Holiday Shot, page 3
I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to it.
If I’d been home in Chicago, I’d have been in lined leggings, a sweater, and boots of some kind. Probably a scarf and gloves and all the other necessary winter accessories.
Here, it was like endless summer.
“It’s hard. I feel like I should be in all black, with boots and sweaters, not a short and sexy top.”
Sutton grinned. “You get used to it.”
“I look okay, right?” I glanced down, suddenly worried. “I don’t even know where we’re going. What if I’m too casual?”
“If he’s taking you somewhere fancy, then it was up to him to warn you to dress up.” Cam pointed this out as he came out of the kitchen. “And speaking from a male perspective, I think you look perfect. I’d take you out if I was single.”
His grin was obviously meant for Sutton, who rolled her eyes at him as she did something on her phone. “Yeah, yeah, buddy. But you’re not single.”
I chuckled before turning and narrowing my gaze on him. “So. What has he said about me, Cam? Come on, ‘fess up.”
He laughed. “Just like I’ve been warned not to tell him what you and Sutton talk about, I am equally bound to the bro code of not telling you what he and I talk about.”
That was fair, but I rolled my eyes anyway. “Well, you suck,” I said, though I was kidding.
“He just pulled up, so no time to yell at me,” he said, making a shooing motion with his hands. “You kids go have fun.”
It was a good thing I really liked my bestie’s fiancé because he was obnoxious sometimes.
“Bye!” Sutton waved as Cam sank onto the couch next to her. “Have a good time!”
“Not too good of a time!” Cam called as I shut the door.
Too much of a good time.
I wasn’t even sure what that meant.
Lots of hot sex?
Ugh.
I needed to not think about that.
“Hi.” Henrik came toward me, and I forgot all about my friends’ lighthearted teasing.
There was nothing lighthearted when Henrik was close to me.
This was why I was nervous.
He was a drop-dead gorgeous hunk of Swedish deliciousness.
And ruggedly charming in his dark khakis and button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled mid-way up his forearms.
The late afternoon sun glinted off his blond hair and the smile he shot in my direction showed off white teeth that made him look like a movie star.
The best part—or maybe the worst?—was that he was just as nice on the inside as he was on the outside. That was what made him so damn irresistible. And that didn’t even take into account how good he was in bed. That was also why it had hurt when he’d stopped calling.
“Hi.” I tilted up my face when he brushed his lips across my cheek. “Am I dressed okay? I wasn’t sure where we were going.”
“You look beautiful,” he said. “And I remember how much you like steak, so I chose a local steakhouse that’s supposed to be good. But casual.”
He was thoughtful too.
“That sounds perfect.” I followed him around to the passenger side of his SUV and let him open the door for me. I climbed in and sank into the soft leather, thinking this wasn’t the type of vehicle I expected him to drive. I’d truly imagined some kind of sports car, but apparently, I’d been wrong.
“So how’s life in Chicago?” he asked once we were on the way.
“Boring.” I chuckled. “I miss New York and I really miss hockey.”
“Do you play at all?” he asked. “Beer league or anything?”
“Yeah, I play on a men’s team with one of my brothers.”
“Greg or Wayne?”
He remembered my brothers’ names?
This guy was emotionally dangerous.
“Greg is the one I play with. He’s in graduate school in Chicago now, while Wayne’s still in college in Boston, holding out hope he might get picked up by a minor league team since he didn’t get drafted by the NHL.”
“I’ll have to check him out.”
“That’s sweet, but I don’t think pro hockey is in his future.” I chuckled. “He’s just not where he needs to be, and frankly, all he thinks about is girls.”
Henrik laughed. “He’s in college. He’s supposed to be thinking about girls. I know I was.”
“Weren’t you playing pro hockey at twenty?” I asked. “In Sweden?”
“I was, but I thought about girls every second I wasn’t thinking about hockey.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“He’ll figure it out or he won’t. Girls are most likely going to be on his mind no matter what he’s doing, and he’ll find the balance.”
“We can only hope.” My youngest brother liked to party, but I didn’t want to talk about him tonight. “Anyway, what’s new with you?”
“Not much, honestly. I spend almost all my time working or traveling for work. You know how it is during hockey season.”
“I do.”
There was a brief lull in the conversation, so I waited, figuring we were going to address the elephant in the room.
“I should probably explain why I never called.”
“You don’t have to,” I said quietly. “It was essentially a one-night stand with an encore a couple of months later. We have very different lives, so I understand.”
“Do you? Because I feel bad about the way I handled things.”
“Then why did you just stop calling once you went to Sweden?”
“Because I spend ninety percent of hockey season working, and then ninety percent of the off-season with my kids. It doesn’t seem fair to pursue a woman when I’ve only got about ten percent of myself to offer.”
“I guess that’s true,” I said thoughtfully. “But shouldn’t it be my decision? Whether I’m willing to settle for the ten percent?”
