Better Together, page 9
My smile fades. I don’t know why, but ever since Mama died, the idea of driving scares me. It took a week before I could even ride in a car, but something about driving takes me to another level of fear.
I shake my head. “N-no, I’m not ready for that.”
This seems to deflate JJ. He sits back and rubs his forehead. Something’s wrong. Why won’t he talk to me?
I have an idea. I take out my phone, sync it to his stereo, and play a song.
20
My Attention
~Jonah
Clove plays one of my favorite songs. She uses her phone as a microphone and begins singing the intro. Next, she raps the lyrics while making hand motions. When the chorus comes on, she holds the pretend microphone to my mouth.
“C’mon JJ, you know you wanna sing,” she teases. I press my lips.
“Please, JJ. Sing for me.”
“Nope.”
The song goes back to the verse and Clove begins rapping again. She gets a line in the song so wrong that I can’t hold my laughter any longer.
“There it is,” she says. “Your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. My whole day has been grey until now.”
Whoa. Clove is poetic even when she’s not trying to be. She just had to say that, didn’t she? That only further confirms that I can’t do what Mr. Daniels has asked of me. What was I thinking taking this car? We need another vehicle, but I don’t want it like this. It feels wrong.
Last night, Mr. Daniel’s made me an offer as we walked Whitney’s neighborhood.
“I’ve talked to Whitney about your situation, Jonah,” he began. “And I told her all about you. She wanted to help your family by giving you this car but I want to take it a step further. I’ll pay the insurance and registration. In return, you take care of my Buttercup for me. Take her to school, church, and wherever she needs to go in case I’m not around.”
“Yes, sir, I can do that,” I told him.
“I’m not done,” he said. I slowed my pace thinking that the part my dad warned me about was coming soon.
“I think you have quite a few hidden talents so I’d like you to be one of the lead vocalists 3 Sundays out of a month. I want you back on keyboard when you’re not singing.”
I gulped. Singing in front of an audience isn’t going to be easy, but I agreed. “Yes, sir. I can do that.”
“Rehearsals will be every Saturday at 11 a.m. sharp.”
“Yes, sir. No problem.”
“And I might need your help with setting up and tearing down all the equipment.”
“Yes, sir. I can do that as well.”
“And… you can’t date Clove.”
“Yes, s–wait, what?”
“Keep it platonic,” he said. “Clove’s not ready for a relationship. I need her focused on what we moved here to do.” Mr. Daniels extended his hand for me to shake. “Do we have a deal?”
His hand was held in mid-air waiting for mine. It would’ve been disrespectful for me not to shake it, but I wasn’t fully on board with his terms, namely the last one. Keep it platonic? Technically, Clove and I had always been platonic by definition. But it seemed like we were evolving into something more.
I shook Mr. Daniel’s hand, but on the drive home I started to regret it. Clove and I are not little kids anymore. She can make her own decisions. I think these are unrealistic goals he’s setting her up for and it’s hypocritical since it seems like he’s already seeing Whitney.
I get out of the Mustang and tell Clove I’ll be back.
“Dad,” I call as I walk in the house.
“Shhh, keep it down,” my dad says while walking out of his office. “I’m trying to get work done while your sister naps.”
“Sorry, can we talk?”
“This about the car?” Dad asks.
I pass him the car keys across the island. “Yes, you take it. I don’t want it.”
My dad looks at the keys, then back at me. “Why not?”
“Because you need it more than I do. If you have it, then I don’t have to follow Mr. Daniels’s stupid rules.”
I look around for my backpack but remember I left it outside with Clove. She must think I’m being such a jerk or she might be too absorbed with the car that she’s not bothered by me leaving her. Clove knows me. She knows when something’s wrong and I couldn’t lie to her. One lie was going to lead to another lie until the whole thing got way more than I could handle.
“You really love her, don’t you?” Dad asks.
