Holiday Shot, page 2
“Hush,” I whispered, nudging her. “He might hear you.”
She giggled. “I bet he likes the baby-making idea too.”
I rolled my eyes. “Looks like he has his hands full with the kids he has.”
“Let’s go find alcohol,” Sutton said.
We walked into the family room that had been converted into a dining room for today. There were two rows of long tables with places set for at least thirty people. Smaller tables close to the kitchen were obviously for the children, and two more tables had been erected against a wall that held baskets and platters of food.
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “This is hardcore.”
“Cam and I love our house, but we don’t have this kind of room,” Sutton said, looking around. “We haven’t really done much entertaining, and now I’m totally intimidated.”
“It’s taken me years to get to this point,” Tessa said, putting a steaming bowl of mashed potatoes on the table. “When we first got married, I wasn’t hosting big events like this either.”
“I’m starving.” Tiffany Marcus-Cloutier, one of the players’ wives I’d met in the past, brushed past us.
“How come?” Tessa asked, following her.
“I’m late,” she muttered.
“For what?” Tessa asked.
Tiff turned, a grimace on her face. “All I’ll say is, there better not be a fifth bun in this oven or so help me, Zakk is going to retire and take over parenting.”
“Why am I retiring?” The man in question came around the corner at that moment, arching a brow at his wife.
She wagged a finger at him. “I’m late, you horny fucker. If I’m pregnant, you are in so much trouble.”
“Why am I in trouble?” he demanded, reaching for her. “I didn’t get you pregnant by myself. I seem to recall a lot of mutual participation.”
“You do like to participate,” Tessa said, laughing.
“You guys suck,” Tiff muttered. “I’m too old for this.”
Zakk whispered something to her, and she smiled.
“Yeah, yeah. You wish.” They walked in the other direction, and I felt a moment of envy. There was no mistaking the affection between them, or the gentle way Zakk cajoled a smile from his wife, even when she was obviously stressed.
It seemed like everyone had or was having kids in the Knights organization. Every time I came to visit there were more kids. Cam and Sutton were getting married next summer, and they planned to wait a couple of years, but I figured they’d join the ranks of parenthood sooner rather than later.
Meanwhile, I’d decided to stay single for a while since ending my engagement last spring. My ex had cheated on me and cancelling the wedding had been a relief. Of course, then I’d retired from women’s hockey and moved home to my parents’ house in Chicago, derailing what I’d thought were my carefully laid plans for the future. Play pro hockey for a few years, get married, and retire when we were ready for kids.
That had blown up in my face when Christian cheated on me.
I’d had to pivot, but I’d been confident I’d figure out my next career move. Unfortunately, it had been harder than I’d anticipated. Everything I found was far from my parents’ home, the pay was shit, or both. So I’d signed up to be a substitute high school teacher. It brought in money and I’d been able to help out with the school’s hockey team, but I was already bored.
Living with my parents wasn’t fun either.
It wasn’t terrible, and the bonus was that I didn’t have to pay anything, but I wasn’t used to the lack of privacy.
That had gotten old quickly, but without full-time employment, I couldn’t afford to move out. I was stuck for the foreseeable future, and I’d begun to consider expanding my search. Sutton had been trying to get me to move to Fort Lauderdale, and that was a big part of the reason I’d come down. I planned to stay for a couple of weeks so I could explore a few opportunities here, while also looking at some apartments.
I was so lost in thought I wasn’t paying attention where I was going and ran right smack into a hard chest.
“Hi again.”
Henrik.
Why did he smell so good?
“Hi.” I smiled up at him.
“Are you having a good time?”
“I am.”
“How long are you in town?”
“A few weeks.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” His eyes met mine. “Would you like to get dinner or something while you’re here?”
I wanted to.
But we’d gone from a one-night stand to texting every day to meeting up in Chicago for round two to him essentially disappearing. He’d said he would call me when he got back from Sweden and that had been the last time I heard from him. So why was he interested now? Taking me to dinner was probably nothing more than a cover for a booty call, and I wasn’t down for that.
I could have a one-night stand.
That was easy.
Two nights had been tricky.
Hooking up a third time would be much, much harder.
I had to say no.
“I don’t know how much time I’ll have,” I hedged.
“Well, my boys are here until Sunday, but then I’ll have some free time until the team goes on the road on Wednesday.”
“Well, call me,” I said after a moment, my traitorous libido overriding my brain. “Let’s see if the timing works out.”
“Sounds good.” He gently squeezed my arm, warm fingers trailing along the skin above my elbow, and I nearly melted into his touch. Those fingers were capable of so much pleasure, and my body hadn’t forgotten.
On the flip side, my brain hadn’t forgotten how disappointed I’d been when he’d stopped calling.
“Oh, look at this.” A petite woman with shoulder-length honey-blonde hair and long tan legs came around the corner and smirked. “You still like them young, huh, Henrik?”
“Knock it off, Lydia.” He gave the woman a look.
“What? You don’t want her to know you have a wife and kids?
3
Henrik
Leave it to Lydia to interfere in my life three years after splitting up.
