At First Hate, page 24
“Okay.”
He breathed out a sigh of relief because I’d agreed. I had no reason to. Not after all the shit we’d gone through. Not after the way he’d first told me that he was getting married. It had been years since that day when I’d stood on the riverfront and he’d told me he was marrying someone else. It felt like a lifetime ago… and also just yesterday.
I followed him back inside his house. I’d never been inside the three-story mansion he’d purchased and renovated downtown. It was walking distance to his office and had to have cost a small fortune. It was also one of the most perfectly elegant homes I’d ever seen. It outshone the giant monstrosity that was his father’s house by a long shot. This had clearly been done with love, and I could feel it in every stone and painted wall and carefully curated art collection.
“Your house is beautiful,” I whispered softly as I followed him into a sitting room. I took a seat across the small room from him.
“Thanks. My, uh, mom helped me with it.”
I blinked at him. “Your mom? She’s back in Savannah?”
Last I’d heard, Margie Ballentine had been cheated on by his father. Doug had taken his mistress, a young Kathy, as his wife. Margie had taken a sizable chunk of money and moved to Charleston to be around her brother and his kids. Derek had spent a few summers with his cousins Daron, Tye, and Marina. They were still close, but he never had been with his mom.
“We reconnected,” he said with a shrug. “She apologized for leaving the way she did after it all went down, but I don’t really blame her. I’d want to get the hell out of Dodge too. But she’d been an interior designer before she left, and she began to pursue her real passion—art.”
“Well, it sounds like she got the better end of the deal.”
“Yes. Though it has little to do with Kasey.”
“I figured you were stalling.”
He laughed softly. “God, I’ve missed you.”
My heart warmed at those words. It was so easy to forget all the baggage when I was with him like this. Even after just seeing that his ex-wife was somehow still in his life, I wanted his praise.
“So?” I prompted.
“So,” he repeated, “I met Kasey at a golfing event for the company. She played in college, and we played a round together. We dated for two years before we got married. She was old country-club money, and her dad works in the shipping industry. She went to St. Catherine’s. We ran in the same circles.”
My throat closed at those words. All the ways that Kasey was something that I was not or ever would be.
“After we were together for two years, I thought that I knew her. I was wrong.”
I held my breath, waiting to hear that she’d cheated on him. It felt like that had to be the explanation. Him reliving what had happened to his mother when he was a child.
“So, who was he?” I asked.
Derek narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Did she cheat on you?”
He laughed sardonically. “I almost wish that she had. But no, she was faithful, as far as I know.
“Kasey was a successful real estate agent when we met on her way to opening her own firm. She had big dreams. And then we got married, and every single one of them disappeared. She quit her job without telling me and began to spend the hours she should have been at work shopping. At first, it was just designer clothes and shoes and bags. Expensive—obnoxiously expensive—but not a drain. Since she hadn’t told me that she quit, I assumed she was mostly spending her own money on it.” He shrugged and looked distant. “I was working eighty to a hundred hours a week at the firm. I wasn’t around enough then to pay enough attention.
“Then, everything seemed to happen all at once. I found out that she’d quit her job while she was away on what I thought was a business trip. Instead, she’d gone to St. Barts with her friends for a week with a cost in the low six figures.”
I gasped. “Holy shit!”
“While I waited to confront her about the spending and her job, I went through the bills. She’d told me that she was handling them. That I needed to just relax after work and not worry about money. I’d been played. She was running up all of our credit cards. Three of them were maxed out, and apparently, she’d opened seven more that were well on their way.”
My eyes rounded in horror. “Derek, that’s terrible. I can’t… I honestly cannot even imagine.”
“She had an insatiable appetite for money. We had a huge fight when she got home. I cut up all the cards. I put limits on my bank accounts. She was furious and hit me, scratching my arms and face and screaming like a banshee. I’d never seen anyone act like that.” His eyes were so far away. “I still tried to salvage the situation. I wanted her to go to therapy.” He shook his head. “Suffice it to say, none of that worked out. I was saddled with all of her debt during the divorce, but I got out without having to pay her alimony. She had been counting on that money to continue living this insane life, but it didn’t happen, and she still has the audacity to ask me for more money.”
My mind was reeling from this news. And by how similar it felt to my childhood. All the times my mom had train-wrecked back into our lives to ask Gran for money. The way she begged until it happened. Then, she was gone again with some new man who was the one. When it inevitably didn’t work, she always came crawling back. And Gran had always given in until the very, very end, the last one that had ruined all of this.
“Believe me when I say that I know something of what you went through,” I whispered. “I can’t imagine the depths of her betrayal, but I do remember what it is like to live with someone like that. To always be looking for the next time they tried to ruin everything.”
He frowned as he realized I was talking about my mom. That little piece wedged between us uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, Mars.”
“Me too.”
“This is why I pursued you when I saw you were back in town.”
“This?” I asked in confusion.
