Return to Sender, page 23
part #1 of Pine Falls Series
“We could just go do that,” I teased, sort of.
Jonah pulled me onto his lap. “As much as I would love to get away anywhere with just my girls, you need to face this, for you and us. You need to deal with your past. You need to face Roger Stanton once and for all.”
“I know.” I lightly outlined his handsome face with my finger. I brushed my lips against his. “I will fight for us, Jonah.”
“That’s the best Christmas gift you could give to me.”
“Better than lime Skittles?” I teased.
“Those are a close second.” He pressed his lips to mine. “How would you like a taste of those Skittles?”
I parted his lips with the tip of my tongue. “Mmm.”
He deepened the kiss and held me close, pouring all his feelings for me, for us, into my mouth. It was soul reaching and electrifying. The intensity had me gasping for air.
“Wow.” I rested my forehead against his and caught my breath. “You’re good at that.”
He exhaled with me. “I want you, Ariana. All of you. You need to be whole for that.”
“Let’s go to Chicago.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Are you scared, Ariana?”
I smiled at Whitney, who looked so small in the first class window seat holding her doll. First class. What a notion. I’d hardly ever flown, but I had never flown first class. Dean had purchased the tickets.
“Not of flying,” I responded to my cute flight buddy.
“Do you want to hold Mary?” Mary was Whitney’s doll, named after Mary Anning, the first woman paleontologist.
I ruffled Whitney’s hair. “That’s okay, but thank you.”
“Hmm.” Whitney was obviously still concerned that it must be a fear of flying that had me shifting in my seat and wringing my hands. She was such an observant girl. “Do you want to hold my hand?” she offered.
My heart melted. “I would love to hold your hand.” I took her tiny hand in mine and smiled over at Jonah who sat directly across the aisle from us. That was the downside to first class, we couldn’t all sit right next to each other.
Jonah was staring at the two of us adoringly. I thought he might have been hurt that Whitney insisted she sit by me on our flight to Chicago, but he said it was everything he had ever hoped for.
“Are you ready for this?” Jonah asked.
“Not even a little.” But I knew it had to be done. According to Dean, Roger Stanton had less than a few months to live, if even that, so if I wanted to face him, it was now or never. Besides, Dean was thrilled we were all coming. He’d called me every day since Christmas to say hi and chat for a few minutes. We didn’t talk about anything meaningful other than it meant a lot to me that he was trying and was interested in my life.
“You’ve got this. We’ve got this,” Jonah assured me.
I hoped he was right. I’d snuck in an appointment to see Dr. Morales yesterday before we made this little trip. To say she was shocked at the turn of events was an understatement. She suggested I write a book about it all. Our appointment actually went long, there was so much to discuss regarding Eliza, Jonah, Dean, and Roger. She was proud that I was honest with Jonah about my feelings for Eliza, and even though I’d let Eliza get to me on Christmas Eve, she said walking away wasn’t a bad thing. Now, pushing Jonah away was another thing, but according to her it was progress that Jonah and I had come back together so quickly. “That’s how it works in healthy relationships,” she had said.
Dr. Morales thought it was wise that I go to Chicago, but she cautioned me that Roger Stanton may not recognize his part in my childhood trauma and to be cautious that I don’t allow him to retraumatize me. She said I needed to go in with zero expectations, but that I should be direct with him. She was honestly more concerned about my relationship with my father. She made me think about things I hadn’t thought of, like while I might feel happy to be part of this new family, I might also feel a great sense of loneliness and loss when I see my father, his wife, and my half-brothers all together. She said there would be pain, but hopefully also joy, and I should embrace both. I was grateful for the mental preparation.
But . . . Dr. Morales was most concerned about me being completely honest with Jonah about my feelings for him. She wanted me to work on saying the L word. More than that, not being afraid of it. I knew he deserved to hear it and longed for it. I wanted to say it. Truly I did, but it always got stuck in my throat, more like my heart.
