An Unforgivable Secret (Amish Secrets--Book 1), page 6
Joanna laughed. “Is eating all you ever think about?”
“I'm a growing boy, what can I say?” Caleb raised his hands in protest, then quickly placed them back on the steering wheel so as not to frighten his passengers. Being considerate of others in the car was one thing that Joanna had taught him. He'd never considered how frightening traveling in a car at high speeds could be until he met his wife, who'd rarely been in cars before meeting him.
Samuel and Carolanne chuckled.
“Do you have any plans for sightseeing while you're here?” Caleb asked Samuel.
“Ach, I really didn't think much about it, other than spending time with my fraa,” Samuel said. “Do you have any suggestions?”
“Well, let's see. There's Hearst Castle. We've never been there before, but have heard it's pretty amazing,” Caleb said.
“Really? A castle?” Samuel's interest piqued.
“Yes, there was a wealthy man, William Randolph Hearst, who owned several publications. He hired an architect and I've heard he even had some stone pillars imported from Rome or Greece or somewhere. Anyway, it's supposed to be something to see. There's a free visitors' center, if you'd like to go check it out one of these days.”
Samuel looked to Carolanne for approval. “Jah, we'd like to see that if it's not too much trouble.”
“The elephant seals are a pretty interesting sight, as well. And you two will love the Fiscalini Trail,” Caleb said. “There's an old school house over by Sebastian's Store in San Simeon that reminds me of an Amish school. You should check that out too.”
“Caleb, I'm sure they'll want to relax some while they're here too.” Joanna laughed.
“I don't want Carolanne to overdo it. This trip is for her, so whatever she wants to do is fine with me,” Samuel said. He leaned over to Carolanne, and gently grazed her cheek with his lips out of sight of the front passengers.
“I'd like to do all of that if I'm up to it,” Carolanne said with a smile, intertwining her fingers with her husband's.
<><><>
Several hours later, as the sun faded into the horizon, Carolanne sat contentedly on the beach. With Samuel's strong arms wrapped around her, she soaked in the last few rays of sunshine to the sound of crashing waves. The sun's warmth turned into a chilly breeze as the sky rapidly darkened.
“Joanna was right. This is romantic...and beautiful,” Carolanne commented.
“Nothing can compare to Der Herr's beauty. And I thank Him for giving me a beautiful fraa to enjoy His wunderbaar masterpiece with,” Samuel said.
Carolanne smiled up at her gracious husband. “Ich liebe dich, Samuel.”
“I love you too, Carolanne,” Samuel replied. He pulled her close for a slow sweet kiss as a canopy of stars now twinkled above them.
Chapter 12
Samuel had been contemplating what to do for some time now and he felt like he'd finally received his answer. Ever since Carolanne passed on several months ago, he'd been lonely. Lonely for his family back home in Pennsylvania, and he sorely missed Christian's companionship.
Although Christian had sent him a couple of letters over the past few years, he'd never felt the timing was right for a visit. Especially after he'd found out about Carolanne's illness and her impending death. He'd wanted to spend every possible moment with his wife while she was alive and had even worked as little as possible to make it happen. But now that she was gone, nothing was keeping him bound to Ohio.
Samuel had thought about Hannah, and figured that enough time had gone by since he'd left. Surely Hannah was happy and secure in her marriage by now and seeing him shouldn't be a problem.
As Samuel held his brother's letter in his hand, he reread the part about Christian and Hannah. They had recently lost a second child to miscarriage and the grief had begun to take a toll on them. Samuel wasn't an expert, but he felt he could offer Christian comfort in his time of need. Losing Carolanne had been difficult, but he could see now how he'd grown through the experience. Perhaps he could bear some of Christian's burden and encourage him to trust the Lord's will.
Yes, that is what he would do. He wouldn't send a letter to announce his coming, he would just show up out of the blue and surprise everyone.
<><><>
“All right, Hannah. You've been cooped up in this house way too long. It's time you got out and had a little fun,” Deborah said.
“Deb, you know I don't feel like going anywhere.”
