The Thick of Things, page 17
She shrugged, but there was a tinge of sadness in her eyes. “I take my happiness where I find it. You know that.”
“But people need each other and I believe you’re too much of a giving and nurturing person to not find that special someone.”
“That may be true, but I’m not rushing anything.”
“I’m not suggesting that you do, but I’m sure there’s someone out there for you.”
“You may be right.” She got up and took my tray. “But let’s get you fixed up first. This thing with Douglas is the start of something good. I feel it in my bones.”
“It’s strange that you’re so certain about what’s happening in my life and blind to what’s not going on in yours.”
She walked away and when she got to the kitchen door, she turned. “Actually, I’ve taken some lessons from you. Subconsciously, of course. I’ve been thinking that if you can open up yourself to love so soon again after all that’s happened, maybe there’s hope for me.”
“You keep mentioning that word as if you can make it work like magic.”
“What? Love? I’m just telling you what I’ve observed. The two of you make a great couple. If you don’t see that, you’re the one who’s blind.”
I’d been thinking about her words since she mentioned my feelings for Douglas. More and more, I believed she was right.
Trent had been here now for at least ten minutes and I wasn’t sure what he wanted. I rubbed my forehead, more as a way to avoid interfacing with him than anything else.
I was thankful that despite his suspicions about Douglas and me, he hadn’t turned up with a bad attitude. Trent had always been good to me and was a gentleman at heart, so that was one constant I didn’t expect to change.
His accusation, and my refusal to have a proper conversation with him, created a wedge between us and it was apparent from his demeanor. Just minutes after Corinne left, he called and asked whether he could come and see me. I hesitated, and he told me he wouldn’t be staying long. It was a shame that I had to think about whether to say yes to the man I hoped I’d spend forever loving.
He refused the drink I offered and sat across from me in the living room. Seeing how uncomfortable he was also made me uneasy, but I waited until he was ready to say why he came. Since his lawyer would have provided him with a copy of the divorce certificate, this visit was unnecessary.
When he cleared his throat, I looked at him. Trent didn’t seem much different than the last time I saw him. Of course, he’d been drunk then. Now, he avoided eye contact, as if he thought I was upset with him. He’d been out of order, but I had too much baggage I needed to chuck to add that infraction to the load I’d been carrying. Despite that, I did need him to acknowledge that he’d been out of line, considering how close we were to the divorce being finalized at the time.
He cleared his throat again and finally looked at me. “I…Khalila, you probably didn’t think I was sincere when I said I was sorry.”
“I never said that.”
“No, you didn’t, but you keep refusing to talk to me.”
“I'm sorry about that. I've been busy, but we can do that now,” I said, meeting his eyes. “Why did you come?”
“I wanted to make things right between us.”
“Okay, but trust me, I understand that you were drunk and said some things you now regret.”
He flinched, as if I hit him and then said, “Khalila, please, let me apologize properly.”
His insistence made me focus keenly on him. I wasn’t sure what I saw in his eyes, but he was serious.
“You’ve gone through a lot over the past couple of years. I did things I shouldn’t have done, and I wish I had handled my business differently.”
I absorbed his words, knowing he probably hoped for some sort of exoneration, but that was only possible in a perfect world. Keeping an open expression, I said, “Me too, but I don’t want you to feel I have anything against you. I now realize that because I didn’t know how to handle my pain, it made things worse between us.”
“And I’m sorry I wasn’t more patient with you.” He let the silence stretch before he added, “And faithful to you.” His gaze went to the television, which I’d muted, then came back to me. “Are you sure this is what you want, Khalila?”
Asking me this now was pointless since we were free of each other. “Yes, I'm good.”
I was satisfied that I knew exactly what I wanted for the first time in too many moons.
Trent sighed, and it saddened me. In it, I heard regret and resignation. Then he said, “Whatever you need you only have to ask, okay?”
“I’ll remember that. Thanks.”
He got to his feet. “Can I ask you something?”
Although I suspected what his question would be, I nodded.
“Blythe. Are you in contact with him?”
I didn’t see the need to lie, so again I nodded. “He’s a good man.”
He winced and lowered his gaze to the floor.
I replayed the words I’d just spoken and realized how they might have affected him. “Don’t take that to mean anything against you. I’m just saying I find him to be a nice person.”
“I understand.”
Trent looked the same as he always did—though more mature. A distinguished, charming man who was good with people. If he hadn’t already found someone to replace me, in time he would.
Although a part of me rebelled over apologizing to him, it had to be done. He’d broken my trust, but I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him not making our divorce an acrimonious experience because he could have. I’d neglected him and our marriage and he had a right to be bitter. Looking into his eyes, I said, “I’m sorry, too, Trent.”
His mouth turned down at the corners and I noticed new lines surrounding his lips. The deep grooves made him look older and I wondered how much I had contributed to them developing since our lives changed.
With a sad smile curving his mouth, he moved and sat next to me. His kiss to my cheek was gentle and he breathed in as if he wanted to inhale me. “Take care of yourself,” he said.
