The Mitchell Healy Compilation: Volume 1, page 61
This was all my fault, but yet he marched over, took my hand and got me inside before even admitting that he’d have to clean it all off in order to drive anywhere.
After locking the doors and running back in the house he came out with cleaner and some rags. I started to climb out to help him, but he suggested I stay locked inside to keep warm. I was pretty sure he was more concerned about where the vandals were, and if they’d been waiting to verbally attack me again. Either way, I felt safer being locked inside.
We’d gotten lucky by coming outside when we had, because the paint was still wet, and came off with little effort on Ethan’s part. After tossing all of the rags, he finally got inside the car and put his head on the steering wheel while beginning to speak. “If I find out who did this shit I’m goin’ to hurt someone.”
I turned away to hide the new tears falling down my cheeks. They weren’t for me this time, but for my friend, who was now right in the middle of my battle.
The meeting was to be held at a local church. Once we’d pulled in the parking lot Ethan turned off the ignition and looked over at me. “How are we doin’?”
“You probably shouldn’t ask me that right now. Better yet, maybe we should head back to your place and forget about this.”
“We’re goin’ inside. I’m not goin’ to let those assholes come between you and recovery. Fuck them all.”
I faked a smile, wanting so much to be as hopeful as he was. “Yeah, fuck em’.”
We both let out a laugh before I watched him getting out of the vehicle. My stomach turned as he sauntered over to my side, opening the door for me. “See, I can be a gentleman.”
He offered his arm for me to hold as we walked, but I leaned my head on his shoulder instead. “You were a gentleman at prom. You bought me flowers, and opened the door for me.”
“Then I took you to a hotel and had my wa-. Oh shit, Chris. I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay. I’d never compare the two.” The truth was that I couldn’t do that if I wanted. My prom night was amazing, all because of the man standing beside me. We’d spent the night in each other’s arms, after he’d satiated my every desire. It didn’t hurt that I was infatuated with him. That night I could have sworn that we were both in the same place as far as feelings. Everything was in sync, and he’d made me feel like the only female on the planet.
“Still, I need to be careful what I say around you.”
“I’m not a sheet of glass, Ethan. You don’t have to walk on eggshells to be around me. If you start actin’ weird I might have to punch you.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t want that. You might damage my sexy face.”
“I’d aim for that first,” I teased.
“No doubt.”
It was nice to be able to joke just before opening the doors to enter the meeting. I was so nervous that I’d become sick to my stomach. As the bile rose to my throat Ethan led us inside. Sitting in a circle was a group of men and women. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and run, but Ethan took my hand and squeezed it, reminding me that no matter what, I wasn’t going at this by myself. He was going to protect me, and if I couldn’t handle it, he’d get me out of there as fast as he could.
Since I was desperate, it was important to try. I couldn’t go to the police, and I sure as hell couldn’t call my parents. They were dealing with my sister’s problems. They didn’t need mine to boot. I’d handle this, because I was out of options.
Chapter 20
Christian
“Good evening. I’m Eve. Come on in and have a seat.”
My lips felt dry, and I swore that I’d just eaten a cup of sand, because my mouth refused to open to address the woman.
Ethan reached out his hand. “I’m E-.”
“No names, except for mine,” she interrupted. “These meetings are confidential. What we say here stays here.”
In that instant my uptight body relaxed.
We pulled up two chairs, watching as people made room for us to scoot in. I avoided making eye contact with everyone, in fear that they would all want to know my story. Thankfully, Eve settled my mind.
“Who would like to share tonight?”
A young blonde raised her hand and waited for Eve to acknowledge her. She folded her hands together, but constantly kept moving her fingers around. She peered down at the floor in the center of the circle, instantly reminding me how I would be if I had to share my story in front of all these people.
“I, um, I came here tonight because my doctor thinks it’s a good idea. Since the attack I’ve become agoraphobic. I dropped out of school six months ago, and pushed all of my friends away. It’s taken me a long time to realize that none of this was my fault.”
I stared down at my own hands, praying that she wasn’t going to go into detail. Unfortunately, it didn’t go the way I wanted it to.
“It was a Friday night on campus, and I looked forward to a big bonfire that was takin’ place. I lived in the dorms, and felt like I was pretty popular with everyone on my floor. Most of us partied together on the weekends, and we became this huge click. It was nice to always have someone to buddy around with, especially after dark.” She fidgeted more with her hands. “Anyway, we got all dolled up and headed out to party and meet guys. I wasn’t exactly what you’d call promiscuous, but I wasn’t a virgin either. A bunch of us started doin’ keg stands and actin’ silly to get attention. We were dancin’ around, grindin’ all over one another. My best friend, Nikki and I started actin’ like we were together. A couple times we even kissed to get the crowd to react.” She started to sniffle. I refused to look her way. “We were just havin’ fun. We were out for the night not really wantin’ to hook up with anyone. In our eyes we thought it was the best way to keep the creeps from hittin’ on us.”
She had to pause again, this time because she’d gotten choked up. Eve chimed in that very moment. “Take a few breaths before continuing. Remember that you’re in a safe place. If you need to stop it’s okay.”