I don’t answer him. Instead, I watch the baby camera where Adah stirs and cuddles her stuffed pig.
“Jonah, you keep this car, It’s yours. I work from home and it’s not too often that I need to go out. After driving an hour back and forth to Memphis every day, I’m alright with staying at home sometimes. The insurance company is going to take care of my car situation. I don’t care what Jackson says, you let things work out how they’re meant to work out.”
I shake my head no. “I don’t want to do this if it means I have to keep secrets and deny my feelings for her. Mr. Daniels wants me to look out for Clove as if she needs a babysitter. She is capable of making her own choices.”
My dad sighs and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Quand on a pas ce que l’on aime, il faut aimer ce que l’on a.”
I know what he said, but I don’t understand what he means by it. He repeats it in English.
“When one doesn’t have the things that one loves, one must love what one has. Jonah, we’ve needed another car for some time now. When you turned 16 and we couldn’t afford to get you one, you didn’t complain. And now look what’s happened. You’ve been given a car. Jackson putting these rules on it seems unfair but think about what you already have; a great car that’s being paid for, a guitar almost identical to the one you lost, and a wonderful relationship with your best friend. Have you told her you love her yet?”
I shake my head and explain the situation with the Benny guy. “I just don’t want to put my feelings out there and find that she only wants to keep me in the friend zone.”
Dad places his hand on my shoulder. “Well son, maybe you don’t need to say anything. It’s obvious you two love each other. Titles can come later. Enjoy what the two of you already have.”
I know he’s right. But I still can’t believe Mr. Daniels told me not to date her. I’ve lost some respect for him. It’s not like he’s even around to know the details of what’s going on with Clove. Sometimes I feel like I know her better than he does.
Dad tosses me back the keys. “Whitney is giving you the car, not Jackson. Embrace your blessings.”
* * *
Around 6 p.m., I walk to Clove’s house and ring the doorbell. I owe her an apology for the way I acted. Clove had left after I finished talking to my dad, so I took some time to get the car situation out of my mind.
I ring the doorbell again. Maybe I should’ve called first, but I thought she’d be home. I reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone. Clove’s phone rings twice before her groggy voice answers.
“Hello?”
“Are you home? I’m outside and I’ve been ringing your doorbell for like five minutes.”
“Really?”
“No, but it feels like five minutes.”
When she opens the door, she’s wearing a pair of leggings and a cut-up t-shirt that hangs off one of her shoulders. Her hair is disheveled and her lips are pouty like she needs more sleep.
“Sorry, I thought my dad was here,” she says. “For some stupid reason, I thought moving here would mean I’d see him more but…” she shrugs not finishing her sentence.
“Clove, if you ever want to come over or want someone to–” She waves a hand to get me to stop. “Don’t do that,” she says.
“Do what?”
“You’re pitying me. Don’t. I’m fine.”
Since she thinks I’m giving her pity, I move on to the reason I came over. “I’m sorry about earlier. I had some things on my mind but I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”
“It’s okay, you’re human. Are you still thinking about the moving incident?”
“I’m trying not to. We’ve received lots of donations. Some of the stuff we’ve gotten is better than what we had.”
“That’s good. I was really worried about you at first. Are you hungry?”
“A little.”
She yawns and opens the refrigerator. “You know that office worker at our school, Whitney?”
Oh boy, here we go. “What about her?” I ask.
She pulls out two big Tupperware containers of food. “Well, she made us this big dinner the other night. We’ve had leftovers for days but I got tired of eating it. Thanks for inviting me over last night. I always like hanging out with your family. ”
“We like having you there. Come over anytime.”
Why did I say we? I should’ve said I like having you there.
Clove puts a plate of food into the microwave. I sit down at the counter and watch her punch in buttons.
“You know, Whitney drives a baddy Tesla. If I ever decide to drive, I want one of those, tu sais?”
I smile to myself. I adore the fact that she’s taking French this year and that she tries to speak it to me sometimes. The microwave timer beeps and Clove checks her food.
