Project Lightning, page 16
“No. He left and suddenly I felt like my head was going to explode. Dizziness and nausea. I tried to catch myself, but I fell down. Then nothing.”
Caleb looks up and I follow his gaze. Dr. Murphy's caring eyes meet mine and I smile. Of course Caleb would get her. She’s the one doctor I trust. “What do you think, Dr. Murphy?”
“I think you had a severe anxiety attack. Possibly several. Your mind shut down because of too much stress.”
Anxiety attack? I guess it’s possible but why am I having this issue now? “Are you sure?” I ask. “I’ve never had them before. So why now?”
She smiles at me and I feel a calm surround me. “The symptoms suggest it. However, usually there’s something that causes the attack. I wonder if it was a memory trying to appear and your brain couldn't handle it,” she explains. “I really wish you would allow me to do hypnotherapy.”
“Hypnotherapy?” Caleb asks, and I flinch.
“Yes,” Dr. Murphy says. “It’s a type of therapy used a lot during the early twenty-first century on trauma victims. I’ve studied it a lot. In fact my dissertation was on hypnotherapy uses on amnesia patients. This type of hypnotherapy involves something called regression where we can actually delve into the past through Brinna’s eyes. During a session, I put the patient under hypnosis and that way her conscious mind isn’t able to hold back the memories. We might be able to recover some more memories during this therapy. It might give us some answers to what happened in the eight years Brinna is missing. But also we can change the way Brinna views her memories and hopefully reduce the anxiety involved with a memory resurfacing. Brinna and I talked about this when she came to see me last week.”
Caleb looks at me. His face is serious. “Why didn't you tell me about this?” I blush and look away. I’m internally cursing Dr. Murphy for bringing this up now. “Brin. Look at me,” I swing my head to face him. “Why?”
“I don't know if I want to know,” I say with anger. “What if I find out something bad or I was actually lied to my whole life? I don't know. I’m not sure I want to know yet. Is that okay with you?” Caleb takes a step back and releases my hand. Instantly, I feel guilty. I snapped at him and he didn't deserve it. “Look, Caleb.”
“No it's okay,” he mutters as he turns away from me. “I understand. It isn't any of my business.”
He reaches down to gather his stuff. He’s going to leave and then I will be alone again. I internally curse myself because I feel scared to be alone. That weakness is overwhelming and I need his strength. I reach out to grab him and he turns; his eyes are dark and intense. A frown on his face and I see tears gathering in his eyes. “No, Wait, Caleb.”
“What? Do you want me to stop caring for you? I care for you deeply, Brinna. I just want to see you happy and healthy.”
“I'm sorry, Caleb.” I say as I feel tears stream down my face. “I know you care and I care too. It's just a lot to process. You know?” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “I love you, Caleb. Please don't leave me. Please.” I beg. I hear the beeping increase but I don’t need that to know that my heart rate is increasing. I can feel it pounding in my chest. His eyes meet my wild one and I see his body sag. A tear slips down his cheek. His eyes are clouded as he stops in front of me. I place my hand on his cheek. “Talk to me,” I whisper.
“I guess. I don't know. I would’ve thought if there were a way for you to get your memory back you’d do it. I guess I was wrong.”
I sigh. He makes sense. “It’s not that I’m saying no to it. I just wanted some time to think about it,” I mutter.
“I can understand that, but why didn't you talk to me about it?”
I grimace as I think about this question. Why didn't I talk to him about it? I’m so used to being on my own I have to remind myself that I’m not alone. Not anymore. I look up at him with tears in my eyes. “I don't really know why, but I think it has to do with being alone.”
“You’re not alone,” he interrupts. I put my hand up and he goes silent.
“I know I’m not alone now, but I grew up in a family and felt all alone. No one knows how it feels to know nothing about themselves or whether their parents loved them. You don't know how much I’ve wanted to know about my family. No one would talk to me. Now I finally get a chance to figure something out but it comes with a consequence. I may have been lied to all my life by the people I love and that makes me feel even more alone.”
Caleb nods thoughtfully. He purses his lips and taps his finger against it. “I guess I can understand that, Brin. I never thought of it that way.”
