Touch Me Gently, page 7
Kaden shook his head and sheepishly showed him the cigarette. Logan pushed open the screen door and stepped out onto the porch, moving over to settle his long length beside Kaden. “Those are bad for you, you know.”
“I know. I don’t smoke very often. Only….” He trailed off and looked away.
“I used to smoke, but I quit about three years ago. A close friend of our family wound up with lung cancer from smoking for twenty years. We watched him slowly wither and die. It was a terrible thing to see and made me realize that I wanted to be around to see my family and friends. I didn’t want to do that to them,” Logan said meaningfully, looking out into the inky blackness surrounding the house.
Kaden smiled ruefully and leaned over to stub out the cigarette on the underside of the railing, setting it aside to take it to the trash. Logan gave him a pleased smile, and pleasure invaded Kaden. He didn’t understand why, but he wanted to make the cowboy happy. They sat there in companionable silence for a while, just occasionally setting the swing to rocking. Logan broke the silence to explain about Sunday being his day off. “Sundays are your days off. You won’t need to cook, and you can do whatever you want. Read, swim, or Shea mentioned she wanted to teach you to ride, so maybe you could do that.”
“Swim?” Kaden asked, surprised because he hadn’t seen a pool on the property.
“Yeah, I know you haven’t exactly explored much, but we have a pond nearby where you can swim. Maybe all three of us can go, and we’ll make a day of it, picnic lunch and all,” Logan said excitedly.
Kaden shook his head furiously. “I…can’t swim,” he confessed, embarrassed to admit that to the larger man.
“Well, then, we can teach you,” Logan said proudly, smiling encouragingly at Kaden.
“I… guess that would be okay,” he said, caving, letting the man have his way.
The big man grinned broadly and gave a pleased nod. They lapsed into silence again, but then Logan astounded Kaden. “And who told you to go in my room?” he asked suddenly.
“But… uh… I thought I am supposed to clean too!” Kaden exclaimed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I—” But his tirade of words cut off when he saw the teasing glint in Logan’s eyes. “Don’t be mean,” he admonished softly. “I thought I did something wrong.”
“Aww. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist. Thank you. I know I’m a bit of a slob. But it’s mostly because of lack of time to do everything.” Logan sighed. “I appreciate it. A lot. You don’t really have to clean. I’m sure Terry told you that because he knows how busy we get at this time, and I never have the chance to do the house cleaning and all. Usually one of the ladies from town will come in a couple times a week. But she’s been ill so it’s been piling up.”
“I don’t mind. If I just had to cook I’d go out of my mind with nothing to do. I enjoyed it. And I have to say, your room had to be the worst of them all.” Kaden wrinkled his nose at Logan, unaware of how cute it made him look or the thoughts suddenly running through Logan’s mind about wanting to kiss him.
Logan cleared his throat and grinned sheepishly. “I told you. I’m a bit of a slob. Mom always had to threaten me to get me to clean my room when I was a kid too. I prefer to be outdoors instead of inside on beautiful days or even rainy days.”
They continued to talk for a little while longer. Kaden loved being able to see a side of Logan that he hadn’t seen yet, the playful side. The more he learned about the bigger man, the more attracted he became. It occurred to him that when he left Montana it would be more than probable that he would be leaving his heart behind. In the past week, he’d seen Logan treat everyone around him with kindness and respect, treat the animals and horses with gentle hands, and even treat Kaden with that same tenderness. Ignoring his thoughts of leaving, he stood up and stretched, yawning. “I need to get breakfast going, otherwise I might upset the herd.”
Logan watched the boy for a moment, studying the slim form and graceful way he moved. The impulse to lean over and kiss him had been strong, but also shocking. He didn’t know how to handle these thoughts and emotions he had around this young man before him. It was new territory to him. That, and the boy wasn’t exactly open to being touched. He still had more than two and a half months to figure it out and to gain Kaden’s trust. Hopefully in that short amount of time he could gain the boy’s affections too.
