"I wasn't sure how long I'd be staying for."

  "Why?"

  I shifted in my chair. "Like I told you before, I needed a change. But I wasn't sure if the change would be permanent." I came here on a whim. I’d always wanted to visit Delaware. Rumor had it that people were nicer here than in the city. I was finding that to be true.

  "Do you still think you'll go back to New York?"

  I didn't want to lose her. Whatever this was between us, I didn't want to picture it ending. We had only just started dating.

  The timer on the oven went off.

  "There's nothing left for me in New York." I got up and went back into the kitchen. I grabbed some potholders and pulled the casserole dish out of the oven. I hoped that was all the questions she had. I just wanted to eat in peace. And stare at her. I could stare at her for hours in silence and be perfectly content. I set the dish down on the table and scooped some out for both of us.

  She didn't even pick up her fork. "So, the move is permanent now?"

  I’m not leaving you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I gave her a smile. "I believe so."

  "What made you change your mind?"

  Apparently she was not content with silence. But this was another easy question. There was only one thing that had changed my mind. "You."

  She looked down at her plate and blushed. She laughed like she didn’t believe me and then took a bite of the vodka chicken. "This is delicious."

  "Thank you."

  She looked back up at me.

  "Do you have any more questions for me, Penny?" I truly wanted to be able to answer them. For her. I wanted her to know that I was serious about her.

  "Only a million more."

  I laughed.

  "Tell me about your family."

  I slowly finished chewing the bite I’d just taken, trying to figure out how to word a response. "Well, I have an older sister and a younger brother."

  "Tell me about them."

  "My sister lives in New York." I finished off my glass of champagne and poured myself another. I didn’t want to talk about Rob. Hopefully he was out of prison by now. That didn’t seem like a great first thing to say about him. She already had enough reasons to stay away from me.

  "And what does your sister do?"

  "She's a writer."

  "Has she written anything that I may have heard of?"

  "Probably not." She mostly wrote boring articles.

  "And what about your brother?"

  I wasn’t going to get into this. "The last time I heard from him, he was in Costa Rica." True enough.

  "Wow. What does he do there?"

  "Nothing as far as I know. He's been taking time off to travel."

  "Well that's fun."

  Not the way he was doing it. I needed to call him later to make sure he was okay. I half expected him to show up tonight unannounced and ruin my night. But luckily that hadn’t happened yet. I needed this time alone with Penny. Who was I kidding, all I craved was alone time with her.

  "And your parents?"

  "What about them?" I didn’t mean to sound terse, but this conversation was going from bad to worse.

  "Well, where are they?"

  "I'm not close with my parents." Every question she asked made me feel more and more tense.

  "That's a shame."

  I laughed. "No, it's not." I shifted in my chair. I needed to divert the conversation back to her. I already knew how fucked up I was. I just wanted to know about her. "And what about your family, Penny?"

  "I'm an only child. Growing up, I was really close with my parents. But not as much since I started college."

  "And why is that?"

  "I don't know. I feel like some of the best things about college are just things you don't really talk about with your parents."

  "You mean like me?" Penny didn’t feel like a breath of fresh air at all tonight. She was stifling me. I was finding it harder to breathe. I didn’t want to talk about family. I wanted to talk about us. What we could be. Before she had a chance to realize I was wrong for her in every way.

  "Yeah," she laughed. "I mean, I can't exactly tell them about you. I don't even like to imagine how upset they'd be with me."

  "So you're ashamed that you're fucking your Comm professor?" The words just came out of my mouth. I wasn’t even sure why I was suddenly so pissed off. I clenched my jaw so I wouldn’t say anything else rash.

  "That's not really the way that I think about it. I'm definitely not ashamed. I really like you, Professor Hunter."

  You don’t know me. And if you did, you’d be ashamed. You’d fucking hate me.

  "If that's the way that you think of me, then I guess you've gotten all that you want from me." She folded her arms across her chest, putting a distance between us that I didn’t like, and looked down at the table.

  I’d pissed her off, but fuck. She was pissing me off too. I wanted her to want me without worrying about all this other nonsense. Wasn’t that enough? "I knew I wanted you since I first ran into you in that coffee shop. But I wasn't going to pursue you because you're a student. When you showed up in my class it complicated things, though. Every time I saw you, every answer you gave for the daily assignments, and every time we spoke made it impossible for me to get you out of my head. I knew I wanted you. I thought if I let myself give in to the temptation I could move on."

  She abruptly stood up. It looked like she was going to flee.

  "Penny, sit down." I was trying to open up to her, didn’t she see that? I was doing my best. This was hard for me too.

  She didn't move, and that just pissed me off more.

  "Sit down, or I'll make you sit down." Breathe.

  Her throat made that adorable squeaking noise. She sat back down in her chair and stared at me.

  "I don't understand why you're upset,” I said. “We've already talked about all of this. Everything is different now. I couldn't move on. I don't want to move on. You’re all that I think about." I ran my hand down my face. "Geez, you have this way of crawling under my skin."

  "Why, because I want to know more about you? That's what people that are dating do! I don't know why you always get upset when we try to talk."