I smile and reach for his hand. He links his fingers with mine and gently strokes my knuckles. “Give me some time. I'm still getting used to this whole relationship thing. Okay?”
“Okay,” he says softly. He leans over and places a chaste kiss on my lips. They tingle with the touch. I feel his smile on my lips as he brushes them gently over mine. We sit there for several moments with our foreheads touching staring at each other. His eyes sparkle more green than brown at this moment.
A knock at the door brings us back to reality. Dr. Murphy peeks her head in the door. “Is it safe to come in now?”
I chuckle lightly and then put my hand to my head. The insistent bang of my headache turns my stomach. I groan as I take slow breaths to calm my stomach. Dr. Murphy hands me a pill and instructs me to place it under my tongue.
After it melts I ask, “What did I just take?”
“An anti-anxiety pill,” she answers shortly before tapping on the computer keyboard in the corner. Screens flash quickly and I have to look away as dizziness overtakes my body.
“Will it make me sleep?” I ask as I feel like a heavy weight is attached to my eyelids.
She nods lightly. “It will make you sleepy and will calm your headache.”
“Ok,” I slur lightly. Caleb chuckles and I smile sloppily.
“I'm going to keep you overnight.” Dr. Murphy says as her attention returns to the screen. “Get some sleep and we will talk in the morning.”
My eyelids feel heavy and I smile sleepily. “I'll see you in the morning, Brin.” Caleb says as he places a sweet kiss on my forehead. I blink slowly trying to stay awake. I smile as I slip into an empty sleep.
Chapter 25
I wake slowly and blink. The monitor beeps lightly in the background. I look around briefly and notice Caleb sitting on the couch. His eyes closed in sleep. Long lashes rest against his defined cheeks. His muscular chest rises and falls slowly. I wonder how long he has been there? What time is it?
I cough lightly. His eyes remain closed but he stretches his legs out in front of him. I smile and chuckle under my breath. “Caleb,” I whisper. “Caleb.” He moves again but remains asleep. I wonder how he made it through his first year here. He sure sleeps soundly.
“Private Warner,” I say loudly with authority.
Caleb jumps up from the couch and stands at attention. His eyes glassy from sleep and he looks confused. I laugh hard as he realizes where he is. Looking around the room, he searches for the officer who called him to attention.
“Did you hear that?” he asks with real concern in his voice.
I try to stay serious. “Nope,” I say with a giggle. “Didn't hear a thing.” He stares at me as if I’m losing my mind. A realization dawns over his face and he shakes his head. A smile pasted on his handsome face.
“You...”
I smile brightly and he leans down kissing me passionately. Our tongues duel briefly. He pulls back and smiles at me.
“Wow,” I say as I fan my face.
He chuckles lightly. A knock on the door pulls us out of our little world. Dr. Murphy enters. She smiles. “Good morning, Brinna. Caleb.”
“Good morning,” we chorus.
“So, how are you feeling?” She pulls the keyboard toward her tapping lightly. The click of her fingers on the keys sounds stark in the almost quiet room.
“Much better,” I say and I do feel better. It’s amazing what a good night sleep will do for a person.
“Good. I’m going to send the nurse in to disconnect you. After that I would like to see you weekly. If at any time you feel ready to do the hypnotherapy, we can arrange for that. Okay?”
I smile and say, “Yes. Of course.”
“Good. See you next Thursday after classes. Okay? Have a good visiting day.”
“I will, thank you.” The nurse comes in and starts to disconnect me from all the monitors while Caleb waits patiently. He offers me my clothes and leaves briefly so I can get dressed. I walk out and see Caleb leaning against the wall. I place my hand on his shoulder and he turns toward me.
“Ready to bust out of this joint?” he says and I nod. He grabs my hand and we walk down the halls of the medical wing. “So you never told me. How are you feeling about seeing your family today?”
I take a deep breath. My heart seizes and I feel an ache begin to form in my chest. “I'm conflicted,” I reply. I still don't know how I feel about seeing them. “I'm happy. I get to see Maddy, which I’m looking forward to. I don't know how I can look at my aunt and uncle and not feel cheated.”