“You were the only person who ever cared about me… just me.”
Our eyes met in the distance, and my heart melted all over again. I crossed the sitting room and curled up into his lap. I rested my head against his chest, just listening to the soft beat of his heart.
“Why is this always so hard?”
He kissed my hair. “It’s not. You and me, Mars, we’ve always been easy. That’s why I want you back. I want you to be mine. I want all those things we talked about when I was still too young and immature to ask for them.”
“But…”
He tilted my chin up to look at him. “Don’t think about it. Just be here with me. Just be mine.”
I wanted it to be that easy. To not have one more thing between us.
Then, the doorbell rang, and Ash crashed into his house with a boisterous, “Honey, I’m home!”
Amelia giggled behind him. “Shut up, Ash.”
They barreled into the sitting room just as I slid off of Derek’s lap.
Ash raised his eyebrows. “Are we interrupting?”
Derek threaded his hand into mine. “Nope.”
Amelia grinned from ear to ear. “I love seeing y’all together again.”
“It’s adorable,” Ash said with an eye roll. “Can we go now?”
“Yeah. I just had to deal with Kasey.”
“More money?” Amelia snarled.
“You guessed it in one.”
“She’s the worst,” Ash said.
I fell into step with them, as if I’d always belonged there. It was easier than thinking about all the problems that we still had to face. If I even was able to. The case was only a few weeks away, and after that, I had to return to Atlanta to my job at Emory. What would happen then?
When I looked up into Derek’s smiling face, I decided I didn’t care. This was everything that I’d ever wanted with Derek. I wanted to live in this moment forever.
34
Savannah
Present
Derek docked the sailboat with Ash’s help while us girls huddled together. It was always a few degrees colder on the water, and the breeze had chilled Amelia and me to our bones. Thank God for the extra blankets Derek had on board. Besides the cold, we had a perfect day out on the water. The wind had filled the sails. Ash was drinking less and starting to look like a person again. And Derek and I were just together. As we should have always been.
“There we are, ladies,” Derek said, tying the boat to the dock. “You’re all set to return to the heat.”
Derek offered me his hand as I clambered out of the boat. Ash helped Amelia out, and then we all headed to Ash’s Audi SUV. I let Amelia take the front seat and sat in the back with Derek. He kept his arm around me, pressing occasional kisses into my hair on the drive back.
Ash dropped us off at Derek’s place, and I waved good-bye as they drove away.
Derek pulled my hand to his mouth and pressed kisses into my skin. “Don’t go.”
I laughed. “I’ve been with you all day.”
“So? Stay longer. Stay forever.”
I looked up into his eyes in surprise. I was expecting to see him laughing with that pouty smirk on his lips. But he was serious. He was actually serious.
“I’d like that,” I admitted. I pulled my hand out of his. “Can I rain-check for later? Maybe tonight?”
He stepped forward into my personal space, cupping my jaw with his hands. “Whatever you want, Mars. I just missed you and want every bit of time you’ll give me.”
I smiled and leaned into the kiss he planted on my lips. “I want that too.”
“Then, hurry back,” he breathed against my mouth. “You should just stay the rest of the weekend.”
“So greedy,” I teased.
“For you. Yes.” He hungrily kissed me again. “Just think of all the things that I’m going to do to you when you get back here. I have a whole list in my head. It’s probably going to take a long, long time to get through it.”
I flushed from head to toe. “Filthy.”
But I pressed myself into him regardless, devouring all of his kisses and imagining every single one of those things he’d do to me later. Which was likely his intention. He wanted me to rush back to him—or preferably, not leave at all.
We’d waited so long for this. So long. I should have been able to wait a little bit longer. It was hard enough breaking away from him to get back in my car. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to stay and be with him and make up for all the lost time. It was easy to drown in Derek Ballentine.
“Mars,” he said, leaning into my car to meet my gaze. He pressed a kiss onto my mouth one last time. “I couldn’t let you go without that.”
I giggled and kissed him again. “You’re insatiable.”
“Yes. Come back soon.”
He pulled back and tapped the roof of my car. My heart was full, and my stomach was all fluttery. I hadn’t felt like this in so long. So very long. I parked outside of Gran’s house, skipping up the front steps and doing a little twirl on the porch. The light blinked on the answering machine. I deleted the spam messages and ignored the one from the executor of the will. I didn’t want to think about that today of all days. I just wanted to shower the sea salt off of me, drink some of Gran’s sweet tea, and answer my work emails for a few hours before going to see Derek again.
I T-shirt-dried my hair, plopping it on the top of my head, and then headed downstairs. I poured myself some tea and got settled in when the doorbell rang. I audibly groaned. Now was not the time.
I pushed my laptop away from me and trudged to the front door. I swung it open, only to find my mother standing on the doorstep.
“No,” I said, trying to close the door before she could get her hooks in.
“Marley Sue,” my mom said. She held her hand out to stop me from slamming the door in her face.
