Yeah, I Hate-Ate Your Cupcake!: A Romantic Comedy, page 17
Clearly, falling in love and having a true relationship with Liam were off the table. But what about sex? Just a good ol’-fashioned, no-strings-attached roll in the hay? Well, roll in the Egyptian cotton sheets because I was a book-loving indoor kid.
Besides, my life was clearly stressful. Didn’t I deserve a little relief?
Liam turned and saw me with my family and winked.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
Sex with him was the best worst idea.
34
Liam
“It has been five weeks and three days since I’ve been laid,” I said to the cupcake sitting on the little white plate on the kitchen counter.
Greg had insisted I come back to the Svensson Investment tower for an emergency meeting about Belle, so I couldn’t even sneak up to Karlie’s bedroom after the party to repeat our kiss.
Between my concerns about Belle stealing the JetCut contract and seeing Karlie and her kissable mouth every time I closed my eyes, I had not gotten much sleep.
Had she enjoyed the kiss?
Karlie had seemed tense standing next to me as I schmoozed all the rich people at her sister’s engagement party. Then she had run off and barely spoken to me all night.
Maybe she was angry.
But how could I kiss any woman and not have her completely melt in a puddle at my feet?
You’re losing your touch. You’ve been out of the game for too long.
Before Karlie, I used to get laid several times a week and several times a day on weekends. Well, I had before Kiki. Now my weekends were devoted to mandatory family brunches and hours of swimming in the building pool with my sisters.
“Is that cupcake from Karlie?” Kiki asked, bouncing into the kitchen, too chipper for the early hour.
The cupcake had arrived right on schedule. Karlie hadn’t even left a note. I wasn’t sure why that made me feel so...upset?
I didn’t get upset about the aftermaths of hookups. Usually, I was the one to ghost once a woman started getting too clingy and telling me about the poor sick ferret that belonged to her hairdresser’s cousin’s niece and desperately needed a fifty-thousand-dollar surgery.
Who cared if Karlie didn’t want anything to do with me after that fucking amazing kiss?
I did. Dammit.
I wanted to kiss her again. I wished I had gone back to her apartment after the meeting with Greg. I could have snuck upstairs, then...what? Picked the lock? Banged on her door? Woken up her parents?
It would be way easier if she didn’t live with them.
“What kind is it?” Kiki asked, hopping up and down next to me. “Do we have to share with everyone else?”
“Contrary to what Greg says,” I told her, taking out a knife and cutting the cupcake in half, “it is lunacy to split a cupcake between fifteen people.” I offered her the plate.
“This never happened,” I said in mock seriousness.
She crossed her heart and bit into the cupcake. “Yum, strawberry shortcake.”
“Dang, that’s a good cupcake,” I said, the strawberry icing exploding on my tongue.
“You should invite Karlie for brunch,” Kiki said with a giggle.
“With the whole feral cat colony? No thanks. Then she’ll never want to date me for real.”
Kiki glared at me. “I thought she was your girlfriend.”
“It’s complicated.”
“So you mean the cupcakes could stop at any time?”
“Okay, Ms. Latvia, this isn’t the Soviet Union. There are other cupcake places in Manhattan.”
“But these are the best,” Kiki said. “You have to keep her around. You should buy her some flowers!”
“You think I’m some sort of amateur?” I teased, pulling out a cookie sheet.
“You haven’t had a girlfriend longer than a week,” Kiki replied, lugging a large plastic grocery sack of bacon out of the fridge. Bacon was always my contribution to brunch.
I arranged tinfoil on the pan. Then Kiki and I laid out the strips.
It would be nice if Karlie was here. Waking up next to her, cooking with her, hanging out with her.
I picked up the cupcake box to put it in the recycling bin.
I wonder if she tastes as good as the cupcake.
She sure would be sexy in lingerie that color. I shook my head and tossed the box.
“Bacon ready to go in?” I asked, checking the temperature then sliding the heavy sheets into the hot oven.
While the smell of bacon permeated the kitchen, Kiki went to find her newly arrived books and show them to her sisters.
I stood in the kitchen and brooded, watching the bacon curl up and crisp in the oven.
You could have Karlie move in here, my mind tried to rationalize. There’s more than enough space. Then you could sleep with her whenever you wanted, and it would work perfectly with the plan because, of course, in New York boyfriends and girlfriends move in with each other really quickly because of real estate prices. I wonder if she wants a pet? We could adopt a dog. I’m not getting a guinea pig, though Mike’s probably going to try to foist one of them on me.
I mentally slapped myself.
Dude. What the hell are you doing?
I paced around the kitchen.
“Planning for her to move in, getting a pet. You kissed her once. She wasn’t that into it. Get the fuck over it.”
But she had been into it. I knew she had been into it from the way she had melted against me, how her lips had parted, her almost imperceptible moans.
“You are wound tight and horny as fuck. You cannot plan a future with this woman. You need to get back to your regular routine. There’s nothing special about her. So what? She makes cupcakes, and Kiki likes her, and she’s fucking amazing in a tight dress that shows off her tits. Dammit.”