He shakes his head and frowns. “I can understand that, but can I give you some advice?” I nod solemnly. My mind races around to the different ideas of how today will go with my aunt and uncle. Then my mind returns to Colonel Barnum’s warning. “Just enjoy today. Don't think about what might be until you know for sure. Okay?”
I nod and think about this. I can try to forget for one day and enjoy them today. I smile and squeeze his hand. “I can do that.” We walk through the doors into the main hallway. “Is your mom coming today?”
He smiles. “Yes. I want you to meet her.”
I feel the crease in my forehead deepen. “You do?” I am surprised but a part of my heart flutters thinking about meeting his mother.
He grins. “Yes. I do. I already told her about you. She’s excited to meet you.”
“She is?” I gulp. My stomach flutters anxiously as I think again about meeting her.
“Yup.” He looks over at me. He frowns and says. “Are you okay?”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Looking up at his eyes, I see his concern for me. I place my hand gently on his face. “Of course I’m okay. Just a little shocked that you’d want me to meet her so soon.”
He stops and cups my cheeks in his firm hands. He pulls my eyes to his.“Brin. I love you. I don't throw those words around carelessly. I mean it.”
My anxiety tempers for a moment as I smile, “I love you too, Caleb. I'm sorry.”
“Honey. Don't be sorry. It’s okay to be nervous. My mom is awesome.”
“Okay. I'll see you at visitation.”
I enter my dorm and am immediately surrounded by my dorm mates. Madore talks so quickly I can’t understand a word she says. Something about her boyfriend coming to visit or whatever. I quickly changed into my dress uniform and put my hair up. My hands start shaking as I reach for my make-up. Madore walks in and sees my trembling hands. My wide eyes reflect into hers.
“You okay?” Her eyes laced with concern.
I set my makeup down and shake my head slowly. “Nope.”
“Okay. What's up?”
My stomach flutters deeply. It feels like a lead weight has settled inside. My breath quickens as I think about what is up. “Caleb. Mom. Visit.” I stutter as I try to convey what is causing this reaction.
“Oh.” Madore smiles “You're meeting Caleb's mom today?” I nod frantically. She chuckles and grabs my make-up bag. “Relax, St. Pope. I'll do your makeup. Okay?”
I take several deep breaths and let them out slowly. “Yeah. Thanks.”
She chuckles again and starts to expertly apply my makeup. When she’s done, I almost don't recognize myself. She's done some kind of smoky eye and made my lips pink and pouty. I smile at myself. “There. Now you look beautiful.”
I turn around and throw my arms around her neck. “Thank you,” I whisper.
She hugs me back. “No problem, St. Pope.”
“Brin. Call me Brin,” I say as I pull back from the hug.
“Brin it is,” she says with a smile. “Call me Piper.”
“Piper,” I smile and give her another brief hug.
An announcement plays over the loudspeaker. Attention first and second year recruits. Visiting hours begin in five minutes. First and second year recruits. Visiting hours begin in five minutes. Please make your way to the Atrium to see your visitors.
I walk swiftly to the Atrium and feel an arm reach around me. I look up and Caleb inhales deeply. “Brin. You look beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I say shyly and feel my face heat.
“Is this for my mom?” I nod slowly. “Oh honey, she’s going to love you with or without makeup.” My face falls and I think maybe I went too far. I just wanted to look nice for her. Caleb places his fingers under my chin and gently pulls my eyes to his. I try to pull away but he grips my chin tightly. “Honey. I didn't mean to upset you.” I finally pull out of his grip and turn my body away from him. “Shit,” he mumbles under his breath. I feel arms wrap around me and internally curse myself for being so sensitive as tears gather in my eyes. Caleb leans in and whispers. “I didn't mean that I don't appreciate you doing something extra. I meant you are truly beautiful and I love you whether you wear makeup or not.” I curse myself again for being so sensitive. It feels like no matter what I do, I mess something up. This is new territory and I feel like I am blindly navigating it. I turn and he pulls me into his arms. His large hands running up and down my back. I look up at the ceiling to keep the tears from falling.
