Tangled Within the Darkness, page 10
Chapter 23
Destroyed
Raven
It’s been two months since we came back from Florida. I haven’t had that much fun in a very long time. We laughed, partied and explored every inch of our bodies. I have been working closely with her on the design of the upcoming magazine that will launch next month with some previews of our fall clothing line.
For the past week, I have been doing work from the couch in her office, which has been captured captive by my ass. I look up from my laptop and catch her looking at me.
“You’re gazing again,” I say with a smile.
“I think I’m allowed to gaze. There’s no harm being done.”
She moves from behind her desk and starts walking towards me. My panties are soaked. I place my laptop on the table in front of me. She is just about five feet in front of me when there is a sudden knock at the door. Who the fuck could it be?
She stops abruptly and her head rolls back. “Come in,” she says exacerbated.
Gerald walks in and I stand up.
“Hey baby, I knew I would find you here.”
Alexis face becomes stone face, no expression, and she turns back towards her desk.
Gerald embraces me and kisses me on the lips. Macory enters a few minutes behind Gerald talking on the phone and walking towards Alexis. He removes his tie and wraps it around his hand. “Get me off this call,” he whispers to Alexis. She smirks and shakes her head no. I smile. He places a kiss on her forehead.
“We have dinner tonight with John and his wife.” Gerald reminds me.
“That’s tonight? It completely slipped my mind.” I say.
“Yes. You have been way to busy lately, and always in Ms. Cartagena’s office. We need to go out and mingle. Plus, we are getting married in less than a month and we can’t start our life together with you always stuck here.”
His hands are around my waist. I think I want to vomit. I haven’t broken it off with Gerald. I can’t. A huge part of me wants to marry him, I must marry him. Another part of me wants Alexis. She makes my heart soar. But we can’t be together. It’s not right. I look past Gerald and at Alexis who is now engulfed in her laptop, completely ignoring my conversation but I know damn well she is paying attention. The red color on her cheeks give her away.
I kiss Gerald. I need confirmation that I am doing the right thing.
“Get a room,” says Macory, whom I forgot was in the room too.
“Soon we’ll have more than a room,” says Gerald.
“Mac, what are you doing here?” questions Alexis, without a slight acknowledgement to us over here or the fact that we were just having a conversation.
“I came to take my girls out for a drink. You and my sister have been in this office for the past five days. That’s not normal.”
“I’m not in the mood for a drink.” Alexis says to Macory.
“Well, we are going and that’s final. Raven you are too. No is not an option,” states Macory matter-a-factly.
“We have plans,” I say to my little brother.
“We are going now; your dinner isn’t until later. Right Gerald?” Macory walks toward Alexis and shut’s her laptop. He grabs her desk phone dials the number for Lana. “Lana call our drivers, we need them straight away.” He hangs up the phone and grabs Alexis by the hand.
“Let’s go,” he says to her firmly.
I grab Gerald’s hand and my purse from the side of the couch. “Come on babe, this is going to be fun.” He puts his hand on the small part of my back and walks me out behind Alexis and Mac.
“We cannot be out long, we have a reservation for dinner and we can’t blow them off,” says Gerald.
“That’s not the only thing she’ll be blowing out tonight,” says Macory.
“Macory, what the fuck?”
“I’m just saying,” he responds with a smirk.
“Dipshit,” I mouth.
“I love you, too sis.” He winks.
***
We are at a small bar around the corner from our offices. I am feeling slightly buzzed and I know that I need to drink water to sober up from this little happy hour rendezvous before my dinner tonight with Gerald’s friends.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” says Alexis.
“I’ll join you.” She frowns. What the hell is she frowning for? Gerald has been extra lovey dovey today and it’s weird. He is usually very cool, calm and reserved. NOT TODAY.
I walk in front of her and grab her hand to lead her to the private bathroom that is located on the second floor. Holding hands getting through a crowd is normal. I felt her hesitation when I intertwined her hand in mine. I watched her as she looked back at Macory and Gerald who were not paying attention to us.
“I thought the bathrooms where downstairs,” she says intrigued.
“They are, but the ones up here are more private. Josh, the owner, allows us to use these since we are frequent supporters of this well-endowed place.”
She opens the door to the bathroom and I follow her inside.
“Um, this is a one-person bathroom. I think you should wait outside.”
“Alexis, I have seen you naked.”
“I won’t be the only naked person you’ll be seeing tonight,” she murmurs under her breath.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Raven, I can’t so this. You kiss me and then kiss him. We fuck in the office and then you go home to him. Make up your fucking mind.”
“Gerald and I haven’t had sex in two months.” I say as my voice raises slightly higher than normal.
“I can’t bring myself to do it. I love him Alexis. You have to understand. I have always been in a heterosexual relationship until you walked into my life. FUCK. This, what we have, is so fucking new to me. I don’t understand it yet I love what we have. I can’t walk away.”
