Return to Sender, page 24
part #1 of Pine Falls Series
Seriously, this girl owned my heart. Whitney’s loud declaration drew attention to us. Sabine rushed to the hall to pull us into the kitchen. Oh my. Kinsley would be in heaven if she were here. The restaurant style range and cooktop along with the wall ovens had even me drooling. Not to mention the beautiful dark cabinetry.
“Come, come, we are all here,” Sabine sang.
I nervously peeked in the direction of the breakfast nook. It was as light and beautiful as our room. The built-in booths, chairs, and country table fit perfectly in the naturally sunlit space. My father and brothers filled the chairs around the table. They turned and gazed our direction. And as if on some unknown cue to me, they all stood at the same time.
“Ariana, Jonah, Whitney.” Dean walked our way. “I hope you all slept well.”
I know I had—I always did—but poor Jonah said he’d had a hard time. Apparently, sleeping in the same bed as me had him tossing and turning, trying not to think about being in the same bed as me. He didn’t mention that to Dean. A fact I appreciated. I already worried about what Sabine and Dean had said about me after they left last night. Little did they know I had much deeper issues than sleeping with my boyfriend.
“I slept well, thank you.”
“Me too,” Whitney chimed in, “but now I must get to the museum.”
Everyone chuckled.
Dean took my hand and led me to the table. “Maxwell, Sebastian, this is your sister, Ariana, and,” Dean turned, “this is her boyfriend, Jonah, and his adorable daughter, Whitney, who I hear loves dinosaurs.”
“I do,” she confirmed. “I’m going to be a paleontologist one day.”
Jonah shook hands with Maxwell and Sebastian who both had serious cases of bed head and were still in flannel lounge pants and t-shirts. I stared at them, trying to judge if I looked like them. Sebastian and I shared the same eye color, but they both favored Sabine, with their dark hair and celestial noses. I had more of a button nose, like my grandmother I never knew.
After shaking hands with Jonah, Maxwell and Sebastian approached me cautiously.
I took a good look at them. “Wow. Brothers.”
Without warning, they rushed to hug me, making a sandwich out of me.
“We always wanted a sister to torture.” Sebastian laughed good naturedly.
Maxwell let go and turned toward Jonah. “We’ll grill you later to see if you’re good enough for our sister.”
“He is good enough.” Whitney stomped her foot, making everyone laugh.
“Yes, he is,” I agreed.
“Boys, be good,” Sabine chastised her sons. “Don’t scare Ariana. Let her get used to us first. Everyone sit down. The food is getting cold.”
Dean waved to one of the benches. “After you.”
I slid in and Whitney and Jonah followed. Dean sat on the corner so he was next to me, and Sabine, Maxwell, and Sebastian sat across from us. Dean looked around the table, his face alight. “It’s so good to have all my family together. Let’s eat, shall we?” He admired the spread on the table. “You outdid yourself again, my love,” he said to Sabine.
“I know.” She patted Dean’s arm.
I loved the dynamics between them.
“Don’t be shy.” Sabine reached for the coffee.
That gave my brothers the go ahead. They began reaching for everything, from the citrus almond brioche to the fruit platter, which Whitney was eyeing. I dished some fruit and scrambled eggs for her. All things she found appropriate for her morning meal. I took very little, even though everything looked delicious. I was nervous about meeting Roger. I still didn’t know what I would say.
I was glad the table conversation was about normal things, like Jonah’s job and the studio. I was grateful I didn’t have to give a history of my life. But I was very interested in my brothers lives and peppered them with questions. Everything from their favorite music and bands to what they were studying and if they liked school.
I was so pleased that Maxwell was a classic rock guy, and to my surprise, didn’t love school even though he was an honor student. He wanted to have a gap year, but Dean and Sabine had “convinced” him to try out higher education. Sebastian, on the other hand, loved classical and alternative music. Like his mom, he was a music major and was a talented musician, if he did say so himself. He played in an alternative band in some of the local clubs near his school. He invited me to come listen to them sometime. I definitely would.
