Plat, page 21
“I’m calling a realtor tomorrow,” Ford said. “I can put my shit in storage and move in with Bash in the next few weeks, so whenever you get back to town, we’ll be ready to start recording.”
“The biggest issue will be a tour,” Lexi said after a moment. “But we have time to work on that. For now, we’re going to get our shit together while you help Ariel.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that because I’d fucked up everything with Ariel and was embarrassed to admit it.
“Ariel and I hit a rough patch,” I said after a minute.
“In the middle of her fight to get out from the conservatorship?” Stu asked. “Bloody hell, man, what are you thinking?”
“I was thinking about…you guys.” It sounded dumb even to me at this point.
“Well, I mean, we were a little shell-shocked at first, but once we had a chance to talk, we decided it was cool,” Ford said. “Personally, I’m kind of happy to not have a big label calling the shots. Doing this ourselves gives us the kind of freedom most bands only dream about.”
“Agreed,” Lexi said, nodding.
“I know I came down on you a little when we talked,” Bash said, “but we all have Ariel’s back, too, so you should do whatever you need to do to help her.”
“Yeah.” Of course, I had no idea what, if anything, I could do to help her after what had happened between us, or if she was even speaking to me, but I probably needed to get off my ass and catch a flight to L.A.
“I’m going to reach out as well,” Stu said. “She’s a good lass. You should hold on to her.”
“It got a little complicated with her bipolar disorder, but that’s on me.”
“She had an episode or something?” Bash asked.
“Sort of? It was… Look, it’s kind of personal. Let’s just say I reacted badly to something and then the shit hit the fan with the band and Whiplash, and I did something dumb. Now I have to figure out how to fix it.”
“Damn, bro.” Ford shook his head.
“You should never have to choose between your band and your family,” Lexi said slowly. “Because we’re all family now. So go apologize, you big oaf.”
“That’s the plan.” We talked for a few more minutes, and then I disconnected, immediately opening my laptop. I needed to be on the next flight out of Limaj. Ariel was probably hurt, but I’d grovel until she forgave me. At least I hoped she would. I’d really made a mess of things, and I knew her well enough to know she’d already written me off. She’d learned to close herself off from people because she hadn’t been able to trust anyone since her mom died, and now I’d reinforced that concept.
What the hell had I been thinking?
I shook my head as I booked myself on a flight leaving in the morning, regret washing over me like a misty rain.
Music had been my whole life since I was sixteen, which was literally half my life, and there was a reason for that. It was all I’d ever wanted, and I was living the dream. There had been sacrifices, like my relationship with my family, but mostly I didn’t worry about them because I didn’t have to.
Until now.
For the first time in my life, there was something—someone—more important than music. There was a lot of money at stake, but I’d take the financial hit because if a sacrifice had to be made, it was never going to be Ariel. Now that she was gone, I was acutely aware of how empty my life was without her. I needed her.
I fucking loved her.
We’d work out the bipolar stuff. I’d let one manic episode freak me out, and I was better than that. I’d known it could happen, but then I’d acted like it was too much to handle, like she was nothing more than her disease and everything wonderful about her had boiled down to one sexy encounter. Which, in retrospect, might not have necessarily been anything but that—incredible sex. Because our sex life was spectacular and she’d been without for so long, it made sense that she was all over me, all the time.
Holy fuck balls, what had I done? Had I really equated our phenomenal physical relationship with a manic episode without any proof? Yeah, I was definitely a self-centered prick. But not anymore.
I wasn’t going to abandon her, and I wasn’t abandoning my band, either. I was going to fix all of this, no matter what it took. I had enough inner strength, power in the industry, and financial resources to take on whatever Darren fucking Randall wanted to dish out. And Douglas Fox was nothing more than a blip on the radar. I’d fuck him up. Now I just had to convince Ariel I was in it for the long haul because my gut told me she wasn’t going to be easy to win back.
34
Ariel
The days that followed packing up my stuff from my house were the most stressful of my whole life. Even more so than my mom’s death and getting arrested at seventeen. Between multiple sessions with the psychiatrist, whom I really liked, to my father calling Madeline’s firm dozens of times a day, to the news about the conservatorship case leaking, I was a wreck. I was locked away in the apartment Madeline had put me in, but I was so stressed I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and was barely functional.
