After We Fall, page 12
part #1 of A Dare With Me Series Novel Series
“I will. I have a follow-up appointment,” I said, feeling a little defensive.
“Good. I’d rather not find you passed out in the hallway again. Next time, I’ll call Grant or Diego.”
I glared at her.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Grant
A full three days passed before I found out what Harley was hiding.
“I told you about that,” Daphne was saying to Flynn in the kitchen at the lodge. “I found her in the hallway. I’d forgotten she has that issue with her heart skipping beats sometimes.”
“Found who in the hallway?” I asked just as I stepped into the kitchen.
“Harley. She forgot to eat breakfast and got busy with work. She came over here and fainted in the hallway.”
“Is she okay?” I demanded, my tone probably harsher than it should’ve been. I’d seen Harley every day, so I knew she was fine.
Daphne glanced over. “Yeah, she's fine. Well, you look all tense,” she observed as I stopped at the corner of the counter.
“What the hell does that mean?”
Daphne’s perceptive gaze skated over me. Her tone was casual when she replied, “Just that. You look tense.”
Flynn glanced in my direction, his gaze inscrutable. “We're all a little sensitive about heart stuff,” he offered with a glance back at Daphne.
“I know. Harley said she started taking medication.”
My blood was beginning to boil. Harley should’ve told me about this. She hadn't even mentioned that she was taking medication yet. I felt Daphne's gaze on me and tried to school my expression to neutral, but Daphne was annoyingly perceptive. She didn't say anything at that moment, but I saw her eyes narrow slightly and worry chase through her gaze with the telltale furrow between her brows forming. She looked away, replying to something Flynn asked.
Walking to the bathroom in the back hallway, I splashed cold water on my face, quickly drying it with a paper towel and taking a breath. I ordered myself not to dwell on this. I didn't need to worry about Harley. She was fine, right? I didn't need to be angry. It was just that she hadn't told me about this. That tiny detail felt like a splinter driven into the old scar in my heart around my mother's death.
My rational brain tried to remind myself she hadn't known how serious it was until it was too late. I had to splash water on my face again. I took another deep breath, trying to kick all of those worries to the curb.
When I entered the kitchen again, only Daphne was there.
“Where’s Cat?” I asked.
“I think she went to town.”
I felt unsettled now. I was still hungry, but I didn't want to eat. My stomach was churning.
“I have your favorite,” Daphne said.
“My favorite what?” I prompted.
She smiled. “Those ham and cheese rolls you like so much. I don't know if they're really your favorite, but I know whenever I make them, you gobble them up.”
When I rounded the counter, she pushed a small plate in my direction. I picked a roll up and took a bite. It was delicious, but I couldn't even focus.
“Harley didn't tell you,” Daphne commented.
“Didn't tell me what?” I asked, though I knew precisely what she was talking about.
Daphne's lips pressed in a line. She placed a rolling pin to the side and quickly rinsed her hands in the sink. While she dried them, she looked over at me. “She doesn't want anyone to worry. I’m worried, and I'm sure you are. I know she means a lot to you.”
My heart was making a racket in my chest, and it actually hurt a little. I always thought the whole idea of someone’s heart aching was bullshit. But, right now, mine sure did. Tears stung the backs of my eyes, but I wasn't going to fucking cry in front of Daphne. Not because I was being all manly, but because I didn't want her to fuss over me. That would only make it worse.
“You can cry,” she said softly.
I blinked, and a single tear rolled down my cheek. I brushed it away. “I don't want to cry. I'm not being all tough.”
“I know you're not.”
“You know how our mom died,” I stated.
She nodded. “This probably brings a lot of shit up.”
“Yeah, no shit. I wish Harley would just—” I shook my head. “Fuck. I don’t know.”
“Talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel.”
“For what? She won't even tell me when she has one of her episodes.”
“She said she just started taking the medication and Quinn is going to adjust the dose if needed,” Daphne said softly.
I knew she meant to make me feel better, but I felt more annoyed. Harley couldn't even bother to fucking tell me that.
“Well, good,” I said, stuffing the rest of the roll in my mouth and taking my anger out on an unsuspecting roll. It tasted like sawdust. It was more just a matter of getting something in my stomach. My stomach was digesting itself with the acid of my anger and confusion about my feelings for Harley.
I knew this was becoming more than just a convenient roommate-with-benefits situation. I didn't get angry often, and that was another splinter in that scar in my heart.
I flew that afternoon, relieved that I had a busy day. Anything to keep my focus off Harley.
That night, I had dinner in town at Sally's.
“Good to see you,” Layla said as I walked past her a while later. She cast me a quick smile. The corners of her mouth were tight, and the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
I wasn't about to explain, but I sensed that she knew our no-strings-on-occasion arrangement was thoroughly over. It was.
I lifted my hand in a wave, tossed a tip on the table, and walked out into the late evening. In most places, it would be dark now, but at this latitude in the summer, even at eleven o'clock at night, the lingering colors from the sunset were still staining the sky. As the indigo darkness came to lay claim, a few stars were already glittering through the colors. A crescent moon sat above the shadowed ridge of the mountains in the distance.