Whitney, though, was growing impatient with the grownup talk; she needed to get to the dinosaurs. “I think it is time to go, Dad,” she declared after wiping her mouth like a little lady.
Jonah swallowed down his last bite of the to-die-for brioche. “I guess that’s my cue.”
I wanted to hold onto him and tell him not to leave me, but I knew I had to do this—and not with Jonah, but with my father.
Surprisingly, Sebastian asked Jonah, “Do you want some company? Max and I can drive you downtown. We know the city inside and out. This way we can grill you when Ariana isn’t around,” he teased.
By the look Sabine and Dean gave Sebastian, I had a feeling they’d orchestrated this unexpected turn of events.
“I was going to call an Uber, but that would be great,” Jonah replied.
“Please hurry and get ready,” Whitney implored, narrowing her eyes at my brothers, still in their pajamas.
They saluted Whitney and hopped to it, racing out of the kitchen.
“I bet they kept you on your toes,” I said to Dean and Sabine.
“They still do.” Sabine took a sip of her coffee. “Always on the go, always wanting money, and always a lot of fun. I bet you weren’t a troublemaker, were you?” she asked me.
“I admit I did sneak out once in a while.”
“What?” I’d horrified Whitney.
I gave Jonah a strained smile.
“Honey, why don’t we go brush our teeth,” Jonah suggested.
Whitney gave me such a look—I felt like I was in trouble. I kissed her head. “Have a good time today. I can’t wait to hear about your research.”
“I’ll let you read the notes I write.”
“Even better.” I tapped her nose.
Jonah leaned over Whitney and gave me a goodbye kiss. “I’ll see you later. Call me if you need me.”
“I will,” I promised. “Have fun.”
“We will.”
I watched the loves of my life leave.
“She’s darling,” Sabine commented.
“She is, and very determined,” I responded.
“I see that,” Dean agreed.
A meaningful glance passed between husband and wife.
“You must be nervous about meeting your grandfather.” Sabine reached her hand out to me.
I took it. “Very.”
“He knows you’re here,” Dean informed me.
I squeezed Sabine’s hand. “I should probably tell you I’m in therapy over all of this. My childhood left me with a lot of demons that I’ve been trying to put to rest. I know you know some of it because of the reports that private investigator sent every year, but that hardly scratches the surface of what my mother put me through.”
Dean’s face reddened and Sabine’s eyes misted.
“I’m not saying this to garner sympathy. I just want to be honest with you.”
“Oh, honey,” Sabine cried, “you have more than our sympathy. We will help you in any way we can.”
Dean placed his hand on top of Sabine’s and mine. “I am so sorry. I’ve been sick thinking about how different your life should have been. How I should have protected you. How my father should have but didn’t.”
“It’s not your fault. I know that. And I’m doing okay. I have a wonderful support system.”
“Jonah.” Sabine smiled.
“He’s wonderful,” I sighed.
“I can tell. He’s a keeper, like your dad.”
“How can you tell?” I knew that was a weird question, but I truly wanted to know how she knew my father was a “keeper.” They seemed so happy together, so maybe she knew the secret to choosing a partner who would stand the test of time.
Sabine didn’t act as if I asked anything out of the ordinary. Instead, she smiled at Dean like an infatuated schoolgirl. “When your father and I met twenty-six years ago, I was playing with the orchestra here as a guest pianist. He was attending one of their galas and when I saw him from across the room, I was instantly attracted to him. But when one of the waiters dropped an entire tray of appetizers and your father rushed to help them clean up the mess, I knew then he was someone I wanted to meet. He never lets people know how much his portfolio is worth, only how much they are worth to him.”
I liked that. It sounded very much like Jonah.
Dean let out a heavy sigh. “I’m not always the best at that,” he admitted. “I should have been more of a gentleman to your mom when we parted. I used to look back at that summer so fondly. A summer love affair with a pretty girl. I never even stopped to think of the potential ramifications. I figured she never called, so she must have felt the same. I should have called her. At the very least so she didn’t feel as if I’d used her. I swear to you it wasn’t like that. I did care for her, and it was all consensual.”