“Qu’est-ce que c’es?” I ask.
She bites the tip of her fork like she’s thinking. “Did you ask me…what is that?”
“Yes. You’re a fast learner.”
Clove turns back to the microwave. “Not really. Your mom hasn’t taught that in class yet.”
“How do you know what I said then?”
“Because, Jonah,” she pauses to look into my eyes. “I listen to you.”
The blood in my veins feel like lava. That may have been the hottest thing any girl has ever said to me.
Once again, I’m stupefied into utter silence.
Clove moves to open a drawer and removes two forks. “I think Whitney’s like half Lao or something. She told me the name of what she made but I can’t pronounce it. You want some? It’s really good.”
She hands me a fork without waiting for my reply. “Dig in,” she says.
We twirl our forks in the noodles at the same time and Clove smiles to herself.
“What’s that smile for?” I ask.
“Just thinking about the movie Lady and the Tramp and the part where they eat the noodles off the same plate.”
I have no idea what movie she’s talking about.
“You’ve never seen Lady in the Tramp?” she asks.
I shake my head and take a bite of the food. She’s right, it is really good. After I finish chewing, there is a tickle in my throat and my mouth slowly starts to feel like it’s burning. I start coughing.
Clove puts down her fork and pours me some water. “Oh my gosh JJ, you must’ve eaten a ghost pepper or something. You alright, babe?”
I keep drinking water. I can’t even speak to the fact that she just called me babe. Was that affectionate or friendly? Either way, it sounds better coming from her than Hannah.
I set the empty glass down. My mouth still burns but it’s better. I now understand why it’s called a ghost pepper; it creeps up.
“Do you want to go to that Senior Kickback thing tonight?” Clove asks me.
I clear my throat before answering. “It’s a swim party, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to swim?”
Clove twirls her fork around her plate some more before answering me. She’s thinking about it. That’s a surprise. I’ve never seen Clove in a swimsuit and I think it’s because she’s scared to show her legs. Whenever we went to a pool party back in Smalltown, she’d wear short-cropped pants or one of those long dresses girls wear. She would only stick her feet in. I didn’t swim often either. My skin burns easily and I’ve always felt like a bean pole in swim trunks.
The doorbell rings and Clove puts down her fork to go answer it.
“You expecting someone else?” I ask.
“Yes. Rosario.”
Oh. I should probably leave. Rosario’s cute, but her assertiveness reminds me of Hannah; aggressive.
21
Competition
~Clove
Rosario’s wearing a sarong over, a red bikini top and super short shorts that might as well be denim underwear. Her lips are a matte red and her nails are done on feet and hands. She tosses her long wavy hair over to one side and batts her long eyelashes at JJ as he eyes her up and down.
I’m feeling more basic than a Sphinx cat. Who am I kidding? I can’t compete with all these girls. JJ may not be with Hannah, but he’s got plenty of other girls vying for his attention.
“Are those the swimsuits?” I ask. Rosario’s got two tiny, stringy articles of clothing hanging over her arm; one yellow and the other royal blue. JJ likes blue. Wait, what am I thinking about? I’m not wearing a swimsuit and if I did, it’d be silly of me to pick a color just because it’s his favorite.
In Rosario’s other hand, she carries a huge black and silver train case. I’m guessing that’s all make-up.
JJ looks from me to Rosario, from the swimsuits over her arm then back to me. His lips curl into a smile. He interlocks his fingers and twiddles his thumbs. Does he think I’m going to let him stay here while I try on these swimsuits?
“Bye,” I say playfully.
“What? I can’t stay for the fashion show?”
Oh goodness, my face feels hot. “No. You’ll see me when I’m ready.” I push him towards the foyer.
He stops right before we get to the door. “No pressure, but I like the blue one.”
I roll my eyes. “I know you do. Now get out.” I open the door for him.
