Jordyn's Army, page 46
It’s not.
I take the floor.
After trying to get comfortable for what seems like hours, Kendall turns off the side lamp.
“Ben?”
“Kendall?”
“Thank you, and I’m sorry.”
“For what? Making me sleep on the floor?”
“It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
I sit up. “You ever sleep in a bed with that Jòse?”
“Of course not,” she says on a yawn.
“Didn’t you date him for a hot minute?” When she doesn’t say anything, I ask another question, which will either be ignored or get me thrown out. “So, you really are still a virgin?”
As expected, she doesn’t answer.
“Not poking fun, Kendall; just trying to understand why you’ve never taken the step.”
She sighs then turns on the light, sits up, and looks down at me. “A million reasons.”
“Wanna give me the top ten?”
She holds up one finger. “I don’t want to just sleep with anyone. I want to give that part of me to a person who will cherish me. And before you make a joke about that, I mean for more than ten minutes. Two, I’ve watched people I love nearly break because their relationships were built on attraction, and that’s not going to be a solid enough foundation for me. Three …” She stops, and I see a blush spread across her cheeks.
Sitting up, I say, “Go on.”
“I’ve never felt head-over-heels for someone. Some may think there’s something wrong with me, but—”
“I don’t think there’s a damn thing wrong with you; just trying to understand.”
“I know what I want, and I’m not going to waiver.”
I nod then ask, “What do you want?”
“I want me and the man I will someday fall in love with to be best friends but not smother each other.”
“Explain smother each other.”
“If I want to go on a trip for two weeks, I don’t want to be told no, to be made to feel like it’s selfish, or to worry about that person cheating on me. I don’t want to be told what I can and can’t do. If I decide I want to go back to school at thirty-five, even if I have a bunch of kids, I want to be able to do so without feeling guilty.”
“You’re referring to Tessa’s issues with Lucas and your parents’ split.”
She nods.
“And Jòse?”
She hugs her knees and shrugs. “He wanted to do the long-distance thing, and I didn’t. When I changed my mind, he’d already slept with someone else.”
“So, he said no to getting back together?”
“No”—she shakes her head—“I said no. I know that whoever I fall for isn’t going to replace me that quickly.”
“Not trying to stick up for the guy, but you did break up.”
She smiles slightly and shrugs. “And if he truly loved me like he said every time we made out and he wanted to take it further, he wouldn’t have been able to do that.”
“Sweets, men and woman view sex differently.”
She looks down at me. “That’s all well and good, but I’m not looking for sex to come before love.” She lies down and turns her back to me. “I’m looking for one love, and that one love won’t want anyone else but me.”
“That’s how it should be,” I agree.
“For me, that’s how it will be.”
My chest tightens with realization that I want the same damn thing. I want the woman I lay with at night to be my best friend, my partner in life, my fucking everything, but still be able to do what I love.
“Kendall?”
“Ben?”
“What if that one man fucked up as a kid and did something stupid, almost unforgivable?”
“Like what? Kill someone?”
“No, like briefly date your sister?”
Silence.
“I’m not willing to ignore the connection we shared at the bar, the fact that your hand felt perfect in mine, the fact that, instead of getting laid, I’m lying on a hard as hell floor in pink sweats when I could get a cab and be lying in my bed at my loft a few blocks away, or the fact that I’d ignore the stiffening of my cock and the need to fuck in exchange for more time to explore this thing with you and me.”
She’s silent.
“Is it because of Tessa?”
“Well …” She chuckles.
“Well nothing, because the woman I give my heart to is going to have to accept the fact that I have a past. She’s going to have to be my best friend. And although I want her to do whatever the hell makes her happy, I’m hoping she’s gonna wanna do the majority of those things with me.”
“I’m sure she will, Ben.”
“Good to know, little Ross. Sleep well.”
I sure won’t, I think to myself.
I wake up to the sound of a sink running and a stiff as fuck back.
Sitting up, I look down and think, Shit.
“Kendall?”
“Yeah?” she says then spits what I assume is toothpaste into the sink.
“I have massive morning wood and need to piss, so either look away or feel free to check it out in advance, but I’m coming in that bathroom with tented pink sweats.”
She doesn’t even look away when I stand at the toilet and begin to piss.
“You good with this?” I laugh.
“I have two brothers, Ben. This doesn’t even faze me.”
After I piss and flush the toilet, I turn around and watch her rub some lotion on her face. Dirty thoughts about facials filter through my brain as I try my best to keep them pure.
I step closer, reach my arms around her, and wash my hands, smiling at her as I do so. She shakes her head and smiles back.
“We look good together, Ross,” I say as I turn off the sink. “Best-looking couple I’ve ever seen.”
“You’re insa—”
She stops talking when I rest my hand on her hips and kiss the top of her head. “And you smell so much better than you did last time you and I were in here.”
She elbows me as she laughs.
