For What It's Worth, page 1
FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH
KELLI MILLIGAN STAMMEN
J Merrill Publishing, Inc., Columbus 43207
www.JMerrill.pub
Copyright © 2022 J Merrill Publishing, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, contact J Merrill Publishing, Inc., 434 Hillpine Drive, Columbus, OH 43207
Published 2021
Library of Congress Control Number: 2020924736
ISBN-13: 978-1-950719-72-3 (Paperback)
ISBN-13: 978-1-950719-71-6 (eBook)
Title: For What It's Worth
Author: Kelli Milligan Stammen
Cover Artwork: Amanda Kolitsos
CHAPTERS
Prelude
1. Ides Of March
2. Ring Of Fire
3. The Times They Are A-Changin’
4. Time Has Come Today
5. Bad Moon Rising
6. Wake Up Call
7. Gimme Shelter
8. The Odd Couple
9. Nothing But A Heartache
10. You Make Me Feel
11. Blood Runs Cold
12. Pray For Us
13. The Sound Of Silence
14. A Whiter Shade Of Pale
15. Angel Of The Morning
16. Day Is Done
17. All Along The Watchtower
18. Light My Fire
19. Piece Of My Heart
20. Grand Central Station
21. Georgia On My Mind
22. Little White Lies
23. When A Man Loves A Woman
24. Fortunate Son
25. White Rabbit
26. Tell Me Why
27. River Deep, Mountain High
28. Make The World Go Away
29. The Glory Of Love
30. Unchained Melody
31. (Reach Out) I’ll Be There
32. I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You
33. Only Thing That I Know
34. Stand By Me
35. In Dreams
36. Let It Be
37. For What It’s Worth
38. Paint It Black
39. The Twelfth Of Never
40. Ain’t No Mountain High Enough
41. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
42. Unforgettable
43. At Last
44. What A Wonderful World (Epilogue)
*Note: Most chapter titles originate from songs of the 60s and 70s.
To say this work was a labor of love is to sell it short. So many people, places, hopes, fears, dreams, and realities in my life, and the lives of those I love and admire are wrapped up in this work.
Thank you to my family and friends, all who have helped flesh out this other baby of mine. My biggest love and gratitude go to my husband, Ken, and children, Ava and Aidan, who inspire, test, and love me every day.
For what it's worth, I hope you laugh, cry, live and love the story of Jesse and Becca as much as I do.
PRELUDE
Late December 1968
Rain.
He was vaguely aware that it was raining, pouring, in fact.
Wave after wave of water fell off the trees above him, crashing down onto him in a relentless onslaught. He tried to open his eyes. Actually, he believed his eyes were open, but he couldn't see anything. As he lay flat on his back in mud and puddles, all he could do was feel. He could feel pain -- a sharp, searing pain radiating throughout the top of his body. The pain seemed to be coming straight from his heart.
He used all the strength he had left to raise his right hand, weakly attempting to swat at the rain. His stark white face was fixed in a pinched grimace. Giving up on making the rain go away, he tried to roll over from his back, trying to push himself up with his right hand. But he couldn't find the ground under him, and soon, with a sound somewhere between a sob and a primal moan, he gave up and let his hand slide back to the ground with a gentle thud.
Between the rain and the pain, he couldn't breathe. Taking a deep breath was impossible. Small, shallow breaths were all he could muster. He was waiting for the darkness to come, almost welcoming the numbness ahead. Almost.
Then he remembered he had legs. If only his legs…
"Move," he whispered weakly to no one, willing his body to do anything, anything he asked it to do. "Move…"
In that lucid moment, he realized the agony he felt from his chest up seemed to stop at his waist. He couldn't feel his legs. The numbness had started to creep up his body.
An overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss that he had never once associated with this moment in his life crushed against him. His tears started to mix with the downpour as both rolled down the sides of his face.
As he lay there for several minutes, body and soul broken, the rain started to let up, though he didn't realize it. What thoughts he could piece together all swirled around her -- knowing deep down that he'd never see her again. He yelled out more from emotional wreckage than physical pain, and yet the darkness still stubbornly refused to come.
Suddenly a wave of strength washed through him, and he forced his eyes open a crack. He could see the trees and the sun through the rain. He felt a swift, strong wind that seemed to drown out all other noise. The numbness started to seep into this chest as he raised his right hand again and slowly, clumsily fumbled with the drenched pocket of his shirt. After several attempts, he pulled out the soaked contents inside with shaking fingers.
He tried to focus on the faded photo, but his eyes wouldn't cooperate, and the small amount of strength he had seemed to run away as quickly as it had come.
His hand dropped with the picture against his chest, and his eyelids fell closed once again.
All she could clearly make out was the word "die."
She watched through a haze all the flurry of activity around her. She was there, but she wasn't there at the same time. Doctors, nurses, all of them running around, not listening to her, not letting her tell them what needed to happen. They weren't listening.
