. All they knew was that she and Keith had fought -- she wanted to leave, he didn't, she ended up coming home in a cab without him, and he was gone without an explanation the next day. She left Jesse out of it entirely, and he was grateful for it. Becca's vague explanation alone was enough to send Eli into orbit. But Becca told him since Keith was gone, she wanted to just put it all behind her.
Eli, being her big brother, couldn't do that. So, he went across town to try to track Keith down at work. When Keith came out of the kitchen at Vanhook's and saw Becca's brother, he froze, then he just started blabbering. What he told Eli completely took him by surprise.
Eli walked over to the barstool by the counter and sat down, crossing his arms tight across his chest. Then a slow smile came over his face as he looked at Jesse in the living room.
"You sure scared the hell out of him," Eli said.
Jesse put his hands on his hips and briefly looked at the floor, then he looked up at Eli as he opened and closed his mouth, not exactly sure what to say.
"I'm not going to ask for details," Eli said quickly. "She's…safe and seems to be…over it, but I got the distinct impression from Keith that he really fucked up big time."
Jesse looked at Eli, then nodded.
"Yeah," he said seriously. "Yeah, he did."
Eli's face turned white a moment at the steely look on Jesse's face. He wanted to ask more questions but decided against it. It would only make him crazy. Becca was OK, and Jesse, it seemed, had ensured that she'd stay that way. He cleared his throat and stood, taking a step toward his friend.
"He was shaky, man," Eli said, eyeing Jesse carefully. "Said he thought you were gonna kill him."
Jesse stared back at him a beat before replying.
"Good," Jesse said, nodding again. Eli nodded back, then looked into his friend's eyes, a new respect for the man in front of him rising to the surface. And he began to really wonder about Jesse's feelings for his sister. There had been nothing overt in the way they'd acted around each other since the night she and Keith broke up, but there were a few little things.
After a few days, when Becca was less bummed out, the two fell right back into their pattern of non-stop banter. But Becca seemed just a touch more demure around Jesse now. And he seemed just a hair more protective of her. Liz had noticed it first, but Eli soon picked up on it. The dynamic appeared to be changing, and Eli wasn't opposed to it. Any man willing to scare the shit out of someone for hurting Becca was OK in his book.
But he wasn't about to say anything in case he was wrong. Plus, meddling in his sister's love life wasn't something he really had time for now. He'd enlisted in the Army and was set to leave for basic very soon.
Eli reached out and patted Jesse on the shoulder, seeming to be satisfied enough to put the conversation to rest. Jesse was visibly relieved that he wouldn't have to answer any more questions from him, so he grinned.
Eli grinned back, then looked around at the boxes on the floor.
"Need any help?"
"Nah," Jesse said, "Joe'll be back soon. We're almost done."
As if on cue, Joe returned with the sodas and was followed into the apartment by Becca.
She had her hair piled up high on her head, wrapped with a yellow scarf that matched the sharp, polyester skirt suit that highlighted her legs. She'd pulled the early shift in the newsroom all week, so she'd been up since 4 a.m. Jesse swallowed heavily as she gave him a slow smile, marveling at how she still looked fresh as a spring flower after 12 hours of work.