I held my hand up, not wanting any details. “You don’t need to explain. I knew my mother well enough to know she didn’t have a lot of inhibitions.”
Dean grimaced. “I don’t want you to think ill of me. I want you to know I don’t think of you as a mistake. I only regret not being part of your life before now.”
“I don’t think ill of you at all. Your father on the other hand . . .” I honestly admitted.
“As you should, love.” Sabine put her napkin on the table.
“We should probably go upstairs,” Dean suggested. “He’s more lucid in the morning.”
“You just be you and let it all out.” Sabine pushed her chair back and stood. “No one is going to judge you. Dad knows he’s in the wrong, so don’t feel like you have to go easy on him. And when you’re done, I’ll have chocolate waiting for you.”
I could already tell I was going to love this woman. “I always say chocolate makes everything better.”
“You are my kind of woman.”
“Are you ready?” Dean held his hand out to me.
I accepted his hand and a funny thing happened—I wasn’t as frightened. “I think so.”
Chapter Thirty
“I need to warn you before we go in.” Dean stopped us at the door. I could already smell the antiseptic as if we were in a hospital, but a really fancy one. “He doesn’t look anything like himself. He’s extremely frail and he goes in and out of consciousness, so don’t be alarmed.”
“I watched my mother die in hospice, so I understand.”
“Another thing I wish I could have helped you through.”
“Me too. But I had Jonah.”
“That was a long time ago. How come you and Jonah didn’t stay together?”
“I promise to tell you after we talk to your dad.”
“I would like that. Why don’t we take a walk afterward, just the two of us?”
“In the cold and snow?”
“I always find it invigorating.”
“Okay,” I agreed. It would be nice to have some alone time with him.
With that, Dean opened the door and peeked in. “Can we come in, Lisa?” Dean asked the nurse watching over Roger.
Lisa greeted us at the door. “He’s been expecting you. I’ll give you some privacy. Push the button if you need me. I just administered his pain medication, so he won’t be awake for much longer.”
“Thank you, Lisa. I’ll let you know when we’re through.” Dean ushered me into the low-lit room. A hospital bed sat squarely in the middle with monitors and machines surrounding it that were keeping Roger alive. They all seemed out of place in the handsome room filled with fine handcrafted furniture.
“Dad,” Dean whispered, “I’ve brought someone to meet you.” There was an edge to Dean’s voice. I imagined he was just as upset with his father as I was.
My eyes adjusted and I got a good look at the man who had taken it upon himself to alter my life, to orchestrate it, in a way. His sunken cheeks and sallow skin spoke to his body being ravished by cancer. He hardly had the strength to turn his head our direction.
“Ariana, is that you?” he croaked out slowly and painfully.
Dean gave me a little encouragement by pressing his hand to the small of my back.
I bravely stepped forward. “I’m Ariana.”
“Let me look at you,” Roger begged.
I took a few steps closer. Enough to see how yellow his brown eyes were, and the few wisps of gray hair left to him.
“You look just like her,” he cried and then coughed.
Dean rushed forward to help him sit up and take a sip of water through a straw. Once his coughing fit was over, he lay back down and closed his eyes for a moment.
“Why don’t you sit down,” Dean suggested. He pointed to the chair at Roger’s bedside.
I took a seat and Dean stayed by my side with a comforting hand on my shoulder.
Roger opened his eyes after a few moments and looked directly at me. “You’ve come to haunt me,” he said.
I shook my head.
“You’ve haunted me for a long time.”
I wanted to say he deserved it, but his frail state wouldn’t allow me to. Instead, all I could ask was, “Why didn’t you help me?”
Tears filled his blurry eyes. “I tried.” He still had some fight left in him.
“Your money?” I wasn’t buying that excuse.
“She should have taken it.”