“You too.”
I sat still as he touched his lips to my temple. “If you need anything, call me.”
“Okay.” I touched his arm. “Hold on, I have some stuff I want to give you.”
He didn’t ask what, but waited until I went to Amir’s room and returned. When I approached the sofa, he stood.
I handed him the items I’d saved for him but kept hold of the T-square. He opened the bag and wrinkled his forehead.
“Amir’s things,” I said, before he asked. “I cleaned out some of his stuff today. I’ll have more when I’ve finished with everything.”
He nodded, examined the papers, and then took the T-square from me. “Thanks. It’s good that you’re at this point.”
I ignored the choking sound he made, and when he held his arms open, I stepped into his embrace. We hugged for a moment, then I sat on the sofa, wiping tears away with my knuckles.
He coughed as he headed for the front door to disguise his reaction, but one more issue needed to be addressed.
Before he twisted the handle, I stopped him. “Trent, can I have your keys?”
He faced me, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip. “What if anything happens and you need help?”
“I have Corinne.”
One side of his mouth twitched and I believed he stopped himself from saying something that would have upset me. He reached into his pocket and took out a keyring. Then he removed two keys and walked back to place them on the table between us. One opened the padlock on the grille and the other was for the front door.
Trent walked away again and left the house. The padlock clicked shut, and the strangest sensation washed through me. In one sense I felt like a prisoner. I’d made this house my haven and only left it when necessary. I could afford to do that because Trent had always been generous. With him letting go of the keys, I felt liberated. I now had complete control over my space, and who entered and left it. Although Corinne came and went, she was all about keeping me grounded and reaching for happiness. She was welcome here any time.
I wanted to ring her this minute and tell her what happened with Trent, but I didn’t do that. She’d think I had an emergency if I called so soon after she left and would hightail it back here, thinking I’d fallen apart because of a visit from Trent. To avoid all of that, I took my mind off talking to her.
My thoughts shifted to my writing, for no other reason than the euphoria that stole over me at the thought of my new-found freedom. It was ironic that my articles featured ways to promote good mental health, yet I hadn't taken my own advice.
The urge to hear Douglas’s voice soon overtook me and I tidied up the living room before getting a glass of lemonade and heading for my bedroom. Instead of booting up the laptop as I did most of the time, I dialed Douglas on cell.
“Hey, Khalila. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, I’m good but I needed to hear your voice.”
His soft chuckle was sexy and warmed my insides. “That’s fine with me.” he said. “What kind of day did you have?”
“Did I interrupt your work?”
“I shouldn’t be working at this hour anyway.”
I sat sideways on the mattress, smiling ear to ear. “Good thing I called then.”
“Yes, I’m happy to hear from you any time of day.”
After a deep breath, I said, “I got the papers today.”
Seconds ticked by before Douglas asked, “How d’you feel?”
“A mixture of things. Relieved. Scared. Happy.”
“I can understand why. This is a new stage of life for you.”
“Yes, it is. I’ve been married all of my adult life.”
The clinking of ice in a glass accompanied Douglas’s laughter. “I hope you’re not aiming to do anything crazy and wild to celebrate.”
“Not at all, but I do plan to go shopping this weekend.”
“For?”
“A number of things for my Miami trip.”
He laughed again, making me giggle along with him.
“Enjoy yourself. I won’t tell you again that I can’t wait to see you.”
“I won’t hold it against you.”
“I should hope not,” he said, chuckling. “Have you done anything else for the business?”
“Yes, I’ve been working on the business plan like a certain gentleman urged me to do.”
“Smart woman. When am I going to see what you’ve done?”
“I can take it with me on the trip.”
“Why not email it to me so I can take a look before you get here,” he said. “We can tweak it between us and have it as far along as possible when we meet.”
“You’d do that for me?” I whispered, relaxing against the pillows as my heart galloped.
“It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a huge one for me.”
I heard the smile in his voice when he said, “There’s so much more I want to do for you.”
“Really?” I sat up on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest.
“I hear that tone in your voice,” Douglas said.
“Which?”
“The one that tells me you’re about to go fishing.”
Laughing, I said, “You can’t lay stuff like that on me and don’t expect me to respond.”
“See, now I understand how our relationship is gonna go. I can’t tell you anything because you’ll expect me to bare my soul before I’m ready.”
“Well then, don’t say anything that’ll make me curious,” I grumbled.
“I wonder how you expect me to manage that.”
I scoffed, then injected a serious note in my voice. “You’re perfectly capable of keeping things under wraps if you want to. It’s not like you share all the deep stuff I’m curious about.”
“Like what?”
“All the things I don’t know about you yet.”
“You’ll know everything you want to, in time.”
A shiver ran though my body while I asked, “Is that a promise?”
“Yes, Khalila, I have no secrets.” The ice chinked in the glass while he asked, “Have you decided how long you’ll be staying in Miami?”
I lowered my voice, smiling as an idea took root. “Depends.”
“On what?”
