Second to None, page 17
And despite all the reasons not to, the first person I called was Maddox. We hadn’t spoken in years. Not since I’d driven out to Savannah for him after Gramps died. But still, I wanted to hear his voice even if I had no expectation that he’d answer.
“Josie?” he said softly on the other line.
My body relaxed at the sound of his voice. “Hey, Maddox.”
“Everything all right?”
“Fine,” I said. “Just fine actually.”
“Uh, okay. I thought …” He trailed off. “I guess it doesn’t matter. Why are you calling?”
“Right this minute, I am officially divorced.”
There was silence on the other end. Maybe he hadn’t heard me?
“Maddox, I’m a free woman.”
“Congratulations, I guess,” he said.
“It is a big congratulations.”
“I’d heard that it was happening. I wasn’t sure if you were happy.”
“Joyous. I’m nominated for an Emmy, I’m on a New York City street, and the world is my oyster.”
“You’re in New York?” he nearly choked out.
“Yep! I was getting fitted for my Emmy dress.”
Another long pause before he said, “I’m in New York.”
“Shut up,” I said before I could stop myself.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I’m working on a movie.”
I’d heard that Maddox had moved on from Pixar after winning an Oscar for an animated film and then went right into CGI, winning a second Oscar for his visual effects in a superhero film the next year. I had expected nothing less from his brilliance and was not at all jealous …
“That seems fitting.”
“Look, I’m here until late, but … do you want to get a drink later to celebrate?”
My insides twisted with excitement. “I would love that.”
“I’ll text you when I’m done.”
“Sounds good.”
I said my good-byes and hung up. I had the rest of the day in New York City before I saw Maddox, and I knew exactly what I needed to do—shop.
It was nearly midnight when I stepped into Club 360, the rooftop bar on top of Percy Tower. I was staying at the hotel, and Maddox had agreed to meet me there. It was a random Thursday night in July, but still, the place was packed. I was glad that I’d called ahead to arrange a VIP booth. Maddox hated this many people on a good day.
I followed a bouncer to my booth and ordered drinks when Maddox showed up.
“You got a booth,” he said with surprise.
“I didn’t think you’d be okay with this many people.”
“That is … correct.”
I stood, and he pulled me into a hug. I hadn’t seen him in years. His hair was cut ridiculously short, even for him. No sign of his curls at all. He was in a plain gray T-shirt and jeans, and still, he was the most handsome person in the room.
“God, I missed you,” he breathed against my hair.
“Same.”
I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted to live in this moment forever with his arms around me and his face in my hair and the world disappearing. But I couldn’t do that. I might be divorced, but I was far from ready to jump back into anything. Even if Maddox wanted that, which I had many, many doubts about.
Finally, I stepped back, and he took the seat opposite me. Our drinks came a minute later. I’d gotten him a beer, which he accepted, while I had a sidecar. I’d felt nostalgic as I ordered it.
Maddox held his drink aloft. “To your divorce.”
I clinked my glass against his sweating beer bottle. “To freedom.”
We each took a sip and leaned back in our seats. It wasn’t uncomfortable to be here with him despite the years apart. It never had been with Maddox. Even when he used to go nonverbal at my approach as kids, it had still been easy.
“So, what’s next?”
We chatted about mindless things for an hour. Just two friends catching up. He told me about his work on his current movie. I told him that I was grateful for the break in filming for Academy. He mentioned a new visual effects setup that he was working on, but he felt he was still years away from being able to implement.
We talked about everything, except us and our relationships.
At two in the morning, Maddox couldn’t hold back his yawn. “Fuck, sorry. I am not bored by our conversation. I had to be up at five yesterday, and I have an early start tomorrow.”
“They’re working you to the bone.”
“You have no idea. It’s been exhausting.”
“But professionally satisfying?”
“Definitely. They’re always willing to take it to the next level, and I’m always eager to do the same.”
“Well, maybe we should head out. It’s already two. We don’t have to close the bar down.”
“But you’re leaving tomorrow,” he pointed out. I nodded. “Then, we should stay.”
I laughed. “You’re going to be cursing me in the morning.”
His eyes tracked over my face for a second and then hastily away. As if to say that wasn’t what he wanted to be doing to me in the morning.
My face flushed, and I set my third empty drink on the table. I didn’t need a fourth or else we’d end up in my hotel room downstairs. I was sure there was a reason that relationships hadn’t come up, and I didn’t want to do anything to hurt him.
He yawned wide again. “Sorry. Sorry.”
“Come on,” I said, rising to my feet. “We should get you back to your hotel. You’re going to pass out on me.”
“All right,” he said with another yawn. He stood and closed out the tab, dropping some cash on the table. “Let’s go.”
We took the elevator to the lobby.
“Where are you staying?”
“Here,” I told him.
“Oh. Well, fuck. I’ll take the Subway back by myself.”
“Okay.”
He reached out for me, taking my hand in his. Such a familiar feeling. All the years apart falling away. “Unless … you want to come with me.”
