At First Hate, page 21
Derek knocked once and then peeked his head inside the bedroom. He stepped fully inside with a greedy purpose. His eyes were glazed with desire, and those pouty lips looked ready to devour me.
I turned fully to face him. “Well, do you like my present?”
“Oh yes,” he said, striding toward me. “I intend to fully unwrap you.”
I laughed as his lips crashed down on mine. Everything was on fire all at once. No hesitancy. No slowing down. Just Derek doing exactly as he’d intended. He’d wrapped me in the skimpy clothing of his desire, and it had worked out for the both of us.
Within minutes, all my hard work of getting into this contraption was for naught. Derek had it all on the floor with his face buried between my legs and his fingers in my pussy, coaxing me to the fastest orgasm of my life. He kissed his way up my body before bringing our lips together.
He drove home inside of me in one swift motion, and everything went fuzzy at the edges. I wanted this. I wanted all of this. Just him.
It had been weeks since I’d realized that I had fallen hopelessly in love with him. I’d kept that knowledge to myself. Told myself that it would be safer to wait until he said those three perfect words to me. I didn’t need to rush anything. But somehow, every day that I kept them in felt like a betrayal. Like he needed to know how I really felt. I hadn’t said them with words, but my body sure said everything I couldn’t get out.
We came together, hot and sweaty and panting. His lips trailed along my neck, jaw, and collarbone. Then he took my hand and climbed off the bed.
“Come with me,” he breathed.
I padded into the bathroom to find he’d started the water and jets. I climbed in, and he pulled me into his lap. His lips continued their mapping of my skin.
“God, you taste so good.” He pressed another kiss to my shoulder. “I can’t get enough of you.”
His hands slid down my body. First touching the planes of my stomach and then up to the crest of my breasts. He palmed one breast and then the other, taking his time in reacquainting himself with the feel of them. Pinching each nipple and making me squirm against his lap.
“You’re going to get me all turned on again,” I said in what was hardly a complaint.
“Oh?” he teased, running his tongue along the shell of my ear.
One hand moved across my stomach before reaching the apex of my legs. He maneuvered my legs on top of his and then spread me wider open. I tipped my head back onto his shoulder as his fingers found my clit once more. A groan escaped me as he worked my body into a frenzy.
“I’m going to make you come over and over tonight,” he commanded.
I shuddered at his words, and he dipped his fingers inside of me. “Oh,” I gasped.
I squirmed, nearly dislodging myself from his lap. He banded an arm around my stomach, so I couldn’t escape him. I bit my lip as he held me in place, circling his thumb around my clit as he fucked my pussy with his fingers. He nipped at my neck and drove his pelvis against mine. I could already feel the length of him hardening against my ass. Then all the sensations hit me at once, and I came to his careful ministrations.
He released me, and I slipped off of his lap. I panted in the water, looking up at him with worship in my gaze. He grinned, standing out of the water and showing off his erection, long with need.
“Bend over the tub,” he instructed.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “Ready again?”
“Always for you.”
Then, he guided me to the side of the Jacuzzi tub. His hands grasped my hips, and suddenly, he was at my entrance. His fingers probed my opening, and I squirmed, wanting more of him already.
“So wet.”
The tip of him met my opening from behind. I wriggled backward until I got the entire head inside of me. He chuckled softly and then slapped my ass. I cried out in surprise and jerked around to look at him.
He winked at me. “Like that?”
I opened my mouth to deny it, but then he spanked me again, his dick pushing all the way into me. I moaned instead, my eyes rolling into the back of my head. His growl of approval was all I needed to hear before he drove into me again and again. His hand came down on my ass, and he took me until I thought I was going to explode.
“Derek,” I cried out. “Oh God.”
“Yes, baby,” he said, running a hand down my back. “I’m close too. Come with me.”
A few minutes later, he cried out as he emptied himself deep within me. His orgasm triggered mine. I could barely stand as we both finished. When he finally withdrew from within me, I collapsed into the water.
His hands came to help me up, cradling me against his chest. Sleep felt so close. I was in a euphoric state that I’d never even known existed. New heights that I’d never reached.
He kissed my hair. “That was perfect, Mars.”
“Perfect,” I agreed, lost to this man.
“Happy birthday.”
I snuggled in closer. “I love you.”
Derek froze with his arms around me for a whole second. The longest second of my entire life. Then, he relaxed, drawing me in closer. But he didn’t say anything. Not a word. Just kissed me.
I swallowed. The fear that had evaporated with our sex marathon came back full force. “You… you don’t have to say it back. I just, I don’t know. I wanted you to know.”
“It’s okay.”
And somehow, that made it so much worse.
29
Harvard
November 17, 2013
Derek still hadn’t said he loved me.
And I hadn’t been stupid enough to say it again.
I’d thought that things would change afterward, but it was all remarkably the same. The same lab dates. The same Law Library study sessions. The same sailing expeditions. We were busy, but we were together. So, maybe it didn’t matter that I loved him… and he didn’t love me.
Maybe.
