Tangled Within the Darkness, page 12
“It’s okay babe, let it out. I am so sorry. So, so sorry,” whispers Keilani into my ear.
“Lani, I need to lay down please,” I say in a voice so hoarse I am surprised she understood me. She helps me up and walks me to my room. I grab my phone and lay down in bed.
“Thank you Lani, I would like to be by myself please.”
“I’ll be in the room next door. Just text me if you need me.” She bends down and kisses my forehead and leaves without another word. I open my phone and dial out to the one person that I know will listen to me without judgement.
The phone ring and he answers,
“Alexis?”
“I need you Mac.”
“I’ll be right there.” He hangs up and the darkness that is in my heart finds a little opening and some light creeps through.
Chapter 29
Smeared Lipstick
Raven
~Three Years Later~
I’m on my way to our office in New York. I am quite nervous about seeing Alexis. It’s been three years since I sent her that dreadful email. Thirty-six months since she responded with one word, NO. I deserved it. Last I saw her was a little over a year ago at our company Christmas party. She was dressed in a black suit, with red fuck me pumps. No blouse under her jacket, just a lace bra. She looked incredible. She was accompanied by a beautiful woman that night. Small talk was done and I found jealousy roaming all through my body. Even while Gerald held me close to him that night, my eyes always seem to find her. Last I heard from Macory, this relationship she is in is serious. I also know that she went through a unexpected loss when her bestfriends’ husband was killed in an accident last year. I didn’t come to her though, I knew that she didn’t want me around. I am just respecting her wishes. I don’t know if I can continue to hold back though.
My right leg shakes – up and down. We pull up to my favorite building in this great city, Lopez Inc, and I intake a huge breath and pull up my big girl panties. Take out my glasses from my bag and step out of the car.
“Breathe Raven, just breathe.”
Walking towards the building, the smell of the subway creeps into my soul. I look at the guy at the hotdog stand and smile, “New York, oh how I have missed thee.” I can do this so with a pep in my step I walk into the building.
It looks perfect and smells delicious in here. Just the way it should be. Our security guard, Mark, greets me instantly.
“Mrs. Lopez, it’s great to see you on this side of the United States,” he says.
“It’s good to see you too, Mark.”
“Ms. Cartagena nor Mr. Lopez informed me you were coming.”
“It’s a little surprise, Mark, for my favorite people.” I wink at him.
Entering the elevator, my heart seems to be preparing for a race in a Nascar tournament. I grip the handle of my handbag. Breathing in and out slowly. The doors to the elevator open with such slowness that I want to push them open like a fucking superhero. Rip the Band-Aid off already sheesh.
I make eye contact with Lana and she stands up surprised.
“Mrs. Lopez, Oh my God, we weren’t expecting you.”
“I know Lana, It’s okay. Alexis and Macory?” I question.
“They are in Ms. Cartagena’s office. I’ll let them know you are on your way.”
“No need, Lana. I got it. Can you please get me a coffee? I didn’t make it to my favorite bistro this morning.”
“Yes, Mrs. Lopez. Of course, I can.”
I walk towards Alexis’s office and my nerves are shot. I stop in front of her door and listen to the laughter coming from the other side. It makes me smile. That laugh, how can I forget that laugh. Never. Tap, tap, tap, my knuckles graze the door.
“Come in, Lana,” says Alexis.
I push the door open and our eyes meet. In the room only Alexis exists. She sits back in her chair showing no emotions. I swallow whatever bit of saliva I have in the back of my throat because right now it’s dry as fuck.
“Holy crap Rave, what the hell are you doing here?” Macory questions with a smile from ear to ear as he stands up and practically runs toward me.
I break my gaze from Alexis and walk into his embrace.
“I’ve miss you Macory.”
“This is such a surprise. Why didn’t you call ahead? I could have picked you up from the airport.” He chastises me.
“First, you don’t have to get all bent out of shape. Two, I knew that you would be busy and I didn’t want to bother you. Thirdly, you have a meeting with our London partners today and I didn’t want to miss it or make us be late to it,” I say.
“Forgiven for now, they should be here any minute.” He pushes from me and Alexis is now standing in front of her desk, her face turned looking out the window. She’s in a gray suit and black pumps. Her long black hair cascading down her back and her lips are dressed in her signature red.
“Let me go get you some coffee,” says Macory. I go to tell him Lana is already on it but he shakes his head no and walks out the office.
I place my purse on the couch and Alexis turns her face towards me. Her eyes are as cold as ice and they paralyze me. I don’t move. Then her lips move but I don’t hear her. I’m transfixed by her gaze.
My voice makes its appearance, “I’m sorry what did you say?”
“I asked, what are you doing here?” she asks again.
“I needed to meet with our London partners.” What a way to entice her, Raven!
“Fair enough,” she responds.
My legs begin to move towards her as if they have a separate brain from my body. She straightens her body and looks away from me again.
I reach out for her and hesitate. Fuck! I shouldn’t touch her. I can’t deny myself that feeling though. So, I do it, I reach for her hand. Instant fireworks. She looks down at my hand and I look down too. I’m sweating, I could hear the drum of my heartbeat. This overwhelming feeling of wanting to taste her lips is all my brain is registering. Damn it, I have missed her.