“You. Everything depends on what you want me to do, or what I may choose to do.”
“I’d be happy if you spent as much time here as you possibly can.”
Smiling wide, I said, “I’ll see what I can arrange.”
“You do that.”
I didn’t expand on the idea I was cooking up. I’d share it with him when the time was right. For now, I’d continue planning my visit. With Corinne as my partner in crime, I’d be shaking things up in Douglas’s life and mine.
twenty-two
Corinne sat next to me in the car, fiddling with the radio dial. I had picked her up from home for our shopping trip and was a little annoyed.
“I thought we’d never leave,” I said, cutting her a bad look. “You take forever to get ready.”
She snickered and snapped her fingers. “All this fabulousness takes a while to complete.”
“Yeah, yeah. I need quite a few items, so I hope you’re ready for all the stops we have to make.”
“Of course. I live to shop. There’s a new place that opened a couple of months ago and they have the sexiest…”
My mind drifted to the mental list I was keeping. I had been playing with the idea of an extended stay in Miami, but hadn’t told Corinne. Nor had I told Douglas, or my parents. If I took a break, Corinne could keep the car and check on the house. My writing could get done from anywhere, so that wasn’t a challenge. If I chose to make soap and butter, I could do that at my parents’ house with supplies purchased in Miami. What they couldn’t use, they could gift to their friends and Kenneth, my brother. That’s if I had time to do any of that, since I planned to spend a big chunk of my stay with Douglas.
As I thought about how my style might be cramped by staying with Mama and Papa, I frowned. I wasn’t sure how I’d get around any awkward moments that might come up, but I was my own woman and could work things out. Pity I hadn’t planned to stay with Douglas instead. Later, I’d call my parents.
“There.” Corinne pointed toward a block of buildings, cutting my thoughts. “The shop’s in there.”
We parked and walked down the corridor of a small plaza, eyeing all the storefronts we passed. Her Boudoir was a great find and I told Corinne so. Luxurious sofas, coffee tables, and soft lighting, gave the store the feel of a bedroom, rather than a commercial establishment. The lingerie was positioned on the racks so that customers could examine each piece without bumping into anything else on display.
A shop attendant greeted, then led us to an area that catered to women who were ‘extra curvy’ as she put it. I chose a half-dozen pairs of matching panties and bras, as well as camisoles and nightwear. Corinne insisted on choosing two nighties she said would keep Douglas’s hands glued to me once he saw me wearing them.
We paid for those items and then moved on to another store, where I spent a small fortune on a royal-blue, all-in-one dinner dress I fell in love with and had to buy. After that, we stopped in at Corinne’s favorite shoe store, where I bought a pair of heels in the exact shade as the dress.
“Douglas won’t be able to resist you whenever you wear that get-up,” Corinne crowed, as we sat inside a nearby café eating lunch. The décor reminded me of an English pub and had a welcoming atmosphere.
Our salad and soup were tasty and satisfying. As I dipped my spoon in the bowl of red peas soup, Corinne smiled at me the way she did when happy about something I’d done.
“What has you beaming like that?” I asked.
She shook her head, jangling her beaded earrings. “I’m proud of you for stepping out. To think, in little over a week you’ll be heading off to have the adventure of your life.”
“Yes, it’s amazing how things can turn around in no time.”
“True.” She made a face and then asked, “Have you thought about where this thing with Douglas might lead?”
“Although my mind is running ahead of me, I’m trying not to go too far into the future.”
“Why not?” she asked, tearing off a piece of roll and slipping it into her mouth.
“I want to enjoy this time with Douglas, minus complications. I’ve been static for so long that it’ll be nice to jump into this adventure without thinking about where we’re going.”
She laughed and wagged a finger. “Be careful you don’t wander all over the place too long. I can see you frustrating Douglas by refusing to make any decision about the future.”
I swallowed the soup in my mouth. “Why? D’you think Douglas wants more than what we have now?”
“I don’t know for sure, but all relationships lead somewhere. Either they end in a partnership, a long-term trip that leads nowhere, or in separation.”
Seeing an opportunity to remind her of all the nothing happening in her life, I said, “Where is your journey with Miguel the Dread going—just as an example, I mean.”
She smirked and ate another clump of her roll. “You’re too smart for your own good.”
After scanning the restaurant, she added, “Honestly, I don’t know. I didn’t think Miguel was the one. Although I have five years on him, sometimes I think he’s more mature than I am, but don’t tell him I said that. I’d never live it down.”
We laughed over her comment and I patted her hand. “He’s been around longer than any of your other boy-toys. Maybe that means something.”
“I guess, but I’m not in a hurry to find out.”
I didn’t pursue the argument because Corinne wouldn’t do anything until she was ready, not even if it was to her benefit. She was a great ride-or-die partner, but stubborn when it came to her affairs.
I leaned forward and lowered my voice, as if anyone around us cared about our conversation. “I’ve been thinking about staying in Miami for a while, a few months maybe, to see if this thing with Douglas pans out.”
