Better Together, page 12
Her mouth puckers like a duck. I mock her and make duck lips too.
She begins to smile. “I’m not jealous, JJ. Benny and I are going out tomorrow as well. Maybe we can double.”
Is she serious? So, I guess I’m just supposed to watch her and Benny have a date right in front of me. “Nah, I’m good on that. You have fun.” I tried to say that with minimal sarcasm.
Clove scoffs. “I will. Hope you have fun looking at all those stinkin’ flowers.”
“Whatever. It’ll be much more fun than what you’re doing.”
She curls up her lip. “You don’t even know what we’re doing.”
“Do you know what you’re doing?”
“None of your business.”
“Oh, it’s like that now?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Does your dad know about him? Bet he won’t let you go out with him.”
“Not yet, but yes he will. Benny’s coming to meet him. He’s a gentleman.”
What am I, chopped liver? “I’m always a gentleman and not because I have ulterior motives.”
“He’s nothing like Trevor.”
“Whatever.”
“Don’t whatever me.”
“Has he already asked you what you look like under your clothes?”
Her eyes turn fierce. “Look, just because the last guy I talked to was a jerk, doesn’t mean Benny is the same way. Do you think that the only reason a guy would want to go out with me is because they want to see me naked? Boys can like me for me, you know? I’m not just some freak that people want to see without clothes.”
Whoa. She took this too far. “I didn’t mean it like that and you know I don’t think you’re a freak. I think you’re beau–.” I catch myself. I’m not going to pour any more of my heart out to her. She’s made her decision.
“Good night, Clove. Enjoy your date tomorrow,” I walk away before I’m late for my own curfew.
27
Brotherly Love
~Jonah
I’d made an appointment for the DMV, but I still have some wait time. At first, I was avoiding texting Clove back but realized that was not going to be a good idea. The more I avoided her, the more upset she was going to get and begin making assumptions. After texting her back, Xave texted me.
Xave: How’s Vegas?
Me: It’s alright. How’s college life?
Xave: Cool. I take classes, I go to work. How r u? How’s Clove? Yall together yet?
Me: I’m good. That guy she met this summer lives here.
Xave: You’re kidding right?
Me: Wish I was. She didn’t even know.
Xave: WOW BRUH.
Me: Don’t use caps. Hannah drove me crazy with that.
Xave: Is she still buggin u?
Me: Nope, she moved on to Zach. I deleted her number and every text. These aggressive girls are too much.
Xave: LOL! Told u things would change once u started weightlifting and now you’re singing with a band. It’s not gonna stop anytime soon.
Me: How did you know about the band?
Xave: One guess.
Me: Clove?
He sends me a video of me singing, followed by a message.
Xave: FWD: Look at JJ. I am so proud of him. He sounds amazing! Xave put this on your channel, the whole world should hear him!
I don’t know what to say. I knew Clove was recording me, but I didn’t know she sent it to him and Jessa.
Xave: She loves you.
JJ: Not so sure. First it was Trevor now it’s Benny. I think she only likes black guys.
Xave: U r black.
Me: I’m ½ black. Think I need more melanin for her.
Xave: Stop it. Love is more than 3 words. What do her actions say?
He’s right but I can’t tell sometimes. I change the subject.
Me: I have a date tonight.
Xave: I’m guessing it’s not with Clove.
Me: Nope. This girl asked me out.
Xave: R u trying to make Clove jealous?
Me: No.
Xave: Keep it real.
Me: Maybe.
Xave: SMH. Stop playing games bruh.
JJ: I know, but she started it with this Benny guy.
Xave: Again, games. But whatever. Y’all will figure it out. Just send me the wedding invite when it’s time.
I insert an eye roll emoticon.
Xave: Miss u bruh, talk to u later.
Me: Miss u too mane.
Xave: Ha! Do people in Las Vegas say mane?
Me: Don’t think so. Haven’t heard it yet.
Xave: Crazy. Can’t wait to visit. I’ll be out there for your birthday.
Me: Cool. See u then.
28
Dating
~Clove
I blink my eyes several times because I don’t believe what my dad just said. He’s told me that I can’t go out with Benny today or anyone else for that matter. Is he serious? He can’t be. He explained why I couldn’t date when I was in middle school, but I’m seventeen. The same rules shouldn’t apply.
“When can I date then? Is it when I’m out of the house?”
“Clove, we’ve talked about this. You get involved with someone, then so does your body.”
I disagree. “But Dad, it doesn’t have to be like that. I worked with Benny in Atlanta. Aunt Didi let me go out with him and we didn’t do anything. We didn’t kiss or hold hands because we were just getting to know each other. Why can’t you trust me?”
Dad continues to lecture me about dating. I sit at the dining room table across from him with my head resting on my hand. I’m trying to be respectful, but I don’t want to hear this again. He’s not being realistic. I bet no one else is having this conversation with their father. Why does my dad have to be so strict?
This is a time where it would be nice to have Mama here. She would understand. She’d take my side and say that I can go out.