“What are you doing?” she whispers.
“I don’t know.” I respond and find myself standing in between her legs. How I manage to get here, we should ask the Gods because I have no idea.
I take her face in my hands. Run my thumb across her bottom lip. Her breathe hitches. “I have missed you, Lex.”
She puts her hands on my arms, looking deep into my eyes and caresses my face ever so slightly, “Why are you here, the truth?” she whispers.
“Because I wanted to see you. Because I needed to make sure you were alright. Because you have not allowed me to forget you. I am here because you said NO,” and I kiss her. I kiss her with everything that I have in me. I kiss her like the next seconds will be the last in my life. I kiss her for the three years that I haven’t been around her. I kiss her because she is MINE. Her mouth opens, an invitation for my tongue to invade. They dance together while I nip at her bottom lip. There is no air, I need her. I want her. Her hands go into my hair and she pulls slightly. We continue in this eloquent dance of tongue. Suddenly, she pulls back.
“Raven stop,” she says.
Our foreheads pressed against eachother. Her eyes are closed. I touch her cheek. “I’m sorry, my sweet girl.” I whisper.
The door opens. We don’t separate. I don’t care who the hell it is. The door closes and the footsteps move towards the room in her office.
She opens her eyes and finds mine. “It’s Mac,” she says.
“I know,” I nod.
“Don’t you care?” she questions.
“No.”
The footsteps return, Macory clears his throat and is standing right next to us.
“I’m sorry Macory…” I begin to say but he stops me from talking. He hands us both wipes.
“Clean your mouths, you both have red lipstick smeared all over your faces,” he smiles. We laugh in unison.
“Rave, we have a meeting.” Macory says and walks toward the door. Turning around, he looks at Alexis and says, “I’ll call you later.” Leaving us alone again.
I look at Alexis and I cradle her face in the palm of my hand. She leans toward it, “Can I see you sometime this weekend? Please we need to talk.”
She touches my hand and closes her eyes. Dreadfulness begins to make an appearance from her reaction, please say yes, I chant over and over in my head.
“Gerald?” she questions.
“Not right now,” I respond.
“Okay,” she whispers.
I smile.
“Thank you.”
She looks up at me and I give her another tender kiss and she responds without hesitation.
“I’ll text you,” I say. She nods.
I step away from her and grab my purse from the couch. As I grab the knob from the door, turn around to her and say, “I have really missed you, bebe[92].” My phone rings in my purse. I don’t have to look for it because it’s Geralds ringtone.
“Not more than I have missed you,” she responds.
I smile and walk out of the office. Reaching into my purse I silence the call. This might have been the best plan that I have ever had. No regrets.
Chapter 30
Taking my Breath Away
Alexis.
Red. Red all over the place. I sit here with blood on my blouse. What the hell just happened? One moment I was standing at the podium remembering Keilani’s husband. The next moment I’m huddle on top of her, in front of her apartment. There were bullets coming from every angle!
I am currently camped out on the floor of Keilani’s room. My hands are shaking, I think my body is in shock. I grab my phone and dial my mother, but she doesn’t answer. I can’t even remember the last time we spoke. My heart is still racing. My hands are still shaking. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Grabbing my phone to call the next person who will probably calm me down, there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in.”
“Ms. Cartagena, there are detectives riding up the elevator. They are here to ask you questions about what has happen,” Charlie lets me know.
“Okay. I’ll be right out. I just need to make a quick phone call.”
“Ms. Cartagena, I would advise that you speak to no one about what has just transpired. We have no idea who is behind all this. Speak first to the detectives and make your phone call after.”
“Alright. By any chance do you have any information on Keilani and her brother?” I ask.
“Her brother is in surgery and she is with Mr. Garcia.”
Satisfied with his response, “Okay. I’ll be right out.”
He turns and walks out the room and I walk towards the bathroom to get myself together.
***
I am back at my place after being locked away in Rylan’s home. Rylan is Keilani’s new beau, in case you are wondering who the heck he is. This has been the craziest two weeks of my life. I can’t begin to describe the anxiousness that I feel. Every step I take, I feel as if someone is watching. I find myself constantly paranoid and looking behind me because I feel like someone is following me. Rylan has assigned me a driver and security to make sure that I am safe. That we all are safe. Alaxander, Keilani’s brother, has gone back to Florida with Charlie.
Rain drops produce the sweetest melody against the window of my living room. I am huddled on the sofa watching the news. The news has become extremely depressing lately and it is not helping my state of mind. There’s a soft knock on my door. I am not expecting anyone; my hands begin to sweat. Who could be here? I remove the blanket that covers my legs. Tiptoeing towards the door, “Who is it?” I ask.
“Soy yo[93].”
Why is it that Hispanics do that, like their names is SOY YO and we are supposed to magically open the door: ABRACADABRA.
“Soy yo, who?” I question.
“Sorry, it’s Raven.”