“No. I can do this. I’ve practiced it for a couple days. I can’t hold it in any longer, because it’s tearin’ me apart.”
“That’s good. Stay positive,” Eve suggested.
“I’m not really sure how long we were there that night. After all the alcohol we’d consumed neither one of us was in any condition to process something as silly as time.” She wiped her nose with a tissue that Eve offered her. “Things started to get fuzzy, and all of a sudden Nikki was gone. I didn’t panic, figurin’ she’d probably had to pee or somethin’. There was this guy there. He pulled me off to the side and whispered in my ear that he knew where my friend had gone. He told me she wanted me to join her. It was stupid. I shouldn’t have believed him, but I did. He led me down this long path in the woods, and when we got far enough away that we couldn’t hear the music he pressed me up against a tree and started kissing me. I brought my knee up high enough to make contact with his junk. The moment he sunk down in pain I darted in the direction we’d come from.” This time she began to sob. “I thought we were alone. I never saw the other guys there until they’d surrounded me. I could smell the dirt before they shoved me down onto it. As much as I tried to fight them, I knew I was no match for the group of them. I kept telling myself that I’d live if I didn’t fight. I closed my eyes and tried to leave my body in my mind. I prayed to God to help me, but they just kept raping me, over and over, all of them. Each one of them took turns over and over, filling me with their vile releases. They violated every orifice, while telling me how much they knew I wanted it.” She cried into her tissue, so much that I thought she was done with her story. “When I thought that it was finally over, when my fragile body was left on the cold hard ground, it started to rain. As the drops hit my face I opened my eyes to see all of them standing over me. They drug me through the thickets in the woods, naked and exposed. Even though I knew I was bruised and bleeding I’d stopped feeling the pain. I begged them to kill me; to end my life so I didn’t have to remember.”
The girl covered her face with her hands for a minute. We all sat there speechless, frozen in our seats. I didn’t know about the rest of the group, but for me it made me finally see that I wasn’t alone. I felt like I needed to walk over and wrap my arms around this girl, because she needed it so much more than I did. Then she finished the rest of the story.
“The campus police found me the next morning. I was still fastened to the tree, naked and freezing to death. Before they’d left me there to rot they used a tree limb to assault me from behind. The doctors had to give me stitches to stop the bleeding. I didn’t speak for the next eleven days. I couldn’t. It was like it didn’t happen if I didn’t tell anyone about it. They put me into an institution because my parents feared I’d end my life. Most days I still want to. My friends, well the people I thought were my friends, they couldn’t understand. They didn’t know how to be my friends anymore. Needless to say I dropped out of school, and left everything behind. I moved back to Kentucky where my parents still lived, and I’ve been living with them ever since. The doctors tell me that it’s time to move on; that I can’t dwell on my attack, but it’s all I ever think about. Each morning I wake up and relive every single second of my rape. I can still taste the dirt in my mouth. I can still see them passing me around like a ragdoll. The only difference is that I’m finally tired of punishing myself. I don’t want to live like this anymore, but I also don’t want to give up. For the first time in forever I have hope.”
Eve got up and rushed over to the female while starting to clap. We all followed suit, giving appreciation to this woman who’d somehow gained the strength to tell her story. Eve kneeled down in front of her and took her hands. “You are brave and beautiful. You’re here because you want to live again. It’s the reason that I’m here too. Rape is an ugly, horrible, devastating thing. It cripples us, strips us of our life, and leaves us alone and vulnerable, but it’s not the end. I was repeatedly raped ten years ago by my step-father. My mother worked nights and he’d hold me down in my bed and have his way with me, threatening to kill my mom if I told anyone. When I was old enough to call social services she believed him insisting that I didn’t want her to be happy. I ran away after that, ending up in a woman’s shelter. It was there that I met a woman who took me under her wing and showed me how to break free of that anguish. I’ve heard hundreds of stories from men and women that have both experienced this type of abuse. These meetings are for us to come together and share so that we can finally see we aren’t alone. Our stories may be different, but we’ve all survived. Thank you for sharing your story with us tonight.”
I grabbed Ethan’s hand and pulled him out of there before anyone could notice us. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and didn’t stop walking until we’d reached his car. “Are you okay?” He asked.
“Get me out of here.”
Ethan didn’t speak on the ride back to his place; even if he had I didn’t hear him. My mind was too fixed on that woman’s story. It was wretched and disturbing, making me sick to hear it told. I found myself comparing hers with mine, and feeling like my circumstance didn’t deserve the acknowledgement.
By the time we’d made it inside I was already crying. I felt sorry for the woman, and for myself, because at the end of the day Eve was right. It was up to me to get through this, and I had to be ready for it to happen or it never would.
Chapter 20
Ethan
I couldn’t stand seeing her this way. The meeting had only made things worse it seemed. It was taking everything in me not to go after those bastards for hurting her. I felt sick after hearing that woman tell her tragic story to the group. How she’d survived that ordeal was beyond me. I could tell it had gotten to Chris, but what I didn’t know was if it was in a positive or negative way.