He looked over at me. “You deserve so much more than ten percent, Autumn. You’re an amazing, beautiful, talented young woman with your whole life ahead of you. Why on earth would you settle for ten damn percent?”
I was surprised at the passion in his voice, as if the very thought of me settling for something offended him.
Did he not realize how enigmatic and sexy he was?
How I was still dreaming about the way it felt when he touched me, all these months after the fact?
How no one else I’d slept with could come anywhere close to making me feel what he’d made me feel?
Men didn’t think the way us women did, though, so those things were probably nowhere on his radar. And there was always the chance that he simply hadn’t felt the way I did.
“I guess I wouldn’t,” I said. “Not long-term anyway. But there’s no way to know what you’re looking for, or what you’re getting into, unless you try, right?”
“I’m forty-one and divorced, with twin boys who require a lot more attention than you’d think considering they live three thousand miles away. And as you saw on Thanksgiving, my ex isn’t the easiest person to deal with. I’d hate to subject a woman to her on a regular basis.”
“Ah, we’ve all got baggage,” I said with a shrug. “To be honest, it seems like those things are just excuses you make when you want to convince yourself not to do something. If you want something bad enough, none of that shit matters.”
The words tumbled out before I could stop them, and the car grew eerily silent, making me instantly regret being so brutally honest.
I really needed to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes.
I had no filter, especially when it came to men, and that was probably one of many reasons I was single.
I didn’t have the time or patience for game-playing, and that was what this felt like. If he wasn’t interested in anything but sex, he at least needed to be honest about it. We were adults, for heaven’s sake.
“You’re right,” Henrik said after a few seconds. “But you’re also wrong. I did use it as an excuse. But not because I didn’t want to call or see you again. I used it as an excuse to make sure I didn’t.”
5
Henrik
I hadn’t meant to be so candid, but she’d called me out so I had no choice.
I wasn’t sure why but it felt important not to bullshit her.
Yes, she was friends with one of my players, so I’d always be a little extra careful with her, but it had been a one-night stand. It wasn’t like we’d been in a serious relationship, and in my circles, everyone understood the unwritten rules of casual sex.
That wasn’t what this was, though.
Well, it was and it wasn’t.
It was because we’d had a one-night stand that turned into a long-distance friendship that I’d abandoned under the guise of thinking it was better for her.
It was probably more because I’d known she was the type of woman I might fall for.
The type of woman who could potentially have the power to hurt me more than any other woman ever had.
It made no sense.
And based on what she’d just said, I didn’t have to read too far between the lines to know it had bothered her that I’d just stopped returning her calls and texts. Maybe not enough to do anything about it, because she could have called me out and asked me what was going on, but she’d let it go. So I’d convinced myself she probably hadn’t been that into me anyway.
Now I knew better.
I’d let her down so I had to decide if I was going to make it up to her or just have a nice dinner and walk away.
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say,” she said when the silence had stretched out too long.
I sighed, reaching across the center console for her hand and lacing my fingers with hers. “I liked you,” I said quietly. “More than I thought I would, considering it started as a one-night stand. But the more we got to know each other, the more I realized how unfair it would be to drag you into my life. How little time I’d have for you. So I kept reminding myself of all the reasons it wouldn’t work out between us, which made it easier not to call.”
“Do you know how dumb that sounds?” she demanded, though she didn’t pull her hand away. “I mean, we’re adults, Henrik.”
“I know, but I’m at a totally different stage of life than you, and to be honest, it’s intimidating. Why the hell would you want a guy like me? Divorced, with an ex-wife and two kids that take half of my salary. On top of the fact that I’m two decades older than you. If it were me, I’d be running in the opposite direction as fast as I could go.”
“Well, lucky for us, you’re not me.” She gave me an exasperated look. “Also, I’m twenty-five and you’re forty-one. That’s sixteen years, not two decades.”
I chuckled. “Fine. Sixteen years. When I’m sixty, you’ll be forty-four and in the prime of your life. I’ll probably be wearing knee socks with my sandals.”
There was a beat of silence before we both burst out laughing.
“If we’re together when you’re sixty,” she said between snickers. “I promise you, there will be no knee socks allowed with sandals. You can take that to the bank.”
“Deal.” I kept my hand around hers as we continued toward the restaurant, but now the silence was a little awkward.
“Look, we’d only started getting to know each other,” she said after a moment. “The chemistry between us was intense but that was probably just sex. I think—”
I decided to nip that train of thought in the bud before it could take root. “The chemistry between us is a lot more than just sex and we both know it. If it was nothing but sex, we wouldn’t be having a conversation like the one we’re having. Just sex is literally that—let’s go fuck it out of our systems. We wouldn’t take time for this kind of honesty or vulnerability.”
“What you’re trying to say is, you like me.”