My heart begins to drum a sporadic rhythm in my chest. I can’t even dance to it beat that’s how wild the drumming is. Unlocking the door, I stare at her standing there in a black dress and heals. Her make-up is light, she has a soft pink glow to her.
“May I come in?”
I don’t answer, I just step to the side and open the door wider. She walks in hesitantly and stops in front of me with her back to me. I close the door and stand there wondering why she is here.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t see you the weekend you came to the meeting with Mac,” I whisper.
Not turning around, she asks “Why didn’t you tell me what happened? Am I not important to you?”
“You are important Rave. I never said you weren’t. There was nothing that you could have done. I made it out alive. My friends are alive and I am extremely grateful for it. This has been the hardest two weeks of my life. You will never understand what I have gone through.”
“You’re selfish!” she says turning around and looking at me directly in the face. She is not yelling just stating matter-a-factly.
“How dare you call me selfish. You left me. You made your choice. You’re married. If I didn’t involve you it’s because it’s not your business to be part of my life.” I say angrily.
“I love you, Lex.” She steps up to me and grabs my face in between her hands. Not letting me react fast enough to her admission, her lips descend onto mine. She kisses me softly and I taste the tears that are falling onto her lips. She pushes me against the door. My hands automatically move to her waist. The kiss turns passionate like never before. She tastes of strawberries. I hold on to her and press myself into her, recognizing that she makes me feel safe.
Separating from me she asks, “Can we sit, I really need to talk to you.” I shake my head up and down, fearing that I don’t want to say something that will jeopardize whatever is to come. We move towards my sofa.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I was so confused. I was scared of what we had. After I left you that day in the bathroom, I was completely distraught. Being with you was not an option.”
“How do you think I was feeling? You think that was easy for me? You think it didn’t hurt me that you walked out and left me in the bathroom, like I wasn’t worth your time,” I counter back.
“You are absolutely right Alexis. I was thinking only about myself. My reputation. What my family would think of me if I were involved with a woman. There was so much at stake for me. I wasn’t thinking about your feelings or how this was affecting you. So, I did what I thought was right, I got married: big house, white picket fence and a golden retriever named Olly. I build an empire with Lopez, Inc. I didn’t want to risk losing the status I acquired with it.”
“What do you want now? You are still married to your husband. Where do I play into your equation? Why are you here. The kiss, what are you playing at,” I say this looking down at my hands. I feel like a coward. “Don’t put the blame all on her Alexis, you kissed her back,” my conscience yells at me.
Taking my hands in hers she says, “I was hurt that you didn’t tell me that you were involved in an accident where bullets were involved. You could have been killed. I yelled at Macory because he didn’t tell me even though he wasn’t at fault. He told me that it wasn’t his place to tell me. Gerald and I are getting divorced. It’s no coincidence that we met Alexis. It’s not a coincidence that he cheated on me because guess what, it’s Karma, and she’s a bitch, for what I did to you. It wasn’t coincidence that you stole my taxi and I knew then you were it for me. So, please have me Alexis because I don’t see myself with anyone else but you. The idea that I could have lost you two weeks ago would have destroyed me. I don’t care about what others think or will think about me, or us. Because in the end you are the most valuable gem to me and I am willing to give up everything to prove to you that we are meant to be together. Because It’s not a coincidence that I fell in love with you.”
In between my tears, I don’t remember Raven getting in front of me on her knees. She begins to softly sob and places her forehead on my knees. I run my hand through her hair. I love this woman. How can I deny myself joy? A joy that most of this earth doesn’t yet understand. A joy the fills the void and crack that have occupied my heart for the past three years.
“Rave, don’t cry,” I whisper.
She looks up at me, “I’m so sorry Alexis. I never meant to hurt you.”
I scoot myself to the floor and sit against my couch. She straddles me and lays her head on my shoulder.
“Where do we go from here?” she asks.
“We see where this takes us. We need to get to know each other Rave. There has been a lot of hurt. You have to understand that I need time. You left me but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I just need time. This is a big step. People will judge you and you need to be ready for that. My mom stopped talking to me when she found out I preferred woman. You know I haven’t told anyone this but the day that the shots were fired at us in Keilani’s house. I called her and she didn’t answer. I have never hated her more than that day. I feel like I don’t matter to her. Like what I have achieved in this life is worthless because I’m gay.”
She looks at me, “I’m so sorry Alexis. I’m willing to go through whatever it is we will go through. I want to be strong for you and I feel horrible I wasn’t there when shit hit the fan with your mom.”
“I don’t need your pity. I just want you to understand that you need to walk with your head held high because when the world finds out the famous Raven Lopez is a lesbian, it’s not the tabloids you are going to have to be worried about, it’s my crazy ass mother.” I smile at her.
“I think I can handle her,” she says and then she kisses me. Taking my breathe away.
Chapter 31
Headlines
Raven.
Three months later
EXCLUSIVE: THE ESTABLISHED AND BEAUTIFUL CEO OF LOPEZ, INC, RAVEN LOPEZ IS SEEN WITH A MYSTERY WOMAN AS THE CHEATING SCANDAL STARTS TO DIE. COULD IT BE THAT SHE IS NOW INTO WOMEN! GASP!