“Wait, wait,” he says. “For real though, do what makes you comfortable. You don’t need to compete.”
“Thanks, bye.” I walk back towards Rosario and offer her some more sweet tea.”
She shakes her head no. “Nuh-uh girl, that tea you gave me yesterday was so sweet I got a headache.”
I laugh and take the swimsuits Rosario brought me along with the pink one from Aunt Didi and go into my bathroom. Rosario talks to me through the door, telling me about the party and how it’s put on by a group called AADD.
“What’s AADD?” I ask while trying to figure out the strings on the blue bikini.
“Adults Against Drunk Driving. Senior Kickback started ten years ago when parents wanted to make sure that we could have parties safely, to prevent drunk driving. Student Council partners with them to get everyone to come. It sounds lame, but I’ve heard from Seniors past that it’s pretty cool. The graduation party is really big too, there’s food trucks, paintball, and a whole lotta other stuff. The Senior Kickback is supposed to be more chill. There’s swimming, a band or a DJ, dancing, and no underclassmen are allowed.”
“Oh…that’s…cool.” I finally get the swimsuit on but there’s a string somewhere it shouldn’t be. Nope, don’t think this one is going to work but I take a picture of myself before peeling it off. I send it to Jessa.
Me: Going to a swim party. WDYT?
“Where’s your mom?” Rosario asks. It’s an innocent question, but I wasn’t ready for it because everyone in Smalltown knew about the accident.
Rosario picks up on my silence. “I’m sorry, that may have been rude of me. Is she alive?”
So far, I’ve learned that Rosario gets straight to the point, no sugar.
“She was killed by a drunk driver in February.”
“Of this year?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. I’m so sorry,” she apologizes. “Were you angry?”
“Very, I don’t think I will ever get used to her not being here. I didn’t cry for three months and I didn’t talk for almost two weeks. When I did talk, it was JJ that I talked to. He’s been that kind of friend.”
I go on telling Rosario how JJ’s helped me, waking up at the same time so we could run together and let me work out my demons. I tell her how he would answer anytime I called or texted. He never pushed me to talk, sometimes he was just there and that would be all I needed.
“He sounds like a really good friend. Is JJ, Jonah?” she asks.
I hadn’t realized I’d said JJ. “Yeah. I abbreviated his name.”
“Sounds like you might love him,” she says.
I look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are all flushed pink and it’s not just because of this bright yellow swimsuit I’ve put on. I feel lit up from the inside. After a long pause, I answer Rosario. “We’ve been friends for a long time but we’re not in a relationship.”
“So, would you mind if I ask him out?”
I’m glad we’re talking through the door and she can’t see my face. Just say it. Tell her he belongs to you and let her know she’s needs to back off.
But I ignore the voice in my head. JJ seemed interested in her especially when she walked in just now. So, I lie through my teeth. “Nope. Go ahead.”
My bottom lip feels pain as I bite into it. I blink several times and look at myself in the mirror again. Yellow doesn’t look bad on me and neither did the blue. Kady was wrong. I think my skin tones go well with every color of the rainbow. I take another picture of myself in the mirror and send it to Jessa.
Me: What about this one?
Rosario knocks on the door. “Come out. Let me see.”
I take a deep breath. Jessa is my best friend and I’m not afraid of her judgment but no one else has ever seen me with my white thighs and knees. My hand trembles on the doorknob. It’s now or never. Like ripping the band-aid off a wound, I open the door quickly.
Rosario’s mouth drops and I feel like I’ve made a mistake as she looks at me.
“¡Me gusta, Mami! You’re wearing that, I don’t care what you say. Kady is gonna be so jealous. Come on let’s get this hair and makeup. I’m ‘bout to hook you up!”
“Wait, I want to try on one more,” I tell her.
“Nope, that yellow one is it, honey.”
She drapes a blanket over me and forces me to sit down at my desk. She opens up a case full of makeup. I’m like a kid in a candy store, marveling at all the pretty colors of eye shadows, blushes, lipsticks, glosses, liners, and mascara tubes.
