Holiday Shot, page 7
A low-paying, entry-level job, but a job with a professional hockey team, nonetheless.
“Have I told you how amazing you are?” I whispered, suddenly overcome with emotion.
“You don’t have to,” he responded, reaching for my hand. “I don’t want anything except for us to be together. It occurred to me while I was gone that this is our shot. These next few weeks are the only chance we’ll have to figure out what we want, and if there’s more to us than chemistry and good sex. If we can make this into something long-term.”
“But…” There was obviously something on her mind and she was struggling to get it out.
“Say it,” I encouraged her. “Whatever it is, say it. I’m not going to be mad or make any assumptions. We don’t have the time to play coy relationship games. Tell me what your hesitation is.”
“The only way I can survive on a salary that low is if we live together,” I blurted out, nearly wincing as I awaited his response.
It was a big deal, especially considering his children would undoubtedly come stay with us in the off-season, and I barely knew them. We had a lot to consider before I could even entertain the prospect of this paid internship opportunity, but he surprised me with his response.
“That was a given,” he said quietly. “Of course, you’ll live with me. If you want to, that is. I hoped you would, but I didn’t want to force you into anything.”
“That’s the problem—it’s not optional financially and puts you in the position of supporting me. If we’re being honest, I hate that. I’m going from my parents to you. And as an independent, modern woman, that feels wrong. I’m struggling with that part of it.”
“You know…” He hesitated, as if trying to gather his thoughts. “I’m all for whatever a woman wants to do. Work, not work, work part-time, whatever it is, but there will be sacrifices in the decisions we make as a couple. I’m not a professional athlete anymore, so I’ll never make the money Cam makes. If we’re together, we’ll have a comfortable life, but there won’t be exotic vacations multiple times a year or a big mansion like the Petrovs have. My house is nice enough, but I bought it on the cheap, knowing I’d have to do some upgrades. Renovation is expensive so it’s not where I wanted it to be yet, but—”
“Which is why I feel like I should contribute something, but between a car payment, insurance, gas, and whatever else comes up, I won’t have a lot left for that.”
“Honey, I don’t need money from you. Renovations and vacations and all of that will come if you’re patient. I just need a woman who wants to be there. Here. With me.”
I glanced over at him and noted that his face had tightened a little. “Did Lydia not want to be with you?”
“She did at first, but she resented not being able to continue with her career. Yes, she was pregnant and then had newborn twins. Everything moved quickly, and I was a scout back then, so I was gone a lot. All the time, really. It wasn’t completely fair to her, but she’d told me she was on the pill, so it wasn’t completely my fault either.”
“She lied about being on the pill?”
“No, but since we were using condoms, she got lazy about remembering to take it. She forgot a few days in a row, we had a moment in the shower, and bam, twins. But obviously, with me gone all the time, she couldn’t go running off on safari whenever she felt like it, and eventually she was angry about it.”
“What does she do for work now?”
“She freelances for a handful of magazines and does some work with the San Diego zoo, taking photos for their website or something. I don’t know the details. But my point is that we have to be on the same page. If I’m paying the bulk of the bills, my job has to be the priority. The boys are with her for most of hockey season, but they do come for visits, and that means you’d have to be willing to spend time with them when I’m at work.”
I stared at him. “They’re part of you. I’d have to be an idiot to not understand that I’d help take care of them when you’re working.”
“Will you resent the fact that I come with two kids, not to mention how much money I pay her to take care of them?”
“No.” I squeezed his hand tightly. “Not even a little. I mean, assuming you’re willing to give me a baby or two of my own. I want babies, Henrik. Not now, but in a few years, like before I’m thirty.”
“If we get to a place where we want kids, the sooner the better. I’ll be forty-two in May. I’m not getting any younger, and I’d like to see them graduate high school before I’m seventy.”
“That gives us almost a decade, so I think you’re safe.”
“We’re having a very serious conversation for two people who’ve just started dating,” he said. “But…”
“But?”
“I don’t want you to leave after the holidays. I’ve spent months regretting not calling, not having you in my life. I feel like you were the one that got away, even though it was my own fault. And I don’t want to make that mistake twice.”
“I just feel like I should be more career-driven,” I whispered. “Like, I should want more than an internship or whatever.”
“Deep down, I think you know what you want.” His voice was soft, without censure.
And he was right.
I did know what I wanted.
I just hadn’t expected to be ready for it now.
Or to want to do it with a man so much older than me.
How could I say that out loud, though?
How could I admit I wanted to be with a man and take care of him, while he took care of me? Did modern women want those kinds of things? Weren’t we supposed to kick ass and take names?
I’d thought hockey would be the pinnacle of my career. Then marriage, babies, and maybe a part-time job related to my field. Retiring at twenty-five hadn’t been part of my grand plan. Without hockey, I’d been more than a little lost, but Henrik made me feel as if I’d found something I hadn’t realized I was missing. It was the most cliché of clichés, looking for a man to take care of me, but I couldn’t lie to myself.