“I think I’ll go take a shower and get dressed. Long day today.” With that said, he stood and allowed Kaden to enter the house first. His eyes were drawn to his slender backside, a backside that his hands would love to fully explore.
Saturday passed peacefully. Kaden finished up Logan’s laundry, folding and putting everything away, including his boxers and underwear. It still felt weird handling the older man’s drawers, but he supposed that it was all part of the job. He felt exhausted by the time he’d finished the dishes from the dinner meal. He could barely keep his eyes open as he washed. As soon as the last dish had been put away, he trudged into his room, fell crosswise across the bed, and passed out into a dreamless, deep sleep.
The sound of someone knocking on his bedroom door woke him from the first restful sleep he’d had in a long time. Stumbling from the bed, he opened the door to stare blankly up at Logan. Logan smiled softly and slowly reached out to brush a lock of his hair back into place. “Time to get up.” Kaden nodded dumbly and turned to go into the adjoining bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
Logan chuckled quietly at the image the teen made. The sleep-softened expression, his hair disheveled as though… his breath hitched at the idea that had just run through his mind, and he shook his head to clear it. He turned around and headed to the kitchen to make up the lunch for the three of them. Shea bounded down the stairs a few moments later. “Where’s Kaden?”
“Still getting ready. I think he actually slept the whole night last night,” he told her quietly.
“That’s great! I hear him at night, moving around in his room sometimes,” she confessed, her expression troubled.
Logan nodded and continued with constructing several sandwiches, wrapping them up, and placing them in the old-fashioned picnic basket his mother had always loved. Then he added some of the leftover potato salad from the other day, paper plates, napkins, forks, and some of the cookies that Kaden had baked yesterday. Placing that by the front door, he grabbed the small cooler and put in some cans of soda and bottles of iced tea before covering them with ice. He added that to the stuff by the door, which already included a blanket for them to sit on and towels to dry off with. He was loading the truck when Kaden came walking down the hallway, yawning tiredly. He blinked owlishly at the sight of everything already completed. “You should have let me do that,” he complained.
“Everyone deserves a day off. Don’t sweat it,” Logan replied, slinging the blanket and towels over his arm. “Are you ready? Wait, don’t you have shorts?”
“Huh?” Kaden looked down at his jeans, one knee torn and the other frayed. “Oh… no. I don’t like to wear shorts.”
“Here, hold these and wait a minute.” The cowboy handed him the stuff in his arms and took the stairs two at a time back to the second floor. Thirty seconds later, Logan came dashing back downstairs. He thrust a pair of shorts at Kaden. “These should fit. They’re from when I was in high school.”
Kaden stared at the blue and white shorts that Logan held out to him. The thought of wearing something that had been close to the man’s skin sent a shudder of awareness through him, and he reluctantly took the clothing from him. He swiftly turned around, racing back down to his room, and slammed the door behind him. He leaned his back against the hard wood and stared down at the shorts again. A shiver raced down his spine. Trying to ignore it, he stripped off his sneakers and jeans and stepped into the shorts before putting his jeans back on over them. In the middle of retying his shoes, he froze. Swimming meant that he would have to take off his shirt. And then they would see. No, he couldn’t let them. Not that. He’d just leave his shirt on and swim with it. That decided, he grabbed an extra T-shirt from the closet before going back out into the living room.
“All right, then! Let’s go,” Logan said happily, glad to be able to spend some time with Kaden. Maybe this would be his chance to get to know the kid a little more. “Since you can’t ride yet, we’ll take the truck.”
Kaden was thankful that Shea sat in between him and Logan. Trying to keep his relief from being obvious, he kept his expression carefully blank and stared out the windshield as the vehicle started rolling. It didn’t take more than five minutes to get to the pond by truck, and he gazed around curiously as he slid down from the seat, taking in the large body of water, a couple of trees around it, and the mountains in the back. He was awed by the breathtaking beauty and couldn’t help but stop and stare. “I look at it that exact same way every time I come out here,” Logan said bemusedly, coming to stand by his side to stare out over the land with a prideful expression.