“What do you want, Hannah?” I emphasized her first name and not the fact that she’d birthed me.
She sighed. “I want to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“I’ve been worried about you.”
“Since when?” I demanded.
“I’m your mother. Surely, a girl can be worried about her own flesh and blood.”
I rolled my eyes. “Again, what do you want? We both know that you’re not here because you care about me.”
And for the first time in a long time, I saw tears come to my mom’s eyes. “Oh baby, I’m sorry.”
I retreated uncomfortably from the display. My mom was fierce and a train wreck and resolutely stubborn, but she was never vulnerable or sad. Despite everything, I felt for her. Just for a second, but it must have been long enough for it to show on my face. Even when I hadn’t wanted it to. She had to be up to something, but she was still a person.
“Can I come in?” Mom asked.
I tipped my head back and then swung the door open. “This better be good.”
My mom strode inside as if she owned the place, which immediately got my hackles up.
“What’s this about?”
She turned around and swiped at her eyes. “I think we got off on the wrong foot.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Our entire life? You might need to be more specific.”
“Since you’ve been back in town.”
“Oh, why would that be? Is it because you’re contesting Gran’s will?” I asked sarcastically.
“That’s not personal, honey. You know it isn’t about you. It’s not that I want you and your brother to have nothing. I just think that Gran changed her will under duress. It was done a mere two months before her death when she was dying from cancer.”
“Because of the fight you had with her. It was her money. She could do with it what she wanted.”
My mom nodded. “I know. I agree. But it was all split up between us for decades. It seems unlikely she’d change her mind about that on her own after so long. I pushed all of her buttons growing up, and she never cut me off before.”
“Well, she finally saw who you were.”
She tilted her head. “Do you really think that?”
I crossed my arms. “I was there. I remember how upset she was.”
“Enough to cut me off forever?”
She had been, but my mom would never accept that. I thought Gran should have done it a long time ago. Mom had abandoned Gran in the same way that she had abandoned me. That was what she did.
“You really think that,” my mom said softly. “I thought we could get along. We could see eye to eye on this.”
“Why? Why would you think that?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“No?”
“Like mother, like daughter.”
I blinked at her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re sleeping with my attorney. He has enough money to comfortably take care of you. We can call it even then, honey.”
I balked at her words. The horror and outrage dawning on me. “That’s why you’re here? Because you found out that I’m dating Derek?”
“Of course. I understand your long game.”
“How did you even find out?”
“What does it matter? I’m not mad. I’d probably do the same in your situation.”
My face went slack. She thought I was sleeping with Derek to get his money. Just like she had always done. It was her only logical explanation to finding out that we were together. And I couldn’t fucking believe it.
“Gross, Mom. No! Derek and I are not together for his money.”
“That’s not what his wife is saying.”
I reared back. “Derek is divorced. Are you saying that you heard about us from Kasey?”
She snapped her fingers at me. “Kasey. Yes, that’s her name. Derek’s wife. I met her at a golf tournament this morning with my latest beau.”
“Ex-wife,” I corrected. “They’re divorced. Not together.”
My mom shrugged, and a sly smile touched her lips. “You’re sure?”
My stomach knotted at that question. At the way she thought that she had me here. “Yes, I’m fucking sure. And if you’re here to extort me because the guy I’m seeing has money, you’re in a losing battle. That is never going to happen.”
I couldn’t believe that Kasey was claiming to still be married to Derek. But on the other hand, I could. Or to think about how my mom had heard about it all and twisted it in her head. That somehow, I was like my mother. It infuriated me. I was nothing like her. Nothing.
“It’s time for you to go,” I said, storming to the door. “I thought you were going to actually be a human being, but apparently, I was wrong.”
“Marley,” she said with a shake of her head.
But I yanked the door open and pointed for her to leave. “Go.”
Then, something flipped in my mom’s brain. It was like a lightbulb. I’d seen her do it to Gran so many times that I shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d do it to me.
“Fine,” she snarled. “You want to think we’re so different, but Derek is just manipulating you.”
I rolled my eyes. “What are you even going on about?”
“You think that he likes you? He’s trying to win a case. For being so smart, you sure are stupid sometimes. Don’t shoot the messenger.”
There was nothing at all that I could say to that. This was classic narcissist bait. No matter how I felt, I couldn’t show it. Was it possible that Derek was using me to try to win this case? Sure, anything was possible. Was it probable? No. Not the way he’d talked to me today. Not after all this time. Derek didn’t need to resort to that shit to win me over or to win the case.
“Go,” I repeated.
“If I were you, Marley Sue, I would make sure that what you’re getting out of this is everything you think it is. Because that boy is going to realize that you’re not worth it any day now, and you’re going to be left with exactly as much as you had before—nothing.”
I narrowed my eyes at my mom. “I know exactly what’s happening between me and Derek, and I see straight through you.”