I shake my head. “N-no, I’m not ready for that.”
This seems to deflate JJ. He sits back and rubs his forehead. Something’s wrong. Why won’t he talk to me?
I have an idea. I take out my phone, sync it to his stereo, and play a song.
20
My Attention
~Jonah
Clove plays one of my favorite songs. She uses her phone as a microphone and begins singing the intro. Next, she raps the lyrics while making hand motions. When the chorus comes on, she holds the pretend microphone to my mouth.
“C’mon JJ, you know you wanna sing,” she teases. I press my lips.
“Please, JJ. Sing for me.”
“Nope.”
The song goes back to the verse and Clove begins rapping again. She gets a line in the song so wrong that I can’t hold my laughter any longer.
“There it is,” she says. “Your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. My whole day has been grey until now.”
Whoa. Clove is poetic even when she’s not trying to be. She just had to say that, didn’t she? That only further confirms that I can’t do what Mr. Daniels has asked of me. What was I thinking taking this car? We need another vehicle, but I don’t want it like this. It feels wrong.
Last night, Mr. Daniel’s made me an offer as we walked Whitney’s neighborhood.
“I’ve talked to Whitney about your situation, Jonah,” he began. “And I told her all about you. She wanted to help your family by giving you this car but I want to take it a step further. I’ll pay the insurance and registration. In return, you take care of my Buttercup for me. Take her to school, church, and wherever she needs to go in case I’m not around.”
“Yes, sir, I can do that,” I told him.
“I’m not done,” he said. I slowed my pace thinking that the part my dad warned me about was coming soon.
“I think you have quite a few hidden talents so I’d like you to be one of the lead vocalists 3 Sundays out of a month. I want you back on keyboard when you’re not singing.”
I gulped. Singing in front of an audience isn’t going to be easy, but I agreed. “Yes, sir. I can do that.”
“Rehearsals will be every Saturday at 11 a.m. sharp.”
“Yes, sir. No problem.”
“And I might need your help with setting up and tearing down all the equipment.”
“Yes, sir. I can do that as well.”
“And… you can’t date Clove.”
“Yes, s–wait, what?”
“Keep it platonic,” he said. “Clove’s not ready for a relationship. I need her focused on what we moved here to do.” Mr. Daniels extended his hand for me to shake. “Do we have a deal?”
His hand was held in mid-air waiting for mine. It would’ve been disrespectful for me not to shake it, but I wasn’t fully on board with his terms, namely the last one. Keep it platonic? Technically, Clove and I had always been platonic by definition. But it seemed like we were evolving into something more.
I shook Mr. Daniel’s hand, but on the drive home I started to regret it. Clove and I are not little kids anymore. She can make her own decisions. I think these are unrealistic goals he’s setting her up for and it’s hypocritical since it seems like he’s already seeing Whitney.
I get out of the Mustang and tell Clove I’ll be back.
“Dad,” I call as I walk in the house.
“Shhh, keep it down,” my dad says while walking out of his office. “I’m trying to get work done while your sister naps.”
“Sorry, can we talk?”
“This about the car?” Dad asks.
I pass him the car keys across the island. “Yes, you take it. I don’t want it.”
My dad looks at the keys, then back at me. “Why not?”
“Because you need it more than I do. If you have it, then I don’t have to follow Mr. Daniels’s stupid rules.”
I look around for my backpack but remember I left it outside with Clove. She must think I’m being such a jerk or she might be too absorbed with the car that she’s not bothered by me leaving her. Clove knows me. She knows when something’s wrong and I couldn’t lie to her. One lie was going to lead to another lie until the whole thing got way more than I could handle.
“You really love her, don’t you?” Dad asks.
I don’t answer him. Instead, I watch the baby camera where Adah stirs and cuddles her stuffed pig.