Out of my peripheral vision, I could see she was staring straight ahead. Almost as if she didn’t dare look at me.
“I already told you that.”
“But you don’t have time for me.”
“Not as much as I’d like to have.”
“But you do have a little.”
I glanced at her now, unsure where we were going with this. “Yes.”
“Then let’s spend whatever time you have together, while I’m down here, and see what there is to see. Does that sound like something you’re interested in?”
Fuck yes.
Absolutely.
“You can say no,” she said when I didn’t respond right away.
“No. I mean, yes. I want to.” I squeezed her hand harder. “As long as you understand the reality of my life.”
“In case you’ve forgotten, my best friend lives with a professional hockey player and I played professionally myself up until six months ago. Believe me, I understand the life.”
“Yes, but they’re a couple with years of history. We’ve spent two nights together and had a couple of months of talking and texting.”
“Well, we’ll just have to fit in as much as we can in the time we have. I’ve got stuff going on too.”
“Are you here for a job?”
“I’m here to explore the possibilities. Fort Lauderdale is a lot more affordable than Chicago, as far as apartments and such, and Sutton suggested I come down since I haven’t had a lot of luck back home.”
“Do you have any prospects?”
“Nothing specific yet.”
“The Knights are always looking for people in the sales department.”
“I don’t think sales is my forte,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
“I know we don’t have any openings for assistant trainers,” I said thoughtfully. “But have you talked to other teams in the league?”
“I’ve sent out a billion resumes. The only team that bit was the Alaska Blizzard, but it was more like a paid intern position, and frankly, the idea of moving to Anchorage is daunting. Especially for something that pays the minimum.”
“I understand that.” I paused as I pulled into the parking garage adjacent to the open-air area where the restaurant was located. “I chose this place because in addition to good food, it’s got shops and live music and all kinds of activities going on. I thought we could walk around after we eat.”
“Sounds like the perfect way to spend an evening.”
I parked and walked around to help her out of the SUV.
“You’re quite the gentleman,” she said, taking my hand again.
“I try.”
“Honestly, I’m finding it hard to believe you’re still single.” She glanced at me with unmasked curiosity in her eyes.
“I wasn’t kidding when I said all I do is work and spend time with my kids,” I said. “And there’s probably some fear mixed in as well.”
“Fear?”
“I’m the only person in my entire family who’s ever gotten divorced. Part of me wonders what I did wrong, while another questions my sanity because I knew marrying Lydia was a mistake from the get-go.”
“So why’d you do it?”
“Because she was pregnant, and it was the right thing to do? She wasn’t happy about being pregnant. She was a successful wildlife photographer, traveling the world taking award-winning pictures, and a baby meant she wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. I figured the least I could do was marry her, support her, be the best husband and father I could be to try and make up for it. Then we found out it was twins and that made things even harder.”
“Why were they hard, beyond the obvious?”
“I guess we were both in denial about the changes that were coming. One baby seemed manageable. For some reason, two sounded like a litter of twenty. I think she knew it would be close to impossible for her to ever go back to work, and she resented me for it.”
“You didn’t get her pregnant by yourself,” Autumn said.
“No, but Lydia tended to blame me for everything. Unfortunately, I didn’t see that side of her until it was too late. She hated being pregnant, hated living in Michigan, which was where I was based then. And she absolutely despised being a stay-at-home mom.”
“Really?” Autumn seemed thoughtful. “That sounds like a dream-come-true to me.”
“Is that what you want for your future?” I asked in surprise.
“Well, yes and no. The plan was for me to play hockey until Christian and I were ready for kids. I’d have my career first and then retire so I could have the family I’ve always wanted. My parents were workaholics who were never home. I was mostly raised by nannies and boarding schools, so I promised myself I wouldn’t do that to my kids. I want to be the mom who goes to every little league game, who bakes cupcakes for class parties and chaperones class trips.”
“So ending your engagement derailed your plans.”
“Yup. But marrying Christian would have been a huge mistake. I mean, if he couldn’t be faithful while I was living my dream of playing pro hockey, how would he cope with things when life inevitably gets hard? You know?”
“Oh, absolutely. You’re a lot smarter than I was. My gut was screaming that marrying Lydia would be a mistake, but I did it anyway.”
“She’s hot,” she said, shrugging. “I get it.”
I made a face. “She’s not that hot. Not compared to the hell she’s put me through.”
6
Autumn
It was interesting to hear him say that because it meant that part of him had married her because she was attractive. But also because she was pregnant. As I’d thought, he was the chivalrous type. Traditional. The kind of guy who did the right thing.
But it had backfired, and now he was gun-shy.
Ironically, even though my fiancé had cheated—more than once—I wasn’t that jaded. I was a lot younger than Henrik, of course, and that probably had something to do with it, but I still wanted to fall in love and get married and do all the things Henrik had already done.