“I’ve never seen anywhere more beautiful,” Kaden replied with wonder, his fingers itching to write as he looked at the white mist that clung to the tip of the mountains. He wished he had brought his notebook along. Tilting his head back slightly and to the right, he looked up at Logan, who stood gazing out over the land with a content look on his face. “You really love it here, don’t you?” he queried.
“Yes. Very much.” The cowboy tipped his head slightly to look down at Kaden. “Ready to start your swimming lessons?”
Reluctantly, Kaden nodded and followed the bigger man toward the water, stopping to toe off his sneakers and take off his pants. As he stood there in shorts, bare feet, and the T-shirt, he turned and practically stopped breathing. Logan had stripped down to nothing but his shorts, and his very tan, muscular chest gleamed in the sunlight, rippling with his movements. Kaden swallowed hard as his mouth went dry from the sudden lust invading his body. He didn’t notice Shea’s speculative gaze on him as he watched Logan. Shaking his head, he looked down at the ground and started with surprise when Logan’s deep, honeyed voice washed over him. “Aren’t you going to take off your shirt?”
“N… no. I, uh… burn easily,” Kaden lied baldly, not wanting them to see the shamefulness of his body.
“Oh… okay. Well, why don’t you come into the water until it’s about waist high, all right?” Logan moved toward the water, stepping into the dark liquid. He kept walking, sighing with pleasure as the cool water hit his heated skin. Soon he was in the water chest high and turned to see Kaden still standing hesitantly on the bank. “Come on,” he called.
Shea swam in the water, keeping her eye on Kaden as she went in circles around her brother. She sensed a certain tension, almost chemistry-like, between her brother and Kaden. Was it possible that Kaden had a crush on her brother? The boy was afraid of men, so it wouldn’t make sense. Would it? She watched him stepping slowly into the pond, his eyes locked on the surface as he continued to move forward until the water had reached his waist, and he refused to go any further. She swam toward him and stopped beside him. “Keep going. I’m right here. Hold onto my arm.” She urged him deeper into the water.
Logan stayed where he was, watching Kaden and Shea moving closer to where he stood. Once they were by Logan’s side, Shea let go of Kaden because he was still able to stand, and started to demonstrate how to move his arms and kick his legs. Eventually, Kaden was able to keep himself afloat and began to enjoy himself. The siblings watched with amusement and heady warmth flooded them as they watched his expression of pure joy and pride. Kaden acted like a little kid on Christmas morning, and yet it was something so simple to accomplish. It brought a humble feeling upon their shoulders about how good their lives had been and how much they truly had been blessed.
Kaden waded back to the shallows and watched Logan and Shea splashing and dunking one another. He watched the love and affection they had for one another and felt envious of it. Shame followed quickly on its heels. Being envious because they were happy wasn’t fair to them. They deserved to be happy. With a sigh, he turned and walked out of the water to collapse on the blanket Logan had spread out. He lay on his back staring up at the wisps of clouds strolling across the sky and became lost in his thoughts. Slowly his eyelids began to droop and his breathing evened out. Within moments he fell asleep, unconsciously turning on his side.
Shea and Logan gave up the fight over who could dunk who more times and decided to get out and eat lunch. They smiled at each other when they saw that Kaden had fallen asleep. Both of them collapsed onto the blanket next to Kaden. Logan’s eyes traced the length of the boy’s body, studying the thin but muscular legs and the slender back. That’s when he noticed Kaden’s feet. The soles of his feet were covered in round scars that looked like burn marks. His eyes widened, and his breath caught at the realization of what could have caused them. His own father used to smoke cigars. Logan’s jaw clenched, and his lips tightened in anger. If he ever got his hands on the son of a bitch who’d hurt such a gentle person, he’d rip them into shreds and bury them somewhere out in the mountains where no one could ever find them. Kaden shifted in his sleep and rolled to his back, one hand resting on his stomach and the other flinging out to land close to Logan.