  "Because I don't want you to know what kind of man I am."

  "I think that you're exactly the kind of man that I want."

  That couldn’t possibly be true.

  She grabbed her glass and took another sip of champagne. "Can you please just try to answer a few more questions without exploding?"

  I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." I was. But I couldn’t talk about my family right now. Or the fact that I was wrong for her on every level.

  "Are your parents wealthy?"

  Jesus Christ. I sighed. "Yes. But everything I have is because of the choices I've made. I don't want a cent from them."

  She looked a little frightened.

  "Penny, do you enjoy pushing all my buttons?"

  "You're always so in control. It's a little fun to see you squirm."

  I raised my left eyebrow.

  "I just feel like you're hiding something from me. And I don't understand why. I told you that I trusted you. Don't you trust me?"

  I stared at her. Had she looked me up online? Did she already know everything I was trying so hard to hide? If she did…wouldn’t she just say it? No. She doesn’t know. Or else she wouldn’t be here. And that wasn’t why she was asking. As Dr. Clark liked to remind me, relationships were built on trust. And I wanted to build a relationship with Penny. Desperately. "I do trust you," I finally said.

  "So what happened with your parents? Why are you so mad at them?"

  Breathe. "It's complicated."

  "Well, you're a professor. You should be good at explaining things. Make me understand."

  Fair point. And for the first time since this conversation started, I almost smiled. I sighed. "My whole life they put so much pressure on me. To the point where I felt like I didn't get to make any of my own choices. It took me far too long to realize. And when I finally did, my life was no longer mine at all. I felt like I was drowning. Becoming a professor was the first thing that I decided for myself in a long time."

  "So screw them," she said.

  I laughed. "Penny, being here, with you...I finally feel like I can breathe again." I didn’t want to talk about my past because I just wanted to be here with her right now.

  "I feel the same way. You make me feel alive."

  That. That right there was what I wanted. It made me feel like I was enough, even though I was so fucking broken. I wasn’t good at talking about my emotions. But I could show her. The best way I knew how. "Come with me." I got up and pulled her to her feet. She followed me to my bedroom. My heart was racing. I slowly peeled off my shirt, then my jeans, and boxers.

  "Professor Hunter. I'm a little sore."

  "Penny, you'd be surprised to find out how many times you can orgasm in a day. Your body can take it. And I want to show you that this is more than just fucking for me too. So I promise to be gentle." I didn’t want her to remember that harsh comment I made. I needed to show her this was more.

  She lifted the shirt over her head. She was even better than my dreams.

  I lifted her into my arms and placed her down on the bed. This was going to be the opposite of the golf course. I was going to worship her body. I’d show her exactly what she deserved.

  I kissed the inside of her ankle and traced kisses up the inside of her leg. I lightly nipped her inner thigh and then moved to her other ankle, repeating the process. When I nipped her inner thigh this time, she moaned.

  That sound. I wanted her. I needed to be inside of her, filling her, claiming her body. I slowly circled my tongue around her clit. Her hips rose to meet me. Even though she was sore, she wanted me just as desperately.

  But this wasn’t going to be fast and rough. Not this time. I moved my head and kissed the palm of her left hand. I trailed kisses up her arm, slowly across her shoulder and clavicle, and then down her other arm. My lips landed against her other palm. Teasing her was making me so hard. Each moan from her mouth. Each time her hips moved. God. I kissed between her breasts and slowly went down her stomach.

  My lips gently sucked on her clit while my hands massaged her inner thighs. When my fingers finally touched her, she was soaking wet. And even though I could have fucked her hard with my fingers, I entered her slowly, lovingly. The moan that fell from her lips was worth the restraint.

  I leaned over top of her and kissed her forehead, her nose, and then her mouth. I hitched my fingers, making sure to rub her g-spot. She practically whimpered beneath me and the sound went straight to my dick, hardening it even more. She was panting when I pulled back from our heated kiss. I wanted her to always look at me like that. Like I was everything. I could get high on that look. And I couldn’t wait another second to be inside of her. I moved one hand under her ass, lifted her hips, and slowly filled her.

  "Oh!"

  I bit my lip as I looked down at her, trying hard not to lose control. I liked when I was rough with her. I loved fucking her. But this? I hadn’t expected this to feel so good. I pushed firmly against her, the angle letting me go deep. Jesus. Was it possible that this was even better than fucking? I felt so connected to her. And the stars in her eyes made me feel like a god.

  There was a moment at the golf course that I’d felt this tightness in my chest. And again at the beach today. I felt it again now. This wasn’t just fucking. God, this was so much more than that. And I needed her to understand. I needed her to feel it too. Because I couldn’t be the only one falling here. I couldn’t be the only one losing control. Because if I was…it would be that much harder when I hit rock bottom again.

  Her fingers were tentative as they wandered along the muscles in my back. I never loved the feeling of someone’s hands on me so much. Like the warmth of her skin could somehow save the darkness in my heart. Like she gave me life.

  I kissed her as I began to thrust in and out of her wetness. Slow. So fucking slow. Her fingertips dug into my flesh.