Deborah sighed. “Hannah, I know you're upset about losing the boppli. I'm really sorry. But I hate to see my sister so sad all the time. Please just come to town with me, will you? I talked to Chloe and she said there's no reason you can't go out. Peter is watching our kinner and Christian doesn't have any objections, so now it's up to you. What do you say?”
“Well, I guess it would be nice to go for a drive,” Hannah said agreeably.
“So, does that mean you'll go?” Deb asked with hopefulness.
Hannah shrugged unenthusiastically. “I guess it wouldn't hurt.”
<><><>
“Okay, Hannah. I want you to close your eyes until we get there,” Deborah said.
Hannah sighed. “Deb, you know I don't like surprises.”
“You'll like this one. Now stop being a boppli and close your eyes.”
Hannah huffed then rolled her eyes. “Okay, I'll close my eyes just to make mei schweschder happy.”
Deborah maneuvered the buggy down several unnecessary roads to throw Hannah off track so she wouldn't guess where she was taking her. When they finally arrived at their destination, Deborah instructed Hannah to open her eyes.
Hannah squinted in the sun, adjusting her eyes to the light after having them closed for too long. When she finally realized where they were, she gasped. “Deborah, we can't afford to go here,” Hannah said looking up at the large Sight and Sound Theatre building.
“You don't have to afford it, Hannah. It's my treat. I've always wanted to see a play here. And I know you have too.”
“But Deb –”
“There are no buts. Now get out of the buggy or you're walking home,” Deborah insisted.
Hannah frowned disapprovingly at her younger sister.
“Hannah, don't you remember when we were younger and we used to pretend we were Bible characters?”
“Jah, I think I still have the bump on my head from the rock you threw at me when you recruited me to play Stephen.”
Deborah laughed. “I can't believe you still haven't forgiven me for that. And in all fairness, you volunteered for Stephen.”
“That was before you informed me that I was going to be stoned,” Hannah said.
“I guess it pays sometimes to know the Bible.” Deborah shrugged. She looked up and noticed people entering the theater. “Come on, Hannah. We'd better go in before we're late.”
Hannah nodded and gave a slight smile. “Okay, I'll go. And by the way, I have forgiven you for the rock.”
Deborah smiled and sent up a silent prayer for her sister. She really hoped this day would be a blessing to her and allow her to take her mind off her troubles.
<><><>
“Ach, Hannah. I'm really glad you came with me today. I hope you liked it,” Deborah said pulling her buggy into Hannah and Christian's country lane.
“Jah, I had a gut time. Denki, Deb. I really do appreciate you taking me,” Hannah said.
Deborah looked ahead and noticed a buggy near the barn. “Looks like you and Christian have company.”
“I wonder who it could be. It doesn't look like Mamm's carriage,” Hannah said. “Will you stay and have some tea?”
“Maybe another time. I've got to get home and relieve Peter of the kinner. I'm sure little Becky's hungry by now.”
“All right. I'll see ya at meeting on Sunday.” Hannah waved as Deborah turned the buggy around in the yard and headed for home.
With a smile, she stepped in to the kitchen through the back door. Now that she was home, she could tell Christian all about the gut time she and Deborah had at the Sight and Sound Theatre. She was thankful Deborah had talked her into going. It did indeed take her mind off her troubles.
Christian walked in to the kitchen and kissed Hannah. “Kumm, you have to see who's here.” Christian happily pulled Hannah along to the living room where their guest stood up from the rocker and turned around to face them.
Hannah didn't recognize him at first because she'd never seen him with a beard, but as soon as she looked into his eyes his identity was undeniable. Hannah swallowed hard and her smile quickly faded into a frown. “Samuel.”
Chapter 13
Samuel hadn't known what to expect from Hannah, but by her expression he gathered she was not thrilled to see him. Could he blame her, though? The last time he’d seen her she'd been nestled in his arms, and he'd been kissing her soft full lips. Samuel shook his head in an attempt to dispel the improper thought. He would not allow himself to think about his best friend's wife in that way, regardless of what they'd shared in the past. Samuel had no intentions of ruining an already fragile marriage.
