Better Together, page 13
I put the bowl of popcorn down and go to the door. He’s wearing his glasses and has changed into basketball shorts and a t-shirt.
“Hey,” I say. “Shouldn’t you be on a date?”
“No. May I come in?” He keeps one hand behind his back.
What’s he hiding?
Before he walks in, he brings his arm around, showing me a pint of vanilla ice cream and my favorite rainbow sprinkles. This brings a smile to my face.
“Awww JJ, you’re the best.” I wrap my arms around him and he puts the ice cream down to hold me. His cold hands caress my shoulder and back.
“Don’t you want your ice cream?” he asks.
I do, but I need this hug more. “Three more seconds,” I say.
He holds me tighter and counts. “One Mississippi…”
I chuckle. “Two Mississippi…”
“Three M…i… crooked letter, crooked letter, i, crooked letter, crooked letter, i, humpback, humpback i…”
I grin at him. “You still remember the way we learned how to spell Mississippi, huh?”
“Can’t forget it. It was very strange.”
Despite our Mississippi countdown, he still holds me in his arms. “Are you alright?” he asks while slowly releasing me.
I pick up the ice cream, get two large spoons and sit back in my spot on the sofa. “I am now.” I pat the space beside me, inviting him to join me.
He shakes his head no. “I just wanted to bring something to cheer you up. I know you probably want to be alone.”
Seriously? He brings me ice cream, gives me the greatest hug in the world, and then tells me he’s not going to stay? Unacceptable. “Si’ vous plait?” I beg.
His eyes smile. “Fine, but only because you said please in French.” He sits beside me and puts the popcorn in his lap.
“What are you watching?” he asks. “And I swear you better not say the Princess Bride.”
I pause the movie because that’s exactly what I was watching. “What do you want to watch? National Geographic? Star Wars?”
The corners of his mouth go up. That’s exactly what he wants to watch.
“Nerd,” I mumble.
He half laughs. I scroll through and find something we can agree on.
“This popcorn needs some salt,” he says munching.
“Go get it then.”
JJ passes the bowl of popcorn back to me and gets up. I hear him opening up cabinets, searching.
“Amazing,” he says. “Whoever organized your spice cabinets did it so well that I can’t find just plain salt.”
“Just get the garlic salt or somethin’.”
He sits down without any seasonings. “You like to talk through movies. I am not sitting next to you so you can talk with garlic breath.”
“I’m going to eat my ice cream, you can have the popcorn.” I do what I always do, I make a well in the center of the ice cream and thenpour a ton of sprinkles into it.
“Oh, so you like sprinkles with a side of vanilla.” JJ jokes.
I chuckle and snuggle into the crook of his arm. I press the play button on the remote and Back to the Future begins. But then I think about something he’d said a moment ago. Our spice cabinets weren’t organized back home. They should’ve been. It would’ve made baking much easier for me and Mama. When Whitney came over here the other night to make dinner, she knew exactly where everything was. She didn’t have to ask or search for anything. And then JJ had said, “Whoever did it…” as if he suspected it may have been someone else.
“I think my dad is seeing Whitney,” I blurt.
JJ stops chewing the piece of popcorn he’d just put in his mouth.
“What makes you think that?” he asks.
“Well for starters, she organized our spice cabinet.”
“Is that a prerequisite for the beginning of a relationship? If so, I can re-reorganize it for you.”
He jokes, but I’m serious. “She calls him Jackson.”
“Clove, my parents call your dad Jackson as well.”
I sit up and move my braids away from my face. He’s not understanding what I’m saying. “No, you don’t get it. My mom’s grave barely has grass on it and he’s already moving on.”
JJ puts the popcorn down, pauses the movie, and places his ankle over his knee. After a short while, he says something.
“What if you had no one after your mom died? How would that have impacted you?”
When I think about it, I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done without him constantly reaching for me, pulling me from my darkness.
“Maybe I’m not being fair,” I relent. “I’m angry but perhaps I shouldn’t be.”
JJ touches my chin with his finger. “I’m not trying to tell you how to feel or how not to feel, just giving you another perspective. We all have a need for companionship.”
He drops his finger from my chin, but I wish he’d kept it there. I’m feeling so many emotions. Anger, hurt, jealousy, love, admiration; my head is buzzing. I’m overwhelmed with feelings.
JJ stands up. “I’m going to go. I think you should talk to your dad.”
As much as I don’t want him to leave, I know he’s right. I walk him to the door. My eyes have already started welling with tears and I can’t quite pinpoint why they’re forming.
JJ steps outside and looks back at me. His eyes soften. “Everything is going to be alright.”
I look at the ground. “Yeah, I know. Thanks for the ice cream.”
“You’re welcome.”
I watch JJ walk home. Next, I go back inside and stand in front of my dad’s office door. He doesn’t like being interrupted when he’s studying or doing his sermon notes but this is important. I knock softly.
“Five minutes and I’ll be right there Clove.”
“I need to talk to you, now.”
“Five more minutes.”
If he won’t open the door, I’ll ask him through the door.
“How long have you been seeing Whitney?”