Thankfully, the new psychiatrist recognized everything going on in my life and was extremely patient. She relaxed me like no one else could right now, so I actually looked forward to our meetings. Since she needed to come up with a full profile for me, we met for several hours a day over three days. It allowed her time to work on her notes and for me to prepare for what was coming. My father wasn’t messing around now that he knew he was potentially going to lose his control over me and had started a smear campaign that was horrifying.
I was in the news all day, every day. He leaked info about my mother’s suicide that had never been public before and said it explained my genetic pre-disposal to bipolar disorder. The pictures of me being arrested were everywhere, and I cringed every time I saw one. Madeline was on top of everything, keeping me as calm as she could, but deep down, I was embarrassed and terrified. I’d finally taken control of my life, but as always, nothing was going according to plan. We’d been prepared for backlash, but not for every ugly thing about my life to be front and center in the news.
Tyler had called and texted several times, but I was too raw to talk to him, so I’d ignored his messages. I hadn’t even spoken to Lexi much, other than a few texts telling her I was okay. It wasn’t until Stu’s name flashed on the screen of my phone that I paused, both curious and guilty. He was going through the same type of public smear campaign I was, so he probably understood like no one else.
“Hi, Stu,” I answered hesitantly.
“There you are, lass! You’ve had us worried.”
“Us?”
He paused. “Well, yeah. Me. The band. Tyler.”
“I told Lexi I’m okay, just laying low until we can get in front of a judge.”
“We’ve still been worried. How are you doing? What’s going on?”
“I’m doing okay. My attorney is badass, and she’s handling everything. I’m pretty much hiding in this apartment she put me in. Her law firm owns it.”
“If you hide, you’re letting him win,” he said gently.
“I don’t see you out and about,” I protested.
“It’s different for me. I actually did what they say I did, and I’ve already said everything I’m ever going to say about the accident. I hired a crisis management publicist—you should check her out. Name is Kate Lansing. She’s amazing. Used her when I first got out of prison.”
“You should text me her number,” I said thoughtfully. “Maybe when this is over I can hire her to get me out of the news completely.”
“I will.” He paused. “What can we do, Ariel? Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good. Thank you. My attorney got in front of a judge and got a court order to make sure my father doesn’t cut me off from my money while we wait for the hearing, so I was able to give her a retainer, and I have money for anything I need.”
“Right then, just wanted you to know I’m here, yeah?” He paused. “You talk to Tyler?”
“Mmm, no. We’re, uh, taking a break right now.”
“I heard. Tell him to stop being a numpty, yeah? And call me if you need me, lass.”
“Thank you, Stu. It means a lot that you called.”
“Cheers!”
He disconnected, and I felt oddly out of sorts. Why did I feel more comfortable talking to Stu than to Lexi or Tyler? Well, I knew why I didn’t want to talk to Tyler, but Lexi was my friend. One of my only girlfriends, and she hadn’t done anything to make me pull away from her, but that was how I reacted to conflict and stress. It was easier to walk away than to face anything else, and I had all I could handle with this case against my dad. That shouldn’t apply to my friends, though, because I cared about them.
“Ariel?” I heard Madeline’s voice and padded into the living room to greet her. I’d just showered and gotten dressed but didn’t have makeup on or anything yet since I’d taken time to chat with Stu.
“Good morning.” I managed a soft smile.
“You look tired,” she said, scowling. “I know you’re stressed, but I got the preliminary report from Dr. Mannon today, and she says there is no sign of bipolar behavior.”
“Oh my god.” I sank into the nearest chair, the wave of relief that washed over me so strong my knees nearly buckled.
“There’s a lot of good shit in this report.” She waved a file around. “But it’s one doctor, and I’m sure your father’s attorney is going to want you to see someone they choose.”
“Great.” There went my good mood.
“But the good news is, Dr. Mannon offered to prep you because she understands the triggers they might use to provoke you or make you respond in a way that will reflect badly in the report.”
“I don’t have anything to hide. But I’ll do whatever you and Dr. Mannon say.”
“Well, the first thing I need you to do is line up some friends to come in as character witnesses. Our case is set for December twentieth.”
My head shot up. “We have a date? Already?”
“A week from today. Apparently, the judge wants it off his docket before the holidays. With you being a celebrity and this being all over the news, he wants it done.”