The cowboy’s eyes narrowed in on the leather wristband and saw how it dug into his wrist. An irritated red patch was showing around the edges. In an effort to make the boy more comfortable, he carefully and slowly unsnapped and pulled it off, staring in horror at the marks that lay beneath. Shea let out a soft gasp of shock and lifted a hand to her mouth. “Logan,” she whispered in alarm.
He gave her a look to silence her and carefully replaced the wristband, wondering what the hell was going on with Kaden. There were old scars and marks that looked fresh, as though done only recently. His hands balled into fists, anger coursing through his veins. Did someone make those marks on him? Did he do it himself? How did they get there? Dammit. He felt so helpless, like he couldn’t do anything for the younger man. When they returned to the house, he would have to talk to Kaden. Someone had to stop him before he seriously hurt himself.
Pulling the picnic basket closer, Logan began to take everything out before gently shaking Kaden by the shoulder. “Kaden. Time to eat. Wake up.”
A voice called to him in the darkness, and Kaden opened his eyes slowly to find Logan partially leaning over him. Fear flashed through him for a second, but then it dissipated. He stared up at Logan, blinking several times to clear the sleep from his eyes. “It’s time to eat, Kaden,” Logan repeated, taking his hand away and leaning back again.
Kaden’s brow furrowed. Something was wrong. An odd look glittered in Logan’s eyes and a tenseness in his body, as if he were angry about something. Sitting up, he glanced over at Shea and saw that she looked pale and upset. “Is something wrong?” he asked in concern.
“No. Everything’s fine. Do you want soda or iced tea?” Logan responded in a flat tone.
Logan’s face was tense, and Kaden knew he wasn’t telling him the truth. Had he spoken in his sleep and said something? Were they mad that he didn’t join in on the dunking games or because he’d fallen asleep? With a sigh, he took the sandwich from Logan and pointed at a soda, moving back to lean against the tree behind him. He stared off into the distance at the mountains as he nibbled at the sandwich, his appetite gone and his stomach twisting painfully. Maybe Logan had grown tired of his problems. Was he going to kick him out and send him home? He finally gave up the pretense of eating and dropped the sandwich back into its wrapping before closing it up and placing it beside him. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. Why do you think that?” The cowboy’s voice was stiff and emotionless.
“Because you’re angry, and Shea’s upset. Obviously something’s not right, and you don’t want to talk about it at the moment. That’s fine. But tell me now, are you going to fire me and send me back to New York?” Kaden asked bluntly, tiredly, his eyes dull as they locked with Logan’s.
“No!” Both of them exclaimed at once. “We’re just concerned about you,” Logan continued cautiously. “Where did those marks on your wrist come from?”
Kaden stiffened, and his eyes opened wide as he realized that Logan had seen the cuts on his wrist. He brought his arm with the wristband close to his chest and looked away from the siblings. They had discovered the one thing he was most ashamed of. “How did you know?” he murmured.
“I took off the armband when I saw that it was irritating your arm. I put it back on because I didn’t intend to talk to you about it out here. But I don’t want you to think that I’m going to send you away. I’m just worried and so is Shea,” Logan explained gently, his gaze sad and concerned. “Why do you have those marks on your arm?”
Picking at the hem of his T-shirt, Kaden didn’t respond right away, but when he did both Shea and Logan felt as though the wind had been knocked out of them. “It’s the only way that the pain goes away. When I have a panic attack, it’s a reflex reaction to that pain. I… cut or scratch myself.”
“Oh, Kaden,” Shea breathed, moving to his side to hug him tightly. She stroked his hair back from his face tenderly and held him tighter. “You have to stop. You could seriously hurt yourself one day. Please, for me, promise you’ll try to stop. If you feel the urge, come talk to me or Logan. We’ll help you through it, Kaden. But please don’t hurt yourself anymore.” She was practically begging by the end of her statement, and Kaden buried his face in her shoulder, embarrassed at his actions.