The nurse, the one who had been so kind, moved in front of her, took her hand, and gave her a gentle, sad smile. Becca began to panic in earnest.
"What?!" she demanded, her blue eyes wide and watery and her heart pounding so hard and loud in her ears she was certain everyone could hear it.
"It's time," the nurse said quietly.
"No!" Becca yelled, trying to jerk her hand away, but the nurse held firm. "No, it's not time!"
"Miss Schmidt…"
"No!" she whispered fiercely, now gripping the nurse’s hands in both of hers, squeezing her so tight her knuckles turned white. "It can't be…not now!"
The other nurse came over, the one who had been so rude before. She had a syringe at the ready between her fingers. She was waiting for the first nurse to give her the order.
"Should we sedate her?" she asked in a cold, matter-of-fact voice.
"Wait, Gladys," the first nurse said, somewhat exasperated at her colleague, but her gaze never left Becca's.
"Miss Schmidt," she said, her heart breaking for the young woman before her. "I know this is…difficult…but..."
"You don't understand," Becca said desperately, searching the woman's eyes with a crazed look on her face. "He needs me…I…I need him…"
Gladys took another step toward Becca before the kind nurse put up her hand in a "stop" gesture to halt her, and then she motioned to the side of the room.
Becca could see Liz and Penny come into view through her tears. Tears were streaming down each of their faces. She vaguely thought she caught a glimpse of her mother, too, but knew at that point she must have been hallucinating.
"Becca…Rebecca," Liz whispered softly as she took her hand, and the nurse stepped back a moment.
"Don't let them do it," Becca begged, imploring first Liz, then Penny. "Don't let them take him away from me…"
"Becca," Penny choked out, stroking her hair. "He…he wouldn't want…it…this way. We have to let the doctors…do what's best…"
Liz nodded and cried harder as Becca's fingers clamped down on hers.
Becca started to tremble as she looked at her best friends; her last rays of hope…and the betrayal and despair she felt ran deep.
"How could you…" she said miserably, looking right at Penny, her breathing deep and ragged. With enormous strength, she grabbed Liz's hand and jerked her until they were face to face, causing Liz to gasp in pain.
"How could you?!" she growled at her, sweat beading around her temples now.
"Rebecca," Liz said sternly, tears spilling unchecked down her cheeks, trying to disengage her hand. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. Becca…"
Becca's nails scraped against her hand as her friend made one more attempt to pull away.
"Let go," Liz said a little more forcefully. "Becca, you have to let go!"
Liz snatched her hand away and started massaging it, both she and Penny sobbing now.
"I won't let you do it," Becca said, trying to move away from them. "I won't! I swear to God, I won't!"
"Gladys," the kind nurse said, quickly coming to the young woman’s side and grabbing her arm, struggling to hold her still.
"Now!"
1
IDES OF MARCH
Crashing red-striped, wooden pins and the unyielding thud of bowling balls beginning their journey down hardwood lanes served as exclamation points to the chatter filtering through the smoke-filled haze in the room.
Jesse pulled the last loop of his laces tight to secure his bowling shoes and sat up in the blue, plastic chairs lined along with the scoring table. He reached over to grab the last half of his cigarette out of the ashtray when he saw Penny trying to walk back to their spot while balancing a martini and three cans of beer through the crowd.
He stood and ran his fingers through his dark chestnut hair to brush back the bangs that had fallen too far down his forehead.
"Need some help?"
"Thanks," Penny said, handing him a beer can and the martini. "Martinis?"
Jesse set down the drinks and picked up his half-finished cigarette, taking a quick drag.
"Drink of the month," he said, squinting at Penny through the smoke of his exhale.
"Drink of the rich," Penny scoffed, lifting her curly, strawberry blond locks over one shoulder and walking to the scorer’s table to begin writing in the names of the bowlers.
Jesse looked toward the crowd gathered around the 24-lane bowling alley entrance, one of the largest in the Village, and packed on this Friday night -- a league night.
"They better be here tonight," Penny said, a hint of agitation in her voice. "I don't want to pull ringers again."
She crossed her long, jean-clad legs and crossed her arms over her loose blouse, shooting Jesse an annoyed look.
"Yeah," Jesse said, shaking his head and sinking back into the plastic chairs.
He and Penny had formed a team the autumn before with his girlfriend and his roommate, Keith. They played in the mixed couples bowling league. They were there every Friday night, except for the month around the holidays when the tournaments went on hiatus.
"Ah…martini!" Felicia said, coming up from behind Jesse and pecking him on the cheek. "Thanks, babe."