“Shit. I don’t know if King Erik can come that close to Christmas, but I have to call Casey…”
“King Erik?” She squinted slightly. “Are you saying he would come personally to vouch for you at the hearing?”
I nodded. “He said he would.”
“Damn. Color me impressed.” She made some notes on the yellow pad that always seemed to be in front of her. “Well, if you can get the king to show up, I think our chances go up exponentially. It’s not entirely fair, but neither is what your dad has been doing, so if you can make that happen, it will make everything easier.”
“Okay. I’ll call Casey now.” I hesitated for a fraction of a second and then hit the speed dial for Casey. I was a little uncomfortable taking Erik up on his offer, but I desperately needed this, and he’d brought it up. I never would have asked on my own, but it had come from him, which made it a tiny bit better.
“Hey, stranger!” Casey answered on the third ring. “How are you?”
“I’m hanging in there. How’s everything in Limaj?”
“It’s good. We’re gearing up for the holidays, and all the kids are here, but I love having them around.”
“I’ll bet they’re enjoying being there. I didn’t think I would, but I actually miss it myself. I loved exploring Hiskale. I wish we’d done more.”
“Speaking of which, I was going to call you soon anyway. I had a package arrive in your name. I didn’t open it, but it came from Vicenzo’s music shop.”
“Oh.” I’d forgotten all about the gift I’d ordered for Tyler. “It’s, um, for Tyler. It was going to be his Hanukkah gift, but now… I don’t know what I’d do with a custom carved bass guitar.”
“You two still aren’t speaking?”
“There’s nothing to say,” I said softly.
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Have you spoken at all?”
“No. I’m in the middle of a shitstorm, and I can’t deal with anything else until the case is settled, one way or another.”
“Do you have a court date?”
“I do.” I told her the date and time. “And I have a favor to ask.”
“I’ll try.”
“Erik offered to…be there. I know it’s so close to Christmas and so far away, but it would make such a difference for me. Is there any way…?”
“He mentioned it so it’s definitely on his mind. I can’t promise you, sweetheart, but I’ll talk to him, okay? Will you email me all the details? There’s a lot going on here right now, so I’m not sure, but we’ll try. Promise.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“What do you want me to do with Tyler’s gift?”
“Oh, um, would you mind just keeping it there for now? I don’t know what to do with it and can’t focus on that until this is over.”
“No problem. We’ll talk soon, sweetie. And good luck.”
“Bye. Thanks again.” I hung up and looked at Madeline. “Well, I’d say we have a fifty-fifty chance he’s coming.”
I’d forgotten all about the bass I’d ordered for Tyler after we’d visited the music shop that day, and now I was torn between sending it to him anyway and just giving it away or something. I could sell it and donate the money to charity, but it had a special inscription on it, and it had been customized just for him. I was struggling with the decision so much I brought it up to Dr. Mannon when I saw her on Monday.
“It sounds lovely and thoughtful,” she said. “I think you should give it to him. It’s not like you can use a bass yourself, and as you’ve said, selling it feels wrong since it has that inscription on it.”
“Why do I miss him so much?” I whispered, resting my chin on my fist.
“Because you shared something special. It’s perfectly normal.”
“But he hurt me.”
“He’s been calling.”
“Yes.”
“And he’s left messages apologizing.”
“Yes.”
“Yet you haven’t given him a chance to explain. Perhaps what’s really bothering you is that you don’t understand what happened.”
“You still think I should call him back?”
“I do.”
“Three days until the hearing. I’m going to wait until it’s over.”
“But why wouldn’t you want him there for you?”
“Because he’s already uncomfortable with the whole bipolar situation, and if I lose, it’s going to be that much worse.”
“But we’ve determined you’re not.”
“He doesn’t know that.”
“Why not?”
“Because if we get back together, it has to be before he knows that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’ll never trust that he loves me if we get back together after I tell him what we found out. No one knows about that but you, me, Madeline, and my friend Lexi.”
“You don’t think Lexi told him?”
“She knows how much is at stake here, and that we need to keep that tidbit a secret until we’re in front of the judge. She would never betray me.”
“And Tyler would?”
“No, I don’t think he would, but our personal relationship is separate from the conservatorship and all of that.”