“Jonah, you keep this car, It’s yours. I work from home and it’s not too often that I need to go out. After driving an hour back and forth to Memphis every day, I’m alright with staying at home sometimes. The insurance company is going to take care of my car situation. I don’t care what Jackson says, you let things work out how they’re meant to work out.”
I shake my head no. “I don’t want to do this if it means I have to keep secrets and deny my feelings for her. Mr. Daniels wants me to look out for Clove as if she needs a babysitter. She is capable of making her own choices.”
My dad sighs and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Quand on a pas ce que l’on aime, il faut aimer ce que l’on a.”
I know what he said, but I don’t understand what he means by it. He repeats it in English.
“When one doesn’t have the things that one loves, one must love what one has. Jonah, we’ve needed another car for some time now. When you turned 16 and we couldn’t afford to get you one, you didn’t complain. And now look what’s happened. You’ve been given a car. Jackson putting these rules on it seems unfair but think about what you already have; a great car that’s being paid for, a guitar almost identical to the one you lost, and a wonderful relationship with your best friend. Have you told her you love her yet?”
I shake my head and explain the situation with the Benny guy. “I just don’t want to put my feelings out there and find that she only wants to keep me in the friend zone.”
Dad places his hand on my shoulder. “Well son, maybe you don’t need to say anything. It’s obvious you two love each other. Titles can come later. Enjoy what the two of you already have.”
I know he’s right. But I still can’t believe Mr. Daniels told me not to date her. I’ve lost some respect for him. It’s not like he’s even around to know the details of what’s going on with Clove. Sometimes I feel like I know her better than he does.
Dad tosses me back the keys. “Whitney is giving you the car, not Jackson. Embrace your blessings.”
* * *
Around 6 p.m., I walk to Clove’s house and ring the doorbell. I owe her an apology for the way I acted. Clove had left after I finished talking to my dad, so I took some time to get the car situation out of my mind.
I ring the doorbell again. Maybe I should’ve called first, but I thought she’d be home. I reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone. Clove’s phone rings twice before her groggy voice answers.
“Hello?”
“Are you home? I’m outside and I’ve been ringing your doorbell for like five minutes.”
“Really?”
“No, but it feels like five minutes.”
When she opens the door, she’s wearing a pair of leggings and a cut-up t-shirt that hangs off one of her shoulders. Her hair is disheveled and her lips are pouty like she needs more sleep.
“Sorry, I thought my dad was here,” she says. “For some stupid reason, I thought moving here would mean I’d see him more but…” she shrugs not finishing her sentence.
“Clove, if you ever want to come over or want someone to–” She waves a hand to get me to stop. “Don’t do that,” she says.
“Do what?”
“You’re pitying me. Don’t. I’m fine.”
Since she thinks I’m giving her pity, I move on to the reason I came over. “I’m sorry about earlier. I had some things on my mind but I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”
“It’s okay, you’re human. Are you still thinking about the moving incident?”
“I’m trying not to. We’ve received lots of donations. Some of the stuff we’ve gotten is better than what we had.”
“That’s good. I was really worried about you at first. Are you hungry?”
“A little.”
She yawns and opens the refrigerator. “You know that office worker at our school, Whitney?”
Oh boy, here we go. “What about her?” I ask.
She pulls out two big Tupperware containers of food. “Well, she made us this big dinner the other night. We’ve had leftovers for days but I got tired of eating it. Thanks for inviting me over last night. I always like hanging out with your family. ”
“We like having you there. Come over anytime.”
Why did I say we? I should’ve said I like having you there.
Clove puts a plate of food into the microwave. I sit down at the counter and watch her punch in buttons.
“You know, Whitney drives a baddy Tesla. If I ever decide to drive, I want one of those, tu sais?”
I smile to myself. I adore the fact that she’s taking French this year and that she tries to speak it to me sometimes. The microwave timer beeps and Clove checks her food.
“Qu’est-ce que c’es?” I ask.