“What is he doing here?” Hannah asked coldly.
Christian shot her a puzzled look. “Samuel's moving back. He's going to be helping me with the harvest, so he'll be living in the dawdi haus.”
Hannah shook her head. “Why can't he move in with Peter and Deborah?”
“I invited him to stay here. Hannah, what's wrong with you?” Christian scolded, disappointed in her somewhat insolent behavior.
Hannah spun around and stomped off toward their bedroom, to Christian's dismay. The door shut loudly behind her.
“I'm sorry, Samuel. I don't know what's gotten in to Hannah. She's usually not disrespectful. She must not be feeling well.” Christian attempted to explain away his wife's odd behavior.
“Look, Christian. If it's going to be a problem, I can leave. I don't have to stay here,” Samuel said regretfully.
“Nee, you will stay. I want you to stay, Samuel. Hannah will be fine. She's been emotional since the boppli...” Christian's voice trailed off.
“I understand. I just don't want to cause any trouble.”
“You are my best friend. You could never be trouble,” Christian said confidently. “Now about that cup of coffee we were talking about earlier.”
“I'm all for it, but maybe you should go see if Hannah is all right,” Samuel suggested.
“Jah, I will do that.”
<><><>
Christian gingerly opened the door to the bedroom where Hannah lay on the bed. Her back was turned toward him and he couldn't see her face. “Hannah, Lieb, sit up. I want to talk to you.”
Hannah swiped her eyes and slowly came to a sitting position. She said nothing and stared at the floor.
“What was that all about? Why were you disrespectful to Samuel?” Christian tried to temper his voice.
Hannah squeezed her eyes closed. “How can you just let him come back like that?”
“What?”
“He left you without even saying goodbye. The whole time he was gone, he never sent you any letters. What kind of friend is that?” Hannah said. “And now, you invite him to stay with us?”
“Hannah, Samuel is our friend. He's welcome in our home any time. Whatever grudge you're holding against him, you need to let it go.”
“He was our friend, Christian. Have you forgotten how he just up and left?”
“I don't understand why that's a big deal. Yes, we missed Samuel. But we always knew he'd be going back to Ohio to marry Carolanne. That was no surprise.” Christian sighed. “Hannah, it's Samuel's life. If he wanted to leave the way he did, it was his choice.”
“It wasn't right,” Hannah maintained.
“Hannah, it's not our place to judge. And as long as Samuel is staying in our home, I expect you to be respectful to him. He is our guest and a friend.”
Hannah nodded meekly.
“If you would, I'd like you to make some coffee,” Christian requested. “Samuel and I will be moving his things into the dawdi haus.”
<><><>
Samuel looked up at Christian as he closed the door behind him and came back into the living room. He couldn't help but overhear the conversation between Hannah and Christian. To his relief, Hannah hadn't mentioned their past relationship. If she had, he was quite certain Christian's demeanor would be different.
“Let's get your things now. Hannah will be preparing us some coffee and a snack,” Christian informed Samuel.
Samuel nodded. He would need to talk to Hannah alone later. Clearly, their past relationship needed closure.
<><><>
Hannah took the carafe of coffee, poured the hot liquid into two mugs, and set them on the table with fresh cream and pure maple syrup. That had always been a favorite of Christian's and Hannah had to admit she enjoyed the combination as well. She had baked an oatmeal cake – Christian’s favorite – early this morning and decided it would go perfectly with the coffee.
Hannah released the breath she’d been holding. Being rebuked by Christian hadn't been easy, and up until today, he'd never reprimanded her for anything. Of course, she'd never needed to be reproved for anything before. She realized now that she had indeed been rude and she regretted disappointing her husband. But she couldn't help it. How was she supposed to know that Samuel would show up out of the blue after all these years and turn her emotions inside out? In her choler, she'd been tempted to tell Christian about their past, but fortunately thought better of it before she blabbed anything she’d regret.