“Love is truly wasted on the young,” she said softly, “but I understand. You need him to love you unconditionally. I get it.”
I sighed.
I needed him to love me indescribably. Which was a totally different thing.
35
Tyler
I got to L.A. on Wednesday afternoon, the day before Ariel was supposed to go before the judge in Probate Court. Stu picked me up at the airport and headed back to his place since I was going to stay with him for a couple of days. Bash was staying with Ford, and Lexi was staying with Ariel. Ariel had reached out to her but not to the rest of us, and while I understood why she was avoiding me, Stu was annoyed.
“Women,” he muttered. “Even the ones you’re not sleeping with are a pain in the arse.”
I chuckled. “Well, yeah, but that’s why we love them.”
He glanced at me. “What did you do get her pissed off at the rest of us?”
“She’s not mad at you,” I said softly. “She’s embarrassed. As to what I did, well, there was an incident. Out in the gardens of the palace.” I stared straight ahead.
“A sexual incident?” he asked after a moment.
“Yeah, but not what you’re thinking. We were out there having a romantic walk, and then she kind of attacked me. All good. I’m always in. Except we forgot about the surveillance cameras.”
He chuckled. “She wasn’t pleased to be caught on camera?”
I sighed. “No. She was fine with it.”
“You were upset that your brother’s mates watched?” He seemed shocked.
“No. I, um…” I blew out a breath because, in retrospect, it was dumb. Understandable, but dumb. I told him what happened and what I’d thought.
“So you just assumed that because she was all over you in public and couldn’t wait to get up to the room, that she was manic or some bloody thing related to the bipolar?”
I nodded. “Yup.”
He reached over and punched me in the arm. “Numpty. That’s what you are. Why would you think that? How many women have attacked you coming off the stage, had you take them right there against a wall or an amp? Why would you automatically think there’s something wrong with her?”
“My brother kind of put it in my head, I guess. I don’t think he meant to, but his gut reaction to everything is protection. Protect me, protect my reputation, whatever. So I brought it to her, from the perspective of finding her a new therapist and stuff, and she was hurt.”
“Fuckin’-A she was.” He was shaking his head. “What are ya goin’ ta do about it, mate?” His Scottish brogue got deep when he was drunk or pissed off. I was guessing he was pretty furious about now.
“The biggest issue will be a tour,” Lexi said after a moment. “But we have time to work on that. For now, we’re going to get our shit together while you help Ariel.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that because I’d fucked up everything with Ariel and was embarrassed to admit it.
“Ariel and I hit a rough patch,” I said after a minute.
“In the middle of her fight to get out from the conservatorship?” Stu asked. “Bloody hell, man, what are you thinking?”
“I was thinking about…you guys.” It sounded dumb even to me at this point.
“Well, I mean, we were a little shell-shocked at first, but once we had a chance to talk, we decided it was cool,” Ford said. “Personally, I’m kind of happy to not have a big label calling the shots. Doing this ourselves gives us the kind of freedom most bands only dream about.”
“Agreed,” Lexi said, nodding.
“I know I came down on you a little when we talked,” Bash said, “but we all have Ariel’s back, too, so you should do whatever you need to do to help her.”
“Yeah.” Of course, I had no idea what, if anything, I could do to help her after what had happened between us, or if she was even speaking to me, but I probably needed to get off my ass and catch a flight to L.A.
“I’m going to reach out as well,” Stu said. “She’s a good lass. You should hold on to her.”
“It got a little complicated with her bipolar disorder, but that’s on me.”
“She had an episode or something?” Bash asked.
“Sort of? It was… Look, it’s kind of personal. Let’s just say I reacted badly to something and then the shit hit the fan with the band and Whiplash, and I did something dumb. Now I have to figure out how to fix it.”
“Damn, bro.” Ford shook his head.
“You should never have to choose between your band and your family,” Lexi said slowly. “Because we’re all family now. So go apologize, you big oaf.”
“That’s the plan.” We talked for a few more minutes, and then I disconnected, immediately opening my laptop. I needed to be on the next flight out of Limaj. Ariel was probably hurt, but I’d grovel until she forgave me. At least I hoped she would. I’d really made a mess of things, and I knew her well enough to know she’d already written me off. She’d learned to close herself off from people because she hadn’t been able to trust anyone since her mom died, and now I’d reinforced that concept.