Our eyes met, and I saw the real question there. If I went with him, I’d stay the night. We’d definitely hook up. And I did want that, but it would be a mistake.
“You and I both know what will happen if I come to your hotel with you.”
He circled my empty ring finger. “You’re divorced …”
“I am. And you? We haven’t talked about it all night. I assumed for a reason.”
He winced. “I mean … we’re on a break.”
I pulled back gently. “A break isn’t broken up. I taught you that.”
“Fuck.” He stepped away from me and ran his hands back through his hair. “Why can’t I get enough of you, Josie? Why does it feel like torture every time we do this?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I wish I knew.”
His hands went into my hair, and he pulled my face to his, pressing a firm kiss to my lips. We both could give in then, sink into that kiss and forget the rest of the world. My head was spinning from the taste of his lips. It would be so easy to drag him upstairs. We’d regret it in the morning, but it would be worth it for one more night.
But I withdrew. Because whoever the girl was that he was on a break with didn’t deserve this. Even if I loved him—and I would always love him—I wanted more than this, and we couldn’t have it.
“Good night, Maddox.”
He sighed and dropped his forehead to mine. “Good night, Josie.”
Then, he released me in a rush and hurried out of the lobby of the hotel. I watched his retreating back until it was out of sight. My night of celebration bringing with it another broken heart.
26
SCAD
OCTOBER 28, 2016
“Holy shit, look at you!” Marley gasped.
I flung my arms around my best friend, heedless of everyone’s eyes on me. We were at the SCAD Film Festival, attending a cocktail party dedicated to the honored graduates of the university. It was at this very festival where I’d failed horribly as a director and gotten my big break, all in the same night. I also couldn’t think of the festival without thinking about Maddox, who Marley had come with to the party.
Because of course we were being honored in the same year. Of course we were.
“I missed you so much,” I told Marley.
“I missed you too.” She pulled back and assessed me. “I love this dress on you.”
“Thank you. Amelia designed it.”
Marley nodded, her jaw set. “She’s really talented.”
It was as close as I would get to bringing up Derek in front of her. Not that she was rushing to drag Maddox over to see me. He was across the room, against a wall, avoiding talking to as many people as possible. I’d seen him as soon as he and Mars entered. She’d hurried away to greet him. A pinball between the two of us.
A throat cleared next to me. The real reason Mars was pinballing. “Are you going to introduce me, darling?”
I withdrew from Marley and gestured to Craig Van der Berg. “Marley, this is my fiancé, Craig. Craig, this is Marley. She’s going to be a bridesmaid.”
“Damn right I am!” she said cheerfully. She held her hand out, and Craig shook it.
“Pleasure to meet you. Any friend of Josie’s is a friend of mine.”
I’d known Craig for years. In fact, his father, Henrick, was the one who had given me the big break. Craig came and went from the studio where I played Cassie Herrington. But it was only in the last year that we’d really gotten to know each other.
We’d hit it off, and I’d let him pull me into his orbit like a runaway train. Craig was rich, rich in a way that I hardly even comprehended. And it wasn’t like I had grown up poor or didn’t have millions from my years on Academy. But he treated wealth like something else entirely. And he had drawn me in like a moth to a flame.
Not that I’d fallen for him because of his money. Far from it. I’d been uncomfortable with the displays at first until I got to know the man underneath the wealth. He was charming, sweet, considerate. He wasn’t a Southern gentleman, pulling out chairs and opening doors, but he had this aura about him that made people do things for him. So, I was always taken care of.
Marley and Craig talked animatedly for a while before she went back across the room to Maddox. My eyes followed her, and I frowned when I realized there was someone else with him. And I recognized her from his profile online—Teena.
I found it hard to believe that they were dating almost four years later … and he hadn’t proposed. I’d hidden his profile, but still, I was sure that Mars would have mentioned it.
Maddox looked up then, and our eyes connected across the ballroom. His girlfriend next to him. My fiancé next to me. And still, we were the only two people in the room.
“Honey?” Craig said, breaking my concentration.
I dropped Maddox’s gaze and turned away. “Hmm? Sorry.”
“My father wants to introduce us to some friends of his.”
“Oh, of course,” I said.
I promised to put Maddox Nelson out of my mind and enjoy the rest of the night. Just because we had history didn’t mean it had to ruin my night. I was here with my wonderful fiancé, and that was what mattered.
I’d gotten an honorary plaque that the festival promised to mail to me, and now, the night felt over. But everyone wanted more of my time, and drinks were still flowing. Craig had disappeared to have cigars with some friends. I was currently regretting drinking one too many drinks and wondering if I could get out of this conversation, find him, and leave. But I didn’t even know where he had gone off to.
“Hey,” Marley said, sliding in next to me. “I’m going to head out.”
“Already?”
“It’s late,” she reminded me.
“Can I come with you?” I joked.
She giggled. “And disappoint your many adoring fans?”
“Nah, these people all think I’m beneath them because I sold out and went mainstream.”
Marley nearly choked. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Showbiz.”