  "You're so gorgeous," I whispered into her ear. "Every inch of you." I bit her earlobe and I felt her clench around my hard cock.

  "Yes!" she moaned.

  I kissed her passionately, riding out her orgasm. When it subsided, I rubbed my nose down the length of hers, a smile on my lips. "I'm not done with you yet. I'll never be done with you." And I meant it. It was terrifying how much I meant it.

  I rolled over and pulled her with me so that she was straddling me. I grabbed her ass and guided my cock in and out of her. Her tits bounced with every movement. It was the perfect view. I moved my hands to her tiny waist and then slowly slid them up the sides of her torso, grabbing her luscious breasts in my hands. She started to move her hips, setting the pace as I gave her tits some much needed attention. I rubbed her swollen nipples and then locked eyes with her as I slid one of my hands down her stomach. My fingers found her clit and I began to massage it gently.

  "Professor Hunter."

  God, whenever she said that it made me that much harder.

  Her head dropped back like she had never felt anything so exquisite. She was going to come again.

  I pulled her face back down to mine, kissing her, and rolled over again, pinning her to the soft mattress. I thrust my hard cock in and out of her tight little pussy a little faster. In and out. Faster. She wrapped her legs around my waist and grabbed my ass, pulling me against her.

  Fuck. I lost control, filling her with my release. She called out my name as she came. I closed my eyes for just a moment. Being buried inside of her was my new favorite feeling. I wanted her in my bed waiting for me every day with her legs spread. Again and again.

  I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at her. I was never going to let her go.

  Chapter 31

  Monday

  As soon as I pulled out, Penny sat up in bed, drawing her legs in and hugging them close. It looked like she was about to cry. That moment had been perfect. For me. But it hadn’t been for her. What had I done wrong? I’d tried to be gentle with her. To show her that this was more than just fucking. But what if she didn’t want more? My heart started racing. What if she finally realized how wrong this was?

  I sat up and cupped her chin in my hand. "Penny, what's wrong?" Let me fix it.

  "Nothing." She blinked faster, pulling her legs tighter to her chest.

  I rubbed the side of her chin with my thumb but didn't say a word. I was so fucking lost in her. I couldn’t lose her now. I didn’t say a word, waiting for her to speak.

  "It's just. For some reason, this whole time, it's seemed like I made this all up. Like it's this fantasy and you're not real. And I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up from this amazing dream and you're going to be gone. That you're just going to disappear."

  She was just freaking out because she felt it too. It was real and heavy and scary as hell. "I've told you that I'm not going anywhere. There's no reason to be upset about that. Please don't cry." I wiped away one of the tears that had fallen down her cheek.

  "But what we just did. I know you said you were going to be gentle. But I expected it to be like the other times. This whole day just seemed different. More intimate. I don't know. I didn't expect to feel so...so..."

  I thought back to her confession at the beach. No boyfriends in high school. I really should have already known all this. "No one's ever made love to you." I meant to ask it as a question, but it didn’t come out that way. Because I already knew the truth. It was written all over her face.

  "Well, I thought so. But no, not like...not like that."

  Not like that. It was the understatement of the century. I’d never felt like this either. Like suddenly I felt less…empty. I stared at her. That’s how I’d felt right before I met her…completely and utterly empty. And it was scary how whole I felt with her in my arms even after she stumbled into them the first time. Was that how love was supposed to feel? Because I’d certainly never felt like this before. Dr. Clark had asked me if I was in love with Penny. I was terrified that this was that feeling. But it didn’t seem like the right moment to tell Penny that. Not when she looked terrified. I didn’t know if she was a flight risk. She never looked so young to me before, sitting there with tears in her eyes.

  "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." I rubbed another tear off her cheek. I needed to just calm her down. "How many partners have you been with?"

  "One."

  One? Jesus. She’s going to think I’m a monster. All the thoughts I had been feeling. Could she really be feeling them too if she’d only been with one guy? I was in a different stage of my life than her and it had never been so clear. Yet, it didn’t make me want her any less. Her confession didn’t make this feel any less real to me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her down on top of me. And I just held her. She was more innocent than I thought. And it terrified me. I could lose her. I could really lose her for my shitty past mistakes.

  "And how many partners have you been with?" she asked.

  The question I’d been worried about. I sighed. "A little more than that."

  "How many more?"

  "Penny, I don't want you to think poorly of me." I don’t want to lose you.

  "More than five?"

  I exhaled slowly. How could it be so easy to breathe around her one moment, and the next if felt like I was suffocating? As if she controlled my air supply.

  "More than ten?"

  "I spent a large portion of my college years fairly drunk." An understatement.

  "More than fifteen?"

  "We should probably stop playing this game."

  "Professor Hunter, you're a slut!"

  I laughed. "You seem to enjoy all my experience."

  She cringed. I didn't like picturing her with anyone else. I imagined it was the same for her.

  "And what about your one, Penny?" I thought about the video footage of Tyler leaving her dorm. She said they were just friends. Had they always been just friends? I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to handle him being in my class, sitting next to her, knowing he’d fucked her. Breathe.

  "What about him?" She slid off me and onto her side, her head resting in her hand.

 

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