“Dad,” I try to say this as slowly and as kindly as possible so that my irritation doesn’t come off as disrespectful. “All we’re doing is feeding the homeless downtown. It’s not a date. JJ’s coming too.”
I just made that last part up. Dad is more likely to let me go if JJ goes. Gram walks into the kitchen. She’d been taking a nap or so I thought. “For Pete’s sake, Jackson, let the girl go. You went on dates way before you were seventeen.”
Dad taps his foot anxiously. “That’s exactly why she’s not allowed. I know how I use to be.”
Gram drums her fingers on the counter. “She gotta make her own mistakes if they’re even going to be mistakes at all. You’re holding on too tight, Jackson. She moved out here with you and she’s been helping you. Give her a little bit of freedom. You know Honey would let her go.”
My dad looks defeated as he squeezes his eyes shut and drags his hand down his face. He sits down at the counter as though he needs a moment to think.
“Jonah’s going?”
“Yes.”
“With who? Is it a double date thing or is it just you and two guys?”
“Dad, are you saying you don’t trust JJ?” I ask.
“I do, but I want to meet everyone who’s going before I let you go.”
Well, that’s progress. I text Rosario and JJ to see if they wouldn’t mind breaking their plans for the evening. I smile to myself because I’m more than happy to interrupt whatever they were going to do.
***
The four of us are in Benny’s truck, driving down the Strip. Actually, we aren’t driving, we’re sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. I look out the passenger side window at all the bright lights. It’s completely different from downtown where the homeless shelter was located.
Smalltown didn’t have very many homeless people, at least not like what I saw this evening. There had to be hundreds of people lined up at the mission home waiting on a meal and at least hundreds more under bridges, on street corners, or in tents trying to hide from the sun. On TV, Las Vegas looks like this fabulous city, but of course, the cameras don’t show you the other areas further down Las Vegas Boulevard and beyond.
At the shelter, JJ worked in back washing dishes, Benny and Rosario served food, and I pushed a cart full of condiments. Most of the people there were very kind. They said “Thank you” and “God Bless”.
Afterward, we helped hand out care packages. My heart was overwhelmed. I’d never seen that many homeless people.
“Soooo…” Benny says. “Are you two okay? Should we end the night early?”
I think JJ feels how I feel. We hadn’t said a word since leaving the shelter.
Rosario makes a suggestion, “Benny maybe we should do the Bellagio instead of the High Roller. The flowers might make them feel better.”
I don’t think any flowers can erase the sadness I feel for all those people.
Benny bears right, turning into a parking garage. Once we’re parked, he opens my door as JJ does the same for Rosario.
I swallow the small twinge of envy and tell myself that JJ’s a gentleman to everyone, not just me. Being chivalrous is second nature for him.
As we walk inside, my eyes widen in amazement.
“Welcome to the conservatory!” Benny announces.
People are all over the place snapping pictures of the large open atrium. There’s a beautiful celestial sun and moon suspended from the ceiling. A giant lemon tree is surrounded by flowers, while large lemons hang over the garden boats that float in water.
The miniature replica of the mountainside Italian villa is so real that I have to remind myself that I’m still in Las Vegas. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen.
There are so many colors, smells and sounds that my senses are overloaded–but in a good way.
“It’s like the Island of Capri,” JJ whispers.
“Island of Capri?” Rosario and I ask at the same time.
“Yeah, Mom and Dad took me when I was little. I do not remember a lot, but this reminds me of it.”
He never told me that. I suddenly want to hear more about what he saw but Rosario hooks her arm into his. “Tell me more about Capri,” she says.
Together they walk away, sinking into the sea of people.
29
Iron Sharpens Iron
~Jonah
Rosario asks questions about what it was like for me to live in France. I notice that we’ve lost Clove and Benny. No surprise because it seems like there are hundreds of people taking photos or standing around gaping at the display. Rosario leads me out of the atrium and into a patisserie that has three different kinds of chocolate flowing from the ceiling. The cakes and delicacies inside are innately designed and decorated. I wonder if Benny brought Clove here. She would love this.
Rosario tugs on my arm. “Let’s go outside and see if we can catch the fountain show.”
I follow her past the front desk area where Dale Chihuly art designs are everywhere, including the ceiling. She pulls me outside where we’re facing the Las Vegas Strip. People line a walkway near water. The noise from the traffic on the street is loud, horns blare, people are dressed in various costumes for pictures. It’s not like anything I’m used to. My senses are overloaded.
Rosario squeezes us between two other couples.
Operatic music begins to play and thunderous sounds boom from the water as it shoots up and dances. “Wow, that’s quite a bit of water pressure they’ve got going on.” That was a very nerdy thing for me to say and I silently scold myself for it.
Rosario leans her head back on my shoulder. “This is romantic, right?”
It is, but this isn’t the girl I want to be romantic with.
Suddenly, she turns around, grabs my shirt and pulls me down to her mouth. Her kiss is not as forceful as Hannah’s, but when I close my eyes all I see is Clove’s face, her lips, and her eyes. I have to pull away. Rosario follows my pull, making it harder for us to stop, but I gently push her shoulders back so we can separate.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I move on from Clove? She’s with Benny and I’m still stuck with these feelings for her that I can’t seem to shake. I think it’s best I tell Rosario the truth. Or maybe just end this date.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Rosario asks.