Autumn looked shell-shocked and uncomfortable, and I couldn’t blame her, but I also wanted to make sure she didn’t get the wrong idea.
“Ex-wife.” I corrected Lydia in as even a tone as I could manage.
“Excuse me,” Autumn said, not looking at me. “I don’t think I need to be part of this conversation.”
“Believe me, honey, I’m doing you a favor!” Lydia called after her.
“Seriously?” I stared at my ex-wife, wondering what I’d ever seen in her. “Was that necessary?”
“Absolutely.” She grinned. “Any time I can make you as miserable as you’ve made me, it’s necessary.”
I gritted my teeth, reminding myself I couldn’t raise my boys from prison.
Instead of engaging, I turned and walked away.
She was a bitch.
There was no other way of putting it.
And I’d had the misfortune of procreating with her, so I was going to have to deal with her forever. Or at least the next eleven years. In a perfect world, I would have fought her for custody, but not with this job and the accompanying lifestyle.
I got another beer and guzzled half of it.
Friends and family had warned me, but I’d fancied myself in love.
What a dumbass I’d been.
My nerves were already shot having Lydia in town and bringing her to Thanksgiving dinner added a level of stress I didn’t like. I didn’t usually let her get to me, but saying what she’d said in front of Autumn pissed me off. Autumn probably thought I’d lied about being divorced, and I needed to make sure she knew I hadn’t.
I found her in the kitchen, talking to Tessa and Sutton, and I smiled at them before looking at Autumn.
“Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something.”
“We’ll be outside.” Tessa tugged Sutton by the arm and left Autumn and me alone.
“You don’t owe me any explanations,” Autumn said quietly.
“No, I do. I just want you to know, I am officially, legally, ink-is-dry divorced. I am now, and I was last spring when we first met. Lydia is showing her fangs because she saw me talking to a beautiful, interesting woman and wants to make trouble for me any time she can.”
Autumn wrinkled her nose. “I’m sorry. That sounds terrible. But don’t worry about me. It’s not like we’re dating.”
“I know, but I asked you to dinner and I want to clarify that there’s no cheating going on. Just a malicious ex who guilted me into an invite to Thanksgiving.”
“I appreciate your telling me.” She looked away. “But maybe it’s a sign that this isn’t the time for us, you know? I’m sure there was a reason you stopped calling, and from where I’m sitting, actions speak louder than words.”
I stared at her for a moment, my thoughts a jumbled mess.
Actions did speak louder than words and mine had been shitty.
I’d had my reasons, but she didn’t know that because I hadn’t been man enough to talk to her.
“It’s not indicative of how much I liked you,” I said quietly. “There were—”
“Daddy!” Adam came running over to me, throwing his arms around my legs. “I don’t want to be in time out anymore. Mommy said I have to stay there all day.”
I sighed, reaching down to lift him up. “It’s okay, buddy. You don’t have to stay in time out. But you have to be good, okay? Promise?”
Adam nodded. “I will!”
He took off the moment I put him down, and I stared after him fondly, despite how difficult he could be.
“He’s a handful, huh?” Autumn seemed more amused than annoyed.
“Definitely. He’s a good kid, but I feel like there’s undiagnosed ADD or something and Lydia refuses to get him tested. I’m going to do it anyway, next summer when I have him for more than a few days.”
“I’m not a parent, but I have ADD so I can tell you from experience, by not getting the diagnosis, you’re making his life harder.”
“You have ADD?”
She nodded. “I do. I’ve learned to manage it without meds now that I’m older, but in high school and the first two years of college? I wouldn’t have survived without them.”
“He struggles in school,” I said thoughtfully. “So that makes sense.”
“Meds can be a good thing,” she said, putting a hand on my forearm. “Trust me on this. It’s not for everyone, but sometimes, they can change a kid’s life.”
“Thank you for that. As a parent, it’s hard to know what the right thing to do is. Especially with a child so young.”
“I wish my parents had gotten me diagnosed before high school.”
“Will you go out to dinner with me Monday night?” I asked impulsively. “I’d love to talk some more. About this and other things. I’m sorry I never called when I got back from Sweden, but there were reasons. And I’d like the chance to explain.”
Maybe it was the abrupt subject change, but she seemed to be taking an extra-long time to make up her mind, and I practically held my breath until she responded. “All right,” she said finally. “Monday night works.”
“I’ll pick you up at six.”
The weekend was never-ending. Lydia made a nuisance of herself, causing tension between us, and the boys noticed. Adam was a bundle of energy who never stopped moving, from the moment he woke up until he went to bed. Lydia wasn’t my favorite person, but I now had a much better understanding of what it was like to parent these boys full-time. I didn’t remember Adam’s behavior being this bad, but he’d only been three when we separated, so things had obviously changed.
I was relieved when I dropped the three of them at the airport on Sunday morning, and then a wave of guilt hit me.
These were my kids.
My sweet, handsome, funny twin boys.
They’d been my world when they were born.
I’d never dreamed having them would turn into a divorce nightmare.