“What do you say?”
“We do look good.” She shrugs. “But I have just about as much interest in dating a budding rock star as I do dating a professional athlete or any of my sisters exes.”
I step back, hands over my heart, hiss, and then whisper, “Ouch.”
She turns and looks at me. “Last night was a fog, but I’m pretty sure I told you I’m not looking for anything, and I also told you—”
“Don’t you miss being held, Kendall?” I reach out and grip her hips, pulling her toward me. “Kissed?” As I lean in, she scrunches her eyes closed. Then I brush my lips across hers. When I step back, she looks confused. “You don’t get a real one until you give in to exploring this.” I motion between us. “And I won’t even try to get into your panties until I know damn well I’m enough for a girl like you.”
She looks down, nibbling on her lower lip.
“I’m going to get changed. I have some shit to do. When do you finish up with your tour group today?”
“Um, like nine?” She peeks up at me.
“You like Sinead O’Conner?”
“Um, yeah!” She grins.
“Good. I’ll come by at 9:15 to grab you.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Kendall, it’s a date.”
She clenches her eyes closed and nods.
I step toward her again, lift her chin, and her eyes spring open. I see exactly what I need to see—want. But I give her exactly what I know she needs—a quick kiss to the forehead. Then I step back, turn around, and grab my clothes.
I swear I feel her eyes on me as I change, so I deliberately take my time, allowing her to check out what I’ve been told is the best ass in the world.
After I’m dressed, I grab her cell phone. “I’m adding my contact information. You need me before I pick you up, call.” That done, I set it down and grab my own phone, keys, and wallet.
I stop before her and kiss her cheek. “Tonight, you can build a fort between us, but I’m getting at least half the bed.”
“That’s pretty presumptuous,” she says, but the smile in her voice gives away her true feelings.
“I’ll be a perfect gentleman until I can’t be anymore. The first time, I’ll ask permission. Once it’s given, I don’t promise to be a gentleman, but I do promise you won’t regret a damn thing, little Ross.”
She walks me to the door and, as I step out into the hall, she stops me.
“Ben?”
I turn back. “Kendall?”
“Do me a favor?”
“After our first date, I’ll do you several.”
She shakes her head but with a smirk.
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.” I wink. “The favor?”
“I’m going to be late, so you can’t come back in here, okay?”
I nod.
“Look through your mom’s social media posts. There’s a picture of that time you said you believed in fairy tales—”
“None of that means shit, Kendall,” I cut her off. “What does mean shit is what happened on the stage and what’s been happening since.”
“Will you just look at it?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Nope. Not—”
“If you don’t, I’m not going tonight.”
Then the little beauty shuts the door in my face.
6
Ben
In God’s Country
Standing outside the hotel, I wait impatiently for Kendall to appear. Umbrella in one hand, a dozen pink roses in the other, feeling a little nervous, I pace back and forth in front of the hotel.
When she walks out in a pale pink dress under a black rain jacket and black boots, I can’t stop myself from looking her over very slowly.
She shakes her head and looks down, smiling.
I clear the four feet distance between us as I tuck the roses under my arm and grip the back of her head, pulling her in and kissing her forehead. Stepping back, I then hand her the roses. “No need to be careful with these ones. I made sure the thorns were gone.”
She takes them and holds them under her nose to inhale. “Thank you, Ben.”
I hold out my hand for her, and as she reaches for it, she stops and starts laughing.
I hold up my hand, fingers all covered in Band-Aids. “Not afraid to pick a few thorns off the roses, Kendall. And if I remember correctly, I told you to be careful, not me.”
“Well, you should be.” She grins.
“No way in hell.” I take her hand in mine and kiss the back of it.
We walk quietly down the sidewalk, hand in hand, rain trickling down around us.
“It was you.”
She nudges me. “You don’t believe in fairy tales.”
“I do now.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Yeah, well, I’m gonna take a chance and guess it’s going to be a happily ever after.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t do that.”
In the distance, lightning lights up the sky. Moments later, thunder crashes around us.
I look over at her as she bites her lower lip, trying not to smile.
As rain begins to pour down around us, I hurry to a storefront with an awning and pull her under it. Then I close the umbrella and lean it against the shingled siding. “I’m gonna kiss you.”
She looks nervous as she swallows hard and licks her lips.
“I’ll be gentle.” Cupping her face, I rub my lips across hers and whisper, “This time.”
Kendall
My heart is racing. It’s beating even harder against my chest than it has been all day while wondering if he would even realize it was me who he had pulled the thorn from, not Tessa. Beating harder than it was when I was getting ready for a date with Ben Sawyer.
Closing my eyes, I inhale the scent of roses, the smell of the rain, and the smell of him. Earthy and a light cologne that reminds me of Alex’s favorite scent, Drakkar Noir. Familiar but unfamiliar.