I knew if I said I loved him there was no going back. Jonah would never be satisfied with us staying boyfriend and girlfriend. He wanted to share his life and bed with me as his wife and the mother of his children. Yes, he would be patient, but after Eliza, he deserved someone who not only pursued him, but was in it for the long haul. Someone who made him and his child a priority. I only had to trust that he was in it forever too. That I wouldn’t have to give him back.
Dr. Morales and Dani were quick to remind me that Jonah had returned to me, despite me pushing him away. And my father had never truly abandoned me. I really had to look at my life through a lens I didn’t even know existed. Adjusting to the vision correction wasn’t easy, but I was trying. Dr. Morales told me to keep on trying, and soon I would find I was doing.
I was doing something all right.
“Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain. We will be landing in Chicago at approximately 10:15 p.m. Central Standard Time. Enjoy your flight.”
I looked between Whitney and Jonah and thought I would definitely enjoy myself. I was hoping the same would be true for Chicago. But as Dr. Morales reminded me, a lot of that depended on me.
~*~
I stared out of the car window at my father’s house once we drove through the gated entrance protecting the property. I almost laughed when I noticed the turret gracing the large brick home still decked out in Christmas decorations. Bright white twinkle lights covered everything from the hedges to the large pine and deciduous trees that dotted the property.
What were the odds my father lived in a mini castle? Maybe he wasn’t the European prince I’d always imagined him to be, but he lived pretty royally. Case in point, the Mercedes SUV he was chauffeuring us in. Dean had insisted on picking us up from the airport even though it was late and lightly snowing, which made it seem even colder here. The humidity made it biting. I was used to arid conditions in Colorado.
Dean stopped the car in front of the house in the middle of his circular driveway. He looked past me out the passenger side window. “Welcome home.”
His words surprised me. Did he want me to think of this as my home?
“It’s beautiful,” I remarked.
“Wait until you see the inside. Sabine loves Christmas and she has a tree in almost every room. She didn’t want to take them down until after you arrived.”
That was thoughtful of her. “I’m excited to meet her,” I replied, causing Dean to give me a toothy grin.
“I’ll grab your luggage while you head in. Sabine is waiting for you.”
I felt bad she had waited up so long. It was almost midnight. The drive from the airport to here was almost forty-five minutes in the winter driving conditions.
Jonah carried a sleepy Whitney while still managing to hold my hand as we walked up the stone steps of the house of my childhood dreams. It was freezing but the glow of the home and Jonah made me feel warm.
We didn’t even make it to the large solid wood double doors before they flew open. There we were greeted by the cutest woman alive. Sabine was an Audrey Hepburn clone with her dark pixie cut and lithe body. She was even wearing a turtleneck and black slippers that looked like ballet flats.
“Welcome. Welcome.” Sabine stretched out her arms. Her enthusiasm was impressive for the late hour. As soon as we crossed the threshold of the majestic home, I found myself torn away from Jonah and into those tiny arms of hers. For a little thing, she was strong. “Dear, dear, Ariana, it is so lovely to meet you. Dean was right, you are absolutely gorgeous.”
“It’s so nice to meet you.” I hugged her back, but not too hard. There was hardly a thing to her.
She leaned away. “I hope your flight was good.”
“It was. Thank you.” I shifted my focus to Jonah and Whitney, who was all but asleep in her daddy’s arms. “This is Jonah and Whitney.”
Sabine left me briefly to give Jonah a side hug. “Yes, I’ve heard so much about you. Welcome.”
I wondered what Sabine had heard about Jonah, seeing as Dean had only met him briefly.
Sabine patted Whitney’s back. “We better get you all to bed. You’ve had a long day. Can I offer you anything first? A drink or a snack?”
Jonah and I both shook our heads.