“Maybe.” But I had been thinking about the money. “You had to have known the chances of her using it wisely were slim to none. And that any of the men she was with would have taken advantage of it. It wouldn’t have been much help to me. It would have only helped your guilt,” I stated boldly, but without the heat I would have used had he been in better condition.
Dean squeezed my shoulder, letting me know my words were spot on and he was there for me.
Roger closed his eyes again. I wasn’t sure if he was avoiding me or if the pain meds had overtaken him.
“I was protecting my son,” Roger eked out. “She wasn’t the first girl to try and trap him.”
“Dad,” Dean warned. “That’s not fair. Joanie was telling the truth.”
“I didn’t know,” Roger choked out, his eyes still shut tight as if he wished this was only a nightmare and when he opened his eyes it would all be better. “I thought someone else would help you. You had grandparents,” he wheezed. “They should have done more. She should have taken the money.” He was getting so worked up his heart rate increased more than it should have. His heart monitor started beeping loudly.
“Maybe I should go,” I said to Dean. Despite what Roger had done to me, I wouldn’t torment him in this state.
“Please don’t go,” Roger begged through labored breathing.
Dean adjusted his father’s oxygen and helped calm him down. I watched as my father tenderly cared for his father. As sad as it was, there was something beautiful about it. It even made me think that someday I might get to care for Dean. It hit me full force that I had a parent. I never thought I would have one again. In some ways, I felt like I never had one. Tears filled my eyes.
Dean noticed the tears. “Are you okay, honey?”
“Yes.”
“We probably shouldn’t stay for too much longer.”
That’s when Roger reached out for me. His hand was bruised from what looked like old IV lines, and his skin was so translucent I could probably scratch him and he would bleed. “Please, you have to forgive me before I see her again.”
I looked up at Dean. “See who?” I whispered.
Dean knelt next to the chair and brushed some of my hair back, like I had seen Jonah do many times to Whitney. “My mother. She would have loved you.”
I wanted to ask my father if he could ever love me, but the words never came because I was afraid of the answer. Just like I had been afraid to love Jonah.
“Please take the money,” Roger begged. He reached out farther. “I’m sorry I didn’t help you. Please forgive me,” he pled with all the breath he could muster.
I stared at his hand begging for me to take it. It was the hand I had wanted so desperately throughout my childhood to rescue me. And now here he was, needing me to rescue him from himself.
In that moment, I found I didn’t want to punish him, he had already done a good enough job of that himself. And withholding my forgiveness would only mean that I was giving him permission to continue to hurt me. I may have haunted him, but I wasn’t going to let Roger Stanton haunt me any longer. And just because you forgave someone, it didn’t mean that you had to love them. It didn’t even mean that there wouldn’t be times when I still hated him for what he had taken from me. But I wasn’t going to let him take anything else from me. I knew the only way I could do that was to let this go.
I took Roger’s cold hand. It felt nothing like Dean’s. His was the hand I had truly wished for all my life. It was the hand mine belonged in. “I forgive you,” I whispered.
Roger held onto my hand with all his might, tears trickling down his face.
Dean kissed my forehead. “Thank you, daughter.”
And for the first time in my life, I felt like one.
~*~
I was glad I’d thought to bring all my winter gear while I walked with Dean on the Green Trail that ran behind his home. It was like a winter wonderland. Snow blanketed the ground and icicles formed in the trees, giving it an ethereal feel. There was even a frozen pond. A few teenagers were braving the cold and skating on it.
Dean and I walked in silence for a moment, partly because I was too afraid to breathe deeply for fear my lungs would freeze. But mostly because it had been an emotionally exhausting morning.
“Thank you for forgiving my father. I can, in some ways, relate to how hard that must have been for you. It’s been difficult for me. He stole a lifetime from us, didn’t he?”
Was it weird how happy it made me to hear that he felt that same pang? I tried not to tear up. I didn’t need my eyes to freeze shut during such an important moment. “He did.”