And I didn’t want to lie to him.
“Is that okay with you? You know, me being conflicted about my career and what I want to be when I grow up? Because a lot of what I want is to be a wife and a mom. We’re not there yet, but that’s the future we’d be working toward if we’re going to be together.”
“You think we’d be having this conversation if I wasn’t okay with the woman you are? If I wanted some other type of woman, we wouldn’t be here. I don’t care if you take the internship or continue substitute teaching or get a job at the mall. Truly, Autumn, it doesn’t matter to me. The only thing I care about is how we feel about each other, that you’ll be okay having a relationship with my boys, and that you’re happy with whatever we decide. Work, don’t work, just love me and the life we build. That is literally all I’ve ever wanted.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
I was falling head over heels for this guy.
13
Henrik
After our conversation and a night of so much sex I almost couldn’t move this morning, we got up and went to get her things from Cam and Sutton’s house. Moving her in felt natural, and we joked about how much closet space she was taking up even though most of her things were still in Chicago.
“I think we play Chicago in February,” I said. “That might be a good time for you to fly home, pack the rest of your things, and maybe you can invite your parents to the game.” I paused. “Are they hockey fans?”
She smiled wryly. “They’re Blackhawks fans, and they managed to get to the Frozen Four championships I played in, but not many of my pro games.”
“I’m sorry.” I pulled her against me. “If you were still playing, I’d be at every game I could get to.”
“I know you would.” She wrapped her arms around my neck. “My parents will probably not be thrilled with us being together.”
“Age difference?”
“That. The fact that you’re not rich by their standards. That I’m going to be living in Fort Lauderdale. That you’re divorced and already have kids. There will most likely be a litany of things for them to dislike about you.”
“Is there anything I can do to win them over?”
She shook her head. “No, but they’ll come around. Eventually. As I’ve told you, they’re not the warmest people in the world to begin with. Once they sent us off to college, they were pretty much done with us. They write checks instead of making phone calls or giving hugs.”
“This bothers you, eh?”
I nodded. “I’m used to it, but yeah, it does.”
“Well, I like hugs.” I pressed a soft kiss on her chin. “I like talking on the phone when I’m away.” I tightened my arms around her. “And you’ll always feel wanted, no matter where I am physically.”
“I know.” I rested my head against his chest. “I just wanted to warn you that they won’t be all that excited to meet you.”
“The hell with them then. You can fly up to Chicago to get your things whenever you’re ready.”
“What about your family? Will they have a problem with me being so much younger?”
“My family will be super excited.” I lightly nibbled her right earlobe. “And no, they won’t care about the age difference. My brother might ask me if I’m sure you’re not a gold-digger or something, but it would be from the perspective of him worrying about me. In general, he’ll reserve judgement until he meets you.”
“That’s fair. I would ask questions too.”
Our eyes met and I bent my head to kiss her. “My parents will be glad I’ve moved on. They want me to be happy. And you make me very, very happy.”
“Most of your family is in Sweden, right? Do you always take the boys there in the summer?”
“I usually spend a month there with them, exposing them to my culture and heritage, and of course, letting them spend time with their grandparents. My parents come to the US once a year as well, but it’s hard to coordinate their visit with when the boys are here because of school.”
“I’m sure it’s complicated with your travel schedule too.”
“It is.” I smiled down at her. “However, I have a rare day off. What would you like to do?”
“Do you have Christmas decorations?”
I frowned. “Uh, a few things, but I don’t have the boys here at Christmas, so I’ve never bothered to do much decorating.”
“Well, I am a big fan of Christmas, so we’re going to need a tree and some ornaments. Maybe a wreath for the front door.”
“I have to spend my only day off this week shopping?” I deadpanned.
She narrowed her eyes slightly, as if trying to decide if I was serious or not and smiled flirtatiously. “Yes. But you’ll be well-rewarded later tonight.”
“I see. You’re bribing me with sexual favors.”
“I am.”
“I like it.”
“I need to shower. You coming?” She glanced over her shoulder as she headed toward the stairs.
“Absolutely.”
Shopping had never been so much fun.
I wouldn’t have thought I would enjoy it, but with Autumn, it was easy. She’d pulled out her phone and found the best deals for a tree, ornaments, even the damn wreath she took nearly an hour choosing. When I suggested lights for the outside, her eyes brightened so much you would have thought I’d bought something specifically for her instead of for the house.
“I’ve always dreamed of having multiple trees,” she said when we stopped for lunch at a small Mexican restaurant. “One would be the focal point, like in a window or something, and it would be a specific color scheme, with all—”
“What color scheme?” I asked curiously.
“I don’t know. I’ll know it when I see it. The kind of thing a professional decorated, you know? But then we’d have another tree, in the family room or whatever, and the ornaments would represent our family. Like ornaments the kids made, ornaments we picked up in our travels, maybe gift ornaments we received from friends or family—the kind that have audio messages and stuff.” She flushed. “I mean, not this year. I’m just so excited to be picking out everything.”