Jesse just nodded and winced a little at his girlfriend -- she was covered in large costume jewelry and bright, loud bell--bottoms -- the latest fashion fad. He and Felicia had been together for almost five months now. Their relationship had started off fun -- something different for them both. He'd met her at one of the events he was often required to suffer through as business manager for the large NYC Plumbers and Pipefitters Union. She was the daughter of one of the long-time members of the Public Utilities Commission board. He was well on his way to being blitzed when she introduced herself to him at the fundraiser where they met. She was loaded by the time they'd stumbled back to his apartment later that night.
One thing led to another, and before he knew it, he had bagged an uptown girl, and she'd enjoyed "slumming it" with her boy toy in the Village. It had gone on longer than he expected it to, but for a long time, he was just as ambivalent as she was about breaking it off. They were having fun, and there weren't any strong feelings involved…until recently. About a month ago, Felicia started to get needy and possessive. Jesse was pretty much ready to end it then -- he didn't want the drama or strings -- but she kept hanging on, despite his best efforts to send split signals her way.
"Where is everybody?" Felicia asked, more loudly than she should have, even over the din of the noisy bowling alley. She took a sip of her martini and sat down next to Jesse, immediately leaning into him, spilling some of her drink on his jeans.
"They're coming," Joe answered, walking up to them from the other end of the building, rolling his eyes when he spotted Felicia draped over a mildly disgusted Jesse. "Just saw the Mister and Misses coming down the street."
Penny chuckled at that, putting down her little yellow pencil and picking up her cigarette from the ashtray, flicking the ash away. She smiled up at Joe, who smiled back before sitting down to put on his own bowling shoes.
It was just before the winter league hiatus when the empty apartment next to theirs, in the building where Jesse and Keith lived and their friend Joe crashed most of the time, became occupied again. Jesse and Keith knew a doctor owned the unit, and when Old Mrs. Redd died that November, they assumed he'd sell the place. The Village wasn't exactly where society's upper crust was eager to live these days. Instead, his daughter, Liz, moved in. She was fresh out of NYU and looking to make her mark in fashion. She was always decked out in the latest clogs and short skirt, polyester suits that hugged every curve. And she'd convinced her Dad to let her live in the apartment in the Village because the "vibe" was "exciting."
Keith practically salivated to the point of dehydration when they first met her on the weekend, she moved in. Jesse thought she was beautiful and completely out of Keith Murphy's league. It wasn't that Keith wasn't good-looking. He was tall with dark blond hair, deep blue eyes, and an easy smile, but he wasn't a "catch a fox" kind of guy. But Jesse sure dug watching his new neighbor, who clearly was born to flirt, turn his roommate into a pretzel by simply saying "hello" and batting her hazel eyes at him. That was until her pre-med boyfriend Elijah “Eli” Schmidt came along, heavy cardboard box in hand, and began shooting darts with his big brown eyes at both men. The dude wasn't bigger than them, but he made it clear Liz was his territory -- and even clearer that he wasn't thrilled two attractive, young bucks lived in the apartment next to her. He was even less amused when he met Joe the next day.
Yet, the new neighbors got to know each other as the calendar turned from '67 to '68. They got to know Eli, too, since he was at Liz's place, and not his graduate dorm room on campus, almost every night. He was there so often that Keith started calling them "the Mister and Misses" as a joke, and the nicknames stuck.
"What about the other two?" Penny asked, taking a drag and looking around.
Joe shrugged, glancing toward the front door when he spotted Eli and Liz making their way past the crowd at the entrance, which was thinning out as teams gathered at their assigned lanes. Eli gave the group a friendly wave as Liz smiled at them.
Despite the brush with intense jealousy that first weekend, the neighbors, along with Penny and sometimes Felicia, hung out almost every night. They all came from wildly different backgrounds, but their personalities mixed well. Once Keith knew how serious Eli and Liz were, he completely backed off and relaxed. Keith was funny in an obvious way, while his roommate was more subdued. Jesse could whip out a witty, sarcastic comment in a flash. Otherwise, it was sometimes hard to tell what was going on behind his piercing, pale blue eyes.
"Where's your roomie?" Penny asked, giving Liz a hug before she sat down to change her shoes.
"They're right behind us," Liz said, gesturing behind her with one hand as Eli bent down to pull her shoes off for her. She smiled sweetly at him. Seeing this, Joe rolled his eyes again at Jesse, but Jesse didn't see it. His mind was otherwise occupied, and his eyes were focused on the front entrance.
It had been a little over a month ago when a new member came to the group. Eli's younger sister, Rebecca, moved in with her best friend, Liz, just after Valentine's Day. In the few months, the neighbors had known each other they had heard about but never met the woman. All they knew was that she was wrapping up a media internship after graduating from Northwestern in Chicago in December. She'd just moved back to New York after securing a job in the news department of CBS television, working with popular newscaster Walter Cronkite. They knew she and Liz were tight, and Eli thought the sun rose and set on his sister…when it wasn't rising and setting on Liz, of course.