She bites the tip of her fork like she’s thinking. “Did you ask me…what is that?”
“Yes. You’re a fast learner.”
Clove turns back to the microwave. “Not really. Your mom hasn’t taught that in class yet.”
“How do you know what I said then?”
“Because, Jonah,” she pauses to look into my eyes. “I listen to you.”
The blood in my veins feel like lava. That may have been the hottest thing any girl has ever said to me.
Once again, I’m stupefied into utter silence.
Clove moves to open a drawer and removes two forks. “I think Whitney’s like half Lao or something. She told me the name of what she made but I can’t pronounce it. You want some? It’s really good.”
She hands me a fork without waiting for my reply. “Dig in,” she says.
We twirl our forks in the noodles at the same time and Clove smiles to herself.
“What’s that smile for?” I ask.
“Just thinking about the movie Lady and the Tramp and the part where they eat the noodles off the same plate.”
I have no idea what movie she’s talking about.
“You’ve never seen Lady in the Tramp?” she asks.
I shake my head and take a bite of the food. She’s right, it is really good. After I finish chewing, there is a tickle in my throat and my mouth slowly starts to feel like it’s burning. I start coughing.
Clove puts down her fork and pours me some water. “Oh my gosh JJ, you must’ve eaten a ghost pepper or something. You alright, babe?”
I keep drinking water. I can’t even speak to the fact that she just called me babe. Was that affectionate or friendly? Either way, it sounds better coming from her than Hannah.
I set the empty glass down. My mouth still burns but it’s better. I now understand why it’s called a ghost pepper; it creeps up.
“Do you want to go to that Senior Kickback thing tonight?” Clove asks me.
I clear my throat before answering. “It’s a swim party, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to swim?”
Clove twirls her fork around her plate some more before answering me. She’s thinking about it. That’s a surprise. I’ve never seen Clove in a swimsuit and I think it’s because she’s scared to show her legs. Whenever we went to a pool party back in Smalltown, she’d wear short-cropped pants or one of those long dresses girls wear. She would only stick her feet in. I didn’t swim often either. My skin burns easily and I’ve always felt like a bean pole in swim trunks.
The doorbell rings and Clove puts down her fork to go answer it.
“You expecting someone else?” I ask.
“Yes. Rosario.”
Oh. I should probably leave. Rosario’s cute, but her assertiveness reminds me of Hannah; aggressive.
21
Competition
~Clove
Rosario’s wearing a sarong over, a red bikini top and super short shorts that might as well be denim underwear. Her lips are a matte red and her nails are done on feet and hands. She tosses her long wavy hair over to one side and batts her long eyelashes at JJ as he eyes her up and down.
I’m feeling more basic than a Sphinx cat. Who am I kidding? I can’t compete with all these girls. JJ may not be with Hannah, but he’s got plenty of other girls vying for his attention.
“Are those the swimsuits?” I ask. Rosario’s got two tiny, stringy articles of clothing hanging over her arm; one yellow and the other royal blue. JJ likes blue. Wait, what am I thinking about? I’m not wearing a swimsuit and if I did, it’d be silly of me to pick a color just because it’s his favorite.
In Rosario’s other hand, she carries a huge black and silver train case. I’m guessing that’s all make-up.
JJ looks from me to Rosario, from the swimsuits over her arm then back to me. His lips curl into a smile. He interlocks his fingers and twiddles his thumbs. Does he think I’m going to let him stay here while I try on these swimsuits?
“Bye,” I say playfully.
“What? I can’t stay for the fashion show?”
Oh goodness, my face feels hot. “No. You’ll see me when I’m ready.” I push him towards the foyer.
He stops right before we get to the door. “No pressure, but I like the blue one.”
I roll my eyes. “I know you do. Now get out.” I open the door for him.
“Wait, wait,” he says. “For real though, do what makes you comfortable. You don’t need to compete.”
