Power Play, page 17
I chuckled, running a hand over her breast and then cupping it lightly. “I’m good, Harper. Really. The biggest concern is getting hit in the head again. The risk of CTE gets higher every time it happens, but otherwise, I’m in great shape. Aside from some occasional aches and pains.”
“The number one job of the defense is protecting you,” she said firmly. “And I’m going tell Henrik he has to make that abundantly clear.”
“Let Henrik run the team the way he needs to,” I said gently. “I’ll deal with the team’s D. The defense will protect me because it’s part of the job, and because they want to, not because a coach tells them to. It’s hard to explain the dynamic on the ice. You form a bond, even if you don’t like each other off the ice, because it’s an important part of the process. But you can’t force it. As guys start coming back to town, or moving here as you trade for them, we’ll spend time together and get to know each other. That’s when loyalty will happen. Or it won’t. And when it doesn’t, I’ll hang up my skates.”
“That’s the part of this that’s hard for me,” she said. “I’ve never been an athlete, never been on a team unless you count the debate team, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not the same.”
I chuckled. “Well, I’ve never been on a debate team, but I’m going to agree.”
“So it’s foreign to me in general. Add on the stressors and pressure of being on a professional team making millions of dollars a year, and I can’t replicate those types of relationships in my head.”
“There’s nothing else like it,” I told her. “I wish I could explain how it feels to you, but I can’t. You have to live it and experience the bond, the trust that happens on the ice. Teams that don’t play well are missing that piece. The only advice I’ll give you for the business side of it is that if you don’t build a locker room with trust, loyalty and dedication, to go along with the athleticism and talent, you have nothing. That includes your back office, coaching, trainers, all of it. Even the owners.”
She was quiet for what was probably a beat too long. “So you’re saying if they don’t like and trust me, they won’t play well?”
“I don’t think they have to like you, but they have to trust in your ability to make the right decisions for the organization.”
“I’m trying,” she whispered.
“I know you are, baby. And I have full confidence in you.”
“Now to win over everyone else.”
“One day, one step, and one orgasm at a time.”
“Why are you so distracted by orgasms?” she said playfully.
“Is that a trick question? Shouldn’t everyone be distracted by orgasms?” I let my hand drift south.
She sighed happily, arching into my touch. “Yes, they should.”
25
Harper
August flew by in what felt like a flash. Between meetings, interviews, trade agreements, and searching for a new assistant, I was working fourteen-hour days, seven days a week. And Gabe was the perfect househusband. He cooked and shopped and made sure I had regular orgasm breaks. He gave me opinions on players, advice on trade deals, and listened when I was angry or frustrated or overwhelmed.
He was everything I never knew I needed.
Not even Edward had been this in tune to my wants and needs, and I wondered where this version of Gabe had been a decade ago. Had he always been there but I’d been too caught up in school and work, along with my insecurities and fear of abandonment, to notice? Had I sabotaged our marriage out of some deep-seated belief that he was going to leave me anyway?
I also had to consider that hockey was going to change the dynamic of our relationship once the season started because he was going to be busy too. He wasn’t going to be catering to my every need like he’d been doing all summer. He’d be traveling and going to games, practices, and meetings. There would be very few lazy mornings in bed or dinner waiting when I got home. Everything was going to adjust once the training camp got underway and part of me worried that we would fall back into the same routine we’d had when we were married.
We’d had disparate schedules, with separate routines, lifestyles, and friends. Eventually, it had caused chinks in our foundation that had been precarious, and when I’d seen those pictures of him at the strip club, along with the stories from the other wives and girlfriends, everything had crumbled. There had been other issues too, with him staying out all night, forgetting to call me when he was on the road, and his out-of-control spending. It had all culminated in me having doubts. In the end, it had destroyed us.
With those negative memories always on my mind, I couldn’t help but begin to feel some panic as the start of hockey season loomed.
I was teetering on the edge of emotional overload.
Falling in love with him again was risky, and I couldn’t afford to take any other risks at the moment. Everything I was doing with the Phantoms was a risk, so the plan had been to keep my personal life relatively simple.
Things in my life were rarely simple, though. Between taking over a professional hockey team, starting an unexpected relationship with Gabe, and the potential of becoming a stepmother to a nine-year-old, my plan for simplicity was rapidly blowing up in my face.
For the most part, I stayed too busy to overthink my situation, but Gabe and I were supposed to be getting on a plane this weekend to see Brandy play in her softball tournament, and I had fifty other things I needed to do instead. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go, but the timing sucked. Training camp started Monday, I’d brought in four more new players in the last two weeks, and though I had people to help them with the transition and the details of moving, I wanted to be more involved than that.
I needed to show both players and back-office employees that I deserved to be here. I deserved to stay at the helm of this team. That Edward had been right in leaving it to me.
