Roo the Day, page 19
part #13 of Bob and Nikki Series
I went over to Jackie. “That was interesting. How many more do we have?”
“Sorry I didn’t make myself clear, Boss. That’s the only one that Sally sent. She thought it would take you all day to figure it out.”
“Having Janet’s help made it too easy, I guess.”
“Sally designed it so that you would have to have another human in the sim with you. Even if you had called sim Janet, or sim Jimmy, to the bridge, they would have been too flustered to do what needed to be done. The only way to beat the sim was to take another human in with you, and you just got lucky and decided to do it, for grins.”
“This is going into the legend of Bob, isn’t it?”
“I don’t see how it wouldn’t. Don’t you have a Murphy walk to take, or something?”
“See you later, Jackie.”
“Later, Boss.”
Nikki asked, “What’s up, Captain?”
“Jackie says that was the only one Sally sent. The trick to beat it was to take in another human, and we just hit on it by accident.”
“Lucky us. No one is ever going to believe it was just luck, are they?”
“Nope. I think Benny thinks I’m some kind of monster for killing all those poor, defenseless Squirrels.”
“After all the crap they’ve put us through? I think you might have hesitated too long. I’m surprised Grandpa didn’t have that ship do a suicide run at us.”
“Couldn’t you have jumped us out of the way quickly enough?”
“If we figured out what he was doing in time, sure. If the sneaky boogers found a way to hide what they were doing for a couple of seconds? I don’t know. Maybe I should have let Ruth have the helm.”
“We had no way to tell for sure they didn’t have a second bot-killer. You did the right thing. That reminds me, is that weapon real, or just something they made up for the sim?”
Jackie interrupted, “Boss, once upon a time, we could have been shut down like that. Scotti has made sure that we are all shielded so that can’t happen. They just put it in the sim, because they couldn’t come up with another way to make you face the threat with only organics.”
“Fair enough. As long as the vulnerability is taken care of, I’m happy.”
Janet came back. “So, are we ready for another one?”
“Sally only sent the one. She thought I would have to figure out that I needed another human, and that would take me several tries. We just got lucky, taking you in with us on the first run.”
“I messed up your training? I’m sorry, Dad.”
“You were the key to us being able to deal with the situation we were presented with. You didn’t mess up anything.”
“If you say so. I guess I’ll head down to Engineering, and see if Scotti needs anything.”
“See you later, then. Thanks for your help.”
“You’re welcome, Dad.”
When she had left on the transit, Nikki said, “I think she’s getting to be a Daddy’s girl.”
“There are worse things, I suppose.”
“I’m joking, Caveman.”
“I know. What are we going to do now that we broke our toy?”
“Frisbee?”
“You’re right. We have all these new Guide personnel that don’t know the first thing about Frisbee. That will never do, on this crew.”
I called, “Benny, bring your people. We have some training you folks need to get, if you’re going to be on this crew.”
We called a transit, but we wouldn’t all fit. I told Gene to send them to the Frisbee bay, and send us another car. Soon enough, we were all there. We went in to find Snitz playing with the Roos. I looked at Benny. “Look at their results, but don’t try to copy their form. Their anatomy is different enough they use their own technique. Ours doesn’t work for them, so I doubt theirs would work for us.”
I grabbed a disc out of the locker, and showed him what I was talking about. Then I flicked it to him, and told him to find a partner, and practice. I passed out discs to the rest, and was left with Private Wellum to instruct. She was still wearing her Guide uniform. I said, “You can draw a regular uniform if you want, you know.”
“I know, Boss. I’ve just been busy, trying to figure out how things work around here.”
“When you find out, let me know, would you? I’m just making it up as I go along.”
Her first few throws had a nasty wobble, until I explained that she needed to release with all her fingers, instead of letting them drag across the rim. After that, she caught on quick. A Roo came up and wanted to trade places with Private Wellum. She agreed. Then I learned a couple of things. Throwing a high floater to get your partner to back up doesn’t work with a Roo. I wouldn’t want to play basketball with them. The other thing I learned was that someone had taught them the sign for ‘shamey-shamey’. Majel came over and wanted me to throw to her. She wasn’t amused when I skipped it under her tail to the Roo I had been playing with. That worthy had apparently been practicing a great deal, because the disc came back, just high enough that Majel couldn’t jump for it, and settled out right where I could catch it. I grabbed it with one hand, and bowed. Then I flipped it to Majel, when she wasn’t ready. It bounced off her belly. She hopped over to me. “Are you having fun, Captain?”