I grab her face and do what I know can best rectify what she is feeling. I kiss her. It’s a slow and seductive kiss and she whimpers. I allow her tongue to play with mine. I moan in response. Her hands move up to my hair and she presses her body into me. I feel her hard nipples against me. My hands unbutton her pants and I open her folds with my index finger. “This is going to be fast.” She widens her legs so that I have better access. She is already wet for me, moister enclosed within her walls. I fingered her, in and out, grip her hair and bury my face in her neck. I lick and suck and take her earlobe into my mouth. This is rough. I pick her up and place her on top of the bathroom vanity. I remove her pants and the thong she is wearing. I enter two fingers into her. She wraps her legs around me and moves her hips matching my stroke. I thumb her clit. She moans and her head rolls back. “NO. Look at me Alexis.” Her hungry eyes find mine and our lips crash, “Raven…” My fingers working like they have never worked before. Desperate I want her to find her release, so I curl them up finding that spot inside of her that will please my desire to hear her scream my name. I’m soaking wet. She tenses. This is her undoing and I seal my lips over her to swallow her moan as the orgasm rips through her. “Raven.” She is panting with her head on my chest.
“You are exquisite.” I whisper.
I feel a tear land on my forearm.
I freeze. “Why the tears my beautiful girl?” I whisper as I rub her back.
“I can’t do this anymore Raven. I hate him. You are going to destroy me.”
As I hold her, I lift her face so that she is looking at me. Cradling it between my hands, I kiss her softly.
I back away to grab a small towelette from the small basket besides us. I turn on the faucet and soak it in warm water. I return to her to clean her up. It’s an intimate moment but she allows me to do it.
“Are you going to say anything?” she questions with her head bowed.
“You’re right I will destroy you. But understand that you will break me.” I need to go. This was goodbye. The only way I know how to.
I grab her pants and underwear from the floor and pass them to her. I turn around to walk out the door placing my hand on the knob, “Rave…please…” I walk out as the door closes behind me. Placing my forehead on the door, as a tear escapes my eyes I whisper, “This is for the best my beautiful girl.”
I hear her cry and that’s the fucking dam that destroys my heart.
Chapter 24
Tangled within the Darkness
Alexis
I’m laying in bed with Keilani wrapped around me. I took the week off from work, I blamed the food I had the restaurant yesterday with Mac and Raven. I can’t go back to that place. I need to find another place to work. Thankfully I was making a ridiculous amount of money the little time I worked at Lopez Inc and I saved half of all my paychecks into a savings account.
My phone rings for the fifth time this morning, and for the fifth time the name that appears on the screen is Mac’s. I don’t want to be bothered. I came home last night and thankfully Keilani was home. When I saw her, I ran into her embrace and cried. Ugly cried with a mixture of snot and hiccups. She cried too seeing me in pain. It’s a bond so strong that we hurt for each other. She didn’t ask any questions, she just hugged me, until she dragged me to the room and put me to bed.
“You awake babe?” she asks.
I don’t want to respond so I go with none-verbal’s, shaking my head up and down.
“You want to talk about it? You scared me last night Lexi.”
“I know, I scared myself,” I whisper.
“What’s going on?”
Where do I start? It’s intense. Can I say what I feel? That I think I have fallen in love with a woman that is getting married to a man. A woman that turned my world upside down and destroyed me like I knew she would. So, I do. I tell Keilani everything from the beginning. From repeating the story about meeting Mac before boarding the path train for my first day of work to being pleasured beyond my expectations last night in the bathroom.
She sits back against the headboard and I have my hands wrapped around my knees. I don’t remember getting into this position. Her face is blank. I wait for her to digest what I am going through.
“Wow, Lexi.”
“I know.”
“You can’t quit your job. You have to go back there. This week that you are taking off, take the time to look for another place. You have done a great job at Lopez. I’m more than sure that someone would want you.”
“It sucks you know. It’s the only place where I saw myself working. I fell in love with that place.”
My phone rings for the sixth time and I don’t have to look at it to know who it is. Keilani grabs it and presses the answer button. I bury my face on my knees.
“Hey Mac, it’s Keilani. What’s up?” she asks.
“No, she is sleeping, I called Lana and told her that she is going to be taking this week off. Whatever you guys ate last night did a really big number on her.”
I can’t hear the response, though I am curious to know what he is saying.
“No, you don’t have to come over. I got this! I’ll just have her call you when she is feeling better,” she says into to the receiver.
A couple of sentences later, she hangs up and looks at me.
“I don’t think he believed me, but I know he won’t bother you for a few days. But do not leave him hanging because I know he’ll be knocking on our door in two days!”
“I’ll call him. I just need to think about what I want to do.”
She gets up from the bed, “I’m going to make breakfast. You need to eat something and I’m starving. I need coffee!”
Coffee, yes, that sounds delicious. My eyes slowly close, they bring me back to the past couple of months. Everything that I have endured. Every new challenge and new experience. Her lips. My taste. What do I do? What do I want? I drift. I lay back feeling tangled within a darkness with no light. The thought of an “us” will never come to exist. She took that from me, from us. Anger begins to slowly broil and surface. I grab one of my pillows and throw it across the room. But I knew what I was getting myself into. She belonged to someone else. The anger begins to settle and sadness begins to enclose itself within the walls of my heart. Hurt. Pain. Us.