“Well, I think you’re fabulous.”
“Thanks. I’ll miss you. Hang out again soon?”
“Anytime.” Marley squeezed my hand. “You should talk to him.”
I blinked at her. “Who?”
She gave me a knowing look. “Josie.”
“Oh,” I whispered, glancing down at my empty drink. “Maddox, you mean.”
“What do I know? I’ve only had one relationship, and it was a mess. But he’s my brother, and you’re always going to be in each other’s world.”
“I know we are.”
“And I hate this back-and-forth.”
I laughed. “Do it for you, you mean?”
“Would you?” she asked with a grin.
“Fine. Yes. I’ll be cordial. I don’t know where the fuck Craig went anyway.”
“Thank you. He headed that way,” Marley said, pointing to an adjoining room. “Let me know how it goes.”
I nodded and watched her walk away. I wished that I could do the same. As much as I wanted to see Maddox, everything about it was complicated. Especially since his girlfriend and my fiancé were both here. Craig hadn’t noticed that Maddox and I had been sneaking glances at each other all night, avoiding each other’s orbit. I didn’t know if his girlfriend had either. For his sake, I hoped not.
With a deep breath, I made my excuses to everyone around me and headed toward the other room. As I reached the entrance, I could hear raised voices on the other side.
“She’s engaged again, and you’re still waiting for her to come back!” a woman practically yelled.
“That is not …” Maddox’s voice was unmistakable.
My feet stilled just before the entrance to the room. Were they talking about … me?
“It is!” she yelled. “You’ve been tracking her all fucking night, Maddox. I know you well enough for that. We’ve been together almost four years.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Teena. I’m here with you.”
She laughed, and it was a train running off the tracks. “And I’m the idiot who’s been waiting for you to see that I’m right in front of you.”
Before I could move away quick enough, Teena came crashing in through the door, nearly hurtling into me. She reminded me so much of the girl that Maddox had dated in college. Blonde and mousy and nondescript in almost every way. Her eyes were red and puffy with tears in her lashes. She took one look at me, and a sob escaped her mouth.
“He’s all yours,” she gasped and then hurried away.
I was momentarily frozen in shock. Teena had just blamed me for a breakup that I had had no part in. But then … hadn’t I? I hadn’t stayed away from Maddox over the years, and he hadn’t stayed away from me either.
Then, Maddox was there. He saw me standing there, and something shifted in him. His eyes went hard and flat. “You,” he growled.
I shivered at that one word from him. I’d never heard him speak like that to me. I held my hands up in surrender. “I came by to say hi.”
“Why?” he snapped.
“Marley actually … she thought we should … reconcile.”
It sounded stupid now. Standing here, I could see that there was no reconciliation on his face. That this could never go back to how it had been. Not after what Teena had thrown at him. Not after I’d married Martin. Not after any of it really.
“Why are you always there at the worst time? Why can’t you let me be?”
“Don’t blame this on me,” I said, my own anger coming to the surface. “You were the one shooting me looks all night.”
“I was trying to avoid you!”
“Maybe you should have acted like it didn’t matter. Because … it clearly did.”
“Of course it fucking mattered, Josie. You … you are always here. You’re always around. You’re embedded in my skin.” He shook his head and stepped away. “And I want you gone.”
My heart panged at that. Still, I steeled myself. We needed to have this conversation. Good or bad.
So, I followed him into the next room.
“Well, I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon, do you? Marley sent me here because we’ll always be together, Maddox. We’ve known each other our entire lives. We’re not suddenly going to stop seeing each other. We need to find a way to live with this.”
“Fuck that,” he spat.
I balked. “What?”
“I don’t want to live like this,” he snarled. “I don’t want to live with you, and somehow, I can’t fucking live without you. I hate it. I hate all of it. I hate fucking seeing you with someone else.”
“You came with someone else too!”
Maddox scoffed. “It’s hardly comparable.”
“Why? Because you were with Teena for four years and never popped the question?”
“Oh, it’s so much better to know someone for six months and get engaged? That worked so well for you last time.”
“When you know, you know.”
He laughed. “Right. And you think Craig Van der Berg is the one?”
My hackles rose at the way he’d said that. “So what if I do?”
“You’re not serious,” he said with a shake of his head.
He paced away from me. I’d never seen him boil over before. He was always so restrained. It had to be the combination of the breakup and me being here with Craig that had sent him over the edge.
“You see what you’re doing, right?” he asked, facing me again. “He’s the son of the owner of the company. The son of the guy who got you your break.”
“So?”
Maddox’s face hardened. “What’s that line? You can’t honestly tell me you’re not marrying him for his money. Oh, wait. Or are you marrying him for his father’s money?”
I narrowed my eyes. I recognized the reference to the famous lines from one of my favorite movies—Gentlemen Prefer Blondes with Marilyn Monroe. I didn’t know how many times we’d watched it together.
“Don’t fucking quote that at me.”
“Why not? It’s true!”
“I am not marrying Craig for money!”