The door opens immediately. He gestures for me to sit in one of his high back chairs. His office is nicely decorated as if it were designed by a professional. Big mahogany desk, decorative plants, built-in bookcases against the wall. Whitney probably did this too.
I fold my arms across my body, feeling full of venom. My eyes sting from the tears that threaten to fall but I blink them away.
Before he can answer my first question, I ask another. “Did you even love Mama?”
Dad leans forward in his seat. “I still love Honey. I will never, ever stop loving her.”
I guess I don’t understand love or specifically the way he says he loved my mama. Dad begins to explain.
“When Honey and I met Whitney last year, it was regarding the start-up of the church. She was still grieving over her deceased husband. Your mama and I both met with her together but over the year, it was Honey who talked to her more than I did. They became good friends.
“When Honey died, Whitney called to check on me because she understood what I was going through. Once I came to Las Vegas, she connected me to a grief group that she attended. I went to the group meetings and afterward we’d get coffee and just talk. You may have thought I was composed, but there were days where I wasn’t doing so well. I miss your mama very much, but I couldn’t shut down around you because you needed me.”
I wait for him to go on. There has to be more.
“You know how you kept waking up at 5 a.m. every morning and Jonah would have you running up that hill to watch the sunrise?”
My face must show my thoughts because Dad answers the question I’m thinking.
“Yep, I knew about it,” Dad says. “Whitney has been to me what JJ has been to you, a very good friend. She’s been helpful, just as JJ has been helpful to you. I enjoy Whitney’s company, but that’s as far as it’s gone.”
JJ had been right. My dad was as lost and lonely as I was when mom died. He’d lost his best friend, and it was unfair of me to think that he could be so strong as to go through it alone.
Losing a best friend is what makes me afraid to pursue something more with JJ, but we’re already close. Separating to go to college is going to be heartbreaking. Maybe I should be distancing myself from him but I don’t want to. Our friendship was planted in third grade. It’s deeply rooted, and has been nurtured and cared for over nine years. JJ and I have roots, intertwined and tangled. It’s hard to think about ever being away from him.
“Dad, is it scary loving someone that you know you could possibly lose?”
He sits back in his chair clasps his hands together in front of his mouth. He turns the frame of him and Mama together at the beach towards me. It’s a photo of them before I was born. They look so in love and very happy. He stares at it for so long that I’m not sure he heard my question but finally he looks back at me.
“You don’t think about losing a person. You think about all the ways to love them.”
31
My Best Friend
~Jonah
“Hey,” Rosario says to me after church. She’s wearing a short black dress, a denim jacket, and heels.
“You look nice,” I tell her.
“Thanks. You’re a really good singer. You seriously need a contract with a record label or something.”
People complimenting my voice is still hard for me to get used to. I never thought of myself as a vocalist.
“Thanks,” I say.
Rosario rocks back on her heels. “So, we didn’t get to finish our date last night. You wanna go bowling with some of us tonight?”
I’m glad she came to church, but I’m wondering if she came because she felt it was something I wanted her to do. I need to be honest with her before this goes too far.
I look around. The teardown crew that I’m a part of has already started cleaning and folding chairs. What looked like a church ten minutes ago, is now starting to look like a middle school cafeteria again.
“Would you mind talking with me outside?” I ask her.
“Sure,” she shrugs.
I take two bottles of water off the Welcome table and hand one to her. We walk in the courtyard between the middle school and high school buildings. There is a bench under the shade of a tree. Rosario sits down and makes a motion for me to sit next to her.
“What’s up?” she asks.
There’s a lump in my throat. Am I making the right decision? I wrestle with my thoughts for a few seconds, but eventually, I just say it. “I’m in love with my best friend. I’m sorry, but I can’t be all in with you. Clove has all of me.”
Rosario extends her hand towards my face. At first, I think she’s going to slap me, but she touches my cheek. “Awww, that’s so sweet.”
She took the news better than I thought.
“I have a confession to make too,” she says. “I think I knew that already.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. It’s been little things. The way she talks about you, the way you look at her. But you two were crazy denying it, so I thought I’d give it my best shot.”
The way she talks about me? What sort of things does she say? I want to ask, but it’s probably girl talk and I doubt that Rosario will tell me.
She flips her dark wavy hair over to one side. “Thanks for being honest with me before it got too deep. I think you and Clove will make a good couple. You guys wanna go bowling tonight? As a group?”
I’d love to take Clove out, but I think of something that she might need more. “Clove only had one girl friend back home,” I say. “I think she could really use another one these days. If you could ask her if she wants to go that would mean a lot to me. I’m going to fall back and do some stuff with my family today.”
Rosario smiles. “She’s right about you. You’re a good friend. You could’ve asked me anything, like get rid of Benny or asked me to hook the two of you up, but you just want what’s best for her. She’s lucky to have you. Say no more. I’ll take her bowling with me tonight.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you for understanding.”
Rosario stands up and shrugs, “Of course. You think I can have one of those church friendly hugs? Ya know, the ones people give to the side or whatever?”