“Yes, Ma’am. Aren’t you?”
“Why are you trying to aggravate me?”
“All part of the service, Ma’am. This way you won’t have to go looking for something to be aggravated about. Just trying to be helpful.”
The Roo I had been playing Frisbee with was laughing hard enough to have trouble moving air. When he recovered, he said, “I think he has you figured out, Majel.”
She said, “I’m afraid you’re right. What do you think I ought to do about it?”
“You saw what he could do in that simulator run. I’d suggest you make friends. I’ve heard his hand-to-hand skills are nearly as good.”
I said, “It all comes from the teaching machine, and getting sped up in the autodoc. It’s not like I’m some kind of freak of nature.”
Majel said, “How many used starships do you have for sale, Captain?”
“Well, now, how many do you need? I’m sure we can fix you right up.”
My partner spoke again. “I’d need more research to be positive, Majel, but I think you’ve met your match.”
“I think you may be right about that. It’s going to be fun doing business with you, Captain.”
“Glad to hear it.”
We all went back to Frisbee, until Nikki came over and said, “Caveman, are you planning to feed me today, or should we split the blanket?”
“Now that you mention it, I’m a little hungry myself. Let’s head out.”
I went and shook hands with the Roo I had been playing with, and said, “My wife is hungry. I’m going to have to quit on you.”
“No problem, Captain. You humans have a saying, I think. ‘Happy wife, happy life’?”
“That we do. Hope to get a chance to do this again, sometime.”
“Till then, Captain.”
Nikki and I grabbed a transit. Stella was waiting for us at the galley. “I saw what you did to that sim they worked so hard on, Captain. Couldn’t you at least have made it look hard?”
“Sorry to disappoint, Stella. You could look up the older ones, if you really want to see me sweat.”
“You just beat it so easily. They really thought they had something, this time.”
Nikki said, “We just got lucky, that Janet wanted to go in with us. We had no way to know ahead of time that was what it would take to beat the thing.”
Stella looked at me. “Topper didn’t tell you what you needed to do?”
“No, he didn’t. He would like to see me get beat, just as much as the rest of you.”
“Why do you say that, Captain?”
“He likes to play tricks on me, just as much as the rest of you. Haven’t you seen him drop ping-pong balls on me, when I’m wearing my dress uniform?”
I knew I had messed up, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but there was no way to fix it then. Roos came out of hiding all around me, and it started raining ping-pong balls. I realized why Stella had been so chatty, she was keeping me busy, until the Roos made it in from the Frisbee game. Majel walked up, and said, “Good morning, Captain. Hello, how do you do?”
“Well played, Ma’am. Shall we eat, now?”
“Let’s.”
While we were eating, Nikki asked, “What do you have planned for this afternoon, Bob?”
“I still have a few training courses to take, I thought I’d knock one of those out, and then check in with Topper, see how the ship is running, and what our ETA is now, since we stopped to look at the first carrier.”
“Gee, sounds thrilling. Too bad I can’t tag along.”
“You don’t have to be that way about it. You know Sue will find something as soon as I step on the bridge.”
“That is the way it seems to happen. You’ll turn off the Murphy beam if I tag along, though, just to prove it doesn’t always happen.”
“I have a Murphy beam, now? This is getting out of hand, don’t you think?”
“We just call ‘em like we see ‘em, Captain.”
“Are you going to be on the bridge when we come out of FTL? Ruth and Topper have something special planned.”
“Special? That sounds a little scary, Caveman.”
“Just tickle blossom, with extra style.”
“Have you seen what they have in mind?”
“I just gave them the assignment. I have faith in their abilities.”
“Didn’t you get your dress uniform that way?”
“I suppose I did. What are you saying?”
“That those bots can come up with some pretty wild stuff.”
“They know the object of the exercise is to impress, without doing any damage. I think it will be fine.”
“Maybe I do want to be on the bridge to see this. If you gave them free reign, there’s no telling what they came up with.”
“See you then. I better go act like a Captain, at least for a while.”
I kissed her, and headed out. The ping-pong balls from earlier were all gone. I was sure I would see them again. On my way to the ready room, Bone fell in beside me. “Boss, there are more of those assaults on your dignity planned. Us old-timers would be more than happy to make sure that didn’t happen.”
“Assaults? Oh, you mean the ping-pong balls. Don’t worry about that, Bone. It’s all in good fun. Thank you for worrying about me, though.”
“Isn’t it bad for good order and discipline?”