So, I couldn’t just jet off for a kid’s softball tournament every time something came up. Except what if we were talking about my own child? Would I feel as resentful about taking the time off when it was my kid instead of Gabe’s? Would Brandy feel bad when we spent more time with our child versus his child? If Gabe and I stayed together, I’d have to take her feelings into consideration no matter what because until now she’d been an only child. I had to keep her needs in mind as well, which was going to complicate my life even more.
And I didn’t have time for any other complications.
“Are you listening to me?” Sloane asked. We’d been on the phone for an hour and my mind had wandered.
“Sorry. I was thinking about how I don’t have time to go to Denver for four days.”
“The timing isn’t great,” she acknowledged. “I’m so sorry I can’t come out to L.A. either. I’m just swamped with the new house, Johan starting the season, and now a hundred doctor’s appointments to make up for all the months of not going to any.”
“How did you not know you were pregnant?” I asked, laughing. “I mean, you’re twenty weeks. Were there no signs at all?”
“There was a little weight gain, about six pounds I couldn’t seem to drop, but I thought it was all the travel and eating out we’ve been doing. I was a little more tired than usual, but I’m busy so I thought it was to be expected. There were other signs, but I was oblivious.”
“Like?”
“My boobs are bigger. Apparently, my face is glowing and my nails are growing like crazy. I honestly didn’t notice any of that, but Johan did.”
“I think it’s sweet that he noticed.”
“He’s the sweetest. One of many reasons I love him.”
“You sound happy. I’m going to miss you, but I’m so happy for you. You deserve this after being married to Tim.”
“You deserve happiness too, you know.”
“I don’t know if it’s in the cards for me.”
“Things aren’t going well with you and Gabe?”
“They are, but we’ve been together in the off-season. Once hockey starts…I don’t know. My gut tells me everything is going to change.”
“You have to talk about it, and come up with a plan, to make sure it doesn’t.”
“Our lives are going to be incredibly busy. Just like when we were married the first time. I’m terrified history will repeat itself.”
“What does that even mean? You and Gabe are back together. Haven’t you discussed what the plan is going to be once hockey season starts?”
I grimaced.
We hadn’t talked about much to do with the future.
We’d talked about Gabe potentially moving into the main house, how we were going to address the topic of children next summer if things were going well, and how we would handle locker room gossip if it was still going on once the season got under way.
We hadn’t talked about whether we’d get remarried or just continue with the status quo.
We hadn’t discussed in any detail how we would handle all the upcoming changes to the routine we’d fallen into over the summer.
What we would tell Brandy.
Or anything really.
We seemed to be living in the present without much regard for the future.
“Harper?”
“I’m here. Just thinking about how incredibly dumb I am sometimes.”
“You’re not dumb. You can be hyper focused on work, which isn’t the same thing.”
“I have to talk to Gabe. This is the worst possible time for me to head out of town for a long weekend.”
“Brandy’s going to be disappointed.”
“Well, he can still go.”
“I thought you were going to meet Tricia’s new boyfriend so Brandy can start getting used to the new parenting lineup?”
“Yeah, I know. I just…I can’t. Ugh. Listen, I have to go find Gabe.”
“All right. Call me later, let me know your plans.”
“I will. Thanks.” I disconnected and turned to find Gabe leaning against the doorway.
“What did you need to talk to me about?” he asked quietly, a wary look in his eyes.
“Denver.” I approached him slowly. “I know we made plans, but I… this is a terrible time for me to get away.”
“I understand that, but it’s incredibly important to me,” he replied. “And to Brandy. This tournament is a big deal and we wanted to present a united front with our respective significant others in supporting her.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry. But there’s so much happening with training camp starting next week. A bunch of players are arriving Friday and there are—”
“They’re grown men, and the team is taking care of the details. They don’t need you to meet them at the airport. Athletes understand this part of the life very well.” Now he looked frustrated. Maybe even annoyed.
“I know, and I understand you’re disappointed,” I said, putting my hand on his arm. “Brandy is important, but the team is important too. I won’t ever have a first season as the owner again and I have to do it right.”
“And Brandy won’t ever have a first travel tournament again.”
“Tell me what she likes,” I said. “I’ll send her a present to let her know I was thinking about her and how proud I am of her. With a note. Or I’ll call and—”
“She doesn’t need gifts,” he said impatiently, moving his arm out from under my hand. “She needs the four of us to be there for her, to show her that her life won’t necessarily change just because her mother and I are moving on romantically.”
“Gabe, I…” I didn’t know what else to say.
I was caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
I wanted to go to Denver, but I needed to be here in L.A.