What the hell had I been thinking?
I shook my head as I booked myself on a flight leaving in the morning, regret washing over me like a misty rain.
Music had been my whole life since I was sixteen, which was literally half my life, and there was a reason for that. It was all I’d ever wanted, and I was living the dream. There had been sacrifices, like my relationship with my family, but mostly I didn’t worry about them because I didn’t have to.
Until now.
For the first time in my life, there was something—someone—more important than music. There was a lot of money at stake, but I’d take the financial hit because if a sacrifice had to be made, it was never going to be Ariel. Now that she was gone, I was acutely aware of how empty my life was without her. I needed her.
I fucking loved her.
We’d work out the bipolar stuff. I’d let one manic episode freak me out, and I was better than that. I’d known it could happen, but then I’d acted like it was too much to handle, like she was nothing more than her disease and everything wonderful about her had boiled down to one sexy encounter. Which, in retrospect, might not have necessarily been anything but that—incredible sex. Because our sex life was spectacular and she’d been without for so long, it made sense that she was all over me, all the time.
Holy fuck balls, what had I done? Had I really equated our phenomenal physical relationship with a manic episode without any proof? Yeah, I was definitely a self-centered prick. But not anymore.
I wasn’t going to abandon her, and I wasn’t abandoning my band, either. I was going to fix all of this, no matter what it took. I had enough inner strength, power in the industry, and financial resources to take on whatever Darren fucking Randall wanted to dish out. And Douglas Fox was nothing more than a blip on the radar. I’d fuck him up. Now I just had to convince Ariel I was in it for the long haul because my gut told me she wasn’t going to be easy to win back.
34
Ariel
The days that followed packing up my stuff from my house were the most stressful of my whole life. Even more so than my mom’s death and getting arrested at seventeen. Between multiple sessions with the psychiatrist, whom I really liked, to my father calling Madeline’s firm dozens of times a day, to the news about the conservatorship case leaking, I was a wreck. I was locked away in the apartment Madeline had put me in, but I was so stressed I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and was barely functional.
Thankfully, the new psychiatrist recognized everything going on in my life and was extremely patient. She relaxed me like no one else could right now, so I actually looked forward to our meetings. Since she needed to come up with a full profile for me, we met for several hours a day over three days. It allowed her time to work on her notes and for me to prepare for what was coming. My father wasn’t messing around now that he knew he was potentially going to lose his control over me and had started a smear campaign that was horrifying.
I was in the news all day, every day. He leaked info about my mother’s suicide that had never been public before and said it explained my genetic pre-disposal to bipolar disorder. The pictures of me being arrested were everywhere, and I cringed every time I saw one. Madeline was on top of everything, keeping me as calm as she could, but deep down, I was embarrassed and terrified. I’d finally taken control of my life, but as always, nothing was going according to plan. We’d been prepared for backlash, but not for every ugly thing about my life to be front and center in the news.
Tyler had called and texted several times, but I was too raw to talk to him, so I’d ignored his messages. I hadn’t even spoken to Lexi much, other than a few texts telling her I was okay. It wasn’t until Stu’s name flashed on the screen of my phone that I paused, both curious and guilty. He was going through the same type of public smear campaign I was, so he probably understood like no one else.
“Hi, Stu,” I answered hesitantly.
“There you are, lass! You’ve had us worried.”
“Us?”
He paused. “Well, yeah. Me. The band. Tyler.”
“I told Lexi I’m okay, just laying low until we can get in front of a judge.”
“We’ve still been worried. How are you doing? What’s going on?”
“I’m doing okay. My attorney is badass, and she’s handling everything. I’m pretty much hiding in this apartment she put me in. Her law firm owns it.”
“If you hide, you’re letting him win,” he said gently.
“I don’t see you out and about,” I protested.
“It’s different for me. I actually did what they say I did, and I’ve already said everything I’m ever going to say about the accident. I hired a crisis management publicist—you should check her out. Name is Kate Lansing. She’s amazing. Used her when I first got out of prison.”
“You should text me her number,” I said thoughtfully. “Maybe when this is over I can hire her to get me out of the news completely.”
“I will.” He paused. “What can we do, Ariel? Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good. Thank you. My attorney got in front of a judge and got a court order to make sure my father doesn’t cut me off from my money while we wait for the hearing, so I was able to give her a retainer, and I have money for anything I need.”
