Power Play, page 9
Her mouth fell open.
Then her eyes narrowed, fury racing across her features as she pointed a finger at me. “You did it on purpose.” She looked shocked and angry.
“I didn’t, but in retrospect, I probably just did you a favor.”
“Are you kidding? This was incredibly irresponsible. I’ll take on some of the blame, because you’re right that I didn’t ask you to use protection, but you were always in charge when we were together.”
“We haven’t been together in a long time,” I pointed out.
“So, if I had been a random hook-up, you wouldn’t have been worried about knocking up some stranger?” she snapped.
“Of course, I would have. But you aren’t a random stranger and there’s a level of comfort between us that doesn’t exist elsewhere.”
“So, you did do it on purpose.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Because making another kid I won’t have time or money for is at the top of my list of priorities. Not to mention this particular kid’s ball-buster mom who’d make my life miserable.”
Oops.
There went my mouth again.
“Get out.” Her voice had a deadly edge to it as she pointed to the sliding glass door.
“Harper.” I tried to backpedal. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Out.” Her finger was shaking a little and I realized I might have gone too far.
“Harper, come on. Let’s just take a minute—”
“I said to get out! Now!” She wasn’t kidding and I held up my hands.
“Okay. Fine. I’m leaving.” I grabbed the cup of coffee I’d just made and opened the door. “But we’re going to have to—”
“Out.”
I shook my head as I walked toward the guest house.
Shit.
I’d left my wallet and phone on her nightstand.
The wallet that had a perfectly good condom in it.
I really was an asshole.
I sulked the rest of the morning, watching a baseball game on TV as I tried to figure out how to go back to the main house for my wallet.
Harper was really pissed.
And I didn’t blame her.
Condoms had truly never crossed my mind, as if I’d subconsciously been doing it on purpose. I’d never admit that to her, but I’d never done that before. No matter how fucked up I got, I always used condoms. And my gut told me Harper did too. I doubted she was a fan of one-night stands, but I figured she’d had a few over the years, and she would have been careful, no matter what.
Historically, Harper had never been able to hold her liquor, but she was different now. Older, more mature. More sure of herself. We’d been having a good time last night, but it was hard not to notice that there was still a tiny trace of the innocence she’d had back in our college days, when we’d first met and fallen in love. Pain, wariness, and a touch of sadness lurked beneath her bright smile and beautiful face. And for some reason, I’d wanted to erase that.
Probably because I’d caused some of it.
The end of our marriage had been ugly.
Tumultuous.
A freakin’ nightmare.
A group of us from the team I’d been playing on back then had gone out. It had been a wild night. Yes, there had been strippers. Yes, we’d been drinking heavily. Yes, I’d probably been a little inappropriate with my flirting. But I’d loved my wife. I never would have cheated on her. It was a gray area, but sticking twenty-dollar-bills into a stripper’s G-string wasn’t cheating. It just wasn’t. It was the kind of thing any couple would probably fight about, but at the end of the day, I hadn’t touched that woman. Or any of them.
The problem, of course, was the pictures.
My hand on her thigh.
The laughter on my face as I slid the money into the tiny bit of cloth at her hip.
The way she’d been licking her lips as our eyes met.
Fuck.
Even now I got pissed off about the whole thing.
I’d been dumb, but I hadn’t cheated.
I’d come close to the line, but I hadn’t crossed it.
But Harper hadn’t believed me.
I’d begged, pleaded, and offered to go to marriage counseling.
Nothing had moved her, and she’d walked away without a second glance.
She’d said she couldn’t stay married to a man she didn’t trust.
We’d yelled and argued and said ugly things.
In the end, none of it mattered because she still left.
It had been the end of our marriage, our relationship, and the best part of my life.
I’d tried to find that same love and happiness two more times, hurting both Tricia and Brittany, and bringing a child into the world who only had her dad around for a few months of the year.
I wouldn’t intentionally do it again.
Would I?
A knock on my door startled me and I looked up to see Ivan.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” I asked as I opened the door.
“I brought Harper’s car back to her, and she asked me to give you these.” He held out my phone and wallet.
“Thanks.” I took them from him as I motioned for him to come in.
“I can’t stay long but look at this place. It’s small but nice.”
“What do I need more room for?” I asked. “This is perfect. There’s a bedroom big enough for my bed. A bathroom with a nice shower. A kitchen and a grill that allow me to cook. And a place for my TV.” I shrugged.
“I guess you have a point.” He cocked his head. “So, you want to tell me what happened with you and Harper that she couldn’t bring you your wallet herself?”
I shrugged. “The usual. We fucked and then we fought.”
“Was the sex bad?”
“No, you asshole. We just… you know. This is why we’re not married anymore.”
“You’re not married anymore because you allowed her to think you cheated instead of fighting for her.”