“Thanks, bye.” I walk back towards Rosario and offer her some more sweet tea.”
She shakes her head no. “Nuh-uh girl, that tea you gave me yesterday was so sweet I got a headache.”
I laugh and take the swimsuits Rosario brought me along with the pink one from Aunt Didi and go into my bathroom. Rosario talks to me through the door, telling me about the party and how it’s put on by a group called AADD.
“What’s AADD?” I ask while trying to figure out the strings on the blue bikini.
“Adults Against Drunk Driving. Senior Kickback started ten years ago when parents wanted to make sure that we could have parties safely, to prevent drunk driving. Student Council partners with them to get everyone to come. It sounds lame, but I’ve heard from Seniors past that it’s pretty cool. The graduation party is really big too, there’s food trucks, paintball, and a whole lotta other stuff. The Senior Kickback is supposed to be more chill. There’s swimming, a band or a DJ, dancing, and no underclassmen are allowed.”
“Oh…that’s…cool.” I finally get the swimsuit on but there’s a string somewhere it shouldn’t be. Nope, don’t think this one is going to work but I take a picture of myself before peeling it off. I send it to Jessa.
Me: Going to a swim party. WDYT?
“Where’s your mom?” Rosario asks. It’s an innocent question, but I wasn’t ready for it because everyone in Smalltown knew about the accident.
Rosario picks up on my silence. “I’m sorry, that may have been rude of me. Is she alive?”
So far, I’ve learned that Rosario gets straight to the point, no sugar.
“She was killed by a drunk driver in February.”
“Of this year?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. I’m so sorry,” she apologizes. “Were you angry?”
“Very, I don’t think I will ever get used to her not being here. I didn’t cry for three months and I didn’t talk for almost two weeks. When I did talk, it was JJ that I talked to. He’s been that kind of friend.”
I go on telling Rosario how JJ’s helped me, waking up at the same time so we could run together and let me work out my demons. I tell her how he would answer anytime I called or texted. He never pushed me to talk, sometimes he was just there and that would be all I needed.
“He sounds like a really good friend. Is JJ, Jonah?” she asks.
I hadn’t realized I’d said JJ. “Yeah. I abbreviated his name.”
“Sounds like you might love him,” she says.
I look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are all flushed pink and it’s not just because of this bright yellow swimsuit I’ve put on. I feel lit up from the inside. After a long pause, I answer Rosario. “We’ve been friends for a long time but we’re not in a relationship.”
“So, would you mind if I ask him out?”
I’m glad we’re talking through the door and she can’t see my face. Just say it. Tell her he belongs to you and let her know she’s needs to back off.
But I ignore the voice in my head. JJ seemed interested in her especially when she walked in just now. So, I lie through my teeth. “Nope. Go ahead.”
My bottom lip feels pain as I bite into it. I blink several times and look at myself in the mirror again. Yellow doesn’t look bad on me and neither did the blue. Kady was wrong. I think my skin tones go well with every color of the rainbow. I take another picture of myself in the mirror and send it to Jessa.
Me: What about this one?
Rosario knocks on the door. “Come out. Let me see.”
I take a deep breath. Jessa is my best friend and I’m not afraid of her judgment but no one else has ever seen me with my white thighs and knees. My hand trembles on the doorknob. It’s now or never. Like ripping the band-aid off a wound, I open the door quickly.
Rosario’s mouth drops and I feel like I’ve made a mistake as she looks at me.
“¡Me gusta, Mami! You’re wearing that, I don’t care what you say. Kady is gonna be so jealous. Come on let’s get this hair and makeup. I’m ‘bout to hook you up!”
“Wait, I want to try on one more,” I tell her.
“Nope, that yellow one is it, honey.”
She drapes a blanket over me and forces me to sit down at my desk. She opens up a case full of makeup. I’m like a kid in a candy store, marveling at all the pretty colors of eye shadows, blushes, lipsticks, glosses, liners, and mascara tubes.