“Maybe, slightly. In this case, I think that is outweighed by the positive effect on interspecies relations, and the improvement in morale. The last three ships we’ve found haven’t had any survivors. I don’t know about the rest of the crew, but that’s beginning to bum me out. We need a little humor, to get back to a happy ship. If I have to be the butt of the joke for that to happen, so be it.”
“I see what you mean, Boss. I was there when the first carrier was launched. Seeing her that way was pretty depressing. You’re sure you don’t want to be warned when they are about to do it again?”
“I’m sure. It wouldn’t be as much fun, if it wasn’t a surprise.”
“Okay, Boss. You sure are different than the old-time Captains.”
“From what I’ve heard about them, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“See you later, Boss.”
“Later, Bone.”
I got to the ready room not too long after that, and took my next course. I still wasn’t finding much in these courses that I thought would be of much use, but if Sally thought I should have them, there must be something in them that I would need, sooner or later. I went across to the bridge. Saucy announced, “Captain on the bridge.”
“As you were. How are things today, Mr. Topper?”
“All quiet, Boss. Our new ETA is 6:30 this evening.”
“Have you and Ruth come up with a good show?”
“We think so, Boss. Would you like to see?”
“I think I would rather be surprised with everyone else. Thanks anyway.”
“Thank you, for trusting us.”
“If you two were going to let me down, you would have done it, long before now.”
“Did you want the conn?”
“I don’t think so, unless you need to leave the bridge for something.”
“I don’t know of anything.”
“Is that what Scotti would tell me? Are you keeping up with your maintenance?”
“Yes, Boss. Saucy takes over when Scotti needs to work on me. He knows to call you if anything out of the ordinary comes up.”
“Good enough.”
Sue spoke up. “I have two ships in normal space, they appear to be of Roo manufacture. Prospectors, I think.”
Topper asked, “Any reason to drop out and say hi, Boss?”
“Not that I’m aware of, unless one of them is in distress.”
Sue said, “They both appear to be functioning normally, Boss.”
“No need to bother them, then. Sail on.”
Topper said, “Aye, Captain. Sail on it is.”
“If I lose track of time, be sure I’m on the bridge ten minutes before we’re due to emerge.”
“Yes, Boss. See you then.”
“Later, Topper.”
I left the bridge, wondering what to do with the rest of my afternoon. I decided to go to the armory, and get in some range time. I needed to concentrate on something besides the ship, for a while. I knew walking there was tempting fate, but it seemed like the thing to do. Surprisingly, I didn’t find anything that needed doing before I got to the armory. Jackie said, “Hi, Boss. What can I do for you today?”
“Quite a bit, if you’re up to your usual standard.”
“You say the nicest things, Boss. You wanna get in some practice, before you get busy again?”
“You read my mind. Do we have anything like a Hogan’s Alley kind of range?”
“The targets are holographic, and the scoring is electronic, but I can set that up for you, no problem.”
“I’ll need some more magazines for my pistol.”
“I’ve got plenty, Boss. I keep them charged, since I never know when you’ll want to practice.”
“One other thing. How did Majel like her candy shooter, after you fixed it for her?”
“She liked it fine, Boss. That thing isn’t just a candy shooter, you know.”
“What else will it do?”
“Plant bugs, stun people, and a couple of other functions I’m not sure about.”
“Run what you’ve got by Taz. He knows all about ‘James frikkin’ Bond’ stuff.”
“I’ll do that, Boss.” Jackie put a box full of magazines on the counter, and said, “I’ll charge the ones you use as you go, so you won’t run out. Have fun!”
I ran through it once, and got a perfect score. Jackie must have turned up the wick after that, because it kept getting harder, until I hit a no-shoot target. It stayed at about that level till I had it mastered, and started up again. Things were getting pretty challenging, when Jackie came over the speaker. “Boss, you better shut it down, if you want to eat before we get to Roo space.”
I cleared my weapon, and went back out to the desk. I said, “I better clean this, before I put it back on my belt.”
Jackie said, “Let me.” A brush through the bore, and a quick shot of compressed air, and the bot handed it back to me. “That’s all it really needs, Boss. The bore is hard enough that lead comes right off, and it doesn’t have enough moving parts to worry about.”
“You’re the armorer. Did you ever decide if you’re a he, or a she?”
“Nope. Is that a problem?”
“Not to me. Just trying to keep up with the times.”
“Your scores are pretty good, Boss. Best on the ship, since Mr. Sloan and Mrs. Branham transferred.”
“Have to be good enough, I guess. I do what I can, without their natural talent.”