“I did fight!” I protested. “I offered to go to therapy. I begged her to give me another chance. I—”
“Those are the actions of a man who’s guilty,” he interrupted quietly. “An innocent man would have let her talk to his teammates, who could corroborate his story.”
“Like she was going to believe them? Especially when they were all in trouble with their significant others too? Besides, guys lie for each other all the time.”
“Yeah, but a couple of those guys didn’t like you enough to lie for you. Not much back then and not at all now.”
“You think I should reach out to Rich Sentry or Vinnie Massimo to tell my ex-wife that I didn’t cheat?” I laughed. “To what end? We’re not getting back together.”
He shook his head. “You’re going to sit here and tell me you don’t still have feelings for her?”
“Sure. There are feelings. She’s beautiful. Smart. Successful. The type of woman a man gets stupid over. But I’ve already done that. Three times. I’m done. I need to finish my career without any more concussions, save up some money, and think about what I’m going to do after hockey, because that day is coming whether I want it to or not.”
“That’s all you want in life? To work and be a part-time dad to a pre-teen? You don’t want companionship? Someone to talk to late at night? Sex that you don’t have to go looking for? I mean, what the hell kind of sad, sappy bullshit is that?”
“Did you come by to lecture me?” I muttered.
“No, but it looks like someone needs to.”
“I’m fine, man. I don’t need a father or a big brother.”
“You’d be the big brother in this scenario. Regardless, you should go apologize for whatever you did. You live on her property. You play for her team. You’re going to be seeing a lot of each other, whether you like it or not, so it’s going to get really complicated come September if you guys are fighting like this.”
“I’ll figure it out. I always do.”
He looked like he wanted to protest but just shrugged instead. “Whatever you say, my friend. I think you’re making a huge mistake, but you’re a grown man. You’ve got to figure out your own shit one of these days.”
“Have I ever told you you’re a pain in my ass?”
“Probably.”
“You want to hang out or are you leaving?”
“I have to go,” he replied. “I’m getting ready to head to New York for a few days. But I’ll see you when I get back.”
“What’s in New York?”
“A woman.” He grinned. “What else?”
13
Harper
There were options after having unprotected sex.
The morning-after pill was the most logical, but I wanted a baby so doing that seemed counterproductive.
I did not particularly want Gabe’s baby but if it had happened, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
We’d draw up a custody agreement of some kind and then I’d finally get to be a mom.
Of course, it would add a level of complication to my life that I didn’t relish. If people in the hockey world found out Gabe had fathered my kid, and we weren’t together, there would be gossip for days. Weeks. Probably the entire season. The focus would be on my personal life instead of the team, which was the opposite of what I was trying to do.
And yet, that didn’t bother me as much as I’d thought it would.
I was used to it now.
There had been a lot of horrible comments and gossip when I married Edward. I was a gold digger, a shrew, pregnant, unable to get pregnant, responsible for his cancer. Some of it had been so ludicrous we’d laughed. Other parts of it had made me cry. I’d had Edward then, though, so I hadn’t felt alone. He’d always had my back, and even after he got sick, he’d been fierce in his protection of me.
That was one of the things I’d loved most about him.
He was kind and gentle, but also determined and no-nonsense. He didn’t take shit from anyone, including his children. He’d never let anyone talk down to me, or about me if he could help it, nipping all the bullshit in the bud early.
I didn’t have him anymore, but I did have the lessons he’d left me and the memories of how he’d handled the nastiness. How he expected other people to treat me, and by extension, how he’d wanted to be treated. Both personally and professionally.
It wasn’t easy behavior to learn or to implement, but I intended to try. I had to be a million times tougher than people were expecting, and I couldn’t rely on Gabe to protect me in the locker room even though I hoped he would. He needed to focus on his play and being an unofficial morale officer. He tended to be broody and sarcastic, but younger players looked up to him and veterans respected him, even if they didn’t necessarily like him. That was the main reason I’d brought him here.
Somehow, I had to find a way to be friends with him, without arguing and letting him get on my nerves. Without him potentially getting me pregnant. Without us falling into bed every time—Sloane’s name on the screen of my phone interrupted my scattered thoughts and I answered with as much energy as I could muster up.
“Hey.”
“Wow, you sound excited to be alive.”
“It’s early,” I muttered.
“Must’ve been one hell of a movie.” She knew I’d been planning to go to the movies with Cheyenne.
“Well, dinner and a movie turned into drinks and a rock concert with Gabe, and Ivan Rochenko.”
“Wait, what?” She sounded confused. “How did a simple girls’ night at the movies turn into a double date at a concert?”
“It wasn’t a date.”
Until it was.
“But?”
“I slept with Gabe!” I blurted out.
She burst out laughing.
“You suck,” I muttered. “I’d fire you if I didn’t need you so badly.”
“I wish I’d bet on this because I’d be rich right now,” she said. “I knew you were going to do the horizontal bop with him. I knew it!”
“I didn’t even know!” I protested. “How could you know?”