My boots scuffed on the gravel as I crossed the parking lot. The sounds of the bar became louder before muting as the door swung open and shut again behind me.
I told myself stopping here wasn’t a test, but it was. My anger with Harley was still rolling on a low simmering boil inside me. I'd wanted to see if maybe I could feel a spark. But fucking nothing. Nothing. Layla was fun. We always had light, flirty fun. It was easy between the sheets for both of us. Yet Harley had ruined me, likely for all women in the future.
Everything with her was so intense. She’d taken my expectations up another notch. With the way she let her guard down, it felt like I had earned something, something I knew she didn't give over easily.
I drove home. I just hoped Harley and Cat were both asleep. It was almost dark by the time I got back home. I walked from the parking area by the main lodge through the trees to the staff house. My footfalls were quiet on the well-worn ground. An owl called in the distance with an ever-bossy magpie chattering in return.
I stopped as the trees opened up, looking ahead at the small circle of light cast above the porch. I took a breath, squared my shoulders, and walked with purpose.
When I crossed the porch, I knew before I even opened the door that Harley was still awake. Nerves tightened in my gut.
I walked in, calling out, “Hey!”
She was sitting on the couch and glanced over. The silence felt heavy. I left my boots by the door and hung up my jacket. I was just about to cross into the kitchen when her voice stopped me. It was as if she hooked a finger on the back of my shirt and tugged.
“I'm fine.”
The anger that had been simmering rolled hot and fast. I spun around. “Why are you hiding things? It's bullshit.”
She stood with her hands on her hips. “It's none of your fucking business.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Harley
Grant stared at me. My heart was pounding so hard that I felt unsteady for a moment. I reflexively placed my palm on my chest. In a flash, he was at my side.
“Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” I muttered.
Except I wasn't. The pace of my heartbeat felt like a ball rolling down a hill, picking up speed. I sat back down, forcing myself to take several deep breaths. When I opened my eyes, Grant was right there, and my heartbeat was slower.
I lied again, right to his face this time. “I'm fine. I'm just annoyed.”
Which was true, except my heart had started to race again.
“Would you tell me if you weren't?” he asked.
“Maybe not. Look, I don't like anybody worrying about me.”
Grant was quiet. He felt angry, and Grant never got angry. He was easygoing.
“When people care about you, they worry. Like Daphne cares. Diego cares. I'm sure your sisters do. We all care.”
“I know.”
Feeling stubborn, I crossed my arms, twining my forearms together. “Look, it doesn't work for me if you're going to be hovering and worried about everything I do. I don't need to report back when I have an issue. I'm taking medication. It's going to be fine.”
Grant closed his eyes. Opening them, he shook his head slowly. “You just don't get it. Why do you have to be so stubborn?”
“Because I am stubborn,” I replied, not even caring how mulish I sounded.
“You know, my mom didn't tell us she was having issues until it was too late. For what it's worth, she didn't know until it was too late. You actually know. It really hurts people when they want to help but can’t.”
He stood and stalked away, sprinting up the stairs. His bedroom door slammed shut.
I was still annoyed, but I also felt twinges of guilt stinging in my heart. I'd be damned if I was going to apologize. I waited until I heard him go into the bathroom and back into his bedroom before I thought about going upstairs. Even after that, I sat quietly in the living room, working on my laptop. Two hours later, I tiptoed upstairs and spent a mostly sleepless night tossing and turning. I finally gave up around four in the morning and powered my laptop on to do more work.
When I heard Grant get up and shower, I thought about going out and telling him I was sorry and that I understood how he felt about his mom. But I was still feeling stubborn and pressed to explain that we weren't the same. I knew what was wrong, and I was taking medication. It would be fine. I didn't need everybody hovering over me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Harley
“You had one episode where you passed out and another when your heart started racing?” Quinn asked.
“Yeah, I was angry,” I offered with a shrug.
He arched a brow.
“What? I get angry sometimes. Doesn't everyone?”
“Definitely,” he agreed.
“But you strike me as the easygoing type,” I said.
The minute I said that, I thought of Grant, who was easygoing. Quinn chuckled.
“Heightened emotions do affect the heart. Are you still going to yoga?”
“Gemma does a class out at the lodge with us. I also usually go once or twice a week in town.”
“Good.”
“I get that yoga can help me, but how will it help with this?”
Quinn nodded. “Learning to use your breathing to slow down your heart rate is very important. In one of my anatomy classes, a professor said that your lungs and heart are tied together. What one does, the other will follow. You can't consciously bring your heart rate under your control, but you can with your breathing. Use it. It's your friend, and yoga can help with that.”
I wrinkled my nose. “if you say so,” I teased.
Quinn didn’t tease in return. “Getting emotional can affect your pulse. It would be good if you could learn to notice that and slow it down.”
“Well, I did sit down, and I breathed,” I said, feeling defensive about my breathing and getting angry.
Quinn tapped on a few computer keys. “I'm not saying any of this to be judgmental. Most people get mad. I know you're feeling frustrated that you have to deal with this.”