He presses his lips harder against mine, slightly opened, and I follow his lead. When he then swipes his tongue slowly across them, I press mine against his, and his chest vibrates against mine. He tilts my head up as he rubs his tongue against mine, and I whimper.
He continues rubbing his tongue up and down mine, and I open my mouth farther, wanting and needing him to continue, tilting my head back so he can lick deeper.
Then, something happens, something that has never happened. Nerves are replaced by a heat, a feeling inside that almost makes me dizzy.
He licks inside my mouth while holding my head still. I realize my hand, the one not holding the flowers, is gripping his hip and pulling him closer to me.
He groans and removes his tongue from my mouth, pressing his lips against mine. “Sweet thing, Christ.”
When he steps back and presses his forehead to mine, I open my eyes and try to focus on his beautiful brown ones.
“You wanna keep this PG, we need a breather.”
I push up on my toes and kiss him.
Lips against mine, he chuckles. “We have plenty of time.”
“Mmmhmm,” I say against his lips.
He steps back and licks his full red lips slowly while looking at me. “You taste damn good.”
“So do you.”
He searches between my eyes then smiles softly. “That moment back then was a sign.”
I shake my head. “Do you really believe in signs?”
He nods.
“I don’t.”
Thunder crashes, streetlights flicker, and then the entire street goes black.
Ben pulls me into a hug. “I’m thinking you may want to start.”
Epilogue
Kendall
Nearly two years ago I left the most beautiful country, Ireland, with only a piece of my heart. I’d left the rest with Ben. With it, I left a promise to give us a chance. To explore the possibilities, when time allowed. I knew he’d be traveling the world, living his dream, while I studied my ass off, securing a career that would afford me the ability to feed my souls desire, to see the world.
The journey wasn’t without heartache, it wasn’t without tears, and it wasn’t without regret.
As the worldwide web became more accessible, so was the ability to see all that was accessible to a sexy lyricist that traveled with the many bands who hired him to create songs that became billboard chart toppers. Short skirts, tube tops, women who didn’t hold onto their innocence as fiercely as I did and one certain female agent who tried her damnedest, and almost succeeded in tearing us apart.
We loved, we hated, we fought, my God how we fought. We broke up. We got back together. We laughed, we cried, but most importantly, we loved.
Ben
As much as I wanted inside her, I grew to admire Kendall’s vow to herself that she wouldn’t have sex until marriage. And the fact that I was now a firm believer in fairytales, even when her belief wavered, I knew damn well I would be the one she succumbed to. Why? Because I was on the wagon myself.
Even though she didn’t say the words easily, I knew she loved me from our brief time in Ireland. Hell, I think I knew it from the moment my lips touched her slim fingers when I was just a boy.
What I didn’t expect was my very quick rise to my own kind of stardom in the music industry, and the way in which it would drag me around the world, by my blue balls.
How much ass can one man turn down, when the one girl whose ass he wants isn’t putting out?
If he loves her, he’ll turn down every bit that comes his way.
When I walked out of the back room of our converted barn, and stood, in front of everyone we loved I knew damn well that it was worth the wait.
“Are you serious right now?” I pretend to be annoyed when he scoops me up in his arms in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by our family and friends.
I’m anything but.
“Been watching you all damn day and haven’t had a chance to get close to you since our first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer. And you know damn well you’ve been teasing the shit out of me all damn night. So, yes, I’m pretty fucking serious right now.”
He stomps through the crowd, and as we pass my parents, I wave.
Mom blushes, and Dad winks at Ben.
“Even your dad knows it’s time.”
I scrunch up my face. “That’s disgusting.”
He crashes his lips against mine, and I press mine to his as we walk out into the late spring, evening air.
When our lips separate from one another’s, he nods toward the setting sun. “See that sun?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“Doesn’t come close to being anywhere as beautiful as my wife. But that’s not the point. The point is that you may not see it again until it rises next week.”
I laugh as we walk toward his parents’ … his … our home.
“You think it’s funny, sweets, but it’s not a joke. It’s as real as the rock-hard cock in my dress pants.”
I sigh exaggeratedly. “They’re right.”
“Who’s right?”
“Everyone who said that, as soon as I said I do, all the romance would be dead.”
He smirks. “My cock is very romantic.”
I wrap my hand around his tie and pull him closer. “Prove it. Show me.”
“Only took two years, three hundred acres of land, four number one hits, five carats, and a vow before God that I will love”—he kisses my neck—“honor”—he kisses lower—“and cherish you”—he kisses the swell of my breast—“for as long as I live.”
“You think it’ll be worth it?”
“It would have been worth a hundred years of jerking off.” He winks.
My thighs clench at the memory of catching him in the act not once but a half a dozen times.
“Wife?”
“Husband?”
When he walks us inside the house, he smiles. “Welcome home, Kendall Sawyer.”
My feet finally touch the ground as he kisses me softly.