She decided the best thing for her to do was to avoid Samuel as much as possible. If she didn't have to look at him or talk to him, everything would be fine. She would simply pretend he wasn't there. After all, she'd become very good at pretending. And when she had to speak out of common courtesy, she would say only what was necessary.
<><><>
Christian softly stroked Hannah's long hair as she lay next to him on their bed. “Hannah, I'm sorry for getting upset with you earlier today,” he whispered. “Denki for being kind to Samuel this evening.”
Hannah turned over and snuggled close to her husband. “Denki for saying that, Christian. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Schatzi.” Christian bent down and planted a kiss on Hannah's lips then pulled their wedding quilt up over their heads.
<><><>
After breakfast, Samuel sat on a small bench just inside the back door, tying the laces on his work boots. He purposely lingered in hopes of speaking with Hannah. Since she'd been smiling this morning, he hoped it would be a gut time to catch her alone. He glanced out the window of the back door and noticed Christian stepping into the barn to begin morning chores. Samuel took one last swig of his coffee and neared the kitchen sink to place his empty mug on the counter. Hannah had already begun washing the breakfast dishes.
“Hannah, I wanted to say –”
“Don't you think Christian's waiting for you outside?” she spat out, clenching her hands tightly in the dish water.
“I was hoping we could talk,” he said gently. Samuel wished she would just look at him and see the sincerity in his eyes. He genuinely desired to rectify past wrongs.
“I'm not interested in talking with you, Samuel. Now I think it's best that you get to work. Christian will wonder where you are,” she answered curtly, then resumed her dish washing with vigor. “We wouldn't want him to think there was ever anything between us, would we?”
Samuel sighed with a heavy heart and resignedly walked to the door. Yep, he'd read her correctly. She hadn't forgiven him for leaving the way he did. He couldn't say he blamed her, though. Regaining her friendship certainly wasn't going to be easy. At least he still had Christian's friendship; fortunately, all hadn't been lost.
Chapter 14
When Samuel entered the barn, he spied Christian near the horses' stalls. His head was bowed down and Samuel was unsure whether he was praying or not. As Samuel quietly approached, Christian lifted his head.
“I'm sorry if I interrupted,” Samuel said.
“Ach, nee. Sometimes I just need a little quiet time. It's hard with everything Hannah and I have gone through. I'm worried about what will happen if she becomes pregnant again. She's had such a difficult time dealing with losing the other bopplin.”
Samuel clasped Christian's shoulder. “And how about you, Christian? How are you doing?”
“I'm dealing with it the best way I know how. I'm working.” He gave a half-smile. “It seems to keep my mind occupied, but it's not always easy.”
“Nee, I'm afraid life is rarely that. Do you know what Carolanne said when the doctor offered pain medication for her cancer?” He didn't wait for a response, but continued on. “She said that Gott promised never to give us more than we can handle, and that she would trust Him for her comfort.”
“It sounds like your Carolanne was a wise woman, and a strong one,” Christian said.
“I believe her strength came from Der Herr. It is that strength that helped me through her death.”
“Jah, I am trusting Gott. I worry about Hannah, though. She is not strong.”
“Christian, have you and Hannah ever trusted Christ for salvation?” Samuel asked.
“I cannot speak for Hannah, but I myself have,” Christian said.
“Perhaps that is why she struggles so.”
“Perhaps.” Christian pondered a moment, then smiled at Samuel. “Denki, Samuel, for coming home. I have missed your friendship.”
Samuel grabbed a pitchfork and began mucking out a stall. “And I have missed yours too, Friend. Now I think we'd better get to work before Hannah refuses to feed us.”
“If you don't work, you don't eat!” They both recited in unison. Christian laughed. “I don't know how many times I heard that growing up. Probably too many to count.”
After Christian fetched a rake and began contently working side by side with Samuel, all became quiet, but for the sound of their working and breathing.
<><><>
Hannah glanced out the window when she heard a buggy rumble up the drive. She smiled when she realized Deborah and Peter had come to visit. No doubt they'd gotten wind of Samuel's return. Hannah dried her hands and walked outside to meet her sister.