Life doesn’t play fair. I pull the duvet over me, cry into the pillow, allowing realization to come to terms that my life doesn’t end here. My eyelids cover my sight and darkness takes over.
Chapter 25
A New Beginning
Alexis
The girl whose reflection is in the mirror has my same eyes and the same red lipstick I wore here four hours ago. She is even wearing the same black bodycon dress that accentuates her curves in all the right places. But again, she doesn’t look the same. This person has a new hairdo, long bob styled in a gray and black ombre created by her favorite beautician. Her fire engine red nails and toes matches her seductive lips. Eyebrows shaped to perfection. She is determined to not go back to the darkness that consumed her five days ago. This morning she ate a massive Dominican breakfast, cooked by the man whose lips don’t turn her on, Alaxander, Keilani’s brother. In two days, she goes back to work. Tonight, she is resolved to have fun. To turn heads. She is going out with her friends. The friends that she put aside because her job consumed her. Not anymore. She applies the highlight she needs to illuminate her cheekbones. The last touch.
“I come first,” I tell the girl who repeats the same words back to me in the mirror. Smiling at myself, I take a large needed breath and step out of the bathroom coming face to face with Wilmer.
“Hey Alexis,” his eyes roam my body from top to bottom. It’s the reaction that I want tonight.
“Hi, Wilmer,” I step up and give him a kiss on the cheek. Appreciating that he has stopped to look at me. He grabs my hand and spins me. “Mierda mami[70], you look beautiful. You have a hot date tonight?”
“No, she doesn’t,” I hear Josi yell. She is looking at us with a gleam in her eyes. If she only knew!
“No, I am going out with some friends. Want to join us?” The old me would have never had the guts to ask him to join us. I don’t see any harm in inviting him since he did ask me that one time when I saved him from that crazy plastic chick, Vanessa.
“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to ruin your time with your friends,” he says sheepishly.
“Really Wilmer? You are going to say no to Alexis!” again Josi yells from where she is working on a client’s hair without looking at us. Clearly focus on what is happening over on this side of the salon.
“It’s okay to say no.” I say to both with a smile on my face.
“I’ll join you. If you give me some time to freshen up.” he states.
I nod.
“Lucky bitch,” I hear someone whisper.
I turn to the lady in the hair dryer who’s frantically shaking her head from side to side. “Yo no fui[71],” she says. I move toward Josi who has a drink in her hand waiting for me.
Grabbing the drink from her, “As friends, Josi. We are going out as friends.” Clarifying the situation.
She nods. “I wish it was more than that. ¿Pero que se va hacer[72],” and winks at me.
Picking up my phone from where I last placed it to charge, I see I have ten text messages.
Eight from the group text with Keilani and Alaxander. I text them to let them know that Wilmer will be joining us and that he is probably going to drive, so they don’t have to pick me up.
One is from Mac, saying that he misses me and can’t wait to see me on Monday.
The last one is from my mother – “Alexis, ¿porque no has llamado a tu madre? Yo no estoy muerta. Mas te vale que me llames.[73]” GREAT! She even yells at me through text messages without using all caps. I cringe. I’ll call her tomorrow.
I haven’t spoken to Raven these past couple of days. No emails. No communication. I am okay with that. I needed this break. I reply to Mac letting him know that I miss him too and that I will see him on Monday. I have been looking for another job with other magazines. The thought of me leaving Lopez, Inc. saddens me, but I need to move on. I also know that it would be unfair to just up and leave without giving notice. I wrote my resignation letter last night. The truth of it hurt like hell hence the reason I came to the salon today. I needed a change! I look down at my phone and peruse through all my social media accounts. I’m bored waiting for Wilmer and there is absolutely nothing of interest online.
“Any good bochinches[74]?” Josi questions.
“Josi you know damn well I don’t pay attention to people like that,” I reply.
“Mi’ja[75], I don’t even need social media to hear all the juicy stuff that happens around here. Las mujeres [76]that come in here talk like they are at confession.”
I laugh. “Please tell me that your brother doesn’t take thirty years to get ready.” I get up from the sofa that currently has my ass print on it.
“No, bebe[77]. I am ready when you are.” Silencing me with his intense gaze. Whoops! I didn’t even see him coming.
“Sorry, but your sister gave me this drink. I am already feeling a little funky and we haven’t even made it to the restaurant.” I say still trapped in his gaze. Suddenly he looks behind me and closes the gap between us. What the hell is happening? He grabs my hips and I pray I don’t feel anything poke me because I might just puke! With his right hand still on my hip, he completely closes the gap between our bodies and with his left hand he grabs a strand of my hair and places it behind my ear. Bending down, his lips millimeters from my ear, his breath grazes my neck, “there’s a girl behind you that I want but has turned me down. I think she needs to see me move on to someone else. Want to play a little game?”
I let out the breath that I was holding and gave a little laugh. I glanced at Josi and she looks behind me and shakes her head, smirking. I take my right hand and move it from his wrist up to his shoulder and behind his neck.
“Why the hell am I always put in this fucking predicament with you?” I whisper so that only he can hear me. Our foreheads touching.