What is going on with me? I’ve never been nervous to meet people but then again, I’d been a loner before I came here. So I didn't have a lot of practice in that realm. I look up at Caleb and I attempt to place a smile on my face. He returns a grin before he tucks my head back into his arm.
“I just wanted to make a good first impression,” I whisper in him as I feel rasping breaths rack my body. His hands rub my back in circles as we stand there.
“Honey. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I didn't mean to. Are you really that nervous to meet her?” I nod into his chest. “Oh, honey. There’s no reason to be nervous. If you don't want to meet her, it's okay. She’ll understand.”
I pull my head back to look at him. After all this work, I have to meet her. “I want to meet her.”
“Are you sure?” Caleb asks.
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Are you ready now?”
My eyes widen slightly. I gulp. “Now.”
Caleb chuckles and turns me to face the front entrance. Standing just a few feet away from us is a slight woman with shoulder length brown hair and a small build. I recognize her eyes; hazel with flecks of green. She has her hands clasped in front of her and a wide smile on her face.
Caleb releases me. He steps forward, enveloping her in a big hug. She hugs him tightly back and I smile. Her arms barely reach around his broad back. She reaches up and gives him a kiss on the cheek. I notice tears in her eyes.
Caleb puts his arm around her and leads her to me. I stand stark still unable to do anything but breathe. “Brinna,” he says, “I want you to meet my mom, Kylie.”
Instinctually, I put my hand out. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma'am.”
She smiles up at me and pushes my hand away. My smile falls slightly until she wraps me up in an amazing hug. My arms awkwardly land on her back. At first, I’m frozen, but I quickly recover and pull my arms around her.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Brinna,” Kylie says. She pulls away from me and I feel empty suddenly. I didn't realize how much I needed that. “Please call me Kylie.” I nod as Caleb returns to my side. Kylie looks back and forth between us and her smile brightens. “You two are so cute together.”
Caleb groans “Mom,” and I giggle.
“Thank you, Kylie. You’ve raised an amazing man.”
She blushes furiously and Caleb laughs loudly. I look up and see Aunt Myrna looking around the Atrium. Caleb follows my gaze. “Kylie. Can I borrow your son for a moment?”
She looks over her shoulder as she nods. “Of course.”
“Mom, I’ll be right back.” He places a kiss on her cheek. I grab Caleb's hand and make my way through the crowd. Aunt Myrna spots me first and taps Uncle Greg's arm. Uncle Greg looks in my direction with a smile that falters slightly when he sees my hand in Caleb's but Aunt Myrna smiles widely.
Maddy and I make eye contact. “Brinna!” she exclaims.
I drop Caleb's arm and run to her. Wrapping her up in a huge hug, I twirl her around. “Maddy!” I exclaim as I put her down and get a good look at her. Her hair’s longer and she has slimmed down a little. She’s starting to loose the little girl look. “Look at you. You’re growing up.”
Maddy infectious smile brightens the room. “You’ve changed too. Your arms are bigger and look more defined, but there’s something else. You look happier.”
I smile and take a step back. Caleb grabs my hand. Looking over my shoulder, I see the happiness glowing in him. I look over to Aunt Myrna and Uncle Greg. Aunt Myrna winks at me with a smile but Uncle Greg looks a little more reserved. I squeeze Caleb's hand and he lifts it to kiss the back of my knuckles. I release him again and approach Aunt Myrna. She pulls me in for a hug. “Oh sweetie. He is very handsome.” I giggle lightly in her arms.
“He is. Isn't he?” I whisper as she nods gainst my head. “It’s so good to see you.”
She kisses my cheek. I step back and in front of Uncle Greg. His eyes are misting. He holds out his arms and I walk into them. His strong arms wrap around me and I feel his love surround me. I definitely missed this. “Is he treating you good?”
I pull back and look up at his concerned eyes and smile. “Yes, he is.” He nods briefly before releasing me. Stepping back, my back runs into Caleb. His hands go to my hips. Uncle Greg frowns for a moment. Caleb hastily removes his hands and steps beside me. We link hands. “So Uncle Greg. This is Caleb Warner.”