“Right then, just wanted you to know I’m here, yeah?” He paused. “You talk to Tyler?”
“Mmm, no. We’re, uh, taking a break right now.”
“I heard. Tell him to stop being a numpty, yeah? And call me if you need me, lass.”
“Thank you, Stu. It means a lot that you called.”
“Cheers!”
He disconnected, and I felt oddly out of sorts. Why did I feel more comfortable talking to Stu than to Lexi or Tyler? Well, I knew why I didn’t want to talk to Tyler, but Lexi was my friend. One of my only girlfriends, and she hadn’t done anything to make me pull away from her, but that was how I reacted to conflict and stress. It was easier to walk away than to face anything else, and I had all I could handle with this case against my dad. That shouldn’t apply to my friends, though, because I cared about them.
“Ariel?” I heard Madeline’s voice and padded into the living room to greet her. I’d just showered and gotten dressed but didn’t have makeup on or anything yet since I’d taken time to chat with Stu.
“Good morning.” I managed a soft smile.
“You look tired,” she said, scowling. “I know you’re stressed, but I got the preliminary report from Dr. Mannon today, and she says there is no sign of bipolar behavior.”
“Oh my god.” I sank into the nearest chair, the wave of relief that washed over me so strong my knees nearly buckled.
“There’s a lot of good shit in this report.” She waved a file around. “But it’s one doctor, and I’m sure your father’s attorney is going to want you to see someone they choose.”
“Great.” There went my good mood.
“But the good news is, Dr. Mannon offered to prep you because she understands the triggers they might use to provoke you or make you respond in a way that will reflect badly in the report.”
“I don’t have anything to hide. But I’ll do whatever you and Dr. Mannon say.”
“Well, the first thing I need you to do is line up some friends to come in as character witnesses. Our case is set for December twentieth.”
My head shot up. “We have a date? Already?”
“A week from today. Apparently, the judge wants it off his docket before the holidays. With you being a celebrity and this being all over the news, he wants it done.”
“Shit. I don’t know if King Erik can come that close to Christmas, but I have to call Casey…”
“King Erik?” She squinted slightly. “Are you saying he would come personally to vouch for you at the hearing?”
I nodded. “He said he would.”
“Damn. Color me impressed.” She made some notes on the yellow pad that always seemed to be in front of her. “Well, if you can get the king to show up, I think our chances go up exponentially. It’s not entirely fair, but neither is what your dad has been doing, so if you can make that happen, it will make everything easier.”
“Okay. I’ll call Casey now.” I hesitated for a fraction of a second and then hit the speed dial for Casey. I was a little uncomfortable taking Erik up on his offer, but I desperately needed this, and he’d brought it up. I never would have asked on my own, but it had come from him, which made it a tiny bit better.
“Hey, stranger!” Casey answered on the third ring. “How are you?”
“I’m hanging in there. How’s everything in Limaj?”
“It’s good. We’re gearing up for the holidays, and all the kids are here, but I love having them around.”
“I’ll bet they’re enjoying being there. I didn’t think I would, but I actually miss it myself. I loved exploring Hiskale. I wish we’d done more.”
“Speaking of which, I was going to call you soon anyway. I had a package arrive in your name. I didn’t open it, but it came from Vicenzo’s music shop.”
“Oh.” I’d forgotten all about the gift I’d ordered for Tyler. “It’s, um, for Tyler. It was going to be his Hanukkah gift, but now… I don’t know what I’d do with a custom carved bass guitar.”
“You two still aren’t speaking?”
“There’s nothing to say,” I said softly.
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Have you spoken at all?”
“No. I’m in the middle of a shitstorm, and I can’t deal with anything else until the case is settled, one way or another.”
“Do you have a court date?”
“I do.” I told her the date and time. “And I have a favor to ask.”
“I’ll try.”
“Erik offered to…be there. I know it’s so close to Christmas and so far away, but it would make such a difference for me. Is there any way…?”
“He mentioned it so it’s definitely on his mind. I can’t promise you, sweetheart, but I’ll talk to him, okay? Will you email me all the details? There’s a lot going on here right now, so I’m not sure, but we’ll try. Promise.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“What do you want me to do with Tyler’s gift?”