“Well, I am. I'm healthy, and I'm young.”
“I can't keep you young, but I can help you stay healthy. I've adjusted the dose. We’ll make sure the prescription is sent to the pharmacy. You should be able to pick it up this afternoon.”
“Thank you,” I forced myself to grind out.
It wasn't Quinn's fault that I sort of blamed him for the situation. But then, I also blamed my last doctor. I was definitely blaming the messenger.
Quinn smiled as I stood. “Please schedule with the receptionist on your way out. I want to see you next month unless something comes up again.”
After I left, it felt as if the universe was out to pile on my day. Diego called while I was driving home. I was on autopilot and just tapped the screen on my dash to answer when I saw his name.
“Hey, hey,” he said. “Just checking in. I heard from Daphne you had an episode.”
“I'm fine,” I ground out. “I just left an appointment with Quinn. He's adjusted my medication. I'm fine.” I was so freaking sick of everyone worrying about me.
* * *
“I'm your brother. Wouldn’t you want to know how I was doing if I had something going on?”
“Yeah, but it's annoying,” I replied honestly.
“Well, deal with it. How are things going with Grant?”
“They're not going,” I said flatly.
“Hey, you okay?”
“I've had better days.” I was feeling crispy on all my edges.
After I got home that evening, under the guise of pretending everything was fine, I had dinner at the lodge. Grant and I did a fantastic job of ignoring each other while conversing with everyone else. It made me tired. I didn't want to admit it, but I missed him.
Only one night without him, and I missed him. The feeling poked at me, little sharp stinging barbs of vulnerability. It was already too much.
I felt so stupid that I’d ever thought this wouldn't get complicated. Fuck my life. It was a big fat mess. The best thing was to stop it in its tracks. We’d have to muddle through this part of it.
I left almost immediately after dinner, claiming I had work to do. The upside to my work was that I could always do something. I hopped online and fiddled around with graphics.
After the third night of Grant and I going through this routine of ignoring each other, I got up in the morning expecting to see him. I didn't want to admit I knew his schedule, but I did. Cat was in the kitchen at the staff house. She took two mornings off from baking, giving Daphne the same in return.
“Hey,” she said. She was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in hand and wearing an old pair of sweatpants with a big fleece top that looked soft and comfy.
“Hey.” I went into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. “Thanks for making coffee,” I said as I returned to the living room and took a swallow.
“Sure,” she replied. “How come you haven't asked where Grant is?”
“Should I be asking?” I countered.
Cat rolled her eyes. “You two have been doing an excellent job of ignoring the hell out of each other for the past couple of days.”
“No, we haven’t.”
She rolled her eyes. “If you think you two tiptoeing around at night isn't obvious, then you're more naïve than I am.”
I felt the heat flash into my cheeks. I took a swallow of coffee to gather my composure before replying, “Whatever. It's not like we're in a relationship.”
Cat studied me quietly. “He really likes you.”
“I don't think so. He's pissed off because I didn't tell him I had that episode in the hallway. He heard about it from Daphne.”
She eyed me over the rim of her coffee mug before draining it and setting it on the coffee table. “You know, sometimes people just worry about each other when they care,” she said pointedly. “It’s not like I expect you to report to me, but until the past few nights, you’ve spent every night together.”
“I would have told him,” I muttered. Defensiveness grumbled inside.
“You know he’s pretty sensitive about health stuff.”
“Why?” I pressed even though I knew the answer.
“To this day, I think he feels bad he wasn’t here with us when our mom died. He drove home that night, but it was too late. He cares a little bit more than maybe the average person. It might kind of be a thing for him.”
I couldn’t believe I was getting a lecture from Grant’s little sister, and I hated the sharp pangs of guilt I was experiencing. “If it happens again, I’ll tell him.”
“What’s the deal with you all anyway?”
“Well, he’s been mad at me about that, so I guess we’re taking a break.”
“The timing’s good, I suppose,” she replied.
“What do you mean?”
Her brows hitched up. “Oh, he’s gone for two weeks.”
It felt as if I was abruptly falling from a great height.
“You didn’t know?” she pressed.
“Uh, no. We haven’t been talking,” I mumbled. I took a quick sip of my coffee, the bitterness matching my mood.
“He’s on a two-week tourist-guided trip. Elias was going to do it, but Grant offered when something came up for Elias.”
“Oh.” I didn't want to even admit how bereft I felt.
“I guess you would have liked to have known, huh?”
I tried to shrug and be nonchalant, but I couldn't even pull it off.
Cat eyed me with sympathy in her gaze. “He'll be gone for two weeks. Maybe that’s enough time for you two to sort out your feelings.”
“Forced break aside, I see your point. I should have said something. I just, well…” After I stumbled on my words, I blurted out the truth. “I'm still adjusting to having this. I don't like to feel weak.”
“I get it. I don't either. I'm the youngest in my family, and everyone else is tough. Even Nora.” She rolled her eyes. “Back to Grant. He really likes you. Not like the girls he just has his little nights with.”