Sabine came right back to me and looped her arm through mine. “If you need anything, you just ask or feel free to help yourself.” She pointed down the large hall with marble floors and fine artwork. “The kitchen is down that hall and to the right. Hopefully your brothers haven’t eaten everything. Those boys are empty tanks when they come home. You can meet them in the morning. They are off with friends tonight making mischief, I’m sure.”
It was weird to hear the word brothers in relation to me.
Dean walked in from the cold with our luggage, which was only three carry-ons. “I see you met my better half.” He flashed his wife a smile.
She blushed as if they were two kids dating. It was adorable, and couple goals. “I think we better get them up to their room.” Sabine waved to the split staircase in front of us.
I felt like we were staying in a five-star hotel. All we needed was someone to be playing the sleek black grand piano in the open room to the right of us, complete with crystal chandelier and professionally decorated Christmas tree.
“I’ll follow you,” Dean said.
Sabine tugged on my arm and led us up the stairs. “I’m so sorry, only our small guestroom is available. We had to give Dad the large guest room and his private nurse uses the one next to him. And with the boys home, we are full up.”
I knew Roger Stanton lived here. But it really hit home that I was just steps away from him. I couldn’t believe I would be meeting him tomorrow, if he was well enough for visitors.
I had been racking my brain for days thinking of what I would say to him. Even now, I tried to come up with an opening line. That was, until it dawned on me what Sabine was saying about our accommodations.
“We’re all staying in the same room?” I regrettably said out loud. I’d told Dean I would make our next visit awkward. It took me all of five minutes.
Sabine stopped on the step near the top. “Oh. I just assumed you would want to. I figured you . . . Well, that’s not important. Oh goodness, let’s see what we can do,” she fretted.
Jonah gave me an amused smile.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Please don’t make a fuss. One room will be great.”
“We love bundling,” Jonah teased me. “We’ll use Whitney as our bundling sack.” That was a great idea. Put the innocent child in the middle of the bed to prevent us from having sex. Huh. That actually was a good solution. But did he need to announce it? I thought I had already done a good enough job of embarrassing us. Or at least myself.
Both Dean and Sabine laughed while I turned ten shades of red.
“Bundling.” Sabine giggled. “Your dad tried that tactic on me once too.”
I was surprised anyone knew what that was, but I was surrounded by some of the most educated people on the planet.
“Tactic?” Dean acted faux offended. “I thought I was being romantic.”
“You were very romantic, dear, but I saw right through you.” Sabine winked at him.
I raised a brow at Jonah. Did he have ulterior motives?
He gave me a wicked grin that said all I needed to know.
With all that, we continued our trek to our room. On the way down the hall, I took note of all the family photos. My brothers were darker like their mother but built more like Dean. Sebastian shared his eyes. What really struck me, though, were the four happy, smiling faces in each picture. It didn’t matter if they were formal photos, or whether they were at the beach or the Sydney Opera House; there were smiles for days. I knew pictures didn’t tell the whole story—I’d thought Jonah was blissfully happy in all the family photos he sent every year. But looking at my family, I could see in their eyes they were truly happy. I could even feel it in the energy of this home.
Suddenly, that loss Dr. Morales warned me about hit. This is what I had missed out on. Part of me wished I never knew that’s how deep the loss cut. I had to swallow down my emotions before I made everything even more awkward.
Before I knew it, we were to our room. Sabine opened the door and revealed the “small” guestroom. If this was small, what did she consider big? The room was more like a suite, with a four-poster king-size bed and a sitting area complete with a couch and chaise. It was light and airy, painted in a soft gray and accented with creams and hues of green.
It was like I had died and come back as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, complete with my own Richard Gere. Except Jonah wasn’t paying me to be his escort, so there was that. But maybe Jonah would want to play out the grand piano scene later. Oh my gosh. I couldn’t think like that. We had a child with us, and I was sure Sabine and Dean wouldn’t appreciate us making out on the piano.
“I do hope this will do.” Sabine sighed. “It’s the only room that doesn’t have its own bathroom, but the one across the hall is for your special use while you stay with us.