So I was in a bad mood when I got to the arena for the morning skate, and I locked myself in my office for thirty minutes to try and snap out of it.
Tonight was a big game against Tampa, our in-state rivals, and I needed to focus on that instead of my hot mess of a personal life. Leaving Lydia had been the right thing to do for myself, but I often second-guessed that choice because of the boys. They needed their father, and between the divorce and my job taking me more than three thousand miles away, they got very little of me. I did my best with video chats, and I’d bought them phones so they could text me whenever they wanted, but it wasn’t the same.
That was one of many reasons I’d stopped calling Autumn.
She was an incredible woman, who deserved a guy who’d treat her right, and I had the kinds of responsibilities that would leave her way down on my list of priorities. My work, my kids, keeping up with my aging parents back in Sweden, all took precedence, and then, maybe, there would be time for a woman.
How was that fair?
Then there was the fact that she was sixteen years younger than me. She was just starting out in life while I was basically in the second half of mine. She probably wanted kids and I had my hands full with the two I had. And she had her eye on a career that could take her anywhere, so forcing her to follow me around to wherever I wound up coaching wouldn’t be beneficial for her professionally. She also lived in Chicago, and long-distance relationships sucked.
Ultimately, I’d thought I did the right thing by ending the friendship.
Yet now that I’d seen her again, I was second-guessing myself.
She was as beautiful as I remembered, with big brown eyes and full, pouty lips that made me want to kiss her. Her body was perfection in my eyes, lean and toned, with long legs and a flat stomach. I had vivid memories of what that body had been like draped all over me. When I’d been inside of her. The look in her eyes when she’d sucked me off. We’d only been together twice, but they’d both been episodes of sexual magic, and I would have been a liar if I said I wasn’t hoping for a repeat performance.
“You okay, Coach?” Cam stuck his head in my office door. “Everyone’s heading out to the ice.”
Shit.
I didn’t even have my skates on.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” I looked up. “Just the usual post-airport-drop guilt, knowing I won’t see the boys for Christmas this year.”
Cam made a face. “I’m sorry, man.”
“I made my bed, I guess.”
“Divorcing Lydia was the right thing to do.” We’d had variations of this conversation before.
“Then why does it feel like shit?” I demanded, getting to my feet and grabbing my skates.
“Because you love your kids. Duh.” He paused. “Unless you still have feelings for her?”
I burst out laughing. “Fuck that noise. Not a chance in hell.”
“Focus on the kids. Everything else is background noise.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Well, I hear you’ll have a distraction tomorrow night.” His eyes twinkled.
“Yes, I’m taking Autumn to dinner.”
“She likes you,” Cam said quietly. “And from what I’ve gleaned from the eavesdropping I’ve done she doesn’t think you feel the same.”
I hesitated.
This was a tricky area.
I appreciated Cam’s friendship and loyalty to me, but I didn’t want to put him in a situation where he was in the middle.
“I do like her,” I responded, opting for honesty. “Probably more than I should. I mean, look at her, Cam. She’s stunning. Smart. College-educated. And she even loves and plays hockey—does a woman get any more perfect than that for guys like us?”
“No. Which is why I don’t understand the problem. Finding someone else like her would be like finding a fucking unicorn.”
“Yeah, but there are all the obstacles. Age difference. Geographical distance. The fact that I’m divorced with two kids that I have to focus on. Her starting a new career now that she’s not playing hockey anymore. There are so many things standing in our way, what’s the point of starting something?”
“The point is fun. Chemistry. Seeing what there is to see. Not being alone for the rest of your life. How will you know if you don’t try?”
“That’s why I asked her to dinner.”
“I hope you plan to tell her all these things.”
“I do.” Sort of.
Maybe?
“Good.” He turned to go.
“Hey, Cam?”
He paused, glancing over his shoulder at me.
“You think there’s a chance? With Autumn and me?”
He smiled. “I think there’s more than a chance, my friend.”
For the first time in days, I felt good about something.
Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.
4
Autumn
It had been a while since I’d been stumped on what to wear on a date.
Normally, it was because I didn’t care that much. I’d been engaged and playing professional hockey basically since college, so that had been my focus. Clothes and makeup and looking attractive had been secondary. I’d still wanted to look nice, of course, but Christian hadn’t seemed to notice anyway.
Tonight was a totally different thing.
How I looked seemed to be all that mattered.
Which was ridiculous.
Henrik already knew what I looked like, both with and without clothes.
He knew what it sounded like when I screamed his name and begged him to fuck me harder.
He knew how it felt when I wrapped my hand around him and jerked him off in the shower because we’d forgotten condoms.
I was fairly certain nothing I wore would change what Henrik already knew about me.
Or whether or not he’d want to sleep with me again.
“You changed again?” Sutton looked up when I came down the stairs.
It was the first day of December but eighty degrees, so I’d settled on a black denim skirt that hit mid-thigh, a red blouse that showed just a hint of cleavage, and low-heeled red sandals. Knowing what to wear in the winter in South Florida was hard, date or no date. How was it still this warm in December?