“You can’t stay in here all night,” Misty complained. She’d already changed into something straight out of Martha’s Vineyard. “There’s a huge party tonight. It’s Harvard/Yale.”
I wrinkled my nose and turned back to my work. “You know I don’t care about football.”
“I know, but again, it’s Harvard/Yale.”
“You keep repeating that like I care.”
“It’s your third year. I’d think you’d get into it by now.”
“I care about Duke. The rest is meh.”
“Come on. I bet Derek wants to celebrate.”
“I’m sure he does, and he is. He went to the game with his boss or something. He said he was meeting friends.”
Misty huffed. “Suit yourself. Don’t say I didn’t ever do anything for you.”
I laughed and pulled away from my work. “Is it that important to you?”
“Kyle’s bringing a date,” she said with a pouty face.
“Ah.”
Misty and Kyle had dated fall and spring semester. They’d had a falling-out this summer, and she wanted him back. I hadn’t realized he was dating someone new.
“All right. I’ll go with you.”
“Yes!”
Misty had come prepared. She’d brought me an outfit to wear to the party. A red minidress that was impractical in this weather and that I never wore anymore anyway, but it was what I had. I slipped out of my lab coat and into the dress. Misty passed me red lipstick, and then we were out the door.
The party was not far from the labs. The house party was packed and warm inside with all the body heat. I texted Derek when I got there to let him know I was out with Misty. The text never registered as Read though. I didn’t know what he was up to. Normally, he at least texted me throughout the day. His boss must have gotten him drunk at the game.
I shook my head and pushed through to the kitchen. I took a beer and followed Misty into another room. She found Kyle almost right away. He was with a blonde that I’d never seen before. Instead of just going to talk to him, she found Matt and danced seductively with him. I leaned against the wall to watch the showdown, nursing my beer and wishing I were still in the lab.
I checked my phone again. Still nothing from Derek. He’d now read the text at least.
With a yawn into my beer, I stepped into the next room over, and my feet stilled. Derek was at the head of the table, sitting with a half-dozen people that I knew all too well. A bunch of his douche friends from high school who had traumatized both me and Lila for years. I disliked every single one of them on sight.
Chuck Henderson was hot but a total bastard. I’d seen Derek throw him out of a party for touching Amelia. And now, he was here. With his two cronies, Michael and Joseph. Neither of them had ever had an original thought in their heads. Trask and Hooper sat nearest to where I’d walked in. They’d both played basketball with Derek in high school. He hadn’t mentioned that he was having friends in town just that he was going out with friends. Why hadn’t he specified?
Derek didn’t look up at my entrance, but Chuck did.
His smile widened to pure Cheshire, but he was drunk as hell. “Minivan!” he crowed.
My body seized at that word out of Chuck Henderson’s mouth. Derek sometimes still used it affectionately, like it was our little secret. But this was how he’d first used that word. To try to tear me down for my circumstances when they were all pretty little rich boys at the private Catholic school. They were above me. That was how that had been used. And how Chuck was using it right now.
Derek’s head jerked up. I could tell that he was beyond drunk. I’d seen him intoxicated but never like this. He could barely hold his head up. And when that word was uttered, all the other guys started laughing.
And to my horror, Derek followed along. He laughed. He actually fucking laughed at that word. Like it was funny and not humiliating.
It didn’t matter that I was a PhD student at Harvard. That I’d finally escaped the horror of being the poor girl at school who drove a fucking minivan. It didn’t matter that I was on my way to a breakthrough in my research. That I was dating Derek Ballentine of all people. That I was someone here.
Suddenly, I was back in high school. Just the nerdy girl to make fun of. Not anyone at all. Not good enough.
“Minivan!” Michael said, cracking up.
“Fuck, I’d forgotten that nickname,” Joseph said.
“How could you forget?” Chuck asked with another drunk laugh. “She drove a fucking minivan.”
I wanted to open my mouth. To tell them to all go fuck themselves. And yet I stood paralyzed. Stuck in a time loop of terror. Repeating old hurts that I’d thought I’d finally healed over. Instead, the wounds were being ripped open and revealed for everyone to see. Just another poor girl trying to be something she wasn’t.
“Derek?” I managed to croak.
“Come on over here, Minivan,” he said with another chuckle.
The word felt sour in my stomach. It had lost the edge of an inside joke when it was stolen and appropriated by the enemy.
I took a step back and shook my head. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You’re going to let her talk to you like that, D-Man?” Chuck egged him on.
Derek stumbled to his feet. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“D-Man?” I said in exasperation. “Seriously?”
Derek laughed again at something one of the other guys had said, and I just shook my head. I was done. This was fucking ridiculous. I didn’t have to stay here and be ridiculed.
“Whatever.” I stormed away from the lot of them.
I heard laughter in my wake, and then suddenly, Derek was there. He grasped my elbow.
“Mars, hold up.”
“Oh, it’s Mars now?” I demanded, snatching my arm away.
He teetered forward drunkenly, reaching for the doorframe for support. “It was just a joke.”
“So, I’m a joke to you now?”
“Just lighten up,” he said with that smarmy smirk on his lips. “You’re overreacting.”