I took her delicate hands in mine. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
She threw her arms around me. “I just want you to feel at home.”
She was nicer to me than my own mother had been, which was wonderful and disconcerting all at once. “You don’t know how much that means to me,” I choked out.
She released me and tilted her head. “I look forward to a nice long chat tomorrow. I’ll have breakfast ready by eight, but take your time. We are down the hall if you need anything.”
Dean set our luggage near the bed and approached me. He kissed my cheek. “It’s so good to have you here. Goodnight.” He waved at Jonah and he and Sabine walked out together, closing the door behind them.
I bit my lip and looked at Jonah. “I guess we’re roommates for the next couple of days.”
He shifted Whitney in his arms. “This trip just got a whole lot better.”
“Don’t get too excited.”
“Too late.” He wagged his brows.
I ignored his sultry comment. “We better put Whitney in her PJs so she doesn’t freak out in the morning that she didn’t sleep in the proper attire.”
“Good thinking. Do you mind getting them from her suitcase?”
“Not at all.”
We got Whitney situated and in bed—the middle of the bed. Jonah and I each took a turn changing in the bathroom and brushing our teeth. Then we were crawling in bed together. He on one side, me on the other. We grinned at each other while settling in under the crisp cool sheets and feather down comforter. Whitney, still asleep, curled into me. I cuddled her against my chest. Such love for her filled me.
Jonah rested his head on his pillow and stroked his daughter’s hair. “What I wouldn’t do to switch places with her tonight.” He scooted closer and rested his hand on my cheek. “You’re so beautiful.”
I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch, enjoyed this quiet moment with him and Whitney. “I could get used to this.”
“I’m happy to hear you say that.”
I opened my eyes to find Jonah’s face even closer. “Thank you for coming with me.”
He inched over and pecked my lips. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
Me either.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
As we headed down the hall toward the stairs, my eyes were fixed on the doors on the other side of the staircase. In one of them, Roger Stanton lay dying. It made me feel guilty for all the hateful things I had thought about him for not only my entire life, but last night as I fell asleep.
I hated him for what he had deprived me of. I could have grown up in this house. Maybe. I didn’t know how long Dean and Sabine had lived here. I didn’t even know how long they had been married. I didn’t know a lot of things. I didn’t even know for sure if Dean would have believed my mother, had he answered the phone that fateful day that set in motion the circumstances of my childhood. The circumstances that made me so scared to admit my feelings to the man who I had woken up to smiling at me as if he wanted to do this for the rest of his life.
Dr. Morales’s words spoke to me on a spiritual level about my guilty feelings and the underlying emotions associated with them. I could hear her say I needed to separate Roger’s actions from his current state, and that there was room for compassion and hate.
With that thought, we followed the noise downstairs. I assumed my brothers were down there, as I heard two male voices I didn’t recognize and a lot of commotion. Like the happy kind of a family glad to be together again for the holidays. I could hear the razzing, accentuated by the sweet tones of Sabine telling them all to act like they loved each other. But there was no doubt they did.
Whitney looked tentatively between Jonah and me before we arrived in the kitchen. “Do you think there will be healthy food? I don’t want to eat cookies for breakfast, even if it is New Year’s Eve.” She apparently was still appalled that Jonah and I had eaten cookies for breakfast on Christmas morning.
I wasn’t sure if the food would be healthy, but it smelled divine, whatever it was.
Jonah ruffled Whitney’s hair. “If there isn’t anything you like, we’ll stop on the way to the museum to get you something.” Jonah was taking Whitney to the museum after breakfast to give me time to speak to Roger. We thought it would be better if Whitney wasn’t here. We weren’t sure if Roger’s state would frighten her or not. Or my state of mind after facing him.
Whitney let out a breath of relief. “We should hurry. I have lots of research to do today. I need to learn all I can about Máximo. He’s the biggest dinosaur ever discovered and he’s at the museum!”