“We can have as many trees as you like,” I said with a grin. “I think the boys would get a kick out of that too. Assuming I ever have them here for Christmas. I probably won’t until they’re old enough to fly alone because if Lydia has to bring them, she stays, and frankly, that’s more hassle than it’s worth.”
“I could go get them.” She hesitated. “I mean, if you trusted me with them. Like, next year or whatever.”
“I would absolutely trust you with them. Lydia would have to sign off on it, of course, but if you could go get them, it would be nice to have them here for the holidays.”
“Do you think she’s going to make things difficult for you when you tell her you have a live-in girlfriend?”
“She can try, but I’m sure she’s dating. The boys have let it drop that some guy named Harlan has sleepovers with mommy, so I’ve kept that news in my back pocket for when I may need leverage on something.”
“God, divorce sounds awful.”
“It’s not fun, but it’s better than staying married to someone who doesn’t want to be with you and is perpetually miserable.”
“That sounds awful too.” She reached across the table for my hands. “I promise I won’t make your life miserable.”
“The key is communicating when something is wrong early on, before it becomes a big thing. While it’s still a small thing, it can most likely be fixed. If you let it turn into a something big and messy, that’s when everyone is miserable.”
“The first time I saw you, across the room at that hotel bar, something immediately clicked. Yes, of course, I thought you were handsome, but let’s be honest—there are lots of attractive people in the world. For both of us.”
“Yes.” I nodded in agreement.
“But I was drawn to you like a magnet. And I’m not trying to be poetic. I literally couldn’t not talk to you. It was like no one else was in the room. I needed to be close to you. And believe me, I know how ridiculous that sounds.”
“It doesn’t. Because it was the same for me. When I saw you coming, I felt like someone had cast a spell on me. Like you’d come to the bar that night specifically for me.”
“Do you think this feeling will go away?” she whispered. “Are we just fooling ourselves because it’s still new and exciting?”
“The excitement and butterflies undoubtedly will,” I said. “But the way we make each other feel? No, I don’t think so. I’ve never felt it before. At least, not this way. Attraction and chemistry? Of course. The butterflies of a new relationship? Sure. But the way it felt when I first saw you, like someone had punched me in the face? Never.”
She laughed. “I’m not sure how I feel about being compared to a punch in the face, but it was definitely a shot to the heart. I think I started falling for you that first night. And that’s why I was so annoyed when you didn’t call.”
“I was annoyed with myself,” I said wryly. “Because I really fucking wanted to. Every so often, Cam would drop your name and it was so damn hard not to react or ask about you. Well, I did ask about you a few times, but I was too caught up in my insecurities.”
“Insecurities?” She stared at me. “You were insecure? About me?”
“You’re half my age. Not when you do the math, but I’m forty-something and you’re twenty-something. I make a very respectable living, but I’ll never be a millionaire. Not to mention my divorce and baggage. Why would you settle for a guy who comes with all that?”
“Your children aren’t baggage,” she said, scowling. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re the hottest guy I’ve ever been with, and you should know after everything we’ve talked about, I’m not motivated by money.”
“I know that now, but I didn’t know it then.”
“That’s fair.” Our hands were still linked across the table and she squeezed my fingers. “I get insecure too sometimes, so I guess we’re even.”
“You have nothing to be insecure about,” I told her firmly. “You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. And I plan to remind you of that every single day.”
“I could get used to that,” she whispered.
14
Autumn
The day of the executive staff holiday party was bright, sunny and eighty degrees. I’d wound up buying two dresses, even though I had plenty of fancy clothes back home in Chicago. Most of them were meant for colder weather, so I’d bought a slinky red dress that fell to mid-thigh with rhinestone-covered spaghetti straps along with a little black dress that would hopefully blow Henrik’s mind when I wore it. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever owned but when I tried it on, I decided it wasn’t appropriate for a party with his co-workers.
I’d save the black dress for some kind of special date night, or maybe New Year’s Eve, but tonight I slipped into the red dress. Along with the red stilettos I’d bought to match. I hadn’t brought much jewelry with me, so Sutton had loaned me a pair of gold hoop earrings and I had a set of three gold bangles that I wore often enough to have brought them. I would have liked something with a little more sparkle, but there was no help for it, and I smoothed down the sides of the dress as I got out of Henrik’s SUV.
We’d had a quickie in the shower that wound up making us later than we’d planned, so we’d had to park farther down the street than usual.
Henrik slid his hand around mine as we walked toward the entrance.
“You look stunning,” he said against my ear.
“Thank you. You don’t look bad yourself.”
“I have to keep up with my very hot girlfriend.”
I chuckled. “You don’t need to do anything but keep being you.”
He leaned over and brushed his lips across my cheek.
“Welcome!” Toli greeted us the moment we walked through the door and he and Henrik shook hands before he hugged me. “We’re glad you could make it.”