My spine straightened at that word. “Excuse me?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing to me, Derek. Or should I say, D-Man?” I snarled. “You didn’t even tell me your friends were in town.”
“Why should I?”
“I don’t know. I thought we were dating.”
“You hate my friends,” he said with a shrug. “I knew you wouldn’t want to hang out with them.”
“You mean, you knew that you didn’t want to introduce me as your girlfriend,” I snapped right back.
He glared down at me as he met my rising anger. “Like you with Lila. Tell me, Minivan, does your best friend know you’re dating me?”
“That’s different.”
“How? From my vantage point, it’s the same goddamn thing,” he said. “This isn’t real to you, Marley. You say you love me, but you won’t even tell Lila. And then you have the audacity to be mad at me. Rich. Real rich.”
I balked at the way he had thrown aside the fact that I loved him. As if it had never mattered. My spine was ramrod straight, and my hands balled into fists. “I should have told Lila. Fine. You’re right. Is that what you wanted to hear? You’re still a drunk asshole who let your friends make fun of me.”
“They weren’t making fun of you. They were calling you a nickname. It’s not a big deal.”
“No big deal to you,” I yelled back at him. “Because you have no idea what it’s like to be the person who drives the minivan. Who is made fun of for it.”
“No, I don’t,” he said with a shrug. “I’ll never know what that’s like. I shouldn’t have to feel bad that I didn’t grow up poor.”
My stomach dropped at the words. “The great Derek Ballentine. Forgive me for forgetting your eminence above the rest of us peons.”
I shook my head at his stupidity and pushed my way through the party. I couldn’t believe that the guy I’d spent the last year with could be this callous and uncaring. He might be drunk, but he was being a mean drunk. And the truth was finally coming out.
Derek and I were from different worlds. Just when I’d let myself think that we were on the same playing field, I was reminded how wrong I was. He would always be the rich legacy kid, and I’d always be the poor scholarship kid.
Still, he followed me out of the house. Oh, how history repeated itself. A year ago, he’d begged me to try this again. And now, he was ruining it all just as easily.
“Marley,” he said, stumbling drunkenly out into the freezing weather. “I don’t know why you’re so mad.”
“Then, you’re a fucking idiot. I’ve been waiting for this.” Tears welled in my eyes, and I swiped at them. “Waiting for you to hurt me like you did before. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. This is my third time, and it’s the same old shit, Derek.”
“Then that’s your own fault,” he said so casually that my heart broke.
Tears fell down my cheeks at the words. The easy way he’d said that, as if it were so obvious. Because the problem was… I’d hoped that he was different this time. I’d waited months before giving in to him because I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t break my heart. Now, he was here, shattering it into a million pieces, just like Gran’s tea set.
“You’re right,” I said with a nod. “I see you for exactly who you are now. I won’t forget it.”
30
Savannah
Present
“No fucking way they’re here.”
I stalled in the doorway of Dub’s as I zeroed in on the group of guys at the center of the bar. Of all the fucking bars in all of Savannah, it had to be the place that Chuck Henderson was holding court.
“Who?” Lila asked. Then, she saw who was sitting there and said, “Oh.”
Josie peeked around me. “Do we know them?”
“Minivan!” Chuck Henderson cried as he caught sight of me standing there.
Michael and Joseph cackled at Chuck’s lame joke. Luckily, Trask and Hooper weren’t in attendance, but his cronies were enough for Chuck’s amusement.
My cheeks flushed crimson, and my back straightened. These douche bags were not going to ruin my birthday.
“Fuck,” Derek said. He strode around me. “I’ll handle it.”
“Wait,” I said quickly as my blood pressure spiked.
The last time I’d seen Chuck around Derek, it had been a disaster. It had ruined everything we’d built. I didn’t want it to all fall apart again because of one douche.
Derek turned back to face me. It was my birthday. I’d invited him out with my friends. An unprecedented thing from our past. Everything had been going great, and yet here was what had ruined us, rearing its ugly head. He’d stop for me. I could see it on his face. That Derek would walk out of this bar and forget it if I told him to.
“What are you going to do?” I asked in a panic.
His face went perfectly still as he realized how upset I still was. His pinkie finger wrapped around mine. “Marley, let me handle it.”
History told me not to trust him in these situations. I should get the hell out of there. I shouldn’t trust Derek to defend me because he’d only ever defended himself. And yet… and yet…
Derek looked different. He’d been different the last couple months. Despite the case between us, somehow, miraculously, he’d grown up.
Finally, I nodded. “Okay.”
Derek smiled, pressed a kiss to my lips right in front of them, and then turned to address the douche bags.
“What is going on?” Josie asked.
“Remember the night that Derek and I broke up in grad school?”
Josie’s head whipped to the guys seated before her, and her eyes widened. “Ohhh.”
Lila shot me a look. “You sure you don’t want to leave? I’ve had my fair share of run-ins with Chuck Henderson.”
I shrugged. Yes, I wanted to leave. But I wanted to see what Derek would do.
“D-Man,” Chuck said with a laugh. “You and Minivan, huh?”
“Don’t call her that,” he snapped.