“Oh, um, would you mind just keeping it there for now? I don’t know what to do with it and can’t focus on that until this is over.”
“No problem. We’ll talk soon, sweetie. And good luck.”
“Bye. Thanks again.” I hung up and looked at Madeline. “Well, I’d say we have a fifty-fifty chance he’s coming.”
I’d forgotten all about the bass I’d ordered for Tyler after we’d visited the music shop that day, and now I was torn between sending it to him anyway and just giving it away or something. I could sell it and donate the money to charity, but it had a special inscription on it, and it had been customized just for him. I was struggling with the decision so much I brought it up to Dr. Mannon when I saw her on Monday.
“It sounds lovely and thoughtful,” she said. “I think you should give it to him. It’s not like you can use a bass yourself, and as you’ve said, selling it feels wrong since it has that inscription on it.”
“Why do I miss him so much?” I whispered, resting my chin on my fist.
“Because you shared something special. It’s perfectly normal.”
“But he hurt me.”
“He’s been calling.”
“Yes.”
“And he’s left messages apologizing.”
“Yes.”
“Yet you haven’t given him a chance to explain. Perhaps what’s really bothering you is that you don’t understand what happened.”
“You still think I should call him back?”
“I do.”
“Three days until the hearing. I’m going to wait until it’s over.”
“But why wouldn’t you want him there for you?”
“Because he’s already uncomfortable with the whole bipolar situation, and if I lose, it’s going to be that much worse.”
“But we’ve determined you’re not.”
“He doesn’t know that.”
“Why not?”
“Because if we get back together, it has to be before he knows that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’ll never trust that he loves me if we get back together after I tell him what we found out. No one knows about that but you, me, Madeline, and my friend Lexi.”
“You don’t think Lexi told him?”
“She knows how much is at stake here, and that we need to keep that tidbit a secret until we’re in front of the judge. She would never betray me.”
“And Tyler would?”
“No, I don’t think he would, but our personal relationship is separate from the conservatorship and all of that.”
“Love is truly wasted on the young,” she said softly, “but I understand. You need him to love you unconditionally. I get it.”
I sighed.
I needed him to love me indescribably. Which was a totally different thing.
35
Tyler
I got to L.A. on Wednesday afternoon, the day before Ariel was supposed to go before the judge in Probate Court. Stu picked me up at the airport and headed back to his place since I was going to stay with him for a couple of days. Bash was staying with Ford, and Lexi was staying with Ariel. Ariel had reached out to her but not to the rest of us, and while I understood why she was avoiding me, Stu was annoyed.
“Women,” he muttered. “Even the ones you’re not sleeping with are a pain in the arse.”
I chuckled. “Well, yeah, but that’s why we love them.”
He glanced at me. “What did you do get her pissed off at the rest of us?”
“She’s not mad at you,” I said softly. “She’s embarrassed. As to what I did, well, there was an incident. Out in the gardens of the palace.” I stared straight ahead.
“A sexual incident?” he asked after a moment.
“Yeah, but not what you’re thinking. We were out there having a romantic walk, and then she kind of attacked me. All good. I’m always in. Except we forgot about the surveillance cameras.”
He chuckled. “She wasn’t pleased to be caught on camera?”
I sighed. “No. She was fine with it.”
“You were upset that your brother’s mates watched?” He seemed shocked.
“No. I, um…” I blew out a breath because, in retrospect, it was dumb. Understandable, but dumb. I told him what happened and what I’d thought.
“So you just assumed that because she was all over you in public and couldn’t wait to get up to the room, that she was manic or some bloody thing related to the bipolar?”
I nodded. “Yup.”
He reached over and punched me in the arm. “Numpty. That’s what you are. Why would you think that? How many women have attacked you coming off the stage, had you take them right there against a wall or an amp? Why would you automatically think there’s something wrong with her?”
“My brother kind of put it in my head, I guess. I don’t think he meant to, but his gut reaction to everything is protection. Protect me, protect my reputation, whatever. So I brought it to her, from the perspective of finding her a new therapist and stuff, and she was hurt.”
“Fuckin’-A she was.” He was shaking his head. “What are ya goin’ ta do about it, mate?” His Scottish brogue got deep when he was drunk or pissed off. I was guessing he was pretty furious about now.