“Church,” I say.
“Is it a requirement to go to church to be your girlfriend?”
It’s not a requirement per se’, but mom had once told me this story when I asked if I had to date someone that was only Christian.
“Can I tell you a story?” I ask her.
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Right now?”
Maybe now wouldn’t be the best time. She reads her phone.
“Benny says they are back at his truck. You wanna go back? Or maybe we could go somewhere more secluded?” She bites her lower lip.
Will she think I’m boring if I say let’s go back to the truck? The alternative is having her take me somewhere and ending up in a situation I might not want to be in. Something like that happened last night when Terry took me home to get my guitar.
“Maybe we should…uh…see where else Benny wants to go.”
Rosario looks disappointed. “Okay.”
Back at Benny’s truck, I open Rosario’s door for her. I hear Clove sniffing in the front seat as Benny rubs her shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” he says while reaching in his glove compartment. He hands her a napkin that has Canes written across the front.
“What happened?” I ask.
Benny turns around. “She said she saw someone that looked like her mom and…” he throws his hand up as a half shrug.
This can happen when you lose someone. Sometimes it seems like you see your loved ones’ face and it triggers memories and emotions. That had happened to me after my grandparents died.
Poor Clove, the first year of losing someone close can be rough. I think about opening her door so I can hold her but maybe that would be weird because we’re on this stupid date thing. Perhaps Benny should be the one to console her.
“I tried holding her but she just wants to be left alone. I’m going to take her home,” Benny says.
Rosario touches Clove’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry chica. I can’t imagine how you feel. JJ, why don’t you help take her mind off of it. What was that story you wanted to tell me?”
That story hardly seems appropriate at this time. The story of the two oxen has very little to do with this.
“Nevermind,” I say. “That probably isn’t the right story.”
“What story?” Clove muffles with the napkin over her nose. “Whatever it is, just tell it.”
Rosario and Benny agree that it might help.
“Alright, so, there are these oxen,” I begin. “One is strong and eats lots of healthy food. While the other is weaker and feeds on whatever the wind blows in. When it comes time for them to pull the plow–”
“Plow?” Rosario questions. “How old is this story? And who still has oxen?”
“Rosario, let him finish,” Benny tells her.
I resume the story. “Where was I? Oh yeah, so every day they have to pull the plow together, but over time, it gets harder. Why do you think that happens?” I ask them the question just like mom had asked me.
Benny answers first. “The strong ox does most of the work and gets tired or the weak ox will keep the strong one from working at all.”
“Exactly,” I conclude. “The stronger ox begins to do all the work and begins to grow tired and weak. And the weaker ox is able to convince him to live as she or he does. They end up with their endeavors unpursued.”
They’re all quiet and I feel like a dork. I told them it wasn’t a good time for that story but my mind was drawing a blank. I couldn’t think of anything else.
Rosario scratches her head. “You asked could you tell me that story after I asked you about having to go to church as a requirement to be your girlfriend. Are you saying that I’m the weak ox and I will pull you down? Why does the girl ox have to be the weaker ox?”
I didn’t think I put labels on which was a girl or boy, but perhaps she just interpreted it that way.
Rosario holds up her index finger. “And couldn’t the strong ox just love the other enough to help it become strong? Isn’t that what love is? You help the other person.” Rosario continues questioning. She looks like she’s offended.
No one had asked these questions when mom told the story. Maybe I didn’t tell it right.
“You’re right Rosario,” Clove answers for me. “The stronger ox could love enough to help the other ox become stronger. I think love is showing someone how much you care through actions. I think what JJ is saying is that even the strong can grow weak and it can be overwhelming to carry things on your own all the time. It’s like when my mom died, I was so lost. JJ’s been like my rock. He’s carried me sometimes and in turn, I do the same for…”
Her voice trails off at the end. It’s silent in Benny’s truck. Awkward isn’t a strong enough word.
30
Perspective
~Clove
For the first time, I realized how closely the story resembled my own life. I could see how Rosario may have taken offense, but JJ wasn’t trying to offend her. It’s not like we go around with a clipboard checking off boxes for dateable Christians. Well, maybe I sort of keep a mental checklist, but that’s just for qualifications on whether I could see myself with a person.
After Benny brings me home, I change into my pajamas even though it’s barely 9:00. Dad has locked himself in his office which means he’s studying for tomorrow’s sermon and Gram has gone to bed early.
My life is lackluster. It’s so boring that even when I try to have fun, I can’t do it without crying.
I pop some popcorn and take a bottle of juice out of the fridge. Scrolling through all of the streaming channels, I find a romantic comedy to watch and flop on the sofa. Benny had asked if I wanted company, but I don’t. I try not to think about JJ and Rosario continuing on with their date.
Ten minutes into the movie, my phone buzzes with a pic of JJ making a funny face. I smile but then peer closely at the background. He’s on my porch.