We had meetings and conference calls to finalize everything for both training camp and the season. There were so many details to settle, I couldn’t be gone for four days. I hated disappointing everyone, but this wasn’t a small thing. This was the beginning of my first season with the team. There was still a huge learning curve, and Gabe knew how important this was to me.
“Is this what you’re going to do with our kids?” he asked after a moment. “Is work going to come before their sports events and school plays and all that stuff? Are you going to just let a nanny raise them? Because I didn’t realize that was the plan.”
“It’s not the plan,” I said, my voice rising in frustration. “It’s just this one time. This is all new to me! Going forward it won’t be like this. It’ll be easy.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” he asked, shaking his head. “It’s not going to be easy. A little easier than it is right now because you’re doing it for the first time, but it’s never going to be easy. Pro sports is a never-ending spiral of stress and frustration and complications. It will never, ever be easy. And at some point, you’re going to have to decide how much you’re going to sacrifice for it.”
I didn’t respond because I didn’t have an answer.
I didn’t know what to expect going forward.
Neither of us did.
We wouldn’t know until we were living it.
Of course, we were supposed to talk about the future and how we were going to handle it all. We just hadn’t gotten around to it.
And now it was about to bite us on the butt.
“Gabe, I don’t want to fight,” I said. “Can we just talk about this?”
“I don’t know what there is to talk about. If you don’t go to Denver, I feel like this is a reflection of what our life is going to be like. We both prioritized our jobs when we were married, but we were young and the only people we hurt were each other. Now we’re talking about a living, breathing nine-year-old girl with feelings. How am I supposed to explain this to her?”
“You’ve put work ahead of Brandy her entire life!” I snapped.
“I have,” he acknowledged. “And if you recall, I’ve been trying to make her more of a priority now. I don’t even know if I would still be playing if not for you. You asked me to do this, to come to L.A. and help you launch your inaugural season as owner. And I did it. For you. In fact, I’ve done fucking everything for you this summer. It didn’t start out that way, but once we started sleeping together, I realized I wanted more than that. This time around, I want to be the kind of partner I wasn’t mature enough to be when we were married.”
“I know. And I appreciate everything. I do. If we can just get through the next couple of months—”
“Do you recall another time we said that?” he asked. “If we can make it until I finish grad school… if we can make it until I get through the probationary period at work… if we can get through until the end of the season… do you remember uttering those words once upon a time?”
I flushed.
We had said and done those things.
Repeatedly.
But this was different.
How could he not understand what was at stake here?
Maybe he just didn’t want to.
Or maybe this whole thing had been a huge mistake.
26
Gabe
There was no mistaking the conflict in Harper’s eyes, but I couldn’t do this again. Especially not when it came to Brandy. I’d been selfish and oblivious in my twenties. I didn’t have that luxury anymore. When we’d decided to start dating again, it hadn’t taken long for me to realize how much I still loved her. She’d been my everything once, and no one else had ever been able to measure up.
Somehow, I’d romanticized all the bad parts of our relationship, convincing myself we’d do it right this time. Better. That if I was better, then she would change too. And that had been my mistake. I should have known nothing was ever that simple. Three divorces should have taught me that life didn’t work that way.
Fantastic sex wasn’t enough.
History and chemistry weren’t enough.
Love wasn’t even enough.
Harper had broken my heart a decade ago and she was going to do it again.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “What if I flew out Friday night so I could be there for Saturday and then left Sunday morning?”
“If they make it to the championship, that will happen on Sunday,” I said. “So you’d miss out on the most important part. And anyway, this isn’t about Brandy. Not really. This is about us repeating history. Because I guess you were right—a leopard doesn’t change its spots. No matter how much we’ve tried.”
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“You know what it means.” I leaned against the counter. “I think we gave it a shot but it’s not going to work.”
“It’s not…” She stared at me. “We just went public with our relationship and it’s not going to work?!” Her voice rose higher with each word.
“We’ll mitigate the fallout with the whole ‘we’ve decided to be friends’ story,” I replied. “I can be friendly if you can.”
“Are you serious?” she snapped, her eyes blazing in the way that I normally loved. Except now it just frustrated me. She was so stubborn.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“So that’s it? We hit our first bump in the road and we’re done?”
“It’s not a bump,” I said carefully. “It’s a fucking roadblock. And I don’t see any way around it. You’re going to put your job first, as usual, and I’m done with that. I’m ready to slow down. Yes, I’ll give you my all this season. I’ll protect your reputation in the locker room. I’d give my left nut to make it to the finals before I retire, and while we both know that’s a longshot this season, I’ll do anything and everything in my power to get us there. I might even have one more season after this in me, as a back-up. But I’m looking toward retirement no matter how much I don’t want to. And from a professional standpoint, this is your rookie season. I get it. I don’t begrudge you. It’s just not where I want to be in life.”