We were both exhausted after the long day we’d had. Since I knew she was safe it was easier to get some rest, but she was crazy if she thought for one second I was going to let go of her. If she was feeling anything that the woman had, I knew she was going require more than me keeping her close. She would need to rely on her parents, and the help of a real professional.
One thing I wished I could do was tell her how much I loved her. She needed to know that she wasn’t a burden to me. I wanted to be able to tell her she was my future.
It might not have been the time to profess my true feelings to her, but I understood. In enough time she’d know.
Chris cried for a while in my arms. Knowing that she needed time to herself I remained silent. When her breathing settled I felt like she was in a peaceful place.
By morning we’d both gotten at least a few hours of sleep. Since there was so much going on I didn’t push her to stay in bed, plus I could tell that being close to even me made her feel uncomfortable. I’d now seen and read enough to know that her road to recovery was going to be long and at times extremely frustrating. I’d decided that no matter how long it took her, I’d be her shoulder to cry on. My only concern was that her parents needed to know what was going on.
They were a tight knit group, and something like this had to be dealt with properly. I knew she was against telling them anything, but it was for her own good. She might not be in her right mind, but I was going to make sure everything was handled to benefit her.
When she first woke, Chris was calmer, seemingly relaxed. She sat down on the couch and managed to eat a piece of toast that I’d given her. Despite the fact that her eyes were bloodshot, with bags under them, she seemed in good spirits.
The key was not to bring it up, albeit it couldn’t be buried forever.
By noon we’d watched several movies. She was adamant about me going to class, so I decided it was best to keep her within arm’s length. Like a small child, Chris needed constant supervision. This wasn’t like a bad breakup; I feared she’d try to hurt herself if left alone for a long period of time.
After I’d made us some cheese sandwiches, because it was all I could find in the refrigerator, I decided to have a talk with her about the next steps, knowing it wasn’t going to go over well.
“Christian, we need to make some decisions.”
“Don’t call me that. When you call me that it’s somethin’ serious, and I can’t go there right now.”
“You’re going to have to. This ain’t goin’ to disappear. Now I get that you’re scared, but we’ve got to report this guy. It’s important he’s charged for this crime. I’m not willin’ to sit around watching you fall apart while he’s out there somewhere enjoyin’ his freedom.”
“Please don’t do this to me. I went to that place with you last night and it left me more messed up.”
I slid my cell phone across the table. “Call your parents. Tell them we’re comin’ to see them.”
She shoved it back in my direction. “No way. They can’t ever find out.”
I rolled it back toward her. “If you don’t do it, I will.”
“I hate you right now.” I knew she didn’t. For some reason I knew she couldn’t. I hated being the only friend she had, but appreciated that she needed me.
“Please, Chris. You’re my best friend and I love you. Please trust that this is the right choice. Seth needs to go down, and I think with the right amount of legal assistance your roommates should be held accountable for destroyin’ your belongings.”
“You expect me to press charges against all of them? Are you crazy? I’ll be the laughing stock of the campus.”
“Then we’ll switch schools.”
She cocked her brow and shook her head. “You’re on a scholarship. Your family will have a shit fit.”
I wanted to tell her right then and there how I felt about her. I wanted her to know that my love wasn’t in a friendship kind of way. “You’re also on a scholarship. Besides, once the dean hears about Seth’s involvement I’m pretty certain he’ll be expelled.”
“And what about everyone else? You were there last night, Ethan. Stop pretendin’ things will be the same. Those girls will never let me live this down. As long as I attend this school I’ll have to see them, and know what they’ve done to me.”
Before she started crying, I reached my hand over and placed it gently on her knee. At first she began to move it away, until our eyes met. I don’t know what she saw in mine, but she froze in place. “You’re stronger than they are. Remember that.”
She picked up the phone and played with it for a second before sighing and dialing a number. “Hey, mom, it’s me. Yeah, I’m okay. Listen, I need to come home and talk to you and dad about somethin’ important. Ethan’s goin’ to drive me.”
Once she’d hung up she let out an air-filled laugh. “I think she’s under the impression that I’m pregnant too.”
I picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. “You know, life wouldn’t suck if we had a kid together. I’m just puttin’ it out there.”
“I don’t think havin’ a kid with my best friend is how my parents saw my future going.”
“Maybe you need to step out of the box for a second and accept that this is your life. It doesn’t matter what anyone wants for you. What matters is if you’re happy.”
Chris looked down and shook her head. “Yeah, well I’m not. Honestly, I don’t know if I can be after this.”
“I told you this already, but I’ll repeat it again. You’re not alone. This will get resolved, and no matter how long it takes, you will get through this. I promise you.”
Twenty minutes later we were driving to the Mitchell ranch. As much as Mr. Mitchell made me nervous, all I could hope was that he appreciated what I’d done for his daughter.
Her mother, Savanna, was waiting at the door for us to arrive. Chris looked over at me before I could turn off the ignition. “I’m scared.”
“You’re loved. This is the one place in the world where everyone loves you. Sure, they may freak out at first, but my hand will be laced with yours, and if you get nervous just squeeze it. It will remind you that you’re never goin’ to be alone.”