I start laughing. “Oh, you mean like the teacher hug?” I put one of my arms over her shoulder and she puts an arm around my waist.
“Yep, I’ll settle for this if it’s all I can get,” she says.
32
Who Has Your Heart
~Clove
Rosario is driving me to a casino out in Summerlin, where she says the bowling alley is located. After I’d seen her and JJ laughing and hugging after church, I still felt kinda salty about this whole weekend. So far, I’ve watched girls swoon over my best friend, I’ve watched him date someone else right in front of me, I’ve learned my dad has formed a relationship with someone else, and last night Dad eventually told me that he had basically bribed JJ to only be my friend and chauffeur. I was so mad at him, that I hadn’t said one word to him all day.
On the upside, this casino is nice. I don’t remember any hotels looking this elaborate back in Smalltown. Colorful carpets, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, loud and bright slot machines, cocktail waitresses in uniforms that look more like club dresses. It’s so fancy, I keep stopping to stare at everything. Rosario pulls me through the casino while scolding me like a parent. “Aye, chica keep up. You gonna get lost.”
This place is amazing! We pass a food court, an arcade, and movie theater.
The bowling alley is huge. Rosario guides me to the other end where I catch Kady and Benny hugged up and kissing. He lets go of her when he sees me.
Terry is sitting on top of one of the tables making out with Brandon. It’s a bit much for the public eye. Guess this was supposed to be a couple’s thing.
Feeling like a fifth wheel, I walk over to the lane with Rosario. I came with her just to get out of the house, but in all honesty, I stink at bowling. Kady adds my name to the screen under Rosario’s name. Instead of typing in Clove, she types COW. I’m not in a fighting mood so I leave it that way. Benny changes it for me and mouths, sorry.
When it’s my turn, I take a deep breath and roll the ball like Xavier showed me a long time ago. I swing once, I swing twice, and then I release. It successfully lands in the gutter hitting absolutely no pins. Rosario points her mouth downwards. Kady laughs and Terry covers her mouth. Whatever. I try again. If at first you don’t succeed…
This time I’m only going to swing once, with more force. I take the stance that I’ve seen Gram use before with her bowling league. Feeling like I got this, I bring the ball back and swing my arm forward letting it go at what I think is the right time. It flies behind me, rolling over Kady’s foot. She hops around in pain. This time Benny covers his mouth and Brandon doubles over in laughter.
And I’m done here. I’m going to the concessions to see if they have a grape soda or something.
My phone vibrates as I stand in line.
Jessa: Hey girl, how’s viva Las Vegas?
Me: Haven’t been many places, but from what I’ve seen, it’s alright. At a bowling alley in a casino.
Jessa: Alright??? Thought you and JJ would be on cloud 9, going out every night.
Me: Sounds like a dream. In real life my dad’s dating, JJ’s dating, and the guy I met in ATL lives here and he’s dating someone too.
Jessa calls me instead of texting back. I leave the alley to find somewhere I can talk privately and hear what she’s saying.
“Okay, I need for you to explain all of this. What’s happening?” Jessa says.
I find a seat in the food court and catch her up to speed, explaining everything I’ve experienced since leaving Smalltown. I include it all; Benny, Rosario, Kady, Whitney, the party, Brandon the jerk, JJ’s new car. I go on and on.
“Dang girl, I’m real sorry you’re not having a good time,” Jessa says.
“It’s not like I expected to. I’m here for school, not vacay. But Jess, I wasn’t expecting for all this to happen at once, ya know?”
There’s a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and find Benny standing behind me. “Mind if I sit down?” he asks.
I shrug. Benny slides into the seat across from me. I suppose he wants to talk.
“I’ll call you back Jess.”
I slide the phone back into my pocket. “What’s up Benny?” I ask nonchalantly.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”
Yes, he did. It’s not like I was going to keep talking as he sat across from me staring. I wait for him to speak.
He raises his eyebrows and then says, “About what you saw with me and–”
I cut him off and shake my head. “No need to explain. Y’all have history. I get it, just wish you would’ve said something earlier.”
He cocks his head to the side and gives me an incredulous stare. “I wish you would’ve said something about you and JJ.”
I sit back in my chair, blown away by his statement.
“C’mon Clove, it’s obvious you two have feelings for each other. Whatever y’all got going on is so strong, I don’t think I could cut through it with a knife.”
I sort of laugh because it’s an expression Mama used to say.
“Why’d you ask me out then?”
Benny scratches the back of his head. “When I saw you here, I thought maybe it was fate or some sort of sign that I should be done with Kady once and for all.”
“You should be done with Kady,” I say. “She’s kinda nasty and mean.”
“Yeah, I know. Old habits die hard I suppose.”
I’m not sure what he means by habit. “Kady is your habit?”
He thinks for a moment. “I mean, I guess that sounds bad, but we have a relationship sort of similar to you and JJ. We met a long time ago, started out as friends but then we started dating in high school. She’s changed a lot– I guess we both have but some people are hard to let go of.”
That makes sense. In a world full of crazy, mean people, JJ is my safe haven but I wouldn’t call him my habit.