“I knew because you always get a dreamy little look in your eyes when you talk about him. Unless you’re mad about something he did, but even then, there’s a passion in you that I rarely see anywhere else. Gabe is the only person who brings out every emotion in you, so in my head, it was inevitable that you two would sleep together again. If not get back together at some point.”
“Well, it gets better.” I told her about having unprotected sex. She already knew I wanted to have a baby, so if anyone might have good advice, it would be her.
“Oh, shit, girlfriend. When you want something, you really go for it.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose!” I said in frustration.
“No? Not even subconsciously?”
I hadn’t considered that.
Had I, in the dark, shuttered recesses of my mind, somehow wanted this to happen?
Had I thrown caution to the wind because I trusted him and had been willing to risk it?
Edward and I had started trying as soon as we got married and I’d never gotten pregnant. Then he got sick and the chemotherapy had wreaked havoc on his system, leaving him with a low sperm count and zero sex drive. Artificial insemination hadn’t worked either, but by then he’d been too sick for me to think about seeing a specialist. So, I didn’t know if I was the problem.
“Harper?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted slowly. “I mean, no, I didn’t go into it with that in mind. When we were together, he was always in charge of birth control, and I just assumed he would be again. Which was stupid.”
“So you didn’t discuss it at all?”
“No. One minute we were kissing, the next he was inside of me and that was that.”
“How many times?” she asked.
“Uh, three? Maybe four. I don’t even remember.”
“And then this morning you picked a fight with him when you realized what had happened?”
“Yup.”
“If I recall, you accused him of something else he may not have done that caused the end of your marriage. Don’t you think you might want to give him the benefit of the doubt this time? I mean, why would he do that? You guys aren’t together, so intentionally getting you pregnant sounds a little far-fetched. Even for Gabe.”
“I know,” I said miserably. “I was embarrassed and hungover and frustrated. And he was so smug, the bastard.”
“That’s who he is, though, isn’t it? From what you’ve told me, he’s always been that way, smug and arrogant and all that.”
“Yeah.”
“Would it be the worst thing in the world if he became your baby daddy? And doing it the old-fashioned way, instead of in a doctor’s office paying tens of thousands of dollars, sounds like a lot more fun.”
“That’s true.”
“Not to mention, your kid would have the opportunity to know his dad. He or she would have a mother and a father, even if he was only around in the summer or whatever.”
“In theory, it sounds perfect,” I said. “But I’d already made the decision to put it off. I don’t have time to be pregnant and I’ll have even less time to be the mom to a newborn. I have to take a year to get the team running on an even keel. The plan was to circle back to this next summer.”
“Well, be that as it may, it’s possible you’re already pregnant, so you guys need to talk. Please note, I said talk, not yell or fight.”
I wrinkled my nose even though she couldn’t see it. “I know.”
“Tell him the truth, Harper. About all of it. There might already be a baby. You can’t pussyfoot around that issue.”
“But do we have to talk about it before I know for sure? All we do is fight.”
“Apparently, that’s not all you do. And you’re right to have reservations, but at this point, what do you have to lose? You can lie to him and to yourself, but you still have feelings for him. No matter how deep you’ve buried them. Maybe it’s time to put it all out there.”
“I do,” I said softly. “I wish I didn’t, but I do. Every time I see him, my heart beats a little faster. Just like when we first met.”
“Talk to him, Harper. You have to communicate.”
“I know you’re right. It’s just hard.”
“Most things worth having are hard.”
“He’s mad at me right now.”
“Start with an apology and go from there.”
And food.
He liked food, especially when I baked.
“He likes muffins,” I mused aloud.
“I’m sure he does,” she said, laughing.
“I’m talking about the kind I bake,” I said, chuckling.
“Bake some muffins and then go over and talk.”
“Tomorrow,” I said finally. “I need some time to mull it all over. And I have a conference call at two.”
“Yes, you do. You also have to look at Shane Finnegan’s proposed offer. It’s in your email.”
“Got it. Okay, gotta run. Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime.”
“Talk to you later.” I hung up and opened the email on my laptop, but it was hard to concentrate.
What if I was pregnant?
What if there was already a baby growing inside of me?
Gabe’s baby.
Something I’d dreamed of many, many times.
We hadn’t been ready for kids when we’d been married, and while I’d wanted a big family, he’d waffled on whether or not he wanted any. One of many things we’d fought about.
Now I’d be lucky to have even one.
But that would link Gabe and me for the rest of our lives, and I had to think hard about whether or not I could live with that. It was one thing to have him in my guest house and on my team. Sharing a child with him would make us family.
Forever.
And that would be torture for me.
I’d loved Edward deeply, but I’d never loved anyone the way I’d loved Gabe. It was widely accepted that you never got over your first love, and I never had. In fact, I was positive I never would. Gabe owned me, body and soul, no matter how hard I tried to get over him.