Just to prove to myself that I was absolutely not in any way remotely falling for Karlie, I pulled out my phone, opened up the dating app, and started swiping.
Supermodel, ballet dancer, Broadway star, B-list movie actress—they were all pretty, all had perfect makeup and perfect fashion. But none of them were Karlie.
“Just hook up with her. Do it soon and get it out of your system.” Once would probably not be enough, but usually I got bored after a week or so. Karlie would be just like all the others—nothing more than casual hookups before I moved on.
But what if she wouldn’t be done with a casual hookup? Fuck, she had a shrine to her ex in her bedroom.
What if I got bored, but she wanted to move in—or worse, get married? I would break her heart. Joseph would be pissed. It could cause issues in my company.
“You don’t even know if he’s going to give you the contract,” I reminded myself, checking the bacon. “Belle has beaten Greg the last few times. She’s probably got an ace up her sleeve. Joseph’s going to ghost you. Greg will be pissed. But the upside is that you can sleep with Karlie free and clear when it inevitably goes south.”
My phone chimed, and my heart jumped in the hope it was Karlie. It wasn’t.
Joseph: Do you have some free time tomorrow when I can come by?
Joseph: I’m actually desperate here. I can even just come sit in your office.
Joseph: My mom is trying to make me come to one of her ladies’ lunch things. I think she has some friends who are trying to set me up with their daughters. I can’t handle it.
Liam: Normally I rescue starving wedding guests, but I can rescue you from matchmaking moms too.
Joseph: I owe you.
Joseph: You mentioned you had a prospectus and some numbers to show me?
Joseph: We could look at it then. My mom always seems to know when I’m lying. Then I can tell her with a straight face I do have a very important business meeting.
Liam: Yeah, totally.
Fuck. Okay, so I was getting that contract; that was good, right? But that meant I really could not kiss Karlie again. Even though I wanted to.
And even though I wanted more than a kiss.
35
Karlie
“Oh my god!” Sophie squealed when I walked into the bakery Monday morning. “You have to tell me everything.”
“Not much happened after he kissed me?”
“How was it?”
I grinned despite myself. “Literally the most amazing kiss ever.”
“And he didn’t even show up at your apartment after for a booty call?” Sophie frowned.
“Oh my god, is that bad?”
“He didn’t text you at all?” Sophie prodded as I tied on an apron.
“No,” I said, fiddling with the apron ties. “Should he have? Maybe he was busy. He takes care of his little sister.”
“He couldn’t send one little text?” Sophie asked, loading an armful of butter on the counter. “Why didn’t you text him? I told you to text him.”
“You told me to send him a sexy photo.”
“Yes,” she said, “and he would have come right over.”
“To my parents’ house?” I shrieked. “That’s so immature. He’s used to dating models and dancers—you know, people with their own studio apartments at least. Oh no. What if I’m a bad kisser? Maybe he thought it was gross. Maybe he’s in therapy right now.” I picked up a cleaver and started hacking the butter into chunks.
“I was afraid to text him because maybe it would sound too stalker-y? It’s like if you’re an actor, and your costar kisses you then is like, ‘Let’s go on a date,’ and you’re all like, ‘Dude, it was just my job to kiss you.’ This was just Liam’s job. We have an arrangement.” I tapped two fingers together.
“So make it an arrangement with benefits. If he’s your fake boyfriend, that means he hasn’t been any other girl’s real boyfriend, and he’s probably sex-starved. Even if you’re not really his type, he would bang you just because you’re available,” Sophie countered.
“Gee, that makes me feel good about myself.” I scraped the butter into the bowl of the large mixer.
“You’re not going to have a real relationship with this guy,” Sophie reminded me. “So why not wring out every little drop of pleasure from your once-in-a-lifetime relationship with a billionaire?” She mimed jerking a guy off and stuck her tongue out.
“Oh my god.” I wished the cupcakes we were baking were done. Or that it was late enough for a glass of wine.
My god, I’m turning into my mother.
“Go over there during lunch,” Sophie suggested, “and offer to give him a blow job. Say you couldn’t stop thinking about his cock. Then bang! Bam!” She cracked two eggs. “You now have a fake boyfriend with benefits.”
But what if I want a real relationship? I wondered unhappily as I measured out the flour.
As if she could read my mind, Sophie tapped the spatula on the metal prep counter.
“You cannot start obsessing over this man. Just because a guy is nice to you or, god forbid, you do the deed with him, does not mean he’s your one true love. This is going to be a big step for you. You’re going to have your sexual awakening with Liam, then you’re going to walk away when it’s all over, attachment free. Liam is going to cure you of your obsession with Marcus and your general awkwardness around highly attractive men. Then you can date like a normal person.”
She slid her knife down a vanilla bean.
“Besides.” Sophie grinned. “Marcus is going to implode with jealousy. You’ll have to stage something with Liam so it looks like Marcus is walking in on you two going at it. That will serve him right for cheating on you with your own freaking twin sister.”
I measured out baking powder into the bowl with the dry ingredients. It was a good thing the commercial kitchen was cool because I was getting a little warm thinking about even pretending to boink Liam.
Sophie turned on the mixer, and I started sifting the dry ingredients into the creamed butter and sugar.
I really needed to put the brakes on this whole thing. I had my revenge on Marcus and my sister. I had a nice little baking job and could still live rent free in my childhood bedroom. Sleeping with Liam, turning our business relationship into a very sexual one, could only end badly. I didn’t have the wherewithal to be in any sort of relationship with any man. Even my fake relationship was pushing me to the limits of my social abilities.
It’s settled. We’re just going to think about cleaning whenever Liam’s around.
Being in Liam’s condo, cleaning his stuff, maybe in a French maid outfit. He’d see me and push up the skirt...
Like I said, I clearly could not be trusted in a relationship.
Sophie switched off the mixer. “We’re going to bake Liam an extra special cupcake and write ‘I want to suck your cock’ on it. I hope you’re wearing nice underwear. If not, there’s a shop down the street that sells it.”
“I—what? No!”
I resisted the urge to pull at the thong that was riding up my hips when I walked into the lobby of the Platinum Provisions tower. People streamed past me in the opposite direction on their way to lunch.
Sophie: Get dat cock, girl!
Sophie: I believe in you. *sunglasses face emoji*
Karlie: I’m finding a new friend.
Sophie: *praying hands emoji* You will thank me once you have the greatest orgasm of your entire life.
But what if I didn’t?
Who was I kidding? Of course Liam was going to be amazing in bed. Or taking me from behind while I stood at his desk.
Was I seriously considering doing the big S in his office? I felt awkward and weird as I slunk through the open floor plan. Most of the employees were out for lunch. But a few were taking late phone calls, and the women were well-dressed with perfect hair and makeup.
I resisted the urge to tug at my own outfit. I still had my apron on, for goodness’s sake. I put on my coat, grabbed the cupcake box, and ran out of the bakery before I lost my nerve.
My breath caught. He was there in his glass-enclosed corner office with the million-dollar skyline view. That perfect nose, the strong jaw, the flashing gray eyes—Liam was talking on the phone to someone. He leaned on the edge of his desk, jacket off, no tie, arms crossed, the bulge of his biceps visible through the fabric.
I paused to drink in the scene. It was like a movie.
You have it bad.
I also clearly did not fit in.
If my credit cards weren’t almost maxed out, I would have bought a better outfit at that boutique, not just nice underwear. I fidgeted a little as I walked, feeling the thong sliding around.
Worst thirty dollars ever. Also, why was something with less material than a Kleenex so expensive? I could have bought a nice meal instead.
Liam was still talking on the phone as I crept closer.
Just leave the cupcake in front of his door and leave. You can say you tried.
But Liam’s gaze flicked up and locked onto mine.
I froze and held my breath. Was he mad I had shown up unannounced?
Then a smile spread over his face, and I relaxed. He ended the call and slid open the glass door of his office.
“Cupcake.”
“Brought you a chocolate one,” I said as he drew me inside.
He took the box from me, set it casually on his desk, then took me in his arms.
“I think I’d like a different one.” Then he kissed me.
How did I ever think he wasn’t that into me? The kiss was fantastic—better than the last one. His large hand gripped the back of my head. He kissed me like he wanted me, like he had waited for this for days.
I moaned softly as Liam tipped my head back, his tongue slipping in my mouth. His fingers trailed up my sweater under my coat to cup my breast through the fabric—the fabric that I wanted gone. Immediately. Sex with Liam in his office was starting to sound like a very good idea.
When Liam broke off the kiss, I whimpered slightly, feeling dizzy and drunk with the smell and taste of him.
“A very tasty cupcake.”
He hooked two fingers in the collar of my shirt and pulled me in for another kiss—a softer, sweeter one.
“I’m so glad you came and surprised me,” Liam murmured against my mouth. “Maybe I should renegotiate our terms so I can see you every day with my cupcake.”
He wants to see me every day! Wedding bells rang. A waterfall of awkward statements threatened to spray out of me.
How’s your sister? Did she like the cupcake? Did you split it? Did you like the strawberry? Was it better than chocolate? How much better? Did you have a good weekend? What did you have for breakfast? Where do you get coffee in the morning so I can pretend like I get coffee there, too, and see you?
No! I screamed internally. Don’t do it. Don’t ruin the moment. Ask him if he’s eaten and wants to grab lunch.
But what if he said no? What if he’d already eaten? What if he had a meeting and was trying to get rid of me?
Liam was giving me a funny look. “Guess my kisses do have that effect on women.”
Say something!
“I’m wearing a thong that cost thirty dollars,” I blurted out.
Shit, not that!
The most exercise I had gotten all year was the dead-ass sprint from Liam’s office to the elevator. I didn’t even bother to see if he was running behind me.
“He’s probably calling security right now,” I told myself as the elevator lurched then dropped down to the lobby.
Worst moment of my life? Not quite but definitely close.
My phone chimed when I stepped out onto the sidewalk.
Sophie: And???
Sophie: I’m assuming from your lack of a response that you’re currently having the best orgasm of your life.
Karlie: OMG it was terrible. I’m never going on another date again. In fact, I’m just going to call off this whole fake relationship.